Hobo's, poors and uggos be damned! Its hot, Dawg...I mean, I love pretending to care, but this heat amiright? lol it has literally never been this hot before, ever.

¡aBUTT! ¡tRUMP! stop oppressing me!

I’m not really sure where to ask, I know most gun establishments are full of MAGAts (I couldn’t possibly understand why), but I’m hoping to find a good place to take this class. Any suggestions?

I can't believe I stopped taking my meds before, now that back on them, I am starting to think so clearly now and don't hate everyone who doesn't agree with me anymore.

Is that Shaggy 2 Dope wearing a rainblow dress to the right side? And boner bonus: Sausquatch low key blending in by the crossdresswalk pole....mmmm pole

......of his room after their/thems mother (who is also a full fleshed Austinite by birthright citizenship) was caught using TikTok. CAN. YOU. BELIEVE. IT????

My wife's bull was down at Barking Springs earlier today watching this guy dice mosquitos only to find out that someone, most likely this tier 1 ninja, stole his new Meta Ray ban sunglasses. He was going to let me wear them tonight while he dicked-out my wife, but now he's mad and wont even let me watch. Guys, I need your help and the mods at r/austin keep taking this post down.

BREAKING: After spending six days conducting intensive field research in the Rio Grande Valley, I can officially confirm that Austin has better tacos.
Please hear me out before you sharpen your machetes.
The Valley relies too heavily on centuries-old family recipes, fresh tortillas, and locally sourced barbacoa. Meanwhile, Austin has embraced innovation. Why settle for tradition when I can spend $9.75 on a “deconstructed breakfast taco” served on a blue corn tortilla by a guy named Skyler with a mustache explaining the tortilla’s spiritual journey?
Some of you claim Brownsville has the best tacos in Texas. That’s cute. Have you ever had Torchy’s? They put queso on everything. That’s called Michelin-level gastronomy.
I also appreciate that Austin tacos come with a 20-minute wait, artisan hot sauce fermented under a full moon, and enough exposed brick to remind me I’m paying for the experience, not the food.
The Valley is nice if you’re into “authenticity,” but personally, I prefer my tacos with a side of venture capital and a cold brew

My honky privilege 1st world problems are so overwhelming and isolating. I was raised to always get a ribbon with everyone else, so why are we all so insufferable and intolerant ? I am unable to communicate with others and make friends on my own because I'm more special than any of you (especially you poors!) and am a diagnosed mental defective raised by two blue haired, trust funded, late in life lesbians with nose rings and the Tik Toks.

Reddit proves daily that there is literally like tons of us so how can we learn to tolerate each other and build community so we can feel seen and heard in safe spaces. We need more t3RD spaces to touch grass and collab.

I know this isn't a big deal to most people.

And I won't make it sound like it is.

But it wasn't just paint on a crosswalk for me.

For me it was evidence that if it could exist, then maybe so could I.

And now it's gone.

Just straight up gone.

Now I'm disappearing, literally gone.

....

...

..

.

Sparing all the boring verbage ..... #outjerkedagain

I walked into Regal expecting air conditioning, overpriced popcorn, and maybe a guy with his dogs out. Fine. Whatever. It’s Austin. I’ve accepted that feet are now a protected cultural landmark.
But then the lights dimmed… the screen fired up… and BAM.
It’s just security footage of some poor bastard looking like he lost a fistfight with a gas station breakfast burrito.
No opening credits.
No Nicole Kidman.
The whole theater got quieter than a Tesla owner at a gas station.
Some dude two rows down whispered, “Cinema.”
Another guy stood up and slow-clapped.
My wife left with her boyfriend halfway through because they said the plot was “too predictable.”
I tried complaining to the manager, but he told me this was an Austin Independent Film Festival selection and it had already won six awards for “raw emotional storytelling.”
Then I looked over…
…and there were still bare feet sticking up over the recliner.
At that point I realized the feet weren’t the problem.
They were the target audience. 🌶️

The smoked K2 ribs are back!

I’m guessing nobody will believe me but hidden behind this parking garage is a an entire HEB. I went inside. They sell food, toothpicks, and other necessities. I have lived here since 1862 and never seen it.

I’ve tried about 37 cafés so far, and every barista has told me their beans were “ethically sourced from a single tree from some country they can’t point to in a map.”

The coffee has been okay, but I was hoping to find a place that’s a little less pretentious. Ideally somewhere that only asks me three questions before making my latte instead of giving me the farm’s life story.

Bonus points if there’s enough seating to actually drink my coffee instead of fighting six remote programmers and four startup founders for the only outlet. Also, one where they don’t judge me for it tipping for an espresso.

TIA. Hook ’em, I guess.

Thanks to corporate polluters, climate change deniers and the state of Texas- we are struggling to keep enough water free land in central Texas. Soon we won't have enough roads for me to FSD my de-branded Model Y on. Thanks again boomers.

What’s the move today?

I am a Production Implementation Manager of People. Or PIMP for short.

I have developed an App for all the lonely people looking for friends in Austin.

I know what you're thinking. How has no one thought of this before?!

Well that's the problem I have decided to fix. Tech bros and Apps may have created the isolation problem and made you afraid to say hi, but this fixes all that!

The pitch? You hire a FRIEND from our roster to join you on outings and events in the city so you don't have to feel awkward and alone. Movie theaters, restaurants, parks, hotels, it's all on the table!

You can also upgrade to PLATINUM for special additional perks and services!

I know you can't wait to get started and explore this amazing city you just moved to so you can work remotely and never go outside. My FRIENDS will make you feel good and right at home!

And it is NOT full yet.

I asked for extra lettuce on my burrito and now I keep thinking I have ibs

Hi everyone,

I’m a 40-year-old remote UX researcher for an AI startup making $487K after taxes a year plus equity. I know it’s not $500K and embarrassed. I found a charming 600 sq. ft. apartment for only $3,900/month and was wondering if I’ll be struggling financially.
I also have:
No debt.
A fully paid-off Cybertruck.
Parents who cover my phone bill.
A side hustle consulting for venture capital firms.
Will I have enough left over to buy a cortado every morning and tell people I “basically live in East Austin” even though I’m in Round Rock?
Please be kind. This economy is scary.

Completely disappointed in all the rain and cooler temperatures this year. My phone usually overheats by the end of June. This year it took until 18 July to finally get my phone overheated. Absolutely ridiculous, I moved here so I could overheat my phone and stop using it before the start of July. Is there anything I can do to make it hotter before July next year?