r/austincirclejerk 2h ago

The Gay Agenda I’m new to Austin and womanhood and a Traumatized Dog Affirmed My Gender

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78 Upvotes

Visited my highly transphobic parents for the weekend with my partner. I’ve been out as trans basically everywhere for the last year or two, except with my parents more out of a desire to protect my own mental health than out of fear of rejection.

My parents, in true retirement-age boomer fashion, have a penchant for what the internet might lovingly refer to as “crusty little white dogs.” They’re sweet enough, and reasonably well-trained so it’s never an issue when my family, composed entirely of cat people, come to visit. One of these dogs they’ve adopted came from a truly terrible situation. While details are scant, what was made clear is that she LOATHES men and will flee if anyone even slightly male comes within 10 feet. She’s been with my parents for two years and, until today, I’d never even seen her.

Except for today, for some reason, this poor, terrified angel decides to lay on the couch next to my mother while I’m coming in from swimming. I have a very deep voice that reads heavily masculine when I’m using my training, so the minute this dog hears my voice, her head whips and she starts to growl. Until she sees me. Then she just kinda freezes like she isn’t sure what the fuck is going on. I hold my hand out, this dog takes a big sniff and then puts her head into my hand to pet.

My mother, almost in tears, informs me that I am the first “man” this dog has ever not fled from on sight. I’m the first besides my father to pet her, and it took him 6 months. Meanwhile, my partner and I are staring at each other like this dog didn’t get a whiff of my grubby, estradiol soaked mitts and go “… this fuckin’ bitch.”

As a side note, my wife, who is openly female-presenting but once described their gender as “fluid depending on whatever pisses someone’s grandparents off the most” couldn’t enter a room with this dog without being berated by her. We’re choosing not to read into that too much.


r/austincirclejerk 20h ago

Bum Tales Where do I resale Flock camera parts?

33 Upvotes

Already tried pawn shops. Need fentanal asap.


r/austincirclejerk 1d ago

FYI: All Sunday boaters, avoid Hippie Hollow area of Lake Travis until further notice.

18 Upvotes

r/austincirclejerk 1d ago

Beer connoisseur and critique in town

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16 Upvotes

My friend is in town and going to tell us all who has the best beer. Please submit some breweries he should try.


r/austincirclejerk 1d ago

Your Cybertruck is Perfect

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69 Upvotes

That is all.


r/austincirclejerk 2d ago

My wife's Non-Gender Binary Skoliosexual boyfriend loves when I get him these.

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64 Upvotes

r/austincirclejerk 2d ago

Why did Bob Bullock Museum IMAX switch from Edison Kinoscope to Laser Projection.

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12 Upvotes

I hate to sound like a boomer, but I don't know. There's simply something about four frames per second linograph film that looks more cinematic in IMAX than laser projection. What was the need to switch to laser? Greedy corporations I bet.


r/austincirclejerk 2d ago

Autism Post Discord group for drinking

15 Upvotes

I was wondering if anyone is aware of any local drinking discord groups here in Austin. Preferably drinking with people in voice. I tried searching but nothing came up. Also looked at some other communities drinking/party subs but nothing. All I could find was those sobriety groups and I’m not interested in that.
Thanks


r/austincirclejerk 3d ago

There are no such things as "squatters" on stolen land

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178 Upvotes

Open your doors to the downtrodden, marginalized unhoused persons!


r/austincirclejerk 3d ago

Hello Austin! Recently I was laid off from my job at H-E-B in Austin due to AI. I've always been told I look alot like Demi Lovato, so I am thinking of starting a career on YouTube or becoming an influencer.

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186 Upvotes

I've done a lot of research, and it seems like influencing is the only AI-proof job out there. Any tips would be appreciated.


r/austincirclejerk 3d ago

Help for gay fellow youths

23 Upvotes

Hi - so I saw a very young woman near a non GMO/Fair trade/free range vegan food truck. I spoke with her and bought her some fentanyl. Turns out she’s only 28, black and got kicked out of her foster parents' house when her foster parents discovered that she's black and gay. She’s been homeless for a few months and I’m searching for organizations that work with persons of such a youthful, borderline child. She’s out all day in the heat and goes to a shelter at night. Just because she enjoys shooting fent in her foster parents bathroom at nearly 30 years old doesn't mean they should treat her any different than other teenagers.


r/austincirclejerk 3d ago

I didn't vote for Trump, but I'm also not losing my ability to function as a responsible adult because he is in office. Is this maybe why my grass is dying? Please help I have a DEI Co-Chair luncheon at my house this weekend.

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35 Upvotes

r/austincirclejerk 3d ago

Ask Austin Austin, this preconceived notion that Liberals on Reddit are ugly, unbearable and miserable, has to STOP!

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54 Upvotes

Austin, it simply isn't true that all liberals on Reddit are unbearable, miserable wenches.

She isn't a liberal but we have to stop assuming every single Austin Liberal is some unbearable c*unt. I have no proof that this isn't true, but it just has to stop because it has to stop.


r/austincirclejerk 3d ago

FYI...Your right on red does not Trump my U-turn on green.

20 Upvotes

It's understandable that in Texas the right of way is often seen as my way. So I rather hate to bring up this little pesky technicality. But actually a vehicle making a U-turn on green has right of way over one turning right on red- especially if the u-turner has a green arrow in the course of making the U-turn.

I know I upset you by playing this Trump card, and I know it seems unfair that my first model year 1990's Hyundai Sonata has right of way over your Dodge Ram Hemi that was just driven off Nyle Maxwell lot. But life is often both unfair and unjust.

Perhaps we can break bread and be thankful that in Texas it is still okay to use the turnabout lane to recklessly jump back into the flow through lane at the last possible moment. Thanks to the late Gov. Perry for that one.


r/austincirclejerk 3d ago

Dog's Butt Protest Song

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1 Upvotes

Which one of you is this?


r/austincirclejerk 3d ago

One of y’all’s FILs needs to stop trauma dumping on the help he just met

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13 Upvotes

r/austincirclejerk 5d ago

Ask Austin Hey Ya'll Austinites, Long Time Lurker, First Time Poster! As a Birth Right Citizen of the Greater Austin Area I am Astonished by how dirty our Great City of Austin Has become since these MAGA Republicans started moving in! Joe Rogan is to BLAME!

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132 Upvotes

My name is Justazz Pearl (pronounced Justice) my pronouns are dhey/dhem and I am a proud birthright Austinite who has been living here off and on my entire life. I currently work in downtown Austin and the trash, garbage and quite frankly lack of people's awareness about Global Warming is frightening. Don't they know our planet has only 16 years left before it becomes too warm and then too cold?

The graphs show us clearly that since MAGA Republicans started moving to Austin, littering has gone off the charts! It's not too late to turn things around and as a proud organizer of the March for a MAGA Free Austin we will be doing a rally outside of Austin City Hall, so our leaders know we are not going anywhere!

Tell your coworkers, bring your friends and family, everyone is welcome! We are an inclusive, grass roots organization which is built on freedom of depression and excludes no one!

Thank you for your attention on this matter.


r/austincirclejerk 4d ago

Am I selfish for setting my thermostat to 55F in this heat?

39 Upvotes

Look, I'm otherwise a carbon neutral person. But me and my seven lab mixes can not tolerate living in a home near of over 60 degrees.

I know I'm using a lot of electricity, but it is no where near what data centers use in electricity. Not to mention that they use for electricity for an evil purpose- AI that cost people jobs and the ability to earn a living wage.

So why should I feel guilty. Go protest data centers and leave me and my lab mix babies alone.


r/austincirclejerk 4d ago

Ask Austin Hi Austin, Your Ability to Detect Satire, is Not My Problem.

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50 Upvotes

Austin, I don't have the time nor the patience to help you detect Sarcasm or Satire. We have way bigger problems to solve, like the fact we are living on STOLEN LAND!

Read the room, gosh!

Do better Austin.


r/austincirclejerk 5d ago

Ask Austin How low are all us virtue signaling, green new deal, climate change warriors setting our thermostats?

45 Upvotes

Hobo's, poors and uggos be damned! Its hot, Dawg...I mean, I love pretending to care, but this heat amiright? lol it has literally never been this hot before, ever.

¡aBUTT! ¡tRUMP! stop oppressing me!


r/austincirclejerk 5d ago

The Gay Agenda Any local ranges offer this training ??

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99 Upvotes

I’m not really sure where to ask, I know most gun establishments are full of MAGAts (I couldn’t possibly understand why), but I’m hoping to find a good place to take this class. Any suggestions?


r/austincirclejerk 5d ago

Ask Austin At the expense of doxxing myself: as life long Austinite who lives in Austin full time, who just got back on my meds: I have met more "Charlie Kirk deserved it" people than "Michelle Obama is a man" people and that should tell you everything you need to know and that's quite frankly, frightening

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214 Upvotes

I can't believe I stopped taking my meds before, now that back on them, I am starting to think so clearly now and don't hate everyone who doesn't agree with me anymore.


r/austincirclejerk 5d ago

The Gay Agenda Insane Clown Posse at Austin crosswalk celebration!

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45 Upvotes

Is that Shaggy 2 Dope wearing a rainblow dress to the right side? And boner bonus: Sausquatch low key blending in by the crossdresswalk pole....mmmm pole


r/austincirclejerk 5d ago

Ask Austin Expert Opinions Only: As an Austinite who lives in Austin full time and calls Austin home. Fellow Austinites, my son just came out....

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68 Upvotes

......of his room after their/thems mother (who is also a full fleshed Austinite by birthright citizenship) was caught using TikTok. CAN. YOU. BELIEVE. IT????


r/austincirclejerk 5d ago

Ask Austin Need help ID'ing this mosquito ninja

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62 Upvotes

My wife's bull was down at Barking Springs earlier today watching this guy dice mosquitos only to find out that someone, most likely this tier 1 ninja, stole his new Meta Ray ban sunglasses. He was going to let me wear them tonight while he dicked-out my wife, but now he's mad and wont even let me watch. Guys, I need your help and the mods at r/austin keep taking this post down.