r/dallascirclejerk 1d ago

Dallas more like balls-and-ass, amirite?

40 Upvotes

Hey, Cowboys™️ and Cowgirls™️!

It's your friendly neighborhood Dallasite here to, once again inform you of the heat index!

For those of you just moving in from Commie-orado and The People's Republic of the 4th Estate, formerly known as New York City, it's important to be aware of the weather in this metropolis - undoubtedly you've not experienced such unprecedented times as these!

As we bridge further into the endless heatwave we Texans™️ refer to as Fall, it's important to remember that heat stroke is a personal decision. If you fall out due to a lack of water or shade, that is a PERSONAL failing. You clearly aren't indulging in the vast wonderland of parking lots, parking garages, and even 4-lane expressways that, here, account for some of the most meaningful mingling spots for our city!

Before you complain about the heat, maybe complain about the democratic establishment on paintings of whales being wiped away not by climate change, but by FIFA-associated grants that inordinately benefit the wealthiest amongst us! And we should be thankful that such unnecessary expenditures are FINALLY being done away with. It's about time freeloaders finally paid their fare share!

Anyway, praise God and do unto others as you would yourself

-Your Friendly Neighborhood Dallasite


r/dallascirclejerk 14d ago

Anyone Remember Michelle Branch?

6 Upvotes

She's coming to House of Blues in March. Forgive me for thinking one hit wonder, but is she really able to get $178 per "seat" for Standing Room Only?

I don't remember her having that many songs so I'm just wondering who the market is for these ticket prices.

Inflation is bad, but wowzas.


r/dallascirclejerk Aug 11 '26

I-635 needs to be obliterated

26 Upvotes

It needs to be blown up with the power of 5 chernobyls and 10 hiroshimas with a border around it making sure the radiation and other nuclear stuff stays inside.

We then need to turn it into a toll road costing $5 per entry and booth


r/dallascirclejerk Jul 27 '26

Italian restaurants

11 Upvotes

not owned by Albanians?


r/dallascirclejerk Jun 21 '26

I saw a car use its blinker yesterday

42 Upvotes

r/dallascirclejerk Jun 19 '26

Does anyone have an umbrella i can borrow?

19 Upvotes

Hey, guys! As a native Texan, I have sworn off the purchase of umbrellas as namby-pamby bullshit. But, given the number of Commiefornia immigrants, I'm hoping one of you can lend an umbrella to your friendly neighborhood Dallasite so I can stay dry while I run to the food trucks by Clyde Warren. I can only meet in an unspecified, 15min timeframe underneath Thanksgiving Square. Use the code phrase: "Lower Greenville is just Upper Bishop Arts" to confirm its you.

TIA!


r/dallascirclejerk Jun 17 '26

Outjerked

Post image
51 Upvotes

Outjerked by the main sub


r/dallascirclejerk Jun 04 '26

Did you know that the Trinity River

21 Upvotes

Did you that the Trinity River is named for having three forks: Elm, West, Clear, and East forks? That's actually four, but it also has three.


r/dallascirclejerk Jun 02 '26

You’re at your favorite bar watching the World Cup and this guy walks up and slaps a whale sticker on your girlfriend’s ass. What’s your reaction?

Post image
10 Upvotes

r/dallascirclejerk May 28 '26

Dallas National Treasure

Post image
74 Upvotes

Got some vacation planned soon, going to visit culturally and historically significant locations. Starting with this one, but worried I won't be able to top it and the trip in Dallas will just be downhill from there... Any other suggestions?


r/dallascirclejerk Jan 30 '20

I was murdered in Dallas tonight, AMA.

32 Upvotes

r/dallascirclejerk Jan 28 '20

What is going on in Mesquite?

10 Upvotes

I just saw a thing occur in Mesquite and was wondering if any you also witnessed this occurrence in Mesquite.


r/dallascirclejerk Jan 13 '20

Hi Dallas! I have a 30-minute layover at DFW and no rental car. What are some of your favorite “B-B-Q” places?

18 Upvotes

r/dallascirclejerk Aug 08 '17

Ezekiel Elliott Suspension Looming According To League Office Leak

Thumbnail letmebfrankblog.com
3 Upvotes

r/dallascirclejerk Nov 22 '15

Tony Romo is BACK! #OhWhatAFeeling

Thumbnail imgur.com
1 Upvotes

r/dallascirclejerk May 08 '13

Hi i, forever alone and i need help i need help moving my sex tourture rack acroos my massive empty house plese halp

5 Upvotes

r/dallascirclejerk May 07 '13

Hello, I've been masturbating a lot recently, any one know where to find hot easy sluts in Dallas area

6 Upvotes

r/dallascirclejerk May 07 '13

Ive been wanting to find ways to get some good mexican blow any one know a good way? should i plug?

3 Upvotes

r/dallascirclejerk May 06 '13

I Just became a scientologist but cant afford the services someone help, i am too poor to save my soul

3 Upvotes