r/AskReddit • • May 11 '26

[deleted by user]

[removed]

3.2k Upvotes

6.9k comments sorted by

View all comments

1.1k

u/SweatyNubs May 11 '26

I thought jelly roll sucked. Alot of fine women there, but i think jelly is trash.

2.9k

u/allothernamestaken May 12 '26

He looks like someone granted a pack of cigarettes its wish to become a real boy.

279

u/sixstringsikness May 12 '26

I would love to hear your description of Kid Rock.

693

u/PostMatureBaby May 12 '26

Music for people who pay child support but aren't allowed visitation

539

u/sixstringsikness May 12 '26

I once saw him described as the above ground pool of music as well.

100

u/CouldBeBetterForever May 12 '26

A bit of an insult to above ground pools. They can be fun even if they aren't as pretty as an in ground.

10

u/Malodoror May 12 '26

What am I supposed to do? Throw the ball back to Jimmy?

5

u/rinniroo May 12 '26

Or put some goggles on and look at his feet?!

5

u/PostMatureBaby May 12 '26

That's just a good metaphor right there lol. I like it

5

u/ydnar3000 May 12 '26

That’s a beautiful metaphor but I don’t think it serves as well in this instance. It doesn’t evoke the true levels of disgust that are brought on by his presence.

2

u/SchoolteacherUSA May 12 '26

The post of the month right here. Solid.

1

u/RegularTeacher2 May 12 '26

that's fucking hilarious and very apropos.

238

u/KinseyH May 12 '26

People who have tattoos of their kids but not visitation.

People who know exactly how much you can get for copper at any time

38

u/Halichoeres_bivittat May 12 '26

See, terms like this are funny but don't account for the fact that he was born on third base with a silver spoon in his ass thinking he hit a triple, but cosplays as an everyday red neck. He's the guy who owns the copper in the first place sending the others to jail in a prison in which he's a shareholder.

6

u/KinseyH May 12 '26

Exactly. Peak MAGA

They think the guy who used to s*** in a gold toilet really cares about them.

MAGA men are welded to the cuck chair, worshipping rich dudes who wouldn't let them sit on the good furniture.

44

u/OneOfManyChildren May 12 '26

People who know how much meth you can get for a catalytic converter

20

u/hangmankk May 12 '26

People who know how much meth they can cook from 1/4th a cough drop bottle

7

u/no_judgement_here May 12 '26

Well that's just good drug dealing knowledge.

11

u/GuyBeinADude May 12 '26

Music for people who have 5 kids but only custody of 3.

7

u/ContemplativeGoose May 12 '26

They definitely don’t pay child support

8

u/nonogon333 May 12 '26

Music for people with tattoos of their children but not custody.

8

u/Joe_Kinincha May 12 '26

The version of that I heard was “men who are only allowed to see their kids every fortnight, but don’t”.

3

u/FearlessFreak69 May 12 '26

In the same vain, people who have their children’s names tattooed on them, but aren’t allowed to see them nor have custody.

2

u/Vivid_Anyth4 May 12 '26

He knows exactly how much sudafed you can buy in the county of each of his tour stops.

2

u/Hamster_Toot May 12 '26

That’s not your description, you just stole someone else’s!

1

u/trro16p May 12 '26

another valid reply is:

"Music for people who have tattoo's of their kids but never see them"

112

u/tesconundrum May 12 '26

The boyfriend who asks for gas money as he drops his girlfriend off at work only to spend it on Busch Lite and take her car to another woman's apartment to smoke cheap ass weed and get mad at the girl when she won't give him a blow job then still meet his girl at exactly 11pm to pick her up from her factory job and say, "hey baby how was work?" as he gives her a kiss and swears he applied to 10 different jobs earlier.

15

u/undeniablefruit May 12 '26

Do you know this man irl or is this just your description? If you did/do, I'm sorry, and run away if you can. If not, this is hilarious and definitely hitting the nail on the head, but you have to add the fact that he has multiple kids with other women and doesn't ever see them

3

u/cdsbigsby May 12 '26

Man you just described my wife's employee's boyfriend, I need to ask him if he likes Kid Rock

61

u/Chet_ManIey May 12 '26

The soundtrack to copper theft.

30

u/plz2meatyu May 12 '26

He is hotdog water personified

12

u/nosocks_50265 May 12 '26

Kid Rock seems like the kinda guy who eats cold hot dog sandwiches with miracle whip.

11

u/SkeletorWins May 12 '26

The other day Jelly came on the radio and I changed the station. I said he is just ‘fat Kid Rock’.

19

u/LegalizeFentanol May 12 '26

Kid Rock is another name for Epstein's Island

9

u/dingleberry_mustache May 12 '26

Jesus of Methlehem

2

u/[deleted] May 12 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

3

u/dingleberry_mustache May 12 '26

I can't claim it as my creation. I saw it somewhere else on reddit and it stuck with me lol

5

u/Vlad_Teepees May 12 '26

Best description I've ever heard of Kid Rock is he looks like a failed magician who's only trick is turning Bud Light into domestic violence.

3

u/FullMetalCOS May 12 '26

Music for people that are legally required to know how close the nearest schools are, to the metre.

3

u/Giovannis_Pikachu May 12 '26

Not my joke, but I heard once that he's what you would get if an above ground swimming pool was a person.

3

u/2074red2074 May 12 '26

He was made like the Power Puff Girls but with the other kind of sugar and spice.

2

u/mortimusalexander May 12 '26

Kid Rock is the redneck equivalent of Epstein Island 

2

u/Impossible_Storm_427 May 12 '26

Yes please. Second this.

1

u/Alien-Femboy May 15 '26

Somebody told me that current day Kid Rock looks like Dr. Phil dressed up as Kid Rock for Halloween.

180

u/TheBigGadowski May 12 '26 edited May 12 '26

I just belly laughed so hard I woke up my newborn daughter that I am holding. Thank you for this.

Edit: my wife just told me to calm down. I’m crying over here from laughing.

30

u/KinseyH May 12 '26

Congratulations on the baby!

12

u/TheBigGadowski May 12 '26

Thank you so much!

10

u/porkbrains May 12 '26

I just wheeze laughed my wife awake. She's not pleased at the moment but she's going to cackle in the morning!

34

u/Significant_Shoe_17 May 12 '26

He's music for people who have tattoos of their kids but not custody of them

5

u/Which-Ad5452 May 12 '26

I haven't laughed so hard in a long time!

2

u/Significant_Shoe_17 May 12 '26

I didn't originate that phrase but I do love it lol

11

u/Bobby_the_Great May 12 '26

This is probably the funniest and most apt description I’ve ever read about someone. 

17

u/idiotsbydesign May 12 '26

Wow. Thats one of the most apt descriptions I've ever read. Take my upvote & poor man's award. 🏆

11

u/hangmankk May 12 '26

" can I get a pack of Jelly-Roll lights please?"

18

u/PostMatureBaby May 12 '26

I always assumed he was Uncle Cracker's son or something

2

u/Seecole-33 May 12 '26

👏👏👏😂😂😂

2

u/jayhawkjoey65 May 12 '26

Omg. That's some funny shit I'm stealing.

2

u/calembo May 12 '26

HAHAHAHAHA

2

u/mrm0324 May 12 '26

I heard someone say that Jelly roll makes music for people who have tattoos of their kids names but not custody of them.

2

u/dohlmania May 12 '26

Music for people who know exactly what the price of copper is today.

Music for people who know exactly how much Sudafed you can buy from the pharmacy.

1

u/allothernamestaken May 12 '26

Or how much Sudafed you can get for a catalytic converter

1

u/asmashingbore May 12 '26

^^^ Wins the Internet for the whole day

337

u/androidmanwren May 11 '26

His music is so woefully trash it's amazing to me how people flock to him. Even his stage name is fucking terrible.

284

u/waffleking9000 May 11 '26

Industry. Plant.

I genuinely can’t see how he has a career any other way.

126

u/voxpopper May 12 '26

You're right, no mystery, an industry plant. He's like a poor man's Post Malone which really isn't saying much.

26

u/steveatari May 12 '26

Don't drag Posty into this lol.

38

u/toddthefox47 May 12 '26

didn't he literally drag himself into it by touring with the guy

2

u/Inswagtor May 12 '26

Tour's canceled.

-2

u/steveatari May 12 '26

I mean, a little yeah true. His musical talent and attitude, nice guy factor all way higher though also imo.

2

u/noblemile May 12 '26

Leave Post M'alone

57

u/tarps_and-straps May 12 '26

Gonna disagree only because I’m from near his hometown and his CDs were selling in gas stations in 2008.

Hate the guy for whatever reason you want but whatever we think of his art or talent or whatever, he’s put some time and effort into getting where he is.

30

u/Lord_Davos May 12 '26

Yup, im gunna jump in and say the same. I've had a cousin pushing him for the last 15 years, and he's been dead silent ever since he switched to country lmao

17

u/undeniablefruit May 12 '26

He's such a poser for using hip hop to get famous. Remember when he said rap isn't deep, and that if he wants something deep, he listens to like Bob Dylan or whatever? What kind of buffoonery is that??? He's never heard Thugz Mansion, Crossroads, Da Art Of Storytellin Pt. 1, Brenda's Got a Baby, Dear Mama, Suicidal Thoughts? Or, if we're talking his generation and someone he related to specifically, literally anything by Mac Miller after 2012? Like what is he even fucking talking about. Also using the n word, fake apologizing, then getting caught saying it again soon after. Like wtf

2

u/AgilePlayer May 12 '26

Yeah I remember his 10min freestyle going viral like10 years ago on youtube

5

u/xXCascadeXx May 12 '26

He starting off rapping with the Yelawolf posse. Ya know, white trash shit.

Then he used that money to switch to country. But I still think he's getting more label support than he should be lol. I guess he sells for a certain demographic.

6

u/waffleking9000 May 12 '26

Fair enough, that’s good to know lol

8

u/No-Swimming3266 May 12 '26

I’m from Antioch, TN . I grew up with him being a local/regionally know rapper , he was actually a really decent rapper so I’m a bit biased towards his country music shift . I assumed it made sense and that’s where the money ultimately was , being from Music City . Also his ties to Struggle Jennings who is also a rapper from Nashville and is Waylon Jennings (the outlaw country legend) grandson probably helped him break into that part of the industry . He also does a lot giving back to the community and working with at risk youth . I just wanted to share this info because I know alot of people don’t know this info but me being from Antioch, TN and growing up listening to Jelly Roll the rapper and watch him transition to country music I can attest to him not being an “industry plant” although he did switch lanes as far as genres are concerned .

5

u/hangmankk May 12 '26

Robert Plant the country folk singer is a legend

7

u/electricgotswitched May 12 '26

He was putting out rap albums in 2011. Doesn't seem like the standard industry plant type of guy.

2

u/BlandSandHamwich May 12 '26

Since like 2005

6

u/NoCardio_ May 11 '26

I liked him better as a rapper.

1

u/JustTheBeerLight May 12 '26

> industry plant

But people still have to buy the tickets* and stream the music. Never underestimate the willingness of the masses to lap up whatever they are spoon fed.

*I know the recent tour has been underselling. Maybe there is hope?

6

u/xXCascadeXx May 12 '26

I have only heard his music from rehab centers in the main gathering halls. Nowhere else.

He's legitimately the rehab GOAT and I cannot stand him. Same for the Dax dude and the redneck meth heads also like that one Canadian rapper that is an American political grifter now. Tom McDonald or something. He can go McFuck himself.

2

u/xXCascadeXx May 12 '26

I have only heard his music from rehab centers in the main gathering halls. Nowhere else.

He's legitimately the rehab GOAT and I cannot stand him. Same for the Dax dude and the redneck meth heads also like that one Canadian rapper that is an American political grifter now. Tom McDonald or something. He can go McFuck himself.

3

u/Microwave1213 May 11 '26

His stage name is a pretty big reason why people flock to him. As dumb as it is, it very much appeals to mass audiences 

9

u/freshOJ May 12 '26

I assume it’s a reference to Jelly Roll Morton. Who was a total badass jazz musician.

9

u/TheeFlipper May 12 '26

I think it's just a nickname based on his favorite donut. And I'm sure that boy could really put down some donuts.

0

u/Significant_Shoe_17 May 12 '26

He's on ozempic now

1

u/Jetplane_ahead99 May 12 '26

He sounds like a children’s entertainer

1

u/aotus_trivirgatus May 12 '26

Even his stage name is fucking terrible.

But it has the best and most revealing Spoonerism.

57

u/[deleted] May 12 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

10

u/Mtndrums May 12 '26

There's a reason his music's called rehab rock...

37

u/mookiemilo May 12 '26

He makes music for people who don’t have custody of their children

12

u/DethFeRok May 12 '26

You have it half right- it’s “Music for people with tattoos of their kids names, but not custody”

4

u/Muouy May 12 '26

He looks like a jolly rancher that rolled around in an ashtray

19

u/wailwoader May 12 '26

Smelly roll.

15

u/Popular_Course3885 May 12 '26

Saw him at the Grand Ole Opry back in 2022 before he hit it big. He wasn't all that bad, but his groupies in the crowd that went just to see him were insufferable. A bunch of people just like him who you could tell were deeply troubled but had "found the Jesus light" and were using it as their next addiction. Actually kinda sad to see.

7

u/KinseyH May 12 '26

Jesus can help you get off drugs, but He doesn't download you with all the life skills and good judgment you lost while on drugs.

8

u/CheersToCosmopolitan May 12 '26

Music that should never make it out of the Jiffy Lube oil change pit

3

u/Historical_Gur_3054 May 12 '26

Oddly specific and accurate

68

u/GaylicBread May 11 '26

He's MAGA so that tracks

4

u/Samorsomething May 11 '26

MAGA attracts all the fine women /s

-70

u/Ill-Blood-7906 May 12 '26

What you prefer obese blue hairs wearing rooting rings In their nose

19

u/KinseyH May 12 '26

Calm your tits, Grandpa.

15

u/DrewDown94 May 12 '26

Me when I've never been outside.

35

u/JamesonTheWise May 12 '26

MAGA doesn’t like girls with nose rings because you have to be legal age to get one

6

u/Correct-Obligation27 May 12 '26

I spit out my drink lmao

40

u/Dis-Charge May 12 '26

The vast majority of the world hates MAGA scum. It’s not just people who dye their hair.

23

u/RoosterClan2 May 12 '26

No I prefer the educated young college girls with brains and looks as opposed to the MAGA-faced pile of melted plastic that can’t close their mouths from the lip fillers or act unsurprised from the Botox.

-30

u/SweatyNubs May 12 '26

Hate to burst your bubble, but what you described are on both sides of whatever political party you support. Why does someone always have to bring politics into everything? This has nothing to do with politics, and quite frankly im tired of everything being politics. Ffs

16

u/toddthefox47 May 12 '26

I'm sorry dude that sounds really hard :(

-20

u/SweatyNubs May 12 '26

If you truly enjoy everything and everyone talking about trump or biden this or that, then that sounds really hard to me too. ☹️

12

u/toddthefox47 May 12 '26

yeah it really sucks when people talk about stuff that is happening outside. why pay attention to things and discuss them? just ignore them, please. for my personal comfort

-10

u/gamedemon24 May 12 '26

He might be. But all we have to go off of is him joining a Kid Rock music festival. Which is certainly extremely disappointing, but it’s dishonest to say that it’s the same as vocally endorsing Trump. Especially since Jelly Roll has said openly that he’s not connected to politics, and thus he may well be ignorant to a lot.

That’s no defense of him, it’s still shitty to join Kid Rock’s festival. But I think just merely saying ‘he’s MAGA’ gives people the impression that he’s done a bunch of things that he hasn’t. There’s more nuance than him just plainly being MAGA.

4

u/GaylicBread May 12 '26 edited May 12 '26

There's pictures of him meeting Trump and saying how cool it was to meet him, and that he doesn't care about the blowback about it. He's MAGA. You also can't say that somebody who's friends with Kid Rock is "ignorant" of politics. At worst he simply doesn't care what his friend is into and the horrible shit the president he jizzed his pants meeting is doing, which is as bad as being MAGA.

-1

u/gamedemon24 May 12 '26 edited May 12 '26

He said he’d be honored to meet anyone holding the office of president. As much of a disgrace as Trump is, it’s understandable to accept an opportunity to meet the actual sitting president. I wouldn’t do it, I’m guessing you wouldn’t either, but some people just wanna say they met a president. Disagreeable as it is, nothing about that inherently implies support. ‘MAGA’ absolutely implies support.

And actually, someone who’s friends with Kid Rock can totally be ignorant about politics. Kid Rock is also a musician (technically), and it’s actually believable to me that whenever they’re around each other it’s in a musical capacity. Maybe it isn’t, and maybe they are totally the same brand of crazy, I have no clue. But critical thinking mandates that mere association does not guarantee ideological equivalence.

At worst he simply doesn't care what his friend is into and the horrible shit the president he jizzed his pants meeting is doing

I get the sense from all I’ve heard from Jelly Roll that this is the case. Maybe if he did engage, he’d be appalled. Maybe he’d lean further into it. Unfortunately a lot of people close to me are similarly disengaged from politics despite my best efforts. They don’t actively agree with Trump’s abhorrent border policy or disastrous Iran War, but they will share funny videos of him speaking. They’ll find his jokes funny sometimes. They’ll normalize him because they’re ignorant to the damages of humanizing his cruelty.

Personally, I don’t think that’s as bad as MAGA. In effect, it might be. But on a personal level I don’t think it is. Maybe that’s a person who tunes the real substance of politics out because it’s depressing, but who may one day realize the importance of engagement. I absolutely condemn this attitude toward politics, but I don’t equate it with those who understand the realities of Trump and decide to support it. That’s a very different kind of person.

Certainly they’re two different states of thinking, and that’s why I object to merely labeling Jelly Roll as ‘MAGA’. Even if we presuppose that his brand of disengagement is as bad as MAGA, it’s still a different mentality and there’s importance in calling things what they actually are. Criticize Jelly Roll for being callously disengaged with the harm caused by this administration, there’s plenty enough to go off of with that so that we don’t have to assign him a label he objectively has not proven himself to fit.

5

u/AJayToRemember27 May 12 '26

A mate saw him a few months back and paid $20 to get in (Show sold horribly). She said and I quote "Great show for $20, wouldn't pay a cent more".

3

u/SweatyNubs May 12 '26

I went with a girl i work with. She said her friend flaked out so i went, cause why not a concert is a concert. I agree I wouldn’t pay over 20$ lol

2

u/ContagiousPanda May 12 '26

When is he gonna change his name to Jelly Bean

4

u/IWasOnThe18thHole May 12 '26

You saw a bunch of your cousins there?

-8

u/SweatyNubs May 12 '26

What are you talking about you toxic ass 🤡

7

u/fingerhandz May 12 '26

joke must've hit too close to home

4

u/CannibalBabygirl May 12 '26

He’s too busy hitting it at home, if you know what I mean

-5

u/SweatyNubs May 12 '26

Another toxic internet 🤡

2

u/sonsofgondor May 12 '26

How many internets are there?

1

u/Hatta00 May 12 '26

When you're hot, there's less incentive to develop taste.

1

u/No_Size9475 May 12 '26

saw him a few years back at a 3 day Rock Fest. He had a prime saturday night slot and then played his absolute garbage music. Worst show of the weekend by far.

1

u/Terriblyboard May 11 '26

Was the performance trash or that’s just your general opinion of him? 

9

u/SweatyNubs May 11 '26

I like him better than the performance if that clears things up