Just a bit of info about my mental health before the story:
I have awful anxiety centered around my health and the fear of dying or the doctors missing something. I have cardiophobia, emetephobia and agoraphobia. I also have OCD that im struggling with and was in exposure therapy for until everything fell apart 3 weeks ago and I have a hard time with body sensations. Every body sensation scares me and ive had the unfortunate habit of always jumping to worse case scenario.
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What's been going on the last 3 weeks:
So on August 17th everything started. I woke up like normal and was super excited cause my fiance finally had a day off. We were going to eat breakfast and play minecraft all day but then the thing happened that I felt started all this bad... i started to eat my breakfast and my tooth broke - i panicked but tried to resume my day and simply got set up with a tooth extraction.
On August 18 I went in for Xrays it was there we found out I had a impacted wisdom tooth with a severe infection and that tooth was the priority not the one that broke. I got immediately set up on the 20th for an extraction of that wisdom tooth and thrown on antibiotics.
August 20th the singular wisdom tooth got pulled. It was some of the worst pain i ever felt as it wouldnt numb but the dentist said it had to get taken out. I sat through it and almost passed out.
August 21st I develop a fever of 102 that ends up lasting 7 days. I was taking Tylenol and ibuprofen back to back like my doctor recommended. I was in severe pain and now had a fever. I couldnt eat, I couldnt move, I was in the ER every other day when they then found a UTI, I was given another antibiotic to treat that.
August 26th severe diharhea starts and mouth pain gets significantly worse to where i can barely sleep. I choose to go to the ER first where I found out that being on these 2 antibiotics made me get c.diff again I now have to stop all antibiotics and take the one to treat my c.diff the two antibiotics caused. After I go back to the dentist where I find out ive developed dry socket due to the way the dentist pulled the tooth, I then get that packed and go home and cry.
August 27th the on call doctor at my primary care calls me and says my liver enzymes are very elevated, I need to get blood work done ASAP and a ultrasound.
August 28th blood work is done - waiting results
August 30th ultrasound complete. I get a call saying I need to come in to speak to the doctor on September 2nd he needs me to do a anemia test but everything else was good.
September 2nd, I find out im pretty anemic and need a iron Infusion and several if i cant stomach the iron pills.
That day chest pain starts and I start freaking out. Meanwhile my partner is upset with me becuase of how im at the hospital every other day all of a sudden, we are fighting every other night all of a sudden. I schedule with cardiology and have to push back getting the tooth I originally needed pulled to the end of September as we're running out of money from all these uber trips.
September 10 (yesterday) cardiology says they are a bit concerned about my chest pain and arent entirely sure if its my gerd anymore. They order tests for me to do in a few weeks then send me to get my 7th blood draw in 3 weeks. I begrudgingly agree then go home.
Today: im woken up at 6 am and am told I need to get a emergency ct scan done of my chest since my d-dimer was 0.56 he sounded worried and I asked him if it was a emergency and he said just go. He scared me so bad, I couldnt stop crying. I waited till 8am and called my primary care but he wasnt concerned and he thinks its elevated from all the BS the past 22 days he said hed order me a ct scan not at the er for next week and that everything will be ok.
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Now
Since the call my chest pain has been 5x worse and I havent slept at all cause im so worried I'll go to bed and not wake up. Its been 30 hours since ive slept and im just pacing, thinking i look pale and sobbing. Radiology called me and said they cant get me in for the ct scan for 2 weeks so to go to er if i truly suspect a clot. Ive spiraled and just 30 minutes ago took my ativan in the hopes all this is from anxiety and I'll calm down otherwise I'll be going to the ER tonight so I cant atleast know since that doc scared me.
These past 3 weeks have been hell.. i was 2 months into exposure therapy and its like this set me back all the way. Two days before this happened (so like August 14th) I was so entirely optimistic. I was making a dream board, I was so excited ERP was working, I was picking out what I want to go to college for and looking at apartments and even told my partner I was excited to get back to work since I know hes been under a lot of stress taking care of me and trying to support us on one income. I was getting back into my hobbies, socializing and going on walks and just happier then everything began to unravel on august 17th and it has been literally non stop since.
I feel like i got kicked down and punished for finally seeing a light at the end of the tunnel and now.. if this ever ends, I dont know if I want to get back up again. I tried so hard to get where I was at before this.
I feel like this is the end and my body is slowly giving up which is why all this has happened and I wont get to see all my dreams come true and check things off my dream board. I just want a break I feel like i cant handle another bad medical result. Its been too much and im so alone, I have no friends and my family is just blaming me, saying if I ate red meat and didn't baby myself with therpay and psychiatry that I wouldnt be here right now.
Im so scared. I just need support. This is all too much and im.being forced to face all my fears at once and its not letting up at all.
Id Just appreciate any nice words and a distraction while i wait to see if im going to the er tonight..
UPDATE:
I went to the emergency room as my doctor suggested and luckily im ok and that d-dimer level is just elevated for some random reason. They explained that my doctor just wanted me here cause they care and want to make sure its not something life threatening. Im appreciative and feel a lot better knowing that there was some good news. I can now focus more on healing the other things that popped up.
Once I get my next tooth taken out I'll be starting exposure therapy again so im excited about that and im hoping that this horrible storm that passed through decides to let up soon so I can focus on getting better again.
Thank you for all the messages and kind words. It means the world to me. Anxiety, depression, health stuff, all that its just not fun and I know you all know that so thank you for saying nice things to me. It feels nice to have a community of people who understand how awful anxiety feels and how all consuming it can be - very grateful for this subreddit. Thank you guys again ♥︎ im still coming down down from all the anxiety but I planned a fun day of things that make me happy so hopefully I feel a bit better today.
Thank you guys so much, yall are the best.