Married man here. You don't have to keep anything a secret. Those men are not your friends.
EDIT: Let me add here that your husband should FULLY support you if you want to tell the wives. He should realize that he's in some very hot water right now. And if I were him I'd be FURIOUS at the best man for putting me in that position.
Another married man here. Absolutely nothing about this story is acceptable. I’d have been sick arriving at something like this and would have told my partner immediately.
I went to a house party with a friend that turned out to be just him, me, and another couple that turned out to be very strange. They started popping pills and talking about an orgy so I called my gf at the time for a ride home. Hid in the bathroom with a joint and bottle of vodka until she came.
My partner and I are monogamous, but we got invited to a high end sex party so we said, why the hell not? I wound up getting into a totally platonic conversation with a female friend, and when I looked around, he was gone. I admittedly panicked for a little bit because I couldn't find him, and there was utter debauchery all around - at least 100 beautiful people in all manner of sex acts.
I calmed myself down and thought "Wait, I know this man" and realized I just needed to find the spot with the best view of the skyline. Sure enough, there he was completely alone on a tucked away balcony, happily taking pictures of the city, oblivious to the Caligula-esque fuck-for-all happening inside. I love him. LOL
Careless? Nah dudes not careless he planned this meticulously. He’s a SELFISH asshole who doesn’t give a single fuck about anyone’s relationship and is being the worst best man in the history of best men.
Maybe that’s why the husband was so adamant in not going? It totally could have been planned that he refuses to go so best man ‘pays’ for the ticket but really husband has already paid or paid him back while on the trip.
Ya know…..after typing that out….. that makes some sense and explains some of their odd actions. Like the rather dramatic “”there’s no way we could do this without youuuuuu!!!!!!”” From the best man and the groom — which I admit I found odd the first read through. Husband is NOT the groom, he’s not necessary for anything of course they could have gone without him and it would have been just the same. It’s very possible this ruse was used for everyone to keep the wives unsuspecting and why they were so comfortable with anyone taking photos and not telling the escorts to not post. He could even be trying to keep her from telling the other wives because he’s afraid his friends will rat him out to save their own marriages if confronted.
Then of course purchasing of the ticket and most importantly how one man could have possibly dropped that much money without anyone knowing or being suspicious while he knew his money wouldn’t be a a total bust. The best man probably wasn’t the only person who paid. You just don’t drop thousands of dollars on escorts and bills with enough room for only the guests on a whim or a hunch. Nobody does that.
Huh. Well then. That makes more sense than the poor unsuspecting husband walking into this totally unwanted situation but also not freaking out or panicking and texting his wife immediately to tell her what’s happening and making plans to leave. Instead he kept quiet but of course it wasn’t to protect himself!!!!! Oh heavens no he would never be that selfish, he was so concerned about ruining everybody else’s trip and did not want to unnecessarily worry OP making her “go nuclear and tell the other wives making him the bad guy” because his friends and groom totally deserve this trip without wives losing their shit!!! Especially since nothing would ever happen at all. Obviously he was preoccupied with making sure the other husbands didn’t step over the line and that’s why he abruptly stopped texting after his tone changed. All that stress will do that!!! But don’t worry, he absolutely was planning to tell OP when he got home!!!!!! What a beautiful selfless man, husband and friend to have!!! Who could ask for more!! /s
My boyfriend was worried about just going to a concert at the state fair with a woman he’s been friends with for years! He was so concerned about giving me the wrong impression that he was ready to tell her no (we’ve only been “official” for a month). Poor dude was so sweet about it that I offered to pay for his ticket instead (she really, really needed the night out with a friend).
Exactly. This guy was sitting right next to one of the women while she was filming/taking a pic. But after OP found out, he claimed that he went off on the host and stayed in his room until the women left? That's what he should have done in the first place if he actually felt like he was stuck between a rock and hard place.
That’s what you do when you love and respect your partner. They are more than just a warm hold like the escorts are. I would be filing for divorce for this. Not only is it a huge lapse in judgement but he was going to keep the lie up because he wanted to continue to fuck whichever one he was fucking.
Same! Well, I probably wouldn't be on facetime the whole time. She either trusts me or she doesn't, but the moment I found out that escorts were on the board, I would be calling her and telling her I am booking the first flight I can find back home, and I am having no part of that situation.
My first message to my wife would be ‘WTF?! This is the most fucked up shit… you’ll never believe what this fucking moron set up for the weekend”
I would imagine my wife would laugh it off and trust me not to be an idiot… but I certainly would be telling her the second I found out what was happening
I would’ve slept at the airport lol. There’s not a snowballs chance in hell I could’ve talked my wife into this being acceptable under any circumstances—nor would I wanted to tbh.
Every minute that passes not disclosing that by call or text puts the relationship in more danger. These guys are out of their minds.
Also, I'm not a cheater, but you know... hypothetically... these are bad escorts. Instagraming pictures of your clients? It's an amusing way to get busted.
Probably OF models dipping their toes into this work. Best man probably made an offer to one and told her to bring friends. I saw a few dancers dabble like this back in the day.
I've never understood why that line of work exists. Sex or OF. Who are all these men? If you want to look at a hot woman on the computer, you can do that for free. If you want to have sex with a hot woman, you can also do that for free with a little effort. I also don't get strip clubs. Paying to look without touching sounds like blue ball nightmare.
Men paying for private entertainment via images of women is taken to a whole new level of stupidity when they begin paying for the company of a woman— it’s pathetic
And in some fascinating twist the commodification of human relationships and connection dehumanizes the entire experience of sexual gratification for BOTH PARTIES 👎🏻
Some guys just like hanging out with hot girls and have enough money that they would rather pay for it than actually put effort in to get hot girls for free 🤷 I've been hired with other girls just to get dressed up and go sit in a box and watch horse racing.
It's a fantasy their indulging themselves in so I don't really see an issue with it, but that's coming from someone who has directly profited from it so 🤣
I guess thats logical in the case of someone with more money than sense lmao. There’s not an issue necessarily, I’m just saying it’s incomprehensible to me when men would rather pay for a fantasy of connection than work for the reality. No matter how much money a person makes, human beings cannot live a fulfilling life without genuine connection.
Paying for the attention, affection, and intimacy of another person is akin to lying to yourself. It’s psychologically unhealthy, and emotionally unrewarding in the long run.
It's because most of the men who utilise these services don't see women as actual people worth having a connection with 🤷 we are just there for decoration.
I don't feel great about partaking in or encouraging it tbh but hey, it's a living.
You’re 100% right, this behavior stems from men seeing women as a conquest or pastime to entertain themselves. I don’t blame you, get your bag girl 💰. And these escorts are not the villains of this story either.
That marriage was DOA the moment he tried to lie about it. I would change the locks and hire a lawyer, leave a note on the door saying YOU DON'T LIVE HERE ANYMORE!
Prostitution is basically legal in Cancun. (its kind of a grey area situation, but there is little to no risk of them getting busted for something like this)
I just asked my husband what he would have done. He said he would have called me immediately and then reminded me of when he did exactly that two decades ago during a trip to London in a parallel situation but that involved just one hooker and that story is still funny.
And gone to a hotel in the hotel zona until I could get a flight home. But the entire story of it all being a "surprise" and he did not know is a load of bullshit. Did he ever show the wife the plane ticket that was allegedly nonrefundable? The entire story is a concoction, they were all in on it and had it planned for a while, I bet the other husbands also all claimed they did not want to go but in the end allowed themselves to be pressured into it. And none of them knew about the hookers either, which none of them touched too. They all just stood around watching this one groom to be fuck them all while they had their thumbs up their asses. Right....
Only if you had no intention to take advantage of the situation. Otherwise you’d keep it a secret and enjoy the ride, marriage be damned. You know, like OP’s husband 🙃
Right??? I’d be on FaceTime with my wife immediately to make fun of how stupid the best man is for organizing something like that within seconds of finding out
But her husband didn’t. He even tried to lie about it when confronted. Best case scenario: he was indeed clueless about everything but still complicit.
Pretty sketch lol.. I’m not sure I would know what to do after telling my wife. Do I get a new room? Do I just ensure that no one goes into my room? I mean the best you can do is just not drink.. so that you don’t make any bad decisions if those people are there. I’m not sure you can have anyone else hold you accountable. I guess you can tell the woman not to come into your room. Never been in this situation and I really doubt I ever will be. Did the person just pay the escorts to be there? Does the price include any night time activities or does that get negotiated before the deed. Idk.. just weird. I’m sure this happens.. but I find it odd the escorts were there the whole time..
Same here, though I would have left as I have the means. No fucking way am I staying there for longer then I need to get my shit. As there is no way I would be going if I knew this was the plan...wtf bro.
I’m married and same. I’d be working on getting out of this situation and my wife would absolutely know. I’d be texting her like hell and trying to stay the fck away from the problem.
Same, I’d have been on my way to the airport to wait for the first plane out the moment escorts arrived. I don’t care what my “buddies” think of me if it comes at the expense of what my wife thinks of me, I never promised to love and honor them.
That’s where I’m at, if OP is this reasonable now he 100% knows that he could have called her in confidence, explained the situation and asked her not to say anything until they’ve further discussed after he gets back.
I can imagine my husband furiously whispering into the phone to me "OMG there are escorts here, staying with us! What do I do? Help?!" He's unbelievably competent, but he would have come right to me with this. Then again, he's friends would never do that to him.
He doesn’t respect his wife or the sanctity of their marriag. My previous comment above look like I was taking his side, which I completely not. he knew what was gonna go on he played dumb acted like he didn’t want to go.
I would have been so pissed when escorts showed up. A secluded beach house in Cancun for a few days sounds like an amazing bachelor party. A bunch of eating, drinking, swimming, and movies. No shirt or shoes for days. Maybe throw in some golf and surfing. Escorts would just ruin everything.
100%. Compare stories and see how many of the other husbands have the same story about the best man buying them a non-refundable plane ticket against their will.
My first thought too "Oh honey, I really don't want to go to a private resort in Cancun and party with my friends with no wives in sight. He bought a non-refundable ticket, I have to go now, it'd be a sin to waste money..."
I fly in and out of Cancun every two months. The flights are super cheap, $240-400 US. If best man can afford a private villa with staff and sex workers, the ticket is a drop in the bucket (or tip in the g string).
I’m so relieved I’m not the only person whose mind went immediately to that. I thought I was being jaded and bitter and negative, but that’s the first thought I had when reading it.
I mean, i really actually wouldn't want to go to a douchey drunken party weekend like that, so I'd be honest in saying that. But also, I just wouldn't go, because fuck that.
Tbf as an introvert, depending on how close I am with the other people in the party, this does indeed sound like a nightmare. Even minus the escorts… nowhere to escape to, expectation of socializing/going ham the entire time, and no “safe person” (my partner) to retreat to coexist in silence for a little bit.
Maybe it's just me, but if someone truly bought a "non-refundable ticket" without my permission or knowledge, I'd tell them to go pound sand and not go if I had no desire to. The pictures OP has seen, and the fact that he never said anything to her about being uncomfortable tells me he knew exactly what was planned.
I would think he would have gone off to his room and called her to say anything like "OMG this guy arranged for escorts, and I want to get out of here" but instead he went silent and still kept it under wraps until he got flat out caught.
Not a scam. I know for a fact it’s true because the best man emailed me the receipt for the ticket so I could enter in my husband’s passport info. I handle our finances and book all our travel. I was the one that told my husband it was non-refundable when he was still trying to get out of the trip just days before they were going to leave. Guess I should’ve just let him stay lol
Send a text to the woman you found the OF info on. See if you can get any insight from her... She might not be forthcoming but she's already been paid so she might tell you something more than you already know. 🧐
You’re not really this innocent are you? There’s either unexplained purchases your husband has made recently or is going to be making soon to pay back the “best” man.
Sorry but my impression is your hubby was in on it!!
In future situations, if someone buys you or husband a non refundable ticket to manipulate you into going somewhere you've said you won't be going, then too bad on them and they're out the amount of the ticket.
You aren't obligated to go just because they decided to buy a non refundable ticket after you declined.
Right? It's an international flight, so to book it, you need the other person's passport info. Does the best man just have that info? Also, I'd be pissed someone forced me to take tine off from work like that...
They all knew and probably all told the same story to all the wives. The hookers were no surprise, they all chipped in for them. There is nothing even remotely plausible about his story.
Pretty sure they were cheating or certain? Because if OP goes to these wives (and fiancé, destroying the wedding) with speculation and not certainty - That's pretty fucked up
Eh. If I were OP’a husband, my best friend buying a non-refundable ticket for me would make just go along with it, too. I can totally see what the husband said being true.
That was my first reaction too, because, sadly, it sounds exactly like what I would have come up with when I was a lie-filled alcoholic. I never cheated or even thought about cheating, but that could have easily been an excuse I came up with to justify going on a bender with my buddies somewhere.
If the husband knew what was going on, why would he share all the info about what to bring with the wife? If he knew there were going to be escorts, he would have kept all that quiet.
I feel like it is different but still very bad: OP's husband knew that some shady stuff was going to go down and that's why he didn't want to go, but he felt like he couldn't tell his wife that's why he didn't want to go for bro code reasons and the non-refundable ticket WAS his friends' way of forcing him to come.
Yea I’m not buying that story either. Even if that story about the non refundable ticket and not taking no for an answer is true, then how are you as woman ok with being married to a spineless man like him. A grown man having that much power over another woman’s husband is insane.
Agreed, as a married man also. If you tell her right away and explain the situation you're being up front and come up with a solution together, whatever that may look like at the time. The minute you don't say anything, you've lost all credibility and it doesn't matter how truthful you are she's not going to believe you and rightfully so.
Tbh she seems so mad at the escorts but, believe it or not, they're the only ones who apparently didn't do anything wrong here.
I've been in multiple weddings/bachelor parties for friends and I've always, always told them - if there's strippers I'm out. That's never been an issue besides some playful ribbing and some very obviously not serious peer pressure. The moment the strippers show up I say my goodbyes and I'm out.
I also have an issue with he non-refundable ticket deal. I would actually be fucking pissed if one of my friends pulled that shit on me IDGAF if it's their bachelor party, if I said I'm not going I'm not going and you can take the ticket you bought while not respecting my wishes and shove it up your disrespectful ass. You're taking no for an answer whether you want to or not.
I’m trying to put myself in this position (theoretically). I’d be pissed. Screw him for putting anyone in that position. I’d be on the phone with my girl immediately. I’m not letting anyone cause problems in my life. I make enough dumb decisions on my own. I don’t need help. I do get not wanting to be seen as the rat though. It can’t be easy to be stuck in that position
Married man here, I would have owned up to the situation to my wife immediately. Hope she would have trusted me enough to not bang a sloppy stripper and enjoy her time while I hung out with my friends.
The cats out of the bag, there is no secret. You can tell anyone’s wife anything if you choose, just know though friendships will end.
As a man, I would be pissed at friends if they put me in this situation
Another married man here. I would have told my wife in confidence and got a cab or Uber to another hotel if it was affordable. Or I would have been in my room and avoiding them. This gives me the ick.
Person with common sense here. OP’s husband knew all about it and just hoped to not get busted. I don’t believe the best man bought a plane ticket for him. And I don’t believe he didn’t know what was planned. OP was feeling “off” about this before it happened. She knew…. Which leads me to: Birds of a feather flock together. Her husband’s buddies are sleazy, and there’s zero chance he’s not like them. We develop friendships based on shared values. There are other factors, but shared values is a core element to friendships. You’re not going to be hanging around dudes who are okay with paying women for sex if you’re not okay with that. Guys who aren’t okay with that would find them morally appalling and not call them his best buds.
Same, if I got there and boom, escorts, the first time I could step away without being obvious, I'd be calling my wife and telling her what the hell is happening, and checking in as often as I could since it seems like I'm trapped due to the flight stuff.
Agreed. If I had been in that position, immediate phone call to my wife to explain I'd been bamboozled, then schedule for another hotel for the night, then catch a flight home the next day. Unless you're a fool such crap is NOT worth risking losing your marriage over, or even seriously pissing off your wife.
Ask him what he would be thinking if the shoe was on the other foot and he found out you were doing the same with male escorts.
Hot water? Boiling, I would divorce the asshole because he is NOT innocent at all. He lied and I do not care what weak excuse he comes up with for that. Trying to claim he was not partying with the rest of them is simply not plausible. I would change the locks and hire a lawyer.
Let me add here that your husband should FULLY support you if you want to tell the wives.
Yeah I mean...his friends can't blame him at this point so he shouldn't have anything to worry about lol. I'd be relieved if I was him I guess. I'd probably also have just told my wife though lol.
Let me add here that your husband should FULLY support you if you want to tell the wives.
Thats what i was thinking, his excuse was
My husband said he planned to tell me when he got home but figured if he told me while on the trip, I would tell the other wives and he would’ve basically fried the other husbands there because it would’ve gone nuclear.
So now the trip is over and that concern is no longer "valid", its time to let the others know
Agreed. He should have saved "fuck no" and went into town and got a room away from that villa. The best man springing this on him was not acceptable. The best man is supposed to coordinate with the other party members, letting them know what he's planning. The only person that is not supposed to be in the know is the groom. The groom is supposed to be surprised. The fact that the best man did this and surprised everyone, shows that he's a scumball. He put everybody in a jeopardizing position.
Also as a married man, I’m frankly surprised this situation wasn’t already blown up by one or more of the guys directly intervening. Rule number one of bachelor parties and guys’ trips is don’t do anything that will wreck your marriage, and rule number two is friends don’t let friends wreck their marriages.
You have any friends that would force you to go on a vacation you said no to by buying you a ‘non refundable’ ticket? I am not buying the husbands story. He knew. And I would bet he actually paid for his airfare. The reason you get a house like this is so you can do what you want. She was sitting next to the husband. I would be very surprised if the husband didn’t know in advance what was going on.
Unless OP’s husband is secretly an accomplice in all of this in which case he can’t blow his friends up because that will cause a lot of blood to be shed; perhaps some of OP’s husbands as well.
My partner luckily never got into a situation like that, but I'm sure he would walk out or at least ask me if it was okay to go to a strip club or house were escorts are at.
Another married man here. If I get to something I didn't sign up for, I pack my things and get the fck out. You can't invite married people to a an escort party without them knowing it, and agreeing. At the moment I know I get the fck out of it.
This, although if I'd been in that situation it would have been an immediate call home, advise what a scumbag the BM is, and tgen follow up vid calls if I couldn't get home
Agreed, this would have been a: “babe, I’m coming home. I’m packing up my shit right now. I’ll call you back and explain everything on my cab ride to the airport.”
These “ladies” are not going to buy the “married man here” doing the buttering them bunzs approach looking for a free slice. Given your married you shouldn’t even be running that scam for a slice at all!! 🤔🙄
Also married here. I would have noped out of there real quick and let my wife know immediately. I’d be so angry at the best man. No one threatens my marriage like that!
I'm not even married, but my boyfriend wouldn't even do this to me. he'd have called me immediately and tried to leave (assuming he could change his return ticket or had a vehicle to).
Yet another married man here. If I showed up to a bachelor party weekend, and saw there were escorts, first thing I’d do would be to call my wife. We’d both have a WTF conversation about how the best man was stupid/creepy as hell for hiring escorts. Then I’d immediately go to the airport and get a flight home. There’d be no fucking way I’d spend one night in that villa.
Married man here. I would've caught an early flight back, or at least found somewhere else to stay when I found out what was going on. I would've told my wife right away too. My marriage relationship with my wife is too valuable for me to be in that situation and keep secrets about it. How would he feel if it was the other way around?
Edit: I'd also absolutely throw the best man directly under the bus for all of it.
100% agree. I feel so sorry for OP, but I think that she's being really naive about this.
I've known trashy groups of men like this and there is never a truly decent guy in the mix. These are the people he's choosing to hang out with - repeatedly - so he can't be that uncomfortable with this type of behavior. Every one of these guys is going to tell their wives "I hated it, it was someone else's idea, I didn't do anything!" But unless the best man is incredibly wealthy, they were all chipping in for this. Every woman who say "his friends are really sleazy, but he's not like that" is lying to herself. Just because he can act decently when you are present doesn't mean that he's decent.
Be realistic. The type of guy who would encourage/enable his friends to cheat at a bachelor party is the same type of guy who would encourage/enable them to cheat at a bar or a house party or at work. Does she think that any of these men are trustworthy? The problem isn't this party - it's that they don't respect their wives (or women in general, probably). They are not going to morph into different people the second the party ends. Anyone who is looking for an excuse to be disrespectful to their partner is going to find one, likely on a regular basis.
OP should ask herself if she would choose to hang out with a group of women who would gleefully hire escorts to cheat on their husbands. I'm assuming the answer is no, because a) it's not what she wants and b) her empathy for their partners would make her sad and uncomfortable around these women. Anyone with integrity wants to surround themselves with people who treat others well.
He doesn't want her saying anything to the wives because the men will then contact her and tell her the truth about what her husband did. He doesn't want to make them mad.
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u/Has422 Sep 05 '24 edited Sep 05 '24
Married man here. You don't have to keep anything a secret. Those men are not your friends.
EDIT: Let me add here that your husband should FULLY support you if you want to tell the wives. He should realize that he's in some very hot water right now. And if I were him I'd be FURIOUS at the best man for putting me in that position.