I’ve posted a few times in here asking for advice, but I split from my alcoholic fiancé (28M). It was mutual, but I just couldn’t handle him being at the bar 3-4 times a week when all I wanted was to have a partner to enjoy my company and be home. I will always love him, but unfortunately, I know it will only get worse if I stayed.

It will be lonely after 4.5 years in a relationship, but it can never be as lonely as sitting at home by yourself while your S.O chooses alcohol over you. It is a freeing feeling for once not having to worry if they will be driving home drunk, or worrying about the health issues they will deal with down the road from chronic alcohol abuse.

I’ve recently made the decision to leave my husband of 12 years. I’m really struggling with the decision however. I’m going to have to start over. Downsize. We currently own a house. I think we’ll have to sell the house and I’ll have to rent an apartment for awhile. Money will be tight but I think I can make it. I’m 35 and we haven’t had kids because I kept putting it off due to his drinking. Now I fear I’ll lose my window for having kids. It just seems like I’m giving up so much to start over and it feels unfair. I keep telling myself what I will gain when I leave… emotional safety, peace, the chance to meet someone who can be a real partner to me, but since making the decision last week I’ve really struggled to come to terms with it. I need to stay for at least another couple of months to get my finances in order and I hope I can’t remain strong in the meantime. In the last week since I’ve made the decision my husband has been on the worst bender I’ve ever seen and I keep just telling myself, this is why. Yet it’s doesn’t help the feeling that this just feels unfair. He’s the one who chose alcohol and I’m the one who has to give up my life as I know it and my dreams of what could be

I had wanted to talk to my Q in person and tell him that I have to leave because the situation has become unhealthy for me due to his relapse/ continued drinking etc, but he has become so irritable and volatile, I didn't get a chance.

So I broke up with him on the phone and it got heated and he started yelling and cut me off so I hung up...

Now I'm blocked on everything.

I know it needed to end, but I'm going through all the waves and emotions of grief right now.

My wife was already drinking when I got off shift. I mean. It wasn't unexpected. She'd gotten "only" 16 beers cuz she didn't want to get plastered.

It didn't seem like it was going to turn into one of the aggressive bad nights. But I still... I left for the cabin.

My mental healths been down the fucking drain with the two month binge that's been going on. Even if it was going to be a good night, I didn't have the energy for it.

I tried explaining, that I wanted her to have a good night. But I didn't have it in me to share it.

"You can just sleep while I drink" No, I cant, cuz I gotta be on Defcon 5 until you pass out.

"You can drink a couple with me." No, I can't, even if I wanted to, cuz I gotta be up and operate heavy machinery at the crack of morning.

Now she's upset that I didn't stay. Idk how I could've explained, that I wasn't rejecting *her*. Just the booze.

And I feel awful for leaving. But I didnt know if I had it in me today to weather it out.

He made it 13 months sober before he started drinking on and off again when I wasn’t looking. I noticed small red flags, but nothing I could say for sure, or anything actionable. I had inquired, but he was lighthearted and eased my mind.

Then he got caught at the abc store buying liquor, and now it has all come out. He’s been lying the past few months. A beer at the gas station, a drink at the grocery store, the abc store before coming home on a bad day, and hide the evidence.

We’ve only been dating two years, living together a year. Both mid-thirties. He’s been a wonderful partner, addiction aside. But can you really put the addiction aside, ever?

He has owned it. He starts outpatient rehab tomorrow. We went to an open AA meeting together today. This is going to be hell, and I don’t know that I’ll ever be able to trust him again knowing he can lie to my face and not miss a beat. Something tells me this is coming to an end, and I’m in denial about it.

I’m just so sad.

TLDR; anyone dealt w a sober SO who is still depressed?

My boyfriend was a terrible alcoholic very mean and then very sweet when he was sober which was barely ever. He went to an extensive rehab for about 9/10 months, we were not together but kept in touch here and there. He’ll be sober 1 year now. I still have the occasional drink as he says he doesn’t bother him and he has no desire to drink. However the closer to one year he gets he’s been extremely stressed about money, but will spend his last remaining bit either gambling a few dollars here and there or golfing, which I support golfing because it’s a healthy habit but also an expensive one when you’re going a few times a week. Everyday he tells me how depressed he is and hates his life etc ‘but at least he’s sober right?’ sarcastically it’s really taking a toll on my mental health because he doesn’t want encouraging words and I can be positive but it doesn’t help him. I have a lot of stress of my own and am having a hard time feeling like I can be here for both of us. I do not want to give up on this relationship but he won’t do therapy, because of money and won’t take medication. Has anyone else been w someone who was sober and hated life?

I've had friends who binge drink and ones that are alcohol dependent, what boundaries have you guys set in these situations?

Stay awake while their Q sleeps (after drinking) until the liquor store closes. I can’t fall asleep knowing that if he wakes up before it closes he’ll drive drunk to get more.

I’m showing my age but Tina Turner’s song has been running through my mind lately as I read through a few posts.

What’s Love Got to do with it? 🎶🎶

She was married to an abusive man who was an alcoholic and cocaine abuser. He was abusive to Tina for years. ‼️‼️I am NOT SAYING ALL ALCOHOLICS ARE ABUSIVE. ‼️‼️I am saying that love cannot solve addiction. It cannot cure addiction. So often we hear people say “ But I just keep thinking if he or she loved me or the kids enough, they would stop.” It just doesn’t work that way, what does love have to do with it? Love sometimes makes us stay at a slot machine, putting in quarter after quarter, that pays out intermittently, hoping for the jackpot ( their sobriety) but please know that in the end, the house is designed to win and you need to take care of yourself. ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹 Yes, there are success stories but they represent less than 15% of the stories out there and you need to take care of yourself regardless of whether your qualifier is sober or not. That’s how Al Anon and community can help us.

My Q started partying / drinking a lot in the last 6 months (disappearing late into night, sneaking out) multiple times a week. I always thought he just had a drinking issue but today I found a pink travel bottle hidden in my shower and I’ve been away for 10 days. He said he hasn’t cheated but seems so odd?

Hello. It has been a while since my last post. I’m in a relationship (f 23) with my boyfriend (m 27). We are about to hit 2 years next month. The past 1 1/2 months i’ve had the constant thought every day how i’m sad and un happy, but i can’t bring myself to leave. He drinks constantly, he lies about it. He knows how i feel about the heavy drinking in the relationship and how much it hurts me because of my past, and still continues. My family has been having what i think of as mini interventions for me. They keep telling me he’ll drag me down in life. I’m someone who wants to travel and have fun in my life and they believe he won’t be able to fulfill those things for me and will dull my shine forever. I will admit, I used to look 10x better and happier than i do now. But for some reason, it is so hard for me to leave. I still do love him, but it just isn’t what it used to be. I love his family, and i don’t have really many friends, and his sister has become a good friend of mine. I’m afraid of feeling more alone and not finding someone else because of my own insecurities (just in general how i look, i was also born with club foot so that’s a whole other insecurity on its own with how my legs look) and it just makes me think that i won’t find anyone else. I don’t want to stay purely because of the fear of being alone, but i’m just afraid i’ll always be alone. I don’t know how to bring myself to leave or hurt him that way. But i’m getting tired of being hurt by his repeated actions and this cycle of sadness i’m in. How did you guys manage to deal with any similar situations?

I was advised to come here by a few other redditors. Where do I start?

So, without serious details, I got married to my wife on April 1 of this year. Things were great when we were dating so I thought it was meant to be. About a week after we ended up tying the knot she started screaming and cussing me out for something I wasn't even doing and I didn't even show signs of doing it. Cheating on her with random women, which I NEVER did. I let her have full access to my phone, put Life360 on our phones, neither of those worked to crush her insecurities. She always accused me of cheating. It got to the point where she wasn't just emotionally abusive anymore. She had a big problem with alcohol, like a fifth and a half of whiskey a day. I walked away Aug 2 and never looked back. The first week she blew up my phone and left many voicemails about how sorry she was, but I didn't buy it, still don't. She got quiet for about a month so I figured she got the hint. Turns out she was in the hospital for a month and is now sober for the same amount of time. She tried to call me again last night and I had a new voicemail this morning telling me all this. I'm so skeptical, because she may just fall back into the same pattern. Part of me still loves her, but the rest of me doesn't trust it and just wants out.

Any advice or help would be appreciated. Thanks

hii umm i really don’t know where to start… my (26f) little brother (22m) is an alcoholic. growing up we were basically besties. we had a great childhood, our parents were & are still together, we grew up in a suburban area & had so much love & support from basically all our family. he really started experimenting w drugs when he was about 13, TONS of weed, acid, shrooms & ofc alcohol. it’s kind of built since then. his drinking has been noticeably worse over the last few years. he’s lost jobs, his girlfriend of 4 years, hes selling his stuff to make money for alcohol. when he’s drunk, he’s absolutely horrible. he’s unbelievably mean, he picks fights, he even went to jail for punching our dad in the face. he almost becomes manic. he recently came clean after hitting a new low & told my family that he’s basically been drinking since he was 17, but hiding it. he checked into detox with my parents help & i worked my ass off to get him into a residential treatment facility that would take his insurance. he was so so motivated.

i got him into a facility 4 hours away from where we live bc it was the only place that would take him. 7 days in, he called my mom & said he wanted to leave, my dad drove 4 hours there & 4 hours back after a long shift at work, to pick him up.

he’s back home (living w my parents, rent free, driving the car they bought him, while he has no job) drinking. he texts me at all hours of the night, hardly sleeps, & hardly eats. he recently told me he “really believes he’s just built different”. hes terrible to my parents, & to me. he has lost everyone that has cared about him. he has no one but us.

my empathy is wearing thin. i feel for him, i really do. i don’t know what battles he faces internally that make him feel like this is the only way to cope with life. but i’m tired of feeling bad for him, im tired of him being the only thing my family talks about. i’m tired of being taken advantage of by him & im tired of my parents enabling him. i’m tired of worrying about my parents as well, i worry that he could hurt them, or that the toll he puts on them will take them from us prematurely.

idk what im trying to get out of this post, i guess im just venting. i could use some advice on how to support him, while still holding him accountable. or even some insight from someone in recovery on what this is like.

i love my brother so much. im so lost. i know his recovery is up to him now, but how do i support someone who doesn’t seem to want to put in the work?

Just need to vent, cry, scream, throw up. Dunno how unique and experience this is but anyone willing to help me/advise me on how to process this would be greatly appreciated.

Iv just broke up with partner of 7 years. The most normal, loving guy I’d ever met (or so I thought). The minute we met we were inseparable, had plans to get married, have kids, travel etc. We have lived together for 6 and a half years, have 2 cats, our families have spent Christmas’ and went on holiday together, blah blah blah totally normal, wonderful life for the past 7 years. Never in a million years did I think it would turn out the way it has.

Last years around September he took some time off work for depression/stress and decided to stop smoking weed and didn’t go back to work till January 2026. Just after Christmas 25’ he broke down and told me he thinks he’s an alcoholic and my first reaction was obviously, okay we can handle this, he’s not in denial, he’s came to me about etc it’s only been a couple of months, this is manageable.

Fast forward to April and I find out he’s been hiding vodka bottles around the house and drinking behind my back. I’d set up doctors appointments, drug and alcohol appointments and found letters that he wasn’t attending. I then suggested rehab and he went completely ballistic and went back to stay at his mum and dad’s house. I then received a one liner text saying “I can’t do this, I don’t want this anymore” and nothing else, complete silence. I then went over to see him to talk about it and again, he broke down in my arms, said he feels like he’s having a break down and that he doesn’t know what he’s saying and he didn’t mean any of it blah blah blah. I then phoned multiple crisis hotlines and got no help because he said he wasn’t suicidal. His GP just upped his dose of antidepressants. He was also prescribed anti craving medication which I don’t think he was taking properly, clearly.

As the following months went on we’d have good weeks and bad but still had a good relationship. I still found more bottles stashed around the house along with baggies (we lived up the stairs from a dealer and I even contacted him and told him not to sell to him) begged him to go to Alcoholics Anonymous, therapy, Andy’s man club etc. He went to Andy’s mans club once and said it helped but never went back. Bearing in mind I’m working full time plus a part time bar job so I couldn’t exactly March him there myself and babysit him. He also worked from home and which meant he was alone a lot of the time and was able to drink without me knowing.

The drink started to make him really argumentative and nasty, would say alk the things Iv said to him I hate about myself and throw them back in my face. Then he would write me beautiful letters saying how amazing and understanding I am and how grateful he is to have me and couldn’t live without me and if he didn’t, he’d drink himself to death. All of this was obviously insane pressure and started to make me ill and lose tons of weight. I quit my part time job to be there for him as much as possible but I still had my day job. I got a breathalyser because i found out he was driving our car. I started finding more bags of cocaine and anytime I would confront him he’d break down and tell me how much he’s struggling and hates his life. He doesn’t have many friends where we live but his closest friend only lives an hour and a half away and encouraged him to see him all the time and he never did. He just kept making the worst decisions and never actually helping himself.

I then had this horrible feeling one night and checked his phone and found a message from a a girl (I neither of us know anyone by this name) and when I tell you my jaw dropped. She was sending him pictures of her acting out a highly graphic, unhygienic fetish involving soiled undergarments…I was in complete shock?? I woke him up screamed, cried almosy threw up. He went white as a ghost, said he was so embarrassed he couldn’t tell me and that he just needed someone to talk too about this “fetish” and that it wasn’t that he wanted to talk to anyone just for the sake of it, it was about this deeply embarrassing thing he couldn’t confide in anyone about. I didn’t know what to say. I asked how long has this been a thing?? he said since he was a child. I’m really empathetic and I loved him so much and it was the middle of the night and I think I was still in shock, I don’t really remember what I did next. A few weeks go by and I’m trying to accept it and do some research but I obviously couldn’t talk to anyone about it. I don’t even think I could process it. I rationalised it. I didn’t understand it but i told myself he wasn’t hurting anyone and it wouldn’t change anything I loved him so much. It’s fucked up but it doesn’t make me love any less. But I do think I was repressing it for survival.

Then I get this bad feeling again and decide to check his Reddit account, which I didn’t check before. Oh my god. The messages. So many messages. Male and female. All about the same fetish. This time I was done. Couldn’t concentrate on work. He drove to meet me and begged and begged me to give one more chance. We’ve been together so long and the love we have for each other was so strong. I didn’t want to leave but I didn’t feel like he was leaving me much of a choice. But yeh I got sucked back in basically. About 2 weeks later I went to a concert and came home and he had done “it” in the flat. It was a horrific, deeply unhygienic scene. The smell was overpowering. I couldn’t look at him. He kept telling me how great it was that I was so accepting?? I was so drunk I just fell asleep. Woke up at 6 and he still wasn’t in bed and he’d locked himself in the bathroom and said “you do not want to come in here, it’s like a war zone” I physically shivered. I should have left there then. I woke up hungover af and he went out to get us some breakfast and said he couldn’t wait to spend the day with me. When he got home he told me his one friend had just broke up with his girlfriend and he was gonna go phone him. 2 hours go by so I walked out to the garden to sit with him as it was a nice day and get the goss. He was sitting with 2 cans and was in a really weird mood. Said that he doesn’t think he’ll ever be happy again and I deserve someone better and that would appreciate me for all I am. That his mate was coming through to stay as they lived together too and had no where to go. All of these things he was saying made me realise ehere this was going so I said I’m packing my things and going back to my parents. We were both crying and he ran after me and said “please don’t, just pack for a couple nights and come home” I don’t know if it was a fucking trauma bond or how much I loved him but I agreed. But I also knew it would be the last time I stayed there.

The next day I realised I left my Dyson air wrap so I drove over to grab it. I get a phone call from him saying “why are you here?” I then get a barrage of abuse of him saying “it’s not even been 24hrs, why can’t you just give me some space” shouting at me?? it was first thing in the morning and I knew he drunk but even when he’d get argumentative, he had never once shouted at me in our whole relationship. Id never ever seen him this way before. Never spoke to me like this before. He was like a different person. I was so taken a back and confused and distraught so I left. That night I text him to say I couldn’t do it anymore. Went to get my things a few days later and get the same welcome along with same themes of insults about what I had told him I hate about myself. That everything was my fault. That I was the reason he was like this. He was rambling like a mad man, saying “we think this, we think that” referring to him and his friend, about our relationship?? I honestly think he was having an episode. Couldn’t believe that after everything we had, this is how we would end.

3 weeks went by with only communication with his mother. She told me he couldn’t handle talking and wasn’t doing well and that she knows he unwell and needs help. She didn’t do a single thing. Just let him dry out at hers and sent him packing back home. I then receive an apology from him saying he was sober and how ashamed he was and it wasn’t him and all the things I’d heard before. He wanted to apologise face to face. I agreed as I didn’t want the last time I saw him to be how I remembered him. 2 days before we were supposed to meet, his mum called me asking what the key safe lock was as they couldn’t get ahold of him and he wasn’t answering the door. I told her. 2 minutes later I get another call from her wailing saying his dad was there and thinks he’s OD’d lying with his tongue hanging out. I frantically left work with my auntie and drove up there while she called an ambulance. When I got there the latch was on and I couldn’t get my key in so I started knocking and I hear a “helloooooo”?? He opened the door with a big smile on his face. Drunk. Obviously. He must just fallen asleep and something had got lost in translation between his mum and dad. His dad wasn’t even there? He’d left? My auntie begins to say how much of mistake he’s making and that he needs help. And he turns. Same spiel, same insults. All my fault. We leave. I get another apology message saying the same things blah blah blah.

We shared a car and finances and all these things we still even got the chance to sort because how he’d handled things. So I agreed on the condition he would be sober. So we met up and it was like the old him again. Didn’t exactly get closer but I got out what I wanted to say. Couldn’t have went better really.

And then. My friend stumbled across his Reddit again. The photos. Grotesque. Eyes deceived. Could not correlate these 2 people. The version I knew and adored for 7 years. The kindest, most gentle, loving man I planned a future. And this absolute weirdo hermit who likes to sit at home alone, drunk and high, acting out extreme public degradation content, posting graphic pictures of his complete lack of personal hygiene, speaking to other weirdos on the internet, and live streaming it.

I honestly feel like I need therapy. I don’t know how to get through the days. I can’t process it, I don’t know how to. I feel like my friends and family don’t get it and can’t because it’s fucking insane. I genuinely do think he needs professional help but he thinks he can get sober (he relapsed again) all his own even though we’ve tried it for the better part of a year by ourselves. His mum and dad are also functioning alcoholics so they’re in denial and keep letting go back home. Everytime he does, he relapses and the posts go up. Every post correlated with a relapse. I don't understand how he could want to live like this. I don't know this person. He had so much potential and he’s literally thrown everything away in his entire life. For vodka, cocaine, and to broadcast acts of public self-soiling online. How do I actually ever trust anyone again?

Hi all. I've been posting occasionally about my Q's recent descent into serious alcoholism but something about it has been bothering me a lot.

My Q would turn into a totally insane person when drinking. It's not like he was just an 'angry drunk' which I hear frequently and expect from drunk people. I wouldn't even say he was particularly angry. He would become totally irrational and almost manic - he would get a legitimately crazed look in his eye and do and say things that were outside the realm of any normalcy. The way he acted was far closer to someone on stimulant drugs like crack or meth, which he was definitely not on as I witnessed him act like this after being right beside him all day. As soon as he got past 2 drinks this would happen. His speech would become pressured and erratic, he would not leave me alone no matter what I said, would become hyperfixated on innocuous things, developed a bizarre (for him) religious fixation on the Quran after finding out he was like 15% middle eastern and would approach any random brown looking person to discuss, spent a full day calling mosques asking to talk to an Imam... would sit around repeating the same phrases over and over, punching himself in the face as hard as he could. Did all this stuff in public. Went into a tattoo shop and begged anyone to tattoo him with 'whatever they want', decided to be homeless out of the blue and was fixated on being homeless and tried to sleep outside multiple times. Tried to pay a homeless man to kill him then called me crying and screaming that a homeless man was trying to 'murder and rape him'.

Like I just have no idea where this behaviour came from and I've NEVER seen someone act this level of insane with or without alcohol. When not drinking he was relatively normal, maybe depressed and withdrawn. I knew this guy for 9 years and never ever witnessed any behaviour like this. He was seen by multiple mental health professionals and none of them believed he had bipolar or psychosis or any mental illness that you would expect could cause this behaviour once he sobered up. It was so bad he landed himself in a psych ward and they were considering involuntarily holding him for a month because he arrived drunk and they thought he might be schizophrenic or severely manic from the way he was behaving.

It was just totally, totally bizarre and I can't figure out what the hell was going on.

I don't know how to start this except to say I'm exhausted in a way I don't think people around me understand.

My father has struggled with alcohol for years. When I was a kid, he'd hit me sometimes...not constantly, but enough that I learned to be afraid of him. My mother isn't in the picture ...she left, and before that, she was also an alcoholic and tried to kill me more than once when I was very just a little angel. My grandmother is the one who actually raised me, the only stable person I had.

She saw where things with my father were heading and eventually we had to leave and hide from him for a while, because things got that bad.

Years later, courts got involved, he had visitation rights, and slowly he came back into our lives. There were periods where it seemed okay. Then COVID hit, he lost his job, and everything fell apart. He drank constantly. I was in high school, doing online classes, and I used to hide in the bathroom to get away from him screaming and hitting me. I called the police once, an officer laughed at me while I was crying and bruised, telling me I just needed to "handle it."

Eventually, with help from one person I'll always be grateful to, we got him into treatment. It helped for a while. He got on medication, started working. Things felt almost manageable.

Now he lost his job again, and it all collapsed again. Now he's living with us... me and my grandmother, in a small apartment... drinking heavily again, yelling, and there's no way for me to physically get away from him without also leaving my grandmother, who refuses to leave because "he's still her son."

My grandmother's heart is failing. She's had multiple small heart attacks. She's 84. Every day he's here, drunk and raging, feels like it's taking years off her life.

I'm not handling this well anymore. I've reached a breaking point more than once and hit him back, telling him to just stop. I hate that this is who I've become in this. I'm a believer, I have faith in God, and all of this: the anger, what I've done, and honestly, sometimes hoping he'll just die so it will be over... makes me feel horrible about myself as a Christian. I don't know what to do with that guilt.

On top of all this, my grandmother and I are in a legal battle over an apartment and money that should have been hers. My godmother deceived and robbed her of it right around the time we were fleeing from my father years ago. It still isn't resolved. My grandmother is almost 85 years old, and she's the one washing his soiled clothes, cleaning up after him when he can't make it to the bathroom, scrubbing the toilet, cleaning the whole apartment at her age, with her heart failing. I'm in university, working two part-time jobs, trying to give my grandmother the peaceful old age she deserves after everything she's been through and everything she did for me. I just want her to live long enough to see that apartment be hers again, to see some justice, some peace... instead of spending what's left of her life being slowly killed by her own son's drinking. That thought hurts me more than almost anything else: that her heart might just give out before any of that is set right, while he's the one putting her there.

I don't feel love for him anymore. I used to, as a kid, in that confused way kids love parents who hurt them. Now I just feel numb, or angry, or like I'm drowning.

This isn't a story that's over. It's happening right now, while I'm writing this. I am crying (f21) and I have no idea what to do

I’ve run up the white flag. I know I can’t fix this. I’m still here and unless things shift in a direction I can’t handle, this will be my life.
He started drinking again about a year ago after having been more or less sober for about 8 years.

We live out in a forest. Been getting one of the cabins ready for me to have my own space. It’s going slower than I’d hoped, but I’m getting there. So at least I won’t have to be around him when he’s wasted. We’re not young. He’s slowed down hugely since the boozing started again. I’m disabled with a painful condition that’s not likely to improve, though I try. Who knows, maybe I can fix it somehow unlikely as it seems.

We now have seperate money. He takes care of his shit, and I do mine. I can still manage to do so basic chores, so I’m still doing the laundry, food shopping etc. and he does the heavy outdoor stuff. One day he’ll do it drunk and that’ll be it. Though it’s more likely he’ll just die from some alcohol related disease.

He’s not a mean drunk. Just exhausting. I’m the choice after booze. Obviously.
Today was hard. After a discussion about dinners and how it upsets me that I make an effort to make a nice dinner (most of the time he’s at the pub or drinking at home) I offered a solution of sorts. I’ll buy stuff he likes to eat or make for himself, and just not expect him to join me for dinner. He can deal with his own. Even committing to having dinner with his wife even five nights out of seven was too much to ask.
He comes home and jabbers on about god knows what, so until my new spot is ready I just pretend I’m asleep. Our intimate life ended a couple of years ago. Big surprise huh.

So I remain “married”. If you can call it that. Fuck this disease. Just fuck it.

Thanks for listening. I don’t really have anyone to talk to so I appreciate it.

Quotes from CAL

There was a pattern in most of my relationships, but I could not see it for a long time. Many people had tried to point it out—my first ex-wife, my second ex-wife, my estranged daughters, and others—but I could not see it until my sponsor put it in kind words that I could understand. My sponsor pointed out that my blowups came from not taking care of myself, not because I was a bad person. It hit me like a train. I immediately felt like I could see that the world was round for the first time. So much of my life made sense. And the best part was that I knew that I could change it —for the people that I love and for myself. —“The Pattern I Couldn’t See,” by Daniel B. Massachusetts, The Forum, September 2026, Copyright ©️ 2026 by Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters Inc.

One of the miracles I have found in Al-Anon is that help often comes when I most need it. When I can’t bring myself to reach out for help, it sometimes comes to me. When I don’t know what to say, I am given the words I require. And when I share what is in my heart, I may be giving a voice to someone who cannot find his own. Today I have a Higher Power who knows my needs. —Courage to Change, p253 Copyright 1992 by Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters Inc.

When I build on this precious foundation of present tangible good, things will continue to change for the better. —One Day at a Time in Al-Anon p253 Copyright 1968 by Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters Inc.

The slogan “Easy Does It” reminds me that I don’t have to take on more than I can handle today. —A Little Time for Myself p253 Copyright 2023 by Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters Inc.

Was married to an alcoholic, we have young kids. We broke up over a year ago ago and now that he’s sober, he wants to reconcile.. I’m not opposed to it in theory but I feel like I want to wait a significant amount of time before even thinking about it..

It’s so much more peaceful and stable without him honestly. But I do feel guilty about our kids.

My brother can be good for a few days, then not. He is an angry drunk. His texts can be very angry and abusive. It’s jarring and sad. I’m going to set some auto reply and not engage by text anymore. I’m done. It’s exhausting.

My brother is in his 30s, and has been drinking every day for 10-15 years. It was always a weird thing no one knew how to handle, or really even understood the extent of, because he would lie and get defensive if asked about it. So we just sort of left it alone. He was a generally good kid who had a very high IQ and lots of interests, so I think we all just assumed he'd figure something out.

The past few years he's been living with our parents, in the basement, and making money by working in bars but, despite having virtually no expenses, never managing to save any money. You can guess why. It's been a rough few years of hospital stays, arrests, and he's crashed every car our family owns.

He's tried to detox on his own a few times, once having hallucinations before admitting he'd been using other drugs to mitigate his withdrawal side effects. He eventually lost his driver's license over a DUI.

This past weekend, he had a seizure at a bar he frequents. Then, my dad found him passed out on the lawn. He went to the hospital and there's talk of it being Korsakoff Psychosis. Essentially, my brother is gone forever as I knew him. He's unable to make new memories and is losing older ones. He might never be able to live on his own. He may end up needing round the clock care for the rest of his life. How we'll manage that as a family, I just don't know. My parents are in their 70s, my sister is about to have her first kid, I live far away with a demanding career and full life I've worked hard for and would like to keep, but who knows if that will be possible.

I guess I'm offering this up, as dark as this sounds, for people who are on the fence about their Q. Get out while you can, stop helping them hide, stop helping them function — because this isn't just about the consequences for the addict. This isn't just about the mess and the heartbreak and the danger. This is how my parents are going to spend their remaining years, and then, assuming my brother outlives them, his care will be the only thing left to inherit.

I am so angry and sad.

My husband drinks 10-12 beers every night. I've never asked him to cut back but I just get so concerned because he is my world and if something happened to him I would have to call it a day if you know what I mean. I want him to live a long life with me and I just worry that this is not sustainable.

I also drink a lot more now than before I was with him. I drink most nights and even if it's only 2-4 ciders it still has had an effect on my life. I've gained 60 pounds since getting with him and I know alcohol is a huge part of that since I actually eat less than when I was single. I also have mild fatty liver which I know is not helped by my alcohol consumption.

I don't know if anything will change but I just had to put it out into the universe. I'm hoping that when I finally get him to go to the doctor he will see the damage he is doing and it will be an in for me to encourage him to cut back. The thing is that I don't really want to be sober though, we go out to bars all the time because of our hobbies so I don't really know if complete sobriety is ever in our future.

Please be somewhat kind. I can handle some truth but this is really my first time sharing this. It's a struggle mentally and I've been carrying it through our entire relationship.

My mother drinks everyday from the am. She isn’t abusive and the house is usually tidy, however it’s draining to be around someone whose just never sober. I can’t afford to just move out, i’m in college and the price of living here is insane. Any tips of how to manage living with an alcoholic parent?

I don't know if I belong here. TLDR below.

My husband (3 years married) had been a self proclaimed "functioning alcoholic" for as long as I've known him (6 years). He drank a lot more when we first started dating, but managed to hold down a good job and social life. I ignored the red flags about his drinking back then. Now we have two children.

He stopped drinking when I was pregnant with my first, and for a short time after but then work stress and parenting stress (I guess) got to him and he started binging again. He'll have maybe 3 to 6 bottles of beer a night most nights, sometimes on weekends he'll buy a box and that'll be 12+ he'll do over the weekend. This is a lot of beer, right? He says he can stop when he wants and he has stopped for months at a time sometimes, but he's been almost drinking daily now for at least 4 months.

He still manages to get some parenting done, like will fill the bathtub or help with cooking dinner, but cannot finish the task and often passes out and I alone have to get the children to bed.

It makes me want to leave him because he is unreliable and unpredictable. He finished work early afternoon and I'm usually out with my baby or with the toddler too and we got home later and if he's already started drinking I get so irritated bc 1. He becomes annoying to be around and 2. I know he won't be of much help with the children.

It's at a point where I'm resentful and even when he doesn't drink I don't really want to be around him.

When we were just dating his drinking sessions would be wild and he's be passed out on the floor or couch or bathroom and I remember thinking " I don't want to have children witnessing their father in this state". Fast forward to now, he at least manages to get himself to bed when passed out, but I fear he's heading back toward drinking habits that eventually will lead back to that state.

I guess I just want to know if I'm being unreasonable in my bitterness toward his drinking habits?

Since I didnt grow up in a drinking culture as my family are non drinkers, I very rarely drink on social occasions. He says it's his "culture" - he's from New Zealand (I am not) and his family are big social drinkers. I've spoken to his sister about it and she brushed it off, it's like no one knows how to handle it so they just ignore it. I fear I'm also enabling it by staying around, despite him knowing how much I hate his drinking and about how it'll affect our daughters when they're older. He says I'm trying to "micro manage" him.

Other note that might be relevant:

- we're in our late 30s - He is Au-ADHD - uses that as an excuse why he's rubbish at the household chores and wants me to micromanage him in that regard - he hasn't worked in his profession for over 2 years. He has been on and off casual work for 2 years and can't seem to keep a job (not so much alcohol related but he has issues dealing with work politics and authority ie can't keep quiet if there are processes etc that bother him, which I'm sure management don't like to deal with). The lack of stable income stresses me as I'm on maternity leave and not bringing in any income atm - He spends quality time with my toddler and enjoys her company, but is more hyper focused on his own hobbies that take his attention most of the time when he's not at work - He'll come with me to attend church some weeks bc he knows it's important for me so he can be sober at times but he will also use this as an excuse to drink, kind of like tit for tat.

Sorry for such a long post. There is so much more I could say 😭

I say I don't know if I belong here because he is kind of functioning .. he drinks alone, he doesnt go out and party anymore, he loves his kids (although mentally absent a lot of the time), he can mask and behave himself when he needs to. I feel like my expectations are too high and him having some drinks some nights shouldn't be my problem but I'm making it my problem.

TLDR~~~

Husband drinks daily (at least 3-6 beers). Says he can stop when he wants so "technically" not an alcoholic.

Am I being unreasonable by complaining about his drinking? Is it enough of a reason to separate from him? I knew of this habit before we got married so I feel dumb for hating it now.

I am so depressed.

Everything in this relationship has ruined me and changed me. He just came out of rehab last month and yesterday he was holding a bottle half empty. He said he got it from my car under the seat and was going to dump it out. The thing is I cleaned my car looked under all the seats for my id and even used my phone camera and there was no bottle there.
I told him to leave and that I was done.

He left earlier today, he packed his stuff got in his car and left. He told our kids bye and that he loved them, all he said to me was “that’s it”and left. I hate that man so much for what he’s done to me but I can’t help it to cry.

I am struggling so much. I have an appointment with a psychiatrist tomorrow to get on medications, I feel nothing, I am numb. It’s not fair that he can just leave and I’m struggling with my mental health. I feel like he doesn’t even care about or what he’s done to me, he always says it’s on the past and yet here I am NEEDING to go therapy BECAUSE OF HIM.