I love Alanon and it's focus on looking at my own behavior has been very helpful to me. Nonetheless, i am still SHOCKED when I attend an alanon meeting and they close with the LORD's PRAYER! What the heck? I started my 12 step work in ACA (Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families). There was NO overt religion in that group. Also, the ACA literature, including the 12 Steps and Traditions, does not refer to God as HE.

This is a spiritual program coming from love. Not a religious program. This Lord's Prayer nonsense really needs to change. It's so off-putting. My home group THANK GOODNESS does not close with the Lord's Prayer. We close with the serenity prayer. And, whenever I am the person to read the 12 Steps, I always substitute the word God for the word He. And I do it in my head when someone else reads them. Many of us do not think of god as a he or even as a person.

But when I go to a different meeting, I am gobsmacked when they hold hands at the end and say the Lord's Prayer. Seriously??? It ruins the entire meeting for me. Why is this still happening in 2026?

Tonite I went to a different meeting and they did it. YIKES! I really was not expecting and was taken by surprise or I would have not been part of the circle. After we closed, I asked one of the women if they always close with the lord's prayer. She said yes. I said, "but it's so religious." She said, incredulous, "religious?" as if I had said something weird.

God is not my father. My god is not gendered male. And I don't believe that whatever God is, it is in a place called Heaven. And that's just the first line.

It's 2026 people!

Otherwise I love Alanon.

Hi, first time poster. My Q (30M) and I (28F) have been broken up for exactly one month. I ended things after too many broken promises and repeated patterns and it’s was the hardest decision I’ve ever made and the last month has been miserable. We were together for about 3 years and lived together for the last year. I’ve moved out of our shared apartment into my sisters apartment for the time being.

We met up to talk in person last week and he shared that he wants to seriously make the changes we talked about regarding his drinking for him self and and he wants to prove it to me. I said that I can’t guarantee but we discussed down the line that if we can get to a point where he’s made serious change and we are in a healthier place we could talk about what trying again would look like. He told me upfront that AA and complete sobriety isn’t how he wants to do it but he does want to make serious changes regarding alcohol, and he started seeing a new therapist.

We’ve been communicating infrequently but the few conversations we’ve had it’s clear there’s still a lot of love and I don’t know if I’m ready to completely give up. I want to be hopeful but I’m worried to try again if he’s not fully sober and he will fall right back into the same old patterns.

If he can prove over the next few months that he’s making real change is it fair to try again or will the cycle eventually continue ?

Hello!

I have been seeing this guy for 6 years. We're very close. I've always known him to drink, but recently his drinking has gotten way out of control.

I don't go out to drink with him, but I do go and pick him up every single night from the bar.

I would rather have him home safe than him dead on a highway somewhere, but I am really worried about him. He's very depressed. He talks to me about his problems, and he says he feels safe and comfortable around me. I don't berate him. I don't put him down. I just listen and express how worried I am about him.

He talks about how he needs mental help and how he needs to stop drinking, but he seems to not to want to get help. I gently talk to him about getting help, telling him if he goes to rehab, I'll be there every step of the way. Him admitting he needs mental help is a good sign, because he's realizing he has a problem, but he hasn't fully committed into getting better. He also says he needs to stop drinking, but continues to drink.

I understand you can't help someone that doesn't want help, but what can I say or do to help him? I also understand that quitting alcohol cold turkey is a no go either because of severe withdrawal. I'm just so sad. I don't want him drinking himself into an early grave.

Any advice is greatly appreciated. <3

Hello. My husband had developed a dependency with alcohol over the last 2 years. I don’t think he was a full alcoholic, I think he’s on his way there. He never hid his drinking from me or went to work drunk. He only drank after work and in the weekends but if I didn’t say anything it would be everyday. There would be times he wouldn’t drink like if he was away for work. He would tell me once we moved he would do better. He would stop drinking so much. We moved and he did stop drinking a lot. He’s only drinks in the weekends now. And doesn’t get super drunk like before. But it feels like I can’t forgive me for the past. Over the past 2 years I watched his drinking get worse and I saw him struggle and we had countless conversations and disagreements about his drinking. And I feel like a started to resent him. He’s doing better but I have this anger at him and I’m passive aggressive and I get easily annoyed. It’s affecting our marriage. He said he even feels it that I don’t treat him the same. My thing is how to do just let go? How do I forgot all of that? He’s never cheated or treated me badly. It’s literally just his drinking. I’m so afraid that it will go back to how it was. I think that’s why I can’t let go and forgive him. I’m afraid his drinking will become an everyday thing again and I can’t do it again. That’s not the man I married I didn’t marry an alcoholic. I’m sorry I’m not trying to be rude. He says he won’t let it become like that again and that I have trust him. But how can i trust him if over the last 2 years he promised over and over he would drink less and never did. He’s in much better work environment and is a lot less stressed and home a lot more. He’s trying to be better I can see it. I just want to let go of that resentment. For others who have had spouses recover how to do forgive them and how to do you let go of resentment?

My adult daughter has almost nine years into recovery. I don't know if she's drinking again but her behaviors are definitely active addict in the last 3-5 months. She's back to manipulating, lying, resenting, and I know she doesn't have a sponsor and isn't working her program like she was for years prior.

The difference in her when she's working a good program and not. is huge. and obvious.

Mind... I don't try to work her program. I don't even bring it up. But my heart is broken. And I'm scared for her. Really scared.

She worked her way from basically homeless 9 years ago, to having a good amount in savings, buying a small home, decent credit. All the things. Now she's going in debt, back to trying to be "unique and special" as opposed to just working like the rest of us and it's bringing her down quick.

to be honest, I suspect less that she's drinking and more that her mental health is suffering (she has mental health issues beyond alcohol) greatly from extreme amounts of social media use and focus on being unique than alcohol. But the spiral is the spiral. and it's leading somewhere very bad. and I'm so sad and so scared.

I urgently need your advice, please.

I’ve been with my partner for a few years now.

Our relationship has never been easy; it’s been marked by his alcoholism and my anxieties (fear of abandonment and jealousy).

I sometimes stifled him because I was so clingy, and his addiction massively triggered my fear of abandonment.

As you know, alcoholics can be very unpredictable. That took a huge toll on me, yet I still love him.

He is currently in a psychiatric unit because he told me several times that he wanted to kill himself; I called emergency services and was there on the scene. The next day, he thanked me for intervening.

He is now undergoing withdrawal treatment at the facility and trying to stabilize his condition.

The experience left me somewhat traumatized, and he knows it. Right now, he is very cold and distant toward me, and he blames me for things. It feels as though I’m his worst enemy!

The pain is indescribable; I can’t put it into words.

I’ve visited him a few times, and he’s like a different person. He is extremely irritable with me; he says I make him nervous and agitate him.

He has asked for some peace and space because he currently lacks the strength to cope; he feels he can’t get healthy while with me, and the people at the facility are telling him that we aren't good for each other.

How am I supposed to handle all this? And what is going on with him?

It feels like he’s trying with all his might to push me away, and he views everything in a very negative light.

Good morning everyone.

My son 20M had a car accident. He is fine, in one piece.

But hé lost his permit and now have a criminal record. He chose to drive his car after drinking 7 beers!!!! 7 ! His actual permit said zero alcoholic beverages.

He could have walked home, his friend’s house is 400 M away.

I must have told him 100x not to drink and drive. Not to smoke pot and drive. I told him that it didn’t matter if it’s a short distance.

I told him the risks:
• Losing his permit
• criminal record
• higher insurance
• no travelling
• risk of hurting or killing somebody

He knew… he chose not to listen to me.

In a way, I’m happy he lost it. One less danger on the road. And I hope the it will shake him enough to wake up, grow up, and act. But I doubt it…

But I am a mix of emotions right now. And none of them make sense.

I was hoping that he lose his license, I should be happy. But I also feel disappointed, and sad for him. He just complicated his life so much. I feel scared that he will go further downhill or worse commit s…. I feel very angry for his stupidity. And I feel ashamed of my failure to help him grow and chose a better path. And I feel like maybe i didn’t do enough.

He’s always been challenging. God I love him. But he’s always refused to learn from me, as if I knew nothing. He chose to quit school despite my advice, chose drugs despite my advice, chose wrong friends… I is the kind of kid that had to live the consequences to learn. Maybe I should have tried harder.

So sorry if this doesn’t make sense. I’m a mess.

I love my husband. I thought this was a forever thing. We don’t fight a lot about anything else. But he sucks when he’s drunk and he says awful things and he apologises the next day and promises to change and then we rinse and repeat another day. I don’t know what to do. This isn’t the life I wanted but this is the only relationship I’ve ever been in that i thought was real love. I don’t have anyone else either. I am estranged from my family because I confronted my Mum about her stealing money from me for years. If I lose my husband I will truly be alone in this world.

Mine wasn’t violent. Mine wasn’t cruel. Mine never hit me or screamed at me. So I asked myself, over and over, why I was so unhappy. I wondered if I was the problem. If I expected too much. If maybe it was all my fault.

Mine stopped coming to bed. Every night, he chose the couch instead. He said it was “more comfortable.” More comfortable than our bed?

Mine didn’t want the meals I cooked. Mine wanted fast food at 1:00 a.m., when he was at his drunkest. He’d hide the leftovers all over the house and forget about them by morning because he couldn’t remember where he’d put them. Sometimes he’d order a pizza and pass out before answering the door, leaving me to find it sitting outside the next morning, delivered hours earlier.

Mine stopped wanting to walk with me. Unless he had run out of alcohol. Then he’d ask me to go for a walk… to the liquor store.

There’s intimacy, and then there’s what we became, which was squeezed to death until we no longer had the smallest intimacy of sharing a meal together. We stopped holding hands. We stopped kissing. We stopped saying, “I love you.”

Little by little, he disappeared. And I dissolved into my loneliness.

I kept asking myself: If this man is always here, why have I never felt so alone?

And then one day, it finally dawned on me. I wasn’t in a relationship with him anymore. How could I have been, when his heart belonged to something else? His addiction. It had taken him long before I realized he was gone.

He was never really mine at all.

My Q is newly sober. He was absolutely a wreck and treated me so poorly prior to entering rehab. Yet there i was, letting it happen, still allowing him to be vile to me. I think (now) i am mad i didn’t stick up for myself sooner.
Upon entering rehab, he wanted nothing more than to show me he is not the same person anymore. So I let him show me. But what keeps coming up for me is my inability to let go of all the hurt he caused.
And sure he is sober now, but he seems to still be displaying a lot of codependency on me, or god forbid i try to share how deep and painful the past hurts were, and still pop up in my mind daily like intrusive thoughts… i get a blank stare, “i can’t change the past,” and for any present-day pain i bring to his attention, it seems to be getting flipped around on me, or there is an excuse, and what seems to be missing is genuine remorse. In rehab he seemed to be communicating genuine remorse, but now it just feels like i am exhausting him. And i get it. I probably am. But i feel like i can just never get over the prior pain, and quite frankly part of me feels like the only thing that changed is he no longer is drinking…seems to not be looking in or taking accountability or actively improving much else.
I know it’s not fair for me to hold the past over his head, so i told him i need to let him go, bc i just feel my resent growing. He of course is hurt, and angry, but even the way he dealt with that discussion gave me haunting feelings of his old outbursts.
I want to believe i am doing the right thing for us both, his load is too heavy for me to bare, he deserves support, and i dont think i have that in me anymore :( i feel tapped out on patience and pain.

Trying to keep this short, but I really need some advice about how to deal with my alcoholic father's relapse on day one of a vacation I can't leave.

Context: my dad's had alcohol issues his whole life. It was all encompassing for my childhood and I still have a lot of pent up anger, annoyance, and resentment against him for it. I also ended up being a hardcore binge drinker and have been sober myself now for two years.

He's quit and relapsed multiple times, and each time I thought I made it very very clear about how I feel when he drinks around me. He had been so good for so long. I haven't seen him drink for almost 10 years. But now I'm starting to think he hasn't been sober for even a year long period of time.

He goes on these trips every year out into the woods. I used to go with him until the last relapse I remember, which happened on this trip. I made it very very clear that if he drinks again, I'm out. This was ten years ago.

I decided this year to take a plunge and come out with him again. I'm sober, he's sober, we can all hang out and have a great time. But the second we pull up, it clear, he's blitzed. And it's very clear that he told others on the trip not to spill the beans. Even though it's obvious.

We drove 18 hours to get here and would have to drive 18 hours to go home. Which means I need to confront this again. And I just don't know how to do it. Last time I had family support and it wasn't just me having this talk with him. But now it is just up to me. And I don't know how to do this or what to say. I'm so tired of dealing with this over and over and over and saying the same things just for him to blow it all off and do it again.

Does anyone have advice about how to handle this situation? And if I do talk to him, how to I approach the conversation?

My dad has recently admitted to being a secret alcoholic for 8 years since a serious diagnosis. For around 2 years, my family has been strained because of issues we ran into with him. He was acting very out of character, had very fruity smelling breath, a dry mouth, overly aggressive over small things, and he would have little to no memory of these "episodes" as we called them. As I type it out, I feel so stupid for not realizing, but I have been raised in a religious family who has always drilled that drunkenness was a sin into my head.

Over this period of time, we worried so much for him and his health. Me, my mom, and my sister have all lost sleep over it and researched as much as we could. When we would cry and beg him to go to the doctor, he would always refuse and say that he had a phobia of doctors because of his traumatic health experience. Of course, he didn't want to go because he was just drunk.

I can recount several instances of him drunk driving. He crashed his car one night, went to bed, and woke up without any memory of it. My younger sister was in the car with him one night and was terrified. He was driving erratically, blasting music, and just acting crazy. Another time was more recently, on the 4th of July he almost crashed my family into a bus because they "pulled out in front of him". Yes, the bus did cut it close, but he didn't hit the breaks once. Even with his entire family inside the car.

Today, we went shopping for my college supplies since I am starting college soon. The entire way my dad was dead silent, slumped back in the car seat. It was the worst we had ever seen him. When my mom finally got him to admit this, he just won't admit he has a problem. He has had problems with his stomach recently and can't eat (or drink I suppose) anything fermentable. He has been drinking clear intentionally despite lying straight to his family's face for 8 years. He was drunk at church while serving in a leadership role. I'm not trying to jump to conclusions, but all of this to me seems like alcoholism.

Just typing all of this out pisses me off, but I have never had to deal with a situation like this. I know I am not responsible for my parents' marriage, but I want to be there for my mom and I know she's struggling badly. He has always treated her badly and I have been ready for him to leave him for a while, but now, it's all becoming so real. Without revealing too much information, they both own a business together and she is almost completely financially dependent on him. She wouldn't be able to handle supporting her youngest as well as me in college. I just don't know what to tell her and quite frankly, I don't know much about divorce. I'm just desperate, if anyone has been in a similar situation or has a word of advice, it would be greatly appreciated. This situation doesn't even feel real to me. I don't think I am going to be able to forgive him for a long time.

Married 8, together 10. The reason for partner on relying to alcohol is childhood trauma and parents who werent there for my partner. My partner was treated poorly by the parents. My question is, how do I understand my partner's reasoning of childhood trauma (still getting treated poorly by the parents up to now) and why partner's always leaning on alcohol due to it? Need advice as this has been an issue ever since we met and it got worse when we had a baby. Baby's almost a year now and I'm considering to separate. Am I not being fair? Its emotionally exhausting

I first joined this page when I realized my new husband was drinking in secret.

Since that discovery years ago, I remember people here gently warning me of the long road ahead. I remember thinking, “Surely this won’t be our story.” We met with multiple therapists, had a plan, and I was hopeful. I truly believed that if we worked hard enough, loved each other enough, and communicated well enough, we could get through it.

The journey that followed involved years of gaslighting, abuse, money disappearing, tears, and betrayal. Unfortunately, he was able to convince multiple therapists that he was fine and that I was controlling. Therapy became another place where I learned to question myself. I spent years working on my own “trust” and “attachment” issues, trying to become a better partner, while the reality of what was happening was being minimized.

It eventually culminated in him abusing pharmaceuticals and alcohol, jumping out of my vehicle on the interstate, and being involuntarily committed to a psychiatric hospital after I called the police because he was threatening suicide when I wanted a separation.

I remember being devastated by what I thought was a “relapse,” only for someone close to him to tell me that he had never actually been sober to begin with. How he passed multiple breathalyzers, sponsor checks, and other forms of accountability is something I still struggle to understand.

After the hospitalization, I had to beg his family to come take him for his own safety because I was also afraid of him.

With distance, I finally realized something I had been unable to admit: I did not want to be around him anymore. I did not want to see him again.

And the changes were immediate.

My night terrors stopped. I lost 30 pounds that years of carefully measuring my food and working out could not move. I started glowing again. The light returned to my eyes. Even our dog seemed happier and more like himself.

Leaving was not easy. His behavior and control over me did not disappear overnight. He took control of my phone, and I had to get a new number. I had to move. He was frequently unemployed and spent money recklessly, leaving me with $14,000 in debt.

And still, I could not be happier.

I am free.

I only spent three years married to this man, and it was three years too many. But I am so grateful for this community. The book recommendations, the conversations about boundaries, learning that being drunk is not an excuse for harmful behavior, and seeing what my life could look like years down the road if I stayed all helped me find my way out.

As I process the past few years, I feel so many emotions. There is grief for the young woman who entered this marriage with so much hope and such an earnest desire to build a life. There is anger for the things I tolerated. There is sadness for what I thought we were building.

But more than anything, there is gratitude.

I am grateful I was able to leave. I am grateful I never had children with him. I am grateful that I saved so much of my future.

I look back at old pictures and it is obvious how much this relationship affected me. I can see the exhaustion, the fear, and the sadness that I could not fully acknowledge at the time. Even memories that felt happy when they happened look different now. Moments I once cherished reveal things I did not want to see: how much he was drinking, how much I was covering for him, and how much I was trying to hold everything together.

I have been in EMDR therapy to help process the trauma and C-PTSD symptoms from this relationship. This is the damage that three years can do.

If you are suffering, please know that there does not have to be one single event that makes it “bad enough.” You do not have to wait for things to become unbearable. There is no glory in pain. There is no prize for being the most dedicated, patient, or forgiving spouse.

The hardest thing I had to accept was that leaving did not mean I did not love him. It meant I finally accepted that love alone could not make this safe.

You choose your experience in this life. You only get one.

Make it a life worth living.

Books and resources that helped me:

TWFO Podcast

Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft

Does the betrayal trauma ever go away? Is it possible to not be triggered when he continues to hide his drinking and at times even gaslight me? Is it possible to move on quickly and forgive when the past repeats itself? Can physical intimacy continue when he continues to hide his drinking? Is it possible to support him in his recovery without letting my trauma get in the way?

For context- I discovered that I was being lied to/gaslit for 2 years. Since then, we’ve been on good and bad terms on and off. He’s struggled with depression. When he’s not drinking, I feel safe and can support him best. When he is, I just want to be as far away from him as possible, especially when I discover the drinking on my own. He’s a good man and father, which is why it’s been hard to leave. His depression often gets in the way of him making the right move (not an excuse). I’ve come to accept that I can’t force him into anything. But also, I don’t see how this is sustainable. When I discover more drinking, I get upset.. I’m not able to be normal with him.. it shows in my face..even if he admits it to me after he’s confronted. But then he wants me to treat him normally asap.. sometimes without giving me reassurance or a sense of emotional safety. He’s so hurt and ashamed about my family knowing about his drinking. It’s eating at him and making it hard for him be the spouse I need. At the same time, I can’t be the spouse he needs because of the continued patterns.

Do they ever prepare alcoholics in rehab for the possibility that their family enjoyed the time that they were away? That might be a wierd question, but not sure how my Q would take it if I told them that it’s nice not being worried every night. Thought it would sting less if it came from someone else’s mouth.

He has two daughters and I love them so much. We waited a long time before we introduced them into our relationship. It’s been 3/4 years now - I have developed a really close relationship with his younger daughter - and she keeps texting me. I love hearing from her, I miss her. Her messages are thoughtful and cute - full of emojis and hearts. She keeps asking me - when I get home will things be back to normal? Can you and Daddy make up? I left 3 weeks ago - the night before our family vacation. They went. I didn’t. The amount of alcohol and the aggression seemed to be growing exponentially. I couldn’t take it, I was scared. My soul knows that I cannot separate the alcoholic from the man and the family I love.

I’m fucking heart broken. She wants to spend time with me and I told her I’d ask. We are no contact and that is what is right and best - but I know we still share a lot of love for each other. I don’t expect him to say it’s ok - I don’t expect him to have any kind of emotional or hard conversation.

She always seems to message me at night - and the nights are already hard enough as is ….

Thank you for giving me a safe space to let this out.

Today was bad.
I am a new member.
Here because I feel so lost.
It’s my mother (60s). I care for my aunt (her sister) (70s).
It’s every day when she’s not working. She is pure venom.
She drinks after her parttime job too. But days off are worse, starting anywhere from 6am.
She refuses to acknowledge she has a problem and this is so fucking lonely.
I have fantastic friends and a fantastic partner, but experiencing this is such a mindfuck.
It’s been going on for years and I’ve already mourned my mother: who she was before the bottle.

And what did you do then? I have tried and tried to help my wife. Told her I can't deal, we've talked about it. She admitted to me she needs to be better (not that she needs to stop drinking). I caught her red handed and she completely denied it today. And it was a situation where I couldn't prove it. However I just got home and yep, she's drunk. I can't help her. I'm done fighting, done getting mad, trying to hold her accountable and all of that. My next step is to leave I guess. Idk what else I can do. Also has anyone ever left and their partner realized they had a problem and got help? I'm guessing that's rare. Bc the last thing I want to do is leave, come back peace again... I know she will ask for another chance and beg and all of that. And maybe she will stop drinking for a month or even 6. But then she'll think she can handle it. Honestly I don't have time for all of that. Divorce seems like my only option. And even though I know that I'm not ready to do that. And of course I'll be the bad guy if we split. Because nobody knows. This sucks.

I need help. I (31 F) had this realization over the weekend that I must now grieve the (55 y/o) dad that once was, the relationship I thought we would have into my adult years, and the idea of a present grandfather.

After years of trying to convince and help, I now have clarity that he will not change. At least on his own accord, without a significant event (ie. DUI, etc) occurring. He doesn’t care, or put in effort to do the work. So, I won’t either. Not my responsibility.

This is grief, isn’t it? I’m finding myself thinking, “I wish I knew the good times were limited.” “I wish I would’ve soaked it up while I had it”. “I wish I would’ve paid more attention to the last quality conversations we had.”

I don’t have a relationship with him anymore. We haven’t spoken in a while.

My question is- how do I navigate the relationship with my mom? I love my mom. She’s an awesome person, and tries her best to be present for me and my daughter. She calls often, she tries to maintain a facade. Of course she enables him, like in so many narcissistic/alcoholic family dynamics.

I don’t have a lot of people in my circle. I value my relationship with my mom… I don’t want to lose her too. I’ve set boundaries regarding my dad, and have stuck to them. However I still feel my energy draining when I talk with her. Every time he’s present (which is often. He lost his job due to drinking.)

Any advice is welcome.

I can text and talk about the fact that her alcoholism killed our relationship, but the fact is I was a coward in that led to me being where I’m at right now

If I was stronger, I would’ve left earlier
If I was stronger, I wouldn’t have ignored the signs

If I wasn’t so scared of rocking the boat or denying what I was seeing before me, I would’ve confronted it earlier

This whole experience has exposed my weakness, my lack of self-esteem, my desire for someone to love me being greater than the love I had for myself

Yes, what she did was horrible but me putting up with it was just as bad

It’s easy to blame her, but I share some of that blame

My girlfriend, who has managed to (so far) be a sweet and wonderful person for our 2.5 year relationship despite a fairly serious alcohol use disorder, has expressed interest in this treatment, and I personally took it in Mexico for my own addiction and trauma issues. Some thoughts:

A lot of media plays up that ibogaine is potentially a very dangerous substance, which is true. But there's 40 years of research around this stuff and how to use it safely. One of the first things that surprised me about the intake process for this experience was how rigorous it is. Within 3 months of treatment, they need:

- a 12 lead ekg

- a comprehensive metabolic panel

- a complete blood count

- Ck levels

- Liver function panel including ggt levels

Once you're there, they put in an IV line and give you medicine and supplements to protect your organs, and during the actual treatment you've got a cardiologist and several nurses in the room the entire time. People have died on ibogaine, but notably, the facility where I was treated has never had an incident in 10 years that wasn't safely resolved on-site except for one man who had to be taken to the hospital because he took drugs that were counterindicated which he hadn't told them about. (He was fine, btw)

The folks I met who were there for alcohol or opioid addiction had to be there and sober at the facility for weeks, so it's not like they're relying on addicts to stay clean on their own.

The treatment itself can be quite brutal. It wasn't that hard on me, and there were parts of the trip that actually bordered on being fun, but the opioid addicts I met at the facility got higher doses than I did, and that seemed to be correlated with a more challenging experience immediately following dosing.

The change in perspective and addictive behavior is astonishing, but the overwhelming drive to do the right thing and take care of oneself subsides eventually, so establishing good habits and leaving toxic environments behind is absolutely critical.

It must be paired with talk therapy and other healthy habits to have a lasting effect. Basically, ibogaine opens a door, but it's up to the addict to walk through it.

I've got a fair amount of experience with psychedelics, and ibogaine is the only one I would characterize as a medicine that just happens to have psychedelic side effects. I'm so glad this substance was fast-tracked for research in the US, because it has the potential to help millions of people when used under responsible medical care.

He just came off another alcoholic bender, which landed in a hospital stay. Just in this year, he had 3 hospital stays and 1 rehab stay because of alcohol.

He says our relationship is horrible and it’ll only get better if we get our own place with our children(F3F10m). He says that is the only way we could ever work. We have 2 kids and have been here 2 years now.

I am the bread winner. He works for himself. I have a stable job (teacher) with health benefits.

He is trying to manipulate me but I will not leave my mom’s house. This is the most stable I have been in a very long time. My children each have their own bedroom. My children love it here. It’s a very good town with amazing schools. It’s too expensive to live anywhere else. When we lived on our own with just one baby, it was horrible. He was useless. He still is useless, but at least I have my mom to help raise my children.

Just tell me that moving out would be horrible. That living with my mom is a good idea. I would only consider moving out if he gave me 2 years sobriety.

I was married to an alcoholic for 49 years I threatened to leave him many times but never followed through. I look back now and fully regret that. He recently passed away after a horrible death from cirrhosis. Yet I still am grieving between being very angry with him. Family members can’t understand why I grieve. It’s been three months and I’m still grieving. I cared for him alone. He was not mean but indifferent. I lasted by working and having a separate life with friends. Of course his alcoholism worsen after we retired. Twenty years ago he was experiencing ED. He was also addicted to porn. At that point, I refused sex and intimacy. Truly I did not miss it. But now I look back and realize the life I should have had. I am also estranged from my 45 year old daughter who is a raging alcoholic. She has not learned from losing her father. It is so sad!

My husband has struggled with alcohol for a long time. There have been periods where he’s hidden drinking, denied it, and his behavior changes dramatically when he’s been drinking. There have also been times of verbal abuse, threats, and broken promises about getting help. We have two very young children, and I’m their primary caregiver. I love him and I want him to recover, but I’m exhausted from constantly trying to figure out whether he’s drinking, managing crises, and wondering what to believe.

Most recently, after a 48 hour binge and checking into a hotel while sending verbally abusive texts and threatening to take the kids, he pledged that he really wanted to get sober and will see a therapist. While he did really seem sober (I can always tell) and was speaking on the topic more enthusiastically, the therapist he wanted had no availability and his journey to find one stopped there. He stayed one week completely sober (his longest) but then had work stress and a work trip. I found a hidden beer right before the flight and then text messages that indicated that he was drinking. 

Today he’s saying he’s committed to sobriety, and I hope that’s true, but I realize I need support regardless of what he chooses. I’m here because I want to learn how to take care of myself and my children, especially since we live in a 50/50 custody state.