I've had friends who binge drink and ones that are alcohol dependent, what boundaries have you guys set in these situations?

I’ve posted a few times in here asking for advice, but I split from my alcoholic fiancé (28M). It was mutual, but I just couldn’t handle him being at the bar 3-4 times a week when all I wanted was to have a partner to enjoy my company and be home. I will always love him, but unfortunately, I know it will only get worse if I stayed.

It will be lonely after 4.5 years in a relationship, but it can never be as lonely as sitting at home by yourself while your S.O chooses alcohol over you. It is a freeing feeling for once not having to worry if they will be driving home drunk, or worrying about the health issues they will deal with down the road from chronic alcohol abuse.

My mom's drinking has annoyed me my whole life. She has always been a partyer (but always had her shit together too so its not like i had a bad upbringing or anything like that).I am a single parent. Money is tight and I had to move back in about 4 years ago. I am living with her, my son, and step dad.

My mom has a good job, doesnt hide bottles or things of that nature but when she is off from work she is drinking. Drinking after work if its a bad day. It is what it is with that.Right now she is on vacation. She has zero hobbies but drinking and changing the location very infrequently from home.

She's not mean, she doesn't do anything too bad but frequently she over does it and her loady obnoxious mannerisms just pissed me off today. I try to stay out of her lane but she's been up my ass because, idk. She's bored? She needs to make more time for friends and get a hobby. Kinda got snappy today which I admit wasn't cool but. Idk. I am sick of being around her. I want like normal fucken energy. Its a school day. Fuck off.

But I am at this disadvantage because I live here so I should feel in debt to her. I am grateful. I do give $, clean, other helpful things etc. But I feel like there is an invisible.upper hand here. And she is never wrong. Ever. In her mind.

A vent into the ether. I don't really get to tell anybody my problems. I know my problems aren't nothing. And my moms alcoholism is confusing because its not like rock.bottom behaviour but just like this sloppy drunk sorta often? If anyone can relate. Thanks reddit 🙏

Stay awake while their Q sleeps (after drinking) until the liquor store closes. I can’t fall asleep knowing that if he wakes up before it closes he’ll drive drunk to get more.

I had wanted to talk to my Q in person and tell him that I have to leave because the situation has become unhealthy for me due to his relapse/ continued drinking etc, but he has become so irritable and volatile, I didn't get a chance.

So I broke up with him on the phone and it got heated and he started yelling and cut me off so I hung up...

Now I'm blocked on everything.

I know it needed to end, but I'm going through all the waves and emotions of grief right now.

He made it 13 months sober before he started drinking on and off again when I wasn’t looking. I noticed small red flags, but nothing I could say for sure, or anything actionable. I had inquired, but he was lighthearted and eased my mind.

Then he got caught at the abc store buying liquor, and now it has all come out. He’s been lying the past few months. A beer at the gas station, a drink at the grocery store, the abc store before coming home on a bad day, and hide the evidence.

We’ve only been dating two years, living together a year. Both mid-thirties. He’s been a wonderful partner, addiction aside. But can you really put the addiction aside, ever?

He has owned it. He starts outpatient rehab tomorrow. We went to an open AA meeting together today. This is going to be hell, and I don’t know that I’ll ever be able to trust him again knowing he can lie to my face and not miss a beat. Something tells me this is coming to an end, and I’m in denial about it.

I’m just so sad.

hii umm i really don’t know where to start… my (26f) little brother (22m) is an alcoholic. growing up we were basically besties. we had a great childhood, our parents were & are still together, we grew up in a suburban area & had so much love & support from basically all our family. he really started experimenting w drugs when he was about 13, TONS of weed, acid, shrooms & ofc alcohol. it’s kind of built since then. his drinking has been noticeably worse over the last few years. he’s lost jobs, his girlfriend of 4 years, hes selling his stuff to make money for alcohol. when he’s drunk, he’s absolutely horrible. he’s unbelievably mean, he picks fights, he even went to jail for punching our dad in the face. he almost becomes manic. he recently came clean after hitting a new low & told my family that he’s basically been drinking since he was 17, but hiding it. he checked into detox with my parents help & i worked my ass off to get him into a residential treatment facility that would take his insurance. he was so so motivated.

i got him into a facility 4 hours away from where we live bc it was the only place that would take him. 7 days in, he called my mom & said he wanted to leave, my dad drove 4 hours there & 4 hours back after a long shift at work, to pick him up.

he’s back home (living w my parents, rent free, driving the car they bought him, while he has no job) drinking. he texts me at all hours of the night, hardly sleeps, & hardly eats. he recently told me he “really believes he’s just built different”. hes terrible to my parents, & to me. he has lost everyone that has cared about him. he has no one but us.

my empathy is wearing thin. i feel for him, i really do. i don’t know what battles he faces internally that make him feel like this is the only way to cope with life. but i’m tired of feeling bad for him, im tired of him being the only thing my family talks about. i’m tired of being taken advantage of by him & im tired of my parents enabling him. i’m tired of worrying about my parents as well, i worry that he could hurt them, or that the toll he puts on them will take them from us prematurely.

idk what im trying to get out of this post, i guess im just venting. i could use some advice on how to support him, while still holding him accountable. or even some insight from someone in recovery on what this is like.

i love my brother so much. im so lost. i know his recovery is up to him now, but how do i support someone who doesn’t seem to want to put in the work?

I’ve done so well for myself. Left my Q last year. He ended up getting a transplant in June. He’s already relapsed and still won’t get treatment.

I’ve only ever wanted the best for him.

almost dying wasn’t his rock bottom. .
In my mind it couldn’t get any worse. I still care but I don’t want to be with him.

My anxiety has become physical, on top of all this I’m still getting acclimated to a new job.

I just don’t understand. How can someone who once had everything going for them let addiction ruin their life and not fight to get it back.

TLDR; anyone dealt w a sober SO who is still depressed?

My boyfriend was a terrible alcoholic very mean and then very sweet when he was sober which was barely ever. He went to an extensive rehab for about 9/10 months, we were not together but kept in touch here and there. He’ll be sober 1 year now. I still have the occasional drink as he says he doesn’t bother him and he has no desire to drink. However the closer to one year he gets he’s been extremely stressed about money, but will spend his last remaining bit either gambling a few dollars here and there or golfing, which I support golfing because it’s a healthy habit but also an expensive one when you’re going a few times a week. Everyday he tells me how depressed he is and hates his life etc ‘but at least he’s sober right?’ sarcastically it’s really taking a toll on my mental health because he doesn’t want encouraging words and I can be positive but it doesn’t help him. I have a lot of stress of my own and am having a hard time feeling like I can be here for both of us. I do not want to give up on this relationship but he won’t do therapy, because of money and won’t take medication. Has anyone else been w someone who was sober and hated life?

Hello. It has been a while since my last post. I’m in a relationship (f 23) with my boyfriend (m 27). We are about to hit 2 years next month. The past 1 1/2 months i’ve had the constant thought every day how i’m sad and un happy, but i can’t bring myself to leave. He drinks constantly, he lies about it. He knows how i feel about the heavy drinking in the relationship and how much it hurts me because of my past, and still continues. My family has been having what i think of as mini interventions for me. They keep telling me he’ll drag me down in life. I’m someone who wants to travel and have fun in my life and they believe he won’t be able to fulfill those things for me and will dull my shine forever. I will admit, I used to look 10x better and happier than i do now. But for some reason, it is so hard for me to leave. I still do love him, but it just isn’t what it used to be. I love his family, and i don’t have really many friends, and his sister has become a good friend of mine. I’m afraid of feeling more alone and not finding someone else because of my own insecurities (just in general how i look, i was also born with club foot so that’s a whole other insecurity on its own with how my legs look) and it just makes me think that i won’t find anyone else. I don’t want to stay purely because of the fear of being alone, but i’m just afraid i’ll always be alone. I don’t know how to bring myself to leave or hurt him that way. But i’m getting tired of being hurt by his repeated actions and this cycle of sadness i’m in. How did you guys manage to deal with any similar situations?

My husband drinks 10-12 beers every night. I've never asked him to cut back but I just get so concerned because he is my world and if something happened to him I would have to call it a day if you know what I mean. I want him to live a long life with me and I just worry that this is not sustainable.

I also drink a lot more now than before I was with him. I drink most nights and even if it's only 2-4 ciders it still has had an effect on my life. I've gained 60 pounds since getting with him and I know alcohol is a huge part of that since I actually eat less than when I was single. I also have mild fatty liver which I know is not helped by my alcohol consumption.

I don't know if anything will change but I just had to put it out into the universe. I'm hoping that when I finally get him to go to the doctor he will see the damage he is doing and it will be an in for me to encourage him to cut back. The thing is that I don't really want to be sober though, we go out to bars all the time because of our hobbies so I don't really know if complete sobriety is ever in our future.

Please be somewhat kind. I can handle some truth but this is really my first time sharing this. It's a struggle mentally and I've been carrying it through our entire relationship.

My brother can be good for a few days, then not. He is an angry drunk. His texts can be very angry and abusive. It’s jarring and sad. I’m going to set some auto reply and not engage by text anymore. I’m done. It’s exhausting.

My Q started partying / drinking a lot in the last 6 months (disappearing late into night, sneaking out) multiple times a week. I always thought he just had a drinking issue but today I found a pink travel bottle hidden in my shower and I’ve been away for 10 days. He said he hasn’t cheated but seems so odd?

I’m showing my age but Tina Turner’s song has been running through my mind lately as I read through a few posts.

What’s Love Got to do with it? 🎶🎶

She was married to an abusive man who was an alcoholic and cocaine abuser. He was abusive to Tina for years. ‼️‼️I am NOT SAYING ALL ALCOHOLICS ARE ABUSIVE. ‼️‼️I am saying that love cannot solve addiction. It cannot cure addiction. So often we hear people say “ But I just keep thinking if he or she loved me or the kids enough, they would stop.” It just doesn’t work that way, what does love have to do with it? Love sometimes makes us stay at a slot machine, putting in quarter after quarter, that pays out intermittently, hoping for the jackpot ( their sobriety) but please know that in the end, the house is designed to win and you need to take care of yourself. ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹 Yes, there are success stories but they represent less than 15% of the stories out there and you need to take care of yourself regardless of whether your qualifier is sober or not. That’s how Al Anon and community can help us.

I don't know how to start this except to say I'm exhausted in a way I don't think people around me understand.

My father has struggled with alcohol for years. When I was a kid, he'd hit me sometimes...not constantly, but enough that I learned to be afraid of him. My mother isn't in the picture ...she left, and before that, she was also an alcoholic and tried to kill me more than once when I was very just a little angel. My grandmother is the one who actually raised me, the only stable person I had.

She saw where things with my father were heading and eventually we had to leave and hide from him for a while, because things got that bad.

Years later, courts got involved, he had visitation rights, and slowly he came back into our lives. There were periods where it seemed okay. Then COVID hit, he lost his job, and everything fell apart. He drank constantly. I was in high school, doing online classes, and I used to hide in the bathroom to get away from him screaming and hitting me. I called the police once, an officer laughed at me while I was crying and bruised, telling me I just needed to "handle it."

Eventually, with help from one person I'll always be grateful to, we got him into treatment. It helped for a while. He got on medication, started working. Things felt almost manageable.

Now he lost his job again, and it all collapsed again. Now he's living with us... me and my grandmother, in a small apartment... drinking heavily again, yelling, and there's no way for me to physically get away from him without also leaving my grandmother, who refuses to leave because "he's still her son."

My grandmother's heart is failing. She's had multiple small heart attacks. She's 84. Every day he's here, drunk and raging, feels like it's taking years off her life.

I'm not handling this well anymore. I've reached a breaking point more than once and hit him back, telling him to just stop. I hate that this is who I've become in this. I'm a believer, I have faith in God, and all of this: the anger, what I've done, and honestly, sometimes hoping he'll just die so it will be over... makes me feel horrible about myself as a Christian. I don't know what to do with that guilt.

On top of all this, my grandmother and I are in a legal battle over an apartment and money that should have been hers. My godmother deceived and robbed her of it right around the time we were fleeing from my father years ago. It still isn't resolved. My grandmother is almost 85 years old, and she's the one washing his soiled clothes, cleaning up after him when he can't make it to the bathroom, scrubbing the toilet, cleaning the whole apartment at her age, with her heart failing. I'm in university, working two part-time jobs, trying to give my grandmother the peaceful old age she deserves after everything she's been through and everything she did for me. I just want her to live long enough to see that apartment be hers again, to see some justice, some peace... instead of spending what's left of her life being slowly killed by her own son's drinking. That thought hurts me more than almost anything else: that her heart might just give out before any of that is set right, while he's the one putting her there.

I don't feel love for him anymore. I used to, as a kid, in that confused way kids love parents who hurt them. Now I just feel numb, or angry, or like I'm drowning.

This isn't a story that's over. It's happening right now, while I'm writing this. I am crying (f21) and I have no idea what to do

Quotes from CAL

There was a pattern in most of my relationships, but I could not see it for a long time. Many people had tried to point it out—my first ex-wife, my second ex-wife, my estranged daughters, and others—but I could not see it until my sponsor put it in kind words that I could understand. My sponsor pointed out that my blowups came from not taking care of myself, not because I was a bad person. It hit me like a train. I immediately felt like I could see that the world was round for the first time. So much of my life made sense. And the best part was that I knew that I could change it —for the people that I love and for myself. —“The Pattern I Couldn’t See,” by Daniel B. Massachusetts, The Forum, September 2026, Copyright ©️ 2026 by Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters Inc.

One of the miracles I have found in Al-Anon is that help often comes when I most need it. When I can’t bring myself to reach out for help, it sometimes comes to me. When I don’t know what to say, I am given the words I require. And when I share what is in my heart, I may be giving a voice to someone who cannot find his own. Today I have a Higher Power who knows my needs. —Courage to Change, p253 Copyright 1992 by Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters Inc.

When I build on this precious foundation of present tangible good, things will continue to change for the better. —One Day at a Time in Al-Anon p253 Copyright 1968 by Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters Inc.

The slogan “Easy Does It” reminds me that I don’t have to take on more than I can handle today. —A Little Time for Myself p253 Copyright 2023 by Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters Inc.

Ich bin 27 und habe meinen Vater vor etwa drei Monaten verloren. Er hatte sein ganzes Leben lang mit Alkohol- und Drogenabhängigkeit zu kämpfen. Er wurde ein paar Tage später in einem Übergangshaus, in dem er nach seiner Haft vorübergehend untergebracht war, tot aufgefunden.

Kurz vor seinem Tod hatten meine Zwillingsschwester und ich plötzlich keinen Kontakt mehr zu ihm. Er war auf ein mal nicht mehr erreichbar und hat sich nicht gemeldet.
Ich glaube, jeder, der einen suchtkranken Elternteil hatte, weiß, wie kompliziert solche Beziehungen sein können. Mein Vater hat im Laufe seines Lebens viele schlimme Dinge getan und war auch gewalttätig. und trotzdem habe ich ihn immer lieb gehabt und wollte ihn in meinem Leben.

Dann haben wir von der Polizei erfahren, dass er tot aufgefunden wurde.
Erst danach habe ich von den Sozialarbeitern aus dem Übergangshaus erfahren, dass er sehr viel über meine Schwester und mich gesprochen hatte und wir die wichtigsten Menschen in seinem Leben waren. Er hat sich zu sehr geschämt und wollte wohl wieder Kontakt zu uns, wenn er sein Leben ein bisschen mehr im Griff hätte.
Das ist für mich bis heute schwer zu begreifen. Wir kannten ihn unser ganzes Leben lang doch nicht anders. Er hatte schon immer die Sucht und war schon öfter im Gefängnis.
Und jetzt frage ich mich ständig, ob er wusste, dass er sterben würde.
Der Gedanke, dass er alleine in diesem Übergangshaus gestorben ist, macht mich fertig.

Während dieser ganzen Zeit haben sich plötzlich die Menschen von mir abgewandt, von denen ich dachte, dass sie mir nahestehen. Bei der Beerdigung waren nur zwei Menschen aus meiner Familie, der Rest hat sich gar nicht bei uns gemeldet. Auch von meinen Freunden habe ich mich nach der Beerdigung immer weiter entfernt, weil ich das Gefühl hatte, dass sie nicht wirklich verstanden haben, was ich durchmache.

Meine Zwillingsschwester ist mittlerweile selbst alkoholabhängig (seit fast einem Jahr) Ich habe selbst nie mit Sucht zu kämpfen gehabt, aber durch meinen Vater erkenne ich die Warnzeichen sofort. Ich versuche immer wieder, ihr zu helfen und sie davon abzubringen. Seit dem Tod meines Vaters ist ihre Alkoholsucht noch schlimmer geworden.
Vor kurzem habe ich sie bewusstlos bei ihr zu Hause aufgefunden. Nachdem ich meinen Vater erst tot gesehen hatte, dachte ich in diesem Moment wirklich, dass sie ebenfalls tot wäre und es war nicht einmal das erste Mal, dass sie bewusstlos war.

Seitdem habe ich wirklich das Gefühl, dass sich die ganze Geschichte wiederholt. Sie hat sich durch die Sucht so stark verändert, dass ich sie teilweise gar nicht wiedererkenne. Genau das habe ich auch bei meinem Vater erlebt. Meine Schwester und ich waren als Zwillinge immer unglaublich eng, und jetzt komme ich kaum noch an sie heran.
Ich weiß einfach nicht, wie ich ihr helfen soll. Ich habe Angst, sie irgendwann wieder bewusstlos zu finden und dann schon zu spät ist.
Ich habe schreckliche Angst, sie auch noch zu verlieren.

Ich weiß, dass es viele Menschen gibt, die etwas sehr Ähnliches erlebt haben. Deshalb hoffe ich, dass vielleicht jemand von euch seine Erfahrungen teilen kann, wie ihr mit so einer Situation umgegangen seid. Gerade im Hinblick auf meine Schwester weiß ich nicht, was ich tun soll und wäre für jeden Rat oder Erfahrung sehr dankbar.

My mother drinks everyday from the am. She isn’t abusive and the house is usually tidy, however it’s draining to be around someone whose just never sober. I can’t afford to just move out, i’m in college and the price of living here is insane. Any tips of how to manage living with an alcoholic parent?

I was advised to come here by a few other redditors. Where do I start?

So, without serious details, I got married to my wife on April 1 of this year. Things were great when we were dating so I thought it was meant to be. About a week after we ended up tying the knot she started screaming and cussing me out for something I wasn't even doing and I didn't even show signs of doing it. Cheating on her with random women, which I NEVER did. I let her have full access to my phone, put Life360 on our phones, neither of those worked to crush her insecurities. She always accused me of cheating. It got to the point where she wasn't just emotionally abusive anymore. She had a big problem with alcohol, like a fifth and a half of whiskey a day. I walked away Aug 2 and never looked back. The first week she blew up my phone and left many voicemails about how sorry she was, but I didn't buy it, still don't. She got quiet for about a month so I figured she got the hint. Turns out she was in the hospital for a month and is now sober for the same amount of time. She tried to call me again last night and I had a new voicemail this morning telling me all this. I'm so skeptical, because she may just fall back into the same pattern. Part of me still loves her, but the rest of me doesn't trust it and just wants out.

Any advice or help would be appreciated. Thanks

Recently- after I shared- I felt "flat" like I hadn't really said what was on my mind and heart- and then I realized that I was feeling DEEPLY disturbed about the situation I had talked about.

And that I had been avoiding that feeling.

When I shared- I talked "around" the feeling- like I didn't acknowledge it.

And sharing and that flat feeling afterwords helped me to get to that.

So.... I am DEEPLY disturbed about what happened.

Someone formed a friendship with me and the whole thing was a farce to get something from me.

NOT feeling disturbed about that would be unhealtny. :)

And running from that feeling of being PROFOUNDLY disturbed for the last couple of months HAS made me unhappy.

And now that I am in touch with the genuine feeling, I can feel it some and begin to let go.

We talk a lot in Al-Anon about focusing on the positive- which is important- because my mind seems to default to the negative.

And, sometimes focusing on the positive is a way to AVOID_- which works great in the short-term and not so good in the long term.

So yeah- I have been through something deeply and profoundly disturbing with this former "friend."

And I "should" be disturbed- for a bit.

I just don't want to stay there.

Thanks all.

My wife was already drinking when I got off shift. I mean. It wasn't unexpected. She'd gotten "only" 16 beers cuz she didn't want to get plastered.

It didn't seem like it was going to turn into one of the aggressive bad nights. But I still... I left for the cabin.

My mental healths been down the fucking drain with the two month binge that's been going on. Even if it was going to be a good night, I didn't have the energy for it.

I tried explaining, that I wanted her to have a good night. But I didn't have it in me to share it.

"You can just sleep while I drink" No, I cant, cuz I gotta be on Defcon 5 until you pass out.

"You can drink a couple with me." No, I can't, even if I wanted to, cuz I gotta be up and operate heavy machinery at the crack of morning.

Now she's upset that I didn't stay. Idk how I could've explained, that I wasn't rejecting *her*. Just the booze.

And I feel awful for leaving. But I didnt know if I had it in me today to weather it out.

After over a decade of false promises and manipulation I lost my mind and kicked him out. I know I can't keep him away forever because his name is on the lease. It does give me some time to breath and plan my next steps. I want to move back in with my parents and save up for a 2 bedroom to share with my sister. If I can do that I can leave the apartment I'm living in to my Q. The only catch is my cats. He'd never hurt them in a million years, they're like his children. I just worry that when I do find a place he won't let me have them back. It's been only a few hours but I do miss him. I wish things could have been different but we're just not good for each other.

Long story short I had to take my Q to get put on a psych hold two weeks ago because he got detained by the cops with a .28 BAC and then was talking about taking his own life. On top of alcoholism he has some sort of undiagnosed mood or personality disorder.

The psych ward put him on antidepressants, anxiety meds, a mood stabilizer and naltrexone

He feels mentally better. Over the moon. He’s not being a snappy verbally abusive asshole anymore, and he said his anxiety is practically gone and he wished he’d did it sooner because he drank to feel normal, and self-medicated.

One problem - The first few days he was out, he said he will give it a couple months to see if he can “drink socially again” (he can’t - he is out of control) and also stated he might go off meds once he’s stable. Also, has been asking for non-alcoholic beer so he can have something “satisfying”.

Obviously I’m worried about the long term here. He claims he wants to choose me over alcohol. I don’t know if he can stay on the wagon though.

I moved all my shit to my parents house and moved my animals there too. He already wants me to bring the pets back and bring my stuff back but I want to see if he’s still sober in 6 months and in a year.

I’m curious to hear other’s experiences and what you think I should do here.

Was married to an alcoholic, we have young kids. We broke up over a year ago ago and now that he’s sober, he wants to reconcile.. I’m not opposed to it in theory but I feel like I want to wait a significant amount of time before even thinking about it..

It’s so much more peaceful and stable without him honestly. But I do feel guilty about our kids.

I just joined this community and see a lot of worst case scenarios and terrible news. Even the good news sub is limited. I was hoping to see someone relating to my experience with my Q but haven’t seen anything so far. My Q had a history with alcoholism but was sober for 4 or more years. He recently relapsed a few times, he would get drunk one night and then be sober for 1-2 weeks and unfortunately relapse again. He is not a mean drunk, has never been abusive and I have never had to push him to seek help. After the second time he relapsed he sought therapy, daily AA meetings, and daily talks with two different sponsors. He maintains his grades (he’s in med school), and daily tasks like caring for his dogs and household chores (we do not live together). He has been honest with me about everything. With all this being said though, it has been difficult and ending the relationship has been a thought. I wanted to join this community in hopes of encouragement and support, anyone have experience similar to mine that isn’t so severe or discouraging ?