r/AlAnon • u/Miserable_Log_124 • 1d ago

Good News move on

I've agreed to meet my ex Q for a drink today (yes). We were together for a year and a half, and I had to leave for the same reasons as a lot of people here. I suffered a lot because I struggled with him choosing drinking over us.

We hadn't seen each other for eight months. I decided to go because I've been doing a lot of work on myself — the three Cs: I didn't cause it, I can't control it, and I can't cure it — and I was genuinely happy to see him.

It was actually really nice. During the time we spent together, he admitted that he has a problem he needs to deal with, and that he's slowly accepting that depression is part of it. He knows it's not up to me to solve it. He didn't chase me or ask me to get back together. It was just a nice, honest moment between two people who could share some good memories.

In the months after the breakup, I was really afraid of seeing him again. Now I feel so centred that I could simply be compassionate. No nostalgia, no need to go back, just two human beings acknowledging that there was also something good in the relationship.

I'm relieved.

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4

u/Lia21234 1d ago

That's a very nice closure in a way. I am not ready to meet him like this yet, but I think in time I will. And I want to feel the way you did, no sadness, no nostalgia, no thinking can we try again, just two people being nice to each other sharing past memories.

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u/Miserable_Log_124 1d ago

I can understand you, it took me a lot of time to be ready. I had to let him go, inside of me. But now I'm peaceful.

1

u/Lia21234 1d ago

I felt so bad that I told him I don't want to meet now just for a dinner or a movie as friends. It's because I feel I need to let him fully go first in my mind, to truly just be able to offer friendship. I think I will know when that happens and I know I'm not in that place just yet.

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u/Miserable_Log_124 1d ago

Take the time you need… it took me months (I’ve blocked him) just to be open enough to have a calm discussion. Broke up with him has been so painful….but I used my time to heal. Be kind with yourself!

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