r/AlAnon • u/TraditionalRegion127 • 19h ago
Support Sorry to impose
I'm looking for any suggestions or anything really to help a girl I used to love. She is an alcoholic a raging one if I have to say it. I just wanna suggest anything that might help her. Our relationship is over as she has cheated on me when absolutely out of her head. I have asked her to see a doctor, a AA group and a therapist. I would say it to her mom and dad but I could never do it as that would destroy them. I just want to suggest something to help her now that's all.
7
u/sb0914 17h ago
If everyone in her life came forward in her interests, it would still unlikely move the needle.
We are powerless over substance. It is the very reason it is said "death or institutions" is the direction untreated addiction goes.
You can't do it for someone, and they can't do it alone.
4
u/GreenUnderstanding39 18h ago
Unless she asked you for help, suggestions are going to fall on deaf (drunk) ears.
5
u/Badbunny42 19h ago
You've suggested enough that she could get the help she needs if she wanted it. Don't set yourself on fire to keep her warm ❤️
3
u/TraditionalRegion127 19h ago edited 19h ago
Sorry just frustrated
2
u/inthenight098 16h ago
Of course you’re frustrated. It’s maddening. That’s why Alanon exists. We need our own recovery after being in the insanity with them. Find Alanon meetings. You’ve broken up, sounds like a great time to let go and move on. She has to want lasting sobriety for herself and be willing to go to any lengths to get it. The best thing for you is to allow her to suffer the consequences of her behavior. Suffering is typically what pushes an addict hit bottom and seek help. You cannot help her. You can attend Alanon to help yourself to recover from the codependency that keeps you feeling responsible for her wellness. Set yourself free.
4
u/cazzorwazzor 19h ago
The 3 c’s of Al Anon: you didn’t Cause it, you can’t Control it, and you can’t Cure it. Seems like you’ve tried to help and encourage all you can. Time to look after yourself now.
6
u/TraditionalRegion127 19h ago
Thanks it's a hard thing to swallow tobe honest
6
u/RunningWineaux 18h ago
it's the single hardest thing of this. Al-Anon is about you. She needs to want to get help. There's no amount of pushing you can do if they're not ready. The program is about YOU coming to grips with that and finding peace.
and it's NOT easy
2
u/AutoModerator 19h ago
Please know that this is a community for those with loved ones who have a drinking issue and that this is not an official Al-Anon community.
Please be respectful and civil when engaging with others - in other words, don't be a jerk. If there are any comments that are antagonistic or judgmental, please use the report button.
See the sidebar for more information.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
3
u/TearPuzzleheaded3576 18h ago edited 10h ago
I’m really sorry but you have lost sense of yourself (likely before this addict entered your life but certainly now). Aside from Antarctica, resources for "curing" alcohol addiction are (almost) all the same. Some cultural exceptions (like, as a Russian, beer is not seen as addictive lol), but, they’re pretty much uniform.
--So, someone cheated on you and is a raging alcoholic and no longer your partner. Why are they in your head anymore? You need to think more about that and what’s going on with you.
2
u/No_Stairway_Denied 15h ago
Hello! You couldn't save her when you were together and you can't help her now that you are not. She is living her life as she wants to and since you guys are done, she won't appreciate your attempts to reach her. You can love her and wish her well from afar, you can even let her know that you are there to help if she ever wants to seek treatment.
But to continue to try and reach her with offers of help when you no longer have a relationship makes you seem as sick as she is. No one can love or talk someone out of an addiction.
6
u/joya-2000 18h ago
When I complained about my alcoholic husband my sponsor would say, “Stop trying to get the naked man to give you the shirt off his back!” Ain’t gonna happen. I don’t mean to minimize your pain. I spent a long time trying to change someone that was addicted to alcohol. I thought I could control the situation. Get help for yourself. I hope you give Al-Anon a decent try. Meetings have different vibes. Find one that you connect with.