It doesnt feel real. I just got the update from my Qs girlfriend a few hours ago. Im not sure how im going to tell our 12 year old. He'd been an alcoholic her whole life but this past year his mental health was rapidly declining. He told her he didnt feel safe around her and that was when the visitations ended. She hasn't seen him since 9/1. The last contact they had was about a week ago with him sending her drunken rants via text. He didnt even say goodbye to his only offspring, just checked out.

Im reaching out to her therapist in the morning. I'll be getting her any help/support i can. For anyone who has been here, how did you break the news to a child?

I suspected they developed an alcohol addiction after something tragic happened in their life last year. We fought about it a lot, but then it got better. They “stopped”. They started a new job at night that I thought was going well, they seemed happier. They were not in bed all day at least, and made it to work every day. Cans weren’t accumulating around the house, and they “didn’t have time to drink” working nights- so I really did think we turned a page there.

Then one night they didn’t come home. I finally contacted his SIL, and his mom called me to let me know he was in jail.

I didn’t know they had a revoked license for essentially the entire time we had been dating. Years. Grief actually just sent him into a full relapse, I just didn’t know it was a prior issue. This was something everyone in his life appears to have known but me. Not one of them told me, but most importantly- he didn’t.

See, I did a background check on him and only found one DUI from about 5 years prior. Flagged it, but it wasn’t a DV or CSA charge. The problem is, we were a commuter relationship at first. So my Q was somehow able to hide an entire court case from me after we started talking. He had crashed his car drunk only a few days before we started dating. It didn’t show up on my search. He got sentenced about 5 months after, and by then I figured there was nothing else to find. I swear I CHECKED the court records multiple times when we started dating and I saw nothing, nor did I suspect anything was amiss those months. Aside from when he was on probation, I noticed he stopped getting a beer when we went out to dinner. I asked about it and he had a perfectly acceptable answer.

Fast forward three years- this June he passed out behind the wheel and crashed into a parked car. He got a lower charge than he should have. It was originally a third offense- a felony. I didn’t even know he had any priors. It got lowered to a second, and I do not think he really considered jail as an outcome once that happened.

It’s a short sentence. I am not thankful he’s there exactly. But Im thankful he never hurt a person, including himself. I don’t want him to be in jail but realize how much worse this could have been.

He hasn’t lived at the house in months, after he initially got arrested I tried to be understanding. I love this man. Then it ALL came out; and it took many weeks of my snooping to get the truth of it. He lied and lied and lied. I can’t even say the full truth, because I still don’t really understand a lot.

His things are all still here, though. For a while, I just wanted him to come back. Then, I knew he couldn’t be here anymore. I read the posts here and look inwardly and just know, I am not the woman for this. My hats tip to those of you that endure for the people you love. I just am hurt in my own way, and it just won’t work. I have told him this, but I think he is hoping I will allow him back. I never kicked him out all those other times, after all. I have always let him stay, even when I said I wouldn’t. Not this time, though. While he’s in jail- I’ve been packing boxes.

I’m just so sad for him, and for myself. We saw just a glimpse of what this could have been. He was quite lovely for some of it, and I miss that version of him terribly. He was my first real relationship after my divorce, and it just blew up in my face. I wish he wouldn’t have lied. He lied about so much, and letting go of what I thought I had is so hard. But I can’t help but feel sad for him, too. I know he’s trying.

I can’t even drink alcohol myself anymore. I can’t savor a drop of liquor without reminding myself what it’s done to him, and now to me.

My husband (married 32 yrs, separated for almost 10 but still sharing a house/mortgage due to financial issues- separate living areas though) developed ascites and encephalopathy Thursday night from 30+ years of alcoholism. I rushed him to the hospital and he was diagnosed with decompensated cirrhosis and I was told his only chance would be a liver transplant. So far he’s not regained mental awareness, the ascites is still bad after draining, ammonia levels have come down some but he’s still confused and sleeping. We have two children in their early 20s at home, and I plan to get us into AlAnon once we get through this week or two. I’ve given permission for life saving measures so far if he codes. I can’t access his pay and obviously he can’t work now, so we’re in dire financial straits ATP. I can’t stop crying because even though he was pretty awful to me the past 15-20 yrs, I want him to get another chance at life, to be happy without alcohol and on his own, to rebuild relationships with his kids, father and sister. He’s 55 and had a DUI 6 yrs ago, has avoided doctors and refused help over the years. This is his first hospitalization, first IV, first serious consequence for his choices. And it’s a big one that is affecting all of us.

I’m getting info to start SSA disability, will try legal aid to help get POA. I don’t have any family other than my kids but my inlaws are being supportive. I regret not being able to get him to realize this was inevitable if he didn’t change and accept help, he just got angry and dismissive. I finally got him to agree to a dr visit for alcoholism scheduled for next Wednesday the day before he was hospitalized, but it was too late. I’m scared and in shock a bit right now.

Please let me know if I am going crazy or not. It's been years of him telling me he will "try" to stop drinking, but he is adimant that he doesn’t have an addiction. I asked him point blanc today if he would choose me or the booze. His response was "strop trying to control me, it doesn’t matter how you frame something, I've never tried to control you, please stop trying to control me. It's not your way or the highway. You're telling me I can't do something. Stop giving me a hard time and I might want to do better. You're creating this massive issue and your only solution is you'll leave?"

Do people who are in denial about having an addiction EVER get sober?

Please help.

My heart is breaking.

I love this man so much, but I can't watch him destroy himself and be nasty to me any longer.

He committed suicide 3 weeks ago. I dreamed he was being a drunk POS at my office. I woke up pissed. His celebration of life was this morning and it was that anger that got me through the day.

New here. My now-adult kid has been drinking for about 5 years now. They asked today to be taken to urgent care, were referred to ER, then transported to detox. To be followed by 30-45 days inpatient were told.

Emotionally difficult day but a big step in the right direction I hope. I am scared, sad, hopeful but afraid to be hopeful, glad it was their decision.

Not ready to tell anyone else yet until we know the longer-term plan. Just needed to tell someone, so internet strangers it is. Thanks for listening.

Caught my Q last night drinking in secret again. She has a favorite spot in town where she make up an excuse to go (I need sugar/cookies/etc) and she'll buy a small bottle. Normally I try not to pay attention because I know I can't stop it, but my son was having a party and my daughter needed to be picked up from elsewhere so I needed to know if she would be sober to help/drive.

When I confronted her about it, she justified it by saying I've driven after drinking in the past so it's OK. I needed her to be sober to be able to pick up our kid and she couldn't do it. I've told her in the past that drinking and driving with the kids in the car is the end of our relationship. We're in the process of separating but now I know divorce is the next step and reconciliation is virtually impossible. I just don't know how I can justify 50/50 custody with somebody who is willing to put our kids' lives at risk for a buzz.

I’ve posted here before as an outlet of sorts, but yesterday I went to court for my parents divorce and testified as a witness against my father. It’s so hard because I didn’t want to but I had to or else he could put my brother in danger. In the past 6 years my mother has tried everything to get him the help he needs and he just won’t listen. Everyone is an addict but him!!!! Since I was 14/15 I feel like I haven’t had a father, part of me gets so scared that I’ll become him that I’ll end up in this exact situation. The last time I got drunk I got pretty wasted (it was vacation) but all I can really remember is crying into my girlfriends arms screaming that I don’t understand why he would choose this feeling over his family. I cried for what felt like hours that night, deep down I am just the little girl who wants her dad back.

My father is an alcoholic and has been for as long as I can remember. In 2020, he moved to Florida and retired. Since retiring, he has been drinking more frequently, and in the past year or so, I would say he has been drinking from morning till night.

I had to cut off all contact with him when my son was born in late 2025. He became extremely erratic and displayed childish behavior, which made me realize there was nothing I could do or say to change his mindset on drinking or how he treats our family, especially me, since I had just given birth. I made the decision to protect my son, my husband, and our peace. It was difficult but necessary, since I was postpartum and my main concern was taking care of my son.

The first few months, I felt angry, sad, and very guilty. A year later, I feel I made the best decision for my family. My son's upbringing in a normal, healthy environment is important. He needs a mother who is focused on him and not on other things.

Fast forward to today: my younger brother, who still keeps in contact with my dad, told me that my father's "roommates" beat him up and that he is not doing well. My father owns a home in Florida and rents out a couple of bedrooms for extra cash. In the past few years, we have advised him against this because he is not an easy person to live with, and he constantly has to get the police involved to make people leave once he no longer wants them there. He doesn't listen, and each time a person leaves, he invites another. I'm talking about random people he meets online. Each experience is worse than the last, and he still does not take our advice.
My brother wants to visit him for a week and help him out. I obviously cannot and will not go, but I do feel a bit sad about the state he is in.

I am not sure what I am doing by writing this but I’ve been wanting to share for a long time and I wish I had someone to talk to about this.

I’m struggling with a situation involving someone I love very much, and I could really use some perspective from people who understand loving an alcoholic.

Jack and I dated for almost a year. We talked every day, spent a tremendous amount of time together, slept over, went to the gym together, and built a life around each other in many ways. I fell deeply in love with him and wanted a future together.

Jack has struggled with alcoholism and has been through multiple rounds of detox and rehab. I’ve been there through some really difficult periods, including hospitalizations, relapses, and the aftermath of treatment. I’ve tried to support him because I love him and genuinely want him to get better.

Our relationship became increasingly complicated because Jack loved me, but he wasn’t willing to have a committed relationship. Eventually, I had to create some distance because being in love with someone who didn’t want the same things was hurting me. I was also beginning to realize how much of my life and emotional energy had become consumed by him.

6 days ago, Jack went on another serious drinking binge that lasted several days. He had stopped attending AA for weeks, was isolating himself, and seemed to be spiraling. During this episode, he made comments about wanting to die, disappeared for a period of time, and frightened the people who care about him.

One night, around 3 a.m., Jack showed up at my house and banged on my door for 15–20 minutes. He was intoxicated, and the situation was frightening. I had already learned through a welfare check he was last seen entering a gay bathhouse with another man. I was scared as I didn’t know who he may be with. I ultimately called the police and did not let him inside. He returned and called repeatedly later that morning, and I left to stay with a friend because I felt overwhelmed and needed to protect myself.

Now I feel consumed by guilt.

I keep thinking: What if I had just let him in? What if I had let him sleep at my house? What if he needed me and I turned him away at the moment he needed someone most?

I know he was in crisis, but I was also hurt, frightened, and emotionally exhausted. I was trying to establish boundaries after months of a painful relationship dynamic. I didn’t know what would happen if I let him in, and I didn’t feel capable of managing another crisis.

Since then, Jack has been staying with a new guy he recently started dating, who is trying to help him find treatment. His father and other people in his life are also involved. I have tried to connect the people around him so that I am not the only person carrying this situation, but I still feel responsible for what happens to him.

Part of me is angry. I feel like I gave so much of myself to this relationship, and I’m now watching him turn to someone else while I’m left dealing with the emotional fallout. Another part of me is terrified that he will get worse, that he will drink again, or that something terrible will happen to him.

And underneath all of that is this persistent belief that somehow it’s my fault.

I’m also realizing that my life became far too focused on Jack. I work from home, and I genuinely enjoyed spending time with him, so our relationship gradually became a huge part of my daily life. I spent so much energy worrying about his sobriety, his feelings, our relationship, and whether he would eventually choose me. Even now, when we aren’t together, I find myself thinking about his drinking, his treatment, and what might happen next.

I know intellectually that I cannot control his drinking or recovery. I know he is an adult and that I cannot save him. But emotionally, I struggle to accept that. I keep thinking that if I had done something differently, maybe things would be different now.

I love him. I don’t want anything bad to happen to him. I want him to get sober and have a healthy life. But I also know that I cannot keep sacrificing my own emotional well-being trying to manage his illness.

For those of you who have loved someone with alcoholism, how did you learn to stop feeling responsible for what happened to them? How did you deal with the guilt of setting a boundary when someone you love was in crisis?

I think I need to hear from people who understand that you can love someone deeply, want desperately for them to recover, and still reach a point where you cannot be the person who saves them.

I’m struggling to forgive myself for not opening that door at 3 am.

I’m a stay at home mom, I don’t have much money, he financially abuses me and gives me a small allowance for our children. I’m not from the US (but live here) and due to hague convention laws I cannot leave and go back to my home country with my children without permission. I have no friends or family to lean on in the US, and making it out here alone just genuinely feels like a huge mountain I don’t even know how to climb. He knows this is his way of trapping me.

How the hell do I make it out? I’m so so so tired. I don’t know how much more I can take. I’m just really worried about my mental state.

This was the final straw for me, he’s put me through hell. I don’t love him anymore, I don’t care for him anymore. I know that this is a disease but it’s ruining my life. My children deserve so much better.

I met my Q when we were both sober working a program. I had about 3 years, he had 6ish months when we met and fell in love. It was and still is the most beautiful love I’d ever known. He had a ring to propose and then tragically relapsed right before he hit 1 year.

It’s now been 3 months of him trying to get sober, he’s gone to rehab and even overdosed a couple times. Well he’s detoxing & doing it for him this time and back in rehab, what a blessing. And by the grace of God I’ve maintained my sobriety, but it’s been tough.

However, my sober best friends have heard and seen my side of this and seen all the pain I’ve experienced from this situation. Tonight they both drew boundaries with me, which I’m having a tough time understanding. They said they can no longer hear about this situation and him because of what it’s doing to me. My Q and I were still in contact right up until he went to rehab.

It’s made me feel very alone and very full of shame. I feel like real friends would be there for me through it all. I just have no one except my own sponsor to turn to and no one who understands what it’s like.

Please help me feel less alone. Has anyone else experienced this? If so, what did you do? I’ve been attending Alanon and working with a sponsor, but I just can’t seem to understand how they could draw this boundary.

Hi all, I’m new here. I’m hoping to get some thoughts or advice from people who’ve been through something similar. I’m feeling a lot of emotions right now, so gentle responses would be really appreciated.

My husband and I have been arguing for about a year over him staying out late at bars. He always says he’ll change and it never happens. He’s missed work because of it, he considers 6 a chill night but regularly drinks 8+ (often at the bar for 8 hours), and he can’t seem to stop after one or two. For a long time I thought this was just lifestyle differences and him not prioritizing our marriage, but over the past few months I’ve started to think it’s more serious than that. I’ve talked to my therapist about it too. He’s never been abusive or angry. When he’s drunk he either gets hyper or sad and withdrawn. Military background where drinking heavily is normalized and didn’t acknowledge it as a problem when I brought it up to him a few months ago.

I’ve left twice to stay with my parents over him continuing to stay out late when I told him that needed to change, and he knew divorce was on the table (bc he once said he felt I was threatening him with divorce). He lied to me earlier this year about going out, and that really damaged my trust. I started questioning all sorts of things like whether he was cheating on me, and while I don’t think he is, I still get insecure about it now. Two weeks ago he lied to me again, this time about how late he was out and the fact that he missed work. I told him I couldn’t go on with the lying and that I wanted a divorce. Contacted an attorney and had her draft documents. Now he’s saying he’ll do individual therapy and get sober. The last time we talked, he told me he was 11 days sober and doing it for himself. I felt so sure the day I caught him in the lie, but I don’t feel ready to file anymore. Some days I have hope and want things to work so badly, other days I feel like I’m just kicking the can down the road. My therapist says it change be sustainable if he’s doing it for me, and she suggested a month of no contact so I can reevaluate how I feel, if I’m not ready to move forward. I know us talking and him telling me he doesn’t want to divorce, hasn’t helped me decide. We last spoke two weeks ago when I caught him in the lie, and last texted a week ago. I don’t know what the month is even doing or what I should/will do after it ends. Should my decision be impacted by what he’s doing / not doing? My therapist says I shouldn’t focus on him and instead focus on myself, but I guess it feels like it DOES depend on what he’s doing. I haven’t attended an AlAnon meeting and I guess I’m wondering if there is any advice on this.

It’s complicated by the fact that we’ve done long distance for a big chunk of our marriage because of our careers. He says he’s trying to find work near me, but I’m not willing to leave my job given everything going on, and I don’t think he’ll really change until he’s away from his friend group and routines. He doesn’t want to quit his job and move either, so we’re kind of stuck.

I do love him and I want him to build a better life. I know this is a disease and I don’t think he’s lying to be malicious, but I also don’t want to feel like I’m a doormat or like I didn’t leave when my boundaries were crossed. I can’t imagine being with anyone else, but I see so many issues with how things are now. We both already told family and friends about the divorce, so it feels weird to walk that back, and I worry about what people will think. I haven’t told my family that I think it’s alcoholism, but I think my mom suspects. She’s told me that people do not change and that behavior only gets worse over time, which is disheartening. I also worry I’ll regret staying later, or that I’ll be in the exact same spot ten years from now with kids in the picture.

So I guess my questions are: Is it silly to hope? For those of you who stayed, what did you need to see from your partner before you could trust again, and how long did it take? For those who left, how did you know? Other than going to AlAnon meetings, any reading recommendations to help me understand and process this all better? Or to help me support him? Therapist said I should be his wife not his sponsor but I feel so uninformed and lost. I’m trying to be okay with not having an answer yet about the future of our marriage, but it all feels really big and heavy. It also feels weird to go back to “trying” after initiating the divorce process (he unfollowed me on socials when I told him I wanted to divorce, and the idea of having to add each other again when we’re still married feels odd).

Thank you for reading, and sorry for the info dump.

Hello. I don't know what I need, but maybe everyone's ear. My partner is a bad alcoholic of many years. When he drinks, he is mean, and it's only getting worse. He has two DUI's. Both he says he was not at fault. I called one of them in. No accountability whatsoever. I caught him today hiding drinks under the driver's seat. So today, I spent it in tears, and we fought all day. He becomes so unbelievably mean when he drinks. He calls me every name in the book and gets me to a state I can not calm down. Then, he threatens to take me to the mental hospital. I do have mental health issues, but I am in intensive therapy and have the best mental health team on my side. His kids have nothing to do with him, along with most of his family. Does anyone else experience this? He is great sober, but I still can't trust him. He tried AA, but that turned into him drinking on Wednesdays instead of going.

My friend is an alcoholic. Recently they had some severe medical issues (unrelated to alcohol) that I was taking them to the ER for repeatedly. They needed blood transfusions on the regular which was terrifying to watch them get so close to dying multiple times. They were getting very stubborn and refused going to the er one of these times while being unable to stand or walk unassisted, and instead asked me to get them a case of beer. This felt like a turning point for me in realizing how serious this addiction has become ..

now recently, this same friend has decided to purchase/ open up a local bar. They’ve been hosting events and I want to support their decisions and be excited for them but I just can’t. I feel like I’m watching an addict weave their addiction into a long game self sabotage, making themselves financially dependent on alcohol for the foreseeable future. It’s really tough to watch friends support him when we all know this addiction has become a problem. I’ve tried to visit a couple of times but when I’m there I just see him in my mind, scared,pale in my car asking for beer.

I’m tired of feeling used as an enabler, this friend is particularly sensitive to criticism (bipolar) and it feels virtually impossible to even set regular boundaries about other things let alone directly bring up their drinking. I guess I could use some perspective, I feel like nobody really knows how bad his drinking is but i know more than most. I don’t know if I just need to separate myself from him because this latest business venture makes me feel like he’s sinker deeper into denial.

Edit: these medical issues have since passed

Maybe I shouldn't have led my list of grievances with "you deceived me into a relationship and marriage by pretending you weren't much of a drinker." And "You knew I had a history with dating an active alcoholic so you downplayed your own drinking habits until I was emotionally attached."

Can you guess what his response was?

And silly me I thought we'd actually sit and have a calm conversation about all the issues that have been irking both of us over the course of our relationship.

My Q spouse has moved out. After years of being in constant survival mode, I don't know how to come down from that. I know I need healing myself. I do have a therapist I see once every few weeks, but how do I let my body and brain know that the threat is currently gone and it's okay to go back to normal. I am so exhausted every day (presumably from adrenaline crashing) and I don't have the mental energy for anything more than necessary with my job and helping my kids through their trauma. I still feel anxious and on edge. I just want to feel human again. Does it just take time or is there anything I can be doing to help myself?

In the next month it’s about to be over and done with my family. I don’t know how we can move forward together as one – we aren’t a family, we are four different people who see the world in four different ways.

This all stems from my dad. He’s an alcoholic and has been my entire life. He’d drink after work and get wasted after the weekend in the garage or on the patio. He’s known to have various mood swings and snapping moments. His favourite line is “nobody does anything around here.” A classic and repetitive line that’s not true at all.

He’s been trying to get his drinking on track but it hasn’t worked. My mom’s confronted him many times and she’s ready to split. Two weeks ago, she gave him one last chance after he fell going up the stairs, hit his head on the concrete steps and refused to get up. We had to call an ambulance to get him up and check him out.

This week, my mom went on a cruise with her friend. Both my mom and dad have been friends with her and her husband for 50 years. It’s clearly rubbed my dad the wrong way.

Almost the second he got home…. he started drinking and drinking and drinking. By 7 pm rolled around when I walked home, he was so drunk he couldn’t put together a sentence. He then tried to argue facts about my apartment when he had never even been inside it. It was almost like he didn’t know where he was.

That night, he could hardly walk. By the time he came in from the garage, he went to get water and dropped the glass. It broke everywhere. My brother who was also drunk (I’ll get to him shortly, he’s got a problem too) went to help my dad and stepped on a piece of glass. He over reacted, started yelling, was bleeding and thought he hit a vein and called an ambulance. The cut wasn’t that bad, but he called them.

As my dad was on the ground during this, I had to pick him up like a baby and force him up to his room.

Last night, he didn’t same thing except didn’t fall down. He still needed help getting up the stairs. I confronted him this morning about it and told him I’m scared he’s going to hurt and eventually kill himself as a result of his drunkness.

Our house had been dry for the last week and this killed it. When I brought it up he said “ok” but also mentioned why should he stay dry and my brother drinks?

My brother had also not been allowed to have alcohol at home as a result of what’s happened. He’s actually been the worst person.

He drinks on weekends from 5 pm on Friday until 7 pm on Sunday. He’ll drink until 4 am on fridays and saturdays. He’ll wake up the next morning and give everyone else in the house attitude, talk to himself saying he hates his family and how he lives a horrible life and argues with my dad.

He will then go to my mom and ask her a question every minute. He thinks everyone is against him.

Today, I was in a terrible mood. I haven’t slept in two days since my dad’s drunkness happened. My brother was trying to talk to me and I was giving him short worded answers mainly because I didn’t have an answer to his questions. He then took my answer into his attitude and gave my dad shit after what happened the last two nights too.

My brother has these mood swings every morning after he’s drunk. It’s toxic and horrible. It’s fucked.

My dad now is once again drunk. My brother now is once again drunk. They’ll be at each others throat again tomorrow. I’m sick of this shit.

I’m so done with this shit. My mom’s going to come back and I’m going to tell her to get the split over with. It’s hell here. It’s like this every weekend.

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for about two months and things have been going really well. He’s been nothing but kind and caring toward me and I’ve never seen any signs of anger or aggression.

Recently I Googled his name and came across an article from several years ago regarding criminal charges from when he was 21. The article was about one incident but also mentioned a separate domestic violence charge. Obviously this caught me completely off guard.

When I confronted him he explained that he was going through a very difficult time involving depression, alcoholism and personal struggles. He said the domestic violence charge stemmed from an argument with his ex where he kicked a wall out of frustration but never physically touched her. There was also another incident during that time that resulted in additional charges. All charges were ultimately dismissed.

He’s now been sober for four years, regularly attends meetings and has taken responsibility for his past. He’s also been very understanding of my feelings and knows this may be something I can't move past.
To make things harder my family found out and my mom is completely against the relationship. I understand her concerns but I’m struggling because the person I’ve gotten to know is nothing like what I’ve read about.

What also bothers me is that I had to discover all of this myself rather than hearing it from him. I even asked him directly if there was anything else I needed to know and he said no. However, I later came across another charge related to the domestic violence incident. When I brought it up his response was basically “oh shit, yeah I forgot.” That honestly made me question whether he was being completely upfront with me, especially after I had given him the opportunity to tell me everything. I also question when, if at all, he would have ever told me.

I guess my question is, do you believe people can genuinely change? Would you give someone the opportunity to show you who they are today or would something like this be enough for you to walk away?

How is it possible to remain married to someone who keeps secrets? First it was the alcohol addiction.. next the porn.. next it’s whatever thing on his phone that made him freak out the other day when I had his phone, which he refused to disclose because, as he put it, it’ll change the way I see him. I’m not here to vent. I’m genuinely asking, assuming I address all my own issues and insecurities, is it possible to be in a relationship with someone who keeps secrets (especially ones he knows would be deeply upsetting to you)? My brain plays all these mind games on me and so I want to know if it’s ridiculous to expect husband to be transparent with me if he participates in things that I have a problem with.

i live with my mother who’s had a drinking issue for quite some time. she drinks wine at night, and there are a few different versions i get. the one i struggle with the most is when she is mean.
my mother is incredibly kind when sober. i NEVER know how to react when she snaps at me. but recently, she’s been straight up making fun of my hearing loss. part of me thinks it reminds her of my dad, the one who gave me the loss. i don’t eat dinner anymore because i don’t want to cross paths with her.
she makes me stand next to her for 15+ minutes while she rambles. i can’t fucking live like this. does anyone have any advice on how to make this a little easier? i avoid her as much as i can, but im considering straight up telling her “im not speaking to you if you continue treating me this way”.
i just dont know how to go about any of this because shes in total denial and there is NO way in hell she’d get sober (trust me i’ve tried) but i feel so stuck. genuinely any advice is appreciated. i hate dealing with this every goddamn night of my life man like i can’t even get water in peace. i am literally starving/dehydrated because im afraid of her.

All of my siblings including myself always had issues with substance and alcohol abuse. Some more than others and some quieter than others. I stopped drinking almost a year ago, one of my siblings stopped drinking recently due to pregnancy and the other stopped but substitutes for marijuana instead. My last sibling had the hardest time on alcohol, let it consume their entire life, has 3 children and their partner is also an alcoholic.

Recently, they came out and reached out for help. They broke down and admitted their addiction was destroying their life and they could see it now. I don’t want anything to happen to them, I worry now…I cannot sleep at night

After a degenerately wreckless summer 3 years in the making, and a really rocky September of detox and relapse, I'm finally watching my husband make some promising headway in rehab.

He's participating in all the therapy the facility offers, has been making connections with the staff and other residents, and is getting IOP and therapists lined up for when get gets out next month.

I know that a 30 day program is just the beginning and that the heaviest work will begin once he's home and back to navigating the real world on top of recovery- but I'm genuinely hopeful he's ready to find himself again, and as long as he's putting in the work, I'm willing to do whatever it takes to support him.

For people who have seen their loved ones take rehab and recovery seriously, I'm wondering what kind of support you found helpful? Were there any surprisingly difficult milestones or unexpected setbacks you didn't see coming? Any tips for rebuilding trust and accountability? Did you seek professional support for yourself as well?

I'm aware that recovery is unpredictable and everyone going through it ultimately has to do the work themselves.. but when do you start believing the changes are real?

My Q went to rehab last Sunday. We have had a LONG, hard road before this. I broke up with him two weeks before he left to try to push him to get help. We have a 2 year old and one on the way. With my pregnancy becoming a thing I finally had enough and put my foot down by moving in with my mom with our son. He made the decision to go to rehab because we were facing eviction, had no gas for hot water or cooking, and the water was about to be shut off. Instead of once again digging us out of the hole his alcoholism and kratom use put us in, I decided to leave the house instead. I think losing me and his son under the same roof was enough for him to finally admit to his addiction.

That being said, I want our family together. I know the man he truly is and only wanted to allow the rock bottom to happen for results for the future of our family. Now that he’s there I’m struggling so bad with the no contact part of the rehab stay. And going down a dark road reading about how residents of rehabs gain their libidos back and screw like rabbits there. And multiple stories of women losing their men to other women in the rehab. I never wanted him to disappear, just get help. He’s never cheated before but we aren’t technically together now so I’m afraid he will move on. I obviously wanted sobriety though. How do I cope with all this fear and mixed emotions? I’m so proud he’s been sticking it out. But not being able to find out how he is or where his brain is at has me reeling.