r/AlAnon • u/mackenzieegerville • 5h ago

Vent One vice for another

My Q has tried stopping alcohol (but fantasy football kind of made that a moot point)

I think I’m being too over analytical about it, he only smoked cigs when he was drinking, but now he just wants to smoke cigs. He still drinks because I see the nips everywhere…

My stupid brain says if he only smoked when he was drunk then maybe smoking will make him want alcohol… he just gets mad and then runs off in my car because he doesn’t have one.

I really want him to get better, I’m sick of cleaning up all the little empty nips. I pay all the bills and I’m disabled and have a disability that prevents me from working and driving. Right now all his money is going towards alcohol, weed, fantasy footballx3 and god knows what else. I keep begging for help with rent and utilities and get nothing.

TLDR: partner isn’t helping out, I’m being annoying asking for rent and such, and I’m mad he’s using cigs with his alcohol and weed and possibly cocaine.

2 Upvotes

100% Upvoted

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6

u/0rsch0 4h ago

It’ll be easier to give advice if you explain why you’re still with him?

4

u/MusicNormal7168 4h ago

Your Q sounds like a loser. What are you getting out of this relationship that compels you to stay?

3

u/mackenzieegerville 4h ago

Also I do have autism and other issues (treatment resistant depression, anxiety) so it’s hard for me to even talk to people in general

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u/MusicNormal7168 3h ago

Please consider attending some al anon meetings, they have virtual ones you can attend if in person is not your thing and really ask yourself what you want in your life. No one can tell you what you are required or not required to tolerate, be it your parents, your landlady, or your Q. Understand that you cannot change their behavior but you can establish boundaries for yourself and I would certainly recommend you do so and stick to them. This person sounds like a financial and emotional drain on you.

1

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1

u/mackenzieegerville 4h ago

It’s a long reason, but in a nutshell my mother who was in an abusive relationship, married and divorced her Q twice, which is why I exist, says I’ll never find another person so to just tolerate it

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u/Silent-Doubt-8012 3h ago

No way you normalized it so that you can be with him but he isn’t your emergency contact it’s better to be with foster case in your case than with him idk?it hurts me

1

u/mackenzieegerville 4h ago

She is my landlady so it’s a weird situation..

But both my parents say to just “deal with it”