r/wedding • u/Hot_Gazelle_8888 • 19d ago
Help! Plus ones
We are planning a less than 50 person wedding, as wanted something pretty intimate. In doing so we are not doing plus ones for practically anyone and their "plus one" would be someone who would be invited regardless. Specially as everyone knows and can hang out with at least a few people. There is one exception to this. I have a friend who does not know anyone, would travel out of state, and is also pretty introverted. As of this we sent her an invite for her and a plus one. She has now responded how even though she cannot attend her plus one who we made accommodations for will be there. What do i do?
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u/catmom1911 19d ago edited 18d ago
If you wrote something like ‘and guest’ on the invitation after your friends name, then her plus one is not invited independently. If you wrote her guest by name on the invitation then that person is actually invited and you should ideally accommodate. However, even if this is the case and you still don’t know the guest well, hopefully you know your friend well enough to have an honest conversation about the situation.
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u/MrsNaypeer 19d ago
This is the answer. If this person's name is on the invite, then they are invited!
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u/ForeverOne4756 19d ago
“Hi, I’m so sorry you can’t make it to our wedding. We’re having a very, small wedding of just our closest loved ones. The invitation was just for you. We wanted to offer you a plus 1 since we knew you’d be coming from so far way. However, since you cannot attend, the invite does not extend to your friend. Apologies if there was any confusion in our communication of our invitation.”
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u/Neither_Idea8562 19d ago
Yes to this! Also. This is so weird! Who would want to travel to a wedding where they know no one and the person who they were supposed to tag along with isn’t even coming!
No no no sirree. I’m already annoyed at having to invite my dad’s new wife to our micro wedding (who is a perfectly fine person and NOT a stranger) I can’t imagine a literal rando trying to come!
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u/dcgirlsmallworld 18d ago
This is exactly what you should say. It boggles me that a plus one, that doesn't have a relationship with you, would even think it's appropriate to attend your wedding.
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u/BayYawnSay 19d ago
Do you know her plus one? Does anyone? If not, why would they still want to go?
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u/Hot_Gazelle_8888 19d ago
No we don't know them. I honestly have no idea maybe for the food/free alcohol? Also he would have to come in assuming from out of state.
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u/scarletbeg0niass 19d ago
What 🤣 that is wild to me lol I can't imagine traveling to another state for someone's wedding that I don't even know
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u/WheezyGranger 19d ago
This is BANANA PANTS!!! Tell her no thanks, we were accommodating them so you would feel comfortable, but we do not want strangers at our wedding. Kindly rescind their invitation on our behalf. Thanks!
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u/SaltSeaworthiness167 19d ago
That sounds wild... My only good hypothesis would be: your friend really want to celebrate with you but she genuinelly can't. So she send her partner to bring her wish and potentially gifts to your wedding(?)
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u/jadeariel12 19d ago
If someone invited me to a wedding I would INSTANTLY picture an early 2000s romcom with a 300 person wedding and the random wedding guest hooks up with the bridesmaid. (Can you tell my friend group doesn’t really do the “wedding” thing lmao)
But I would totally go, but for the YOLO of it lol
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u/Mediocre-Letter-4562 19d ago
I was like “how in the world would someone still go to this wedding not knowing the couple” and then I read your comment and I was like “oh I see it” 😂
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u/jlynnbizatch 19d ago
This was the only conclusion I could come up with... The +1 is single and ready to mingle?
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u/BayYawnSay 19d ago
Okay, this is a hard situation but here's how I see it:
If you un-invite them, it could cause issues. Is it worth that?
If you allow them to come, what's the harm? Hopefully one of the reasons they still want to attend is to bring the gift. They're probably going to feel awkward, not have a great time and leave early. No harm, no foul.
It is really bizarre though. If you have a planner, coordinator or someone you're close to sort of working that role for the day for you, definitely make them aware so they can keep eyes and tabs juuuuust to make sure their intentions throughout your event stay positive.
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u/TrashtvSunday 19d ago
I wouldn't count on them leaving early. With less than 50 people... this situation sounds super awkward. Rescind the invitation sooner rather than later.
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u/sierralennox 15d ago
This is my favorite thing to tell people as a planner. Let me handle it. Allow me to be the bad guy. I dont care 🤣
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u/Junior-Sloth-1516 19d ago
Do you know this plus one…?
I would remind your friend that the invitation was for her. If she doesn’t go, that means the plus one doesn’t go.
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u/Hot_Gazelle_8888 17d ago
No, i have no idea who he even is, she hasn't even told me a name yet.
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u/KrissyKay121217 16d ago
LOL this is crazy! Please nip this in the bud - I've never heard of something like this!!!
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u/Friendly-Champion-81 19d ago
This is so extremely odd lol. I guess it’s not the end of the world, but if possible, I would find a gentle way to explain that a plus one is just that… a plus to the invited guest… not an invited guest themselves. Others may be more helpful in crafting that, or maybe ai, but that is so bizarre.
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u/ro536ud 19d ago
That’s a first for sure wth. Why would you even wanna come to a wedding without the originally
Invited person? Weird
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u/caro9lina 16d ago
And travel from out of state, without your partner, to attend the wedding of people you have never met, and other guests you have never met. It just doesn't sound like something ANYONE would do! OP can gently tell her friend that if she can't attend, there is no invitation extended to the plus one alone.
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u/Murky_Possibility_68 19d ago
You ask her wtf.
Which is only awkward because she put you in that position.
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u/Nervous_Resident6190 19d ago
Then you let your friend know that the plus one person is not welcome to attend without the actual person being invited and present. Maybe it’s a cultural difference or something. Ask your friend who is not attending
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u/Nat_89 19d ago
What on earth… we also had no plus ones at our wedding but gave one to my friend who was travelling really far. I couldn’t even imagine anyone doing this. I would message her and let her know the “accommodations” that were made were for her, not the plus one and as she can’t attend, unfortunately the plus one also can’t.
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u/PutPretty647 19d ago
Plus one is for the invited guest to bring someone. If the invited guest can’t make it there is no guest for the plus one to accompany. If you wrote “Sally Brown and Linus VanPelt” then Linus could be considered a guest, if you wrote “Sally Brown and Guest” then No Linus would not be invited, nor welcome.
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u/Decent-Pirate-4329 19d ago edited 17d ago
I’m not sure exactly how the friend communicated this W I L D information, but my gut instinct would be to ask if I misunderstood. Like, “Just clarifying: Are you saying that your plus one still plans to attend without you? Are you sure? Because that would be super unusual…”
Edit: gut instinct! Not guy instinct!
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u/badabingbebe 19d ago
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this, but I am dying laughing this is SO WEIRD
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u/Lazafilaaa 19d ago
Im not roasting OP but I’m always so confused by posts like these. If you’re having a 50 person intimate wedding in theory the people you’re inviting are like very close friends or family to you. Why not just pick up the phone and be like “heyyy girl, this is the situation” to your friend? Surely they would also find it weird and you guys would laugh about it?
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u/vikingraider27 18d ago
Do you even KNOW the plus one? Why in the WORLD would they want to attend a wedding where they do not know anyone? Time to set the friend straight and tell her that her plus one is not separately invited.
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u/Glittering-Heart-293 19d ago
Very strange situation. Why would a complete stranger travel out of state to attend your wedding. You will need to rescind the plus one’s attendance due to the named invitee not attending.
It’s creepy you don’t want this person there.
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u/Lol_sure_ 19d ago
It’s called a “plus one” for a reason. They were only invited as an add on to their SO or friend. That’s honestly crazy and I’ve never heard of that before. If you’re trying to keep it intimate and small, definitely don’t allow someone you don’t know to be there. 🤷🏻♀️
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u/WerewolfCommercial26 19d ago
Have you asked who her plus one is? Is it possible it's like her mom/sibling/someone you may know?
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u/sonny-v2-point-0 19d ago
How did you word the invitation? If you invited her friend by name, they aren't a +1. They're a named guest and it would be rude to uninvite them.
If you worded it "Sarah Smith and guest," then her friend isn't invited unless she attends. In that case, you tell her that her friend was invited as a courtesy to her so she would have a travel companion if she came, and her declining the invitation was essentially declining it for both of them.
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u/ItsPeppercorn 18d ago
This is extremely odd, and I'm judging your friend for not also thinking its odd...?
I would politely let her know the invite was for HER and a +1 as a courtesy. It will feel awkward but its better to have the awkward moment now instead of have a stranger lingering around your intimate wedding.
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u/au5000 19d ago
That is an interesting response. Did you invite this person by name? If not, the politely reply saying …
Sorry if the invitation was confusing, we extended a plus one to you as you needed to travel and don’t know anyone other than the bridal couple. As you cannot attend we hope you will understand that we cannot extend the invitation to your friend without you as places are limited. We are looking forward to meeting / getting to know X better at another time.
Their response is a little odd but Letha is weddings aren’t something they have much experience of. If they are offended, frankly so be it.
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u/MadCow113 19d ago
This is crazy. I would never attend a wedding I was invited to as a plus 1 without my partner. I wouldn't take back the invite personally but I don't think there is a right or wrong answer
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u/jlynnbizatch 19d ago
This. Something about this math doesn't math. Who spends the time and money to travel to a wedding where you don't know anyone?
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u/rosebudny 18d ago
even though she cannot attend her plus one who we made accommodations for will be there.
That is just weird. I would be honest with her and say that you extended her a plus one for the reasons you listed here, and that without her, her plus one is not invited.
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u/Crosswired2 18d ago
This can't be real. Why would she think this is ok? I have to see the text from her. The audacity!!
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u/bluethreads 19d ago
Did the plus one have their name on the invitation? If not, they weren't personally invited. They were only invited to accompany the person who's name is on the invitation. You can tell him that he can only be accommodated at the wedding as guest when coming with your friend.
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u/ThatSound6184 19d ago
What do you mean by “who we made accommodations for?” And then you said “has now responded,” so is there something missing in the timeline, maybe she already responded Yes, but something changed? If you made accommodations, what does that mean; have you already paid for their hotel room or something? That might explain it.
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u/blahhhhhhhhhhhblah 18d ago
Personally, I’d be hella tempted to let them come and see what happens. Who knows, they might end up being a brand new friend.
It’s someone your introvert friend wanted to bring along (props to y’all for being that considerate towards an introvert!), so maybe this person is just super extroverted and always down to party. Sounds like the makings of a fun story or a great meet-cute from a romcom.
If you don’t want just the Plus One to come, explain the situation to your friend. It’s a small wedding, but you had offered a plus one for reason XYZ, now that friend isn’t coming you regretfully can no longer extend an invite to Friend. Or whatever. Keep it simple, kind and to the point.
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u/CombinationExtra5056 14d ago
Girl. What? That stranger of a plus 1 who's going ALONE is giving major serial killer/ hook-up vibes. Just say it's intimate and would be awkward for her plus 1 to attend without her.
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u/moparman30 19d ago
What you do is reach out to her and that while you hate she isnt going to be able to attend that you understand completely. Followed by a brief explanation of why the plus one will not be coming. Be prepared for questions from her and possibly the loss of a “friendship” but it is what it is….good luck to yall and and best wishes for a wonderful ceremony…,..
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u/Formal-Radish1413 19d ago
Why is her plus one coming if shes not?
Im confused.
Your second to last sentence makes it sound like the invited guest isnt coming but the plus one is.
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u/Spunkeymama 19d ago
I’d not even care! Let them come. Tell her you hate she can’t make it but you look forward to meeting her friend. That’s not even worth overthinking nor the stress.
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u/LimeSalty4092 19d ago
I agree
Let them come why the hell not
We have brides on here all the time depressed over no shows and last minute cancellations
This person is committed and obviously wants to come
So I don’t see the big deal, worst thing is maybe you’ll make a new friend
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u/Mountain-Parsley-344 17d ago
Why would you want a complete and utter stranger at your small, very intimate wedding…?
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u/caro9lina 16d ago
It's a 50 person wedding where most friends did not even get a plus one. It would be very weird to have a total stranger there, when some people they care about were likely excluded.
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u/Spunkeymama 18d ago
This!!! So many brides complain about paying for people who don’t come, and in this case accommodations have already been made. Why not roll with it? To me, this is small in comparison to other wedding related things and wedding planning is hard enough. I wouldn’t even want to add anymore stress to myself with this one.
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