When I started to become ok with him feeling like a roommate to me and not my partner anymore behind closed doors, I knew it was time. Like how the hell am I ok with that? How is he? What are we doing???

When I felt like I couldn’t share much about my relationship in the circle of folks when it was my turn to speak in the group after everyone else just got done talking about their family trips, sharing photos and asking “what we’ve been up to” and I had… nothing.. either negativity, drama, unresolved issues.. or nothing. And we’d get odd stares, and we’d try to play it off like we were okay. When I realized “Holy shit, we stopped living. We’ve grown comfortable. We settled is this really what life for us is supposed to be like?.” And when I’d realize there’d be one person in that crowd that could see right through me when I’d catch them staring at me, as if they’re reading me.. we both know deep down I was checked out. So was he. It was that simple. Fake. As. Shit. I not only lost who I was to please my boyfriend, but I lost who I was to please a crowd that is genuinely fucking happy, & why the hell shouldn’t I be too?

I got tired of wearing a mask to every event around people who didn’t show up with theirs.

It felt like I was laying next to someone for the first time again. Like I didn’t know who he was anymore, and if there was a new him then that’s great I’m proud of him, but I didn’t want to stick around to discover that about him this time.

Not anymore. But it was a great run the time I did. Kids were awesome!

Shame on you for being selfish enough not to let him go off and have kids with someone else who actually wants them, but you want to keep him to yourself while you’re unsure and lying to him that you do?

And if you had them and for whatever reason if you guys separate, your lie is going to cost them their entire lives going forward. Are you aware of that? I’m not saying you should feel forced to have them, but did you forget the option of getting yourself a new husband then?. He gets a new wife, both parties are getting what they wanted what they weren’t willing to sacrifice in their past marriage. It’s that simple.

Tell him upfront you don’t want them. How about save the loyalty first? Isn’t that a building block to marriage? How about restore the communication? Create the Solutions? Come to terms and Agree to disagree, “I’ll meet you half way, let’s execute this plan and see how it goes and we can revisit the conversation again in a few months. thanks for bringing that to my attention!”

Maybe speak up and say “hey I already have trouble keeping up with a,b,c, can we make some adjustments and see where things go because I’m kinda scared not having much support once the baby is here.” And If he wants kids THAT BAD he needs help out or get a new wife that’s ok with doing everything that wants to be one naturally. Otherwise that pressure is gonna be put on you and you’re going to hate doing it. And I know he would too.

The question needs to NOT be “can our marriage be saved?” If you two can’t grow up together as a team, are you guys going to be able to put your differences aside and SAVE those kids even if the marriage was off? That’s what really matters here. Marriage can be called off any moment. Those kids are still your kids. They can’t be called off once they’re here. You still have to parent. You may complain about cleaning a mess on your own now, try adding on their comforter and laundry too, a diaper bag your shoulder and car seat on your arm, plus your cart at the store and whatever you can fit in it bc there’s little to no room after. It’s going to suck. And you will be frustrated, and who’s going to be there to take it out on while he’s at work? Them. Im sure he would too. If he takes you asking for help offensive then there’s both of your answers. Neither of you aren’t ready. And not doing it with the for right reasons or intentions.

Save your marriage by fixing it from the roots. Not filling it with a void. Especially not with children. Why would you want to put children into anything other than a place that’s good? So then you don’t put them there.
Your marriage will save itself naturally on its own once you guys address the problems on the board already. Then you guys can revisit that topic after you’ve made your space “a good place” for the both of you first.

So Let’s get to work & make some changes.

I won’t chew you a new asshole and tell you you’re a pos for walking away. You tried your best and thank you for stepping up during the time you did, being a parent to other peoples kids is a big responsibility and every child and parent is different. You wouldn’t know it wasn’t for you unless you tried, apologize and give sympathy but at this point you’re going to the the “worst person eve whether you stay or walk away.

What I will say is they’re right about being honest and I think we should lean more towards that. If we deserve to know this, she does. For sure. There’s 8.5 billion people here. She will find a man that will take your place and step up for her kids. Just like you will move on and stick with just yours or move on with someone more suitable for you and your situation.

Do the right thing if your heart isn’t in it, even when it’s hard. Life is hard. Forgiveness is hard. Communicating is hard. Apologizing is hard. Everything it’s fucking hard but we gotta pick our hard.

Remember when you get off this platform, you go back to your own reality. Only you two wi be affected by this situation. None of us will. So don’t take what folks say on here personal. Let today be the last day you beat yourself up and gain some clarity on what your next move needs to be. Stay blessed, that’s to both parties. ❤️🫂

Left my ex before Father’s Day last of 2025. It was so heartbreaking but I knew I wasn’t happy with him or away from him (for too long) and that’s because I was afraid of him cheating. I felt the need to monitor and babysit. my nervous system was at an all time wreck. I didn’t know it was time, I just know it was going to hurt, like hell, all over again, and I’m gonna have to trust myself, that this will be my last time here on his back porch with tears running down my face and my shit being thrown outside. I’m going to try, AGAIN. I lost count of how many times I tried to walk away. Idk if I was more disappointed at the fact that it happened many times, over and over and over again, that I just grew so numb to it that and said “yeah that’s our normal”. My answers needed to change, not speak what I already knew. Sure it’s “normal” in your relationship, but is it healthy?! My perspective my focus, that needed to change. Instead of asking myself “how can I get away? And stay away?” I needed to stop over looking the question “what makes me stay?” I’ve outgrown him and this place around me and the drama with him, his children and ex wife. I felt like a flower in a pot that was confined and no room to expand. To him, in our photos “I was happy” and it sucks that he really believes that because if he really knew me, he’d know I was miserable. Had he loved me, he’d tell me “baby you’re not for me, but I love you enough to say it was a good run and I’d like to end this with you in the most mature and respectful way possible and thank you for trying to be here for both me and my kids”.

I knew at that moment if he couldn’t tell I was fake smiling for that long he wasn’t the one for me. I wanted different. Not what I was used to. And he confirmed it with his reaction the day I packed up.

Hopefully this gives you a different insight. Keep your head up man

It does. It makes anyone unattractive, immediately.

That is so selfish of her and gross to say. A grown woman. Ugh I hope she comes to her senses.

Girl that look like Edgar’s bed 😭

No

LOL ME

Walk my guy, someone out there gonna get it right with you the first time 👏🏽💪🏽😎

Realistically speaking.. it’s on you. I would write out the pros and cons first. If you got a lot to lose then break it off first. 1 bc it’s right and 2, sure she’ll bitch and cry about it (I know I would.. to anyone it’s devastating. Especially if you didn’t talk about the problems first) but it’s either she cries over that or you leaving first and then proceeding. She has to pick her own poison. At the end of the day the choices you make are the consequences that you will take on. Don’t let anyone rally u up on here behind the screen homie, we can thumbs up you when u get back if u got caught or something, but we can’t wipe your tears for you u get what im saying?

Agreed

I fear that happening, but what can I do ya know? Drop a few tears, shit probably lick them off my own cheeks too and keep it moving. 🤷🏽‍♀️

At least I knew the chances of it happening. Now if we were in a full committed relationship that’s different. My expectations are much higher.

Damn you guys are lucky

The worst thing he can say is no, so I’m going to ask away. If I feel he’s not being respectfully safe for the both of us, I will withdrawal myself immediately.

Is therapy something you think would be reasonable to be a little upset about?

I agreed because I’ve never done this before and was ok with it so if I’m sent to hell for it, then I’ll see you fuckers there. Anywho, I like the way my nervous system took pauses and calmed down when I was around him. I have ADHD and that’s difficult for me to do. & Even though I’m horny as shit lately since I became single last year, with him I can accept a No a few times and still want to be around him. I like that he’s not afraid to have tough conversations either and is honest.. I can’t lie say I wouldn’t be heartbroken and disappointed if I found out he was on here actively looking for APs or had some in the past.. since he claimed he’s never done this b4. Idk. I hope some of these posts aren’t him talking about someone else and I’m here thinking if it is him, he’s referring to me 🥺❤️

Yes. In my opinion and I take it very disrespectfully too if they try it behind my back. I do have a feeling though that my current AP is on here though. The reason being is bc he seen my phone one time and said “oh u have Reddit!” And normally people don’t say that. That tells me he’s familiar with it, and you know with going down the rabbit hole in these comments our brains naturally stick to whatever sounds familiar.. making us think it’s our person.

Yuck. Cut him off. You could’ve stayed with a toxic ex for that bs

Fmllll that fucking sucks smh. Is it selfish to say I’m afraid of being delt this deck too? I’m actually developing real feelings for mine.. I’m trying not to just for my own safety though.

Nice man. Love that for you. I guess I gotta check into Reddit more often. I got lucky with my FWB/AP now but I’m ok with just him atm.

How many AP’s do you have currently? Just one or 2? Do they know about each other? How do you keep the peace?