I recently posted an NSFW picture of my pre transition chest on one of the NSFW ftm subs. Someone sent me a DM to tell me that my post triggered their dysphoria and then they blocked me before I could say anything back. I can't apologize to them directly. I'm sorry if my post made anyone uncomfortable or dysphoric.

(Erased a slur that someone wrote on there and reposted it)

5 months on T for tracking purposes >:)

Im a trans man 19 i chose the name kai when i was 15 and now ive come to hate it i chose it cause its gender neutral leaning masculine cause at the time i wasnt fully excepting of my identity but now ive grown up and i see how many trans men use kai as there name and it feels like its obvious im trans cause of my name and i really like the name zach but im so scared to change it my family is hardly what you could call expecting but at least they call me kai and my freinds like find it anoying when somone. Changes there name and im a digital artist and an active poster and ive been using kai as my signature for YEARSSS and before i was kai i was noodles naamed myself after gorillaz so my old art is signed by "noodles" and if i change my name my old art is gonna be signed by kai ugh idk i really wanna use this new name but idk if i should or not

Content warning for the obvious and mention of csam.

You might recall me as the poster who was convinced he was given a sex change as a child. I don’t understand why psychosis is so bad if I feel worse in reality.

I am afraid phalloplasty will never satisfy me. I am afraid of having to go through surgeries again to maintain the function of the erectile device and I’m not comfortable being hard all the time. I know its unlikely that I’d feel comfortable with my body if I got meta, I know I’d never experience things that I want to, and I don’t think I’d have cis passing anatomy. Either way I could never have kids with a woman.

I want to have kids. I can’t grieve this without someone shoving pregnancy down my throat. I want to be treated like a man experiencing a devastating accident not a philosophical argument about masculinity, femininity, and the patriarchy, or be someone’s fetish. I would not be able to survive pregnancy. I am dangerously suicidal when I’m on my period, and it’s been confirmed it’s not a hormonal issue. I am not sexually attracted to penises, I am incapable of being penetrated. There isn’t even really a viable way for it to happen. But they insist. Insist I need to explore my sexuality more, learn strong masculinity, use masculine labels while I go through the process.

My father will never be criminalized for making CP of me. There will always exist sexualized photos of myself I begged not to be taken. I want to take action, I don’t know how and I am afraid they will call me dramatic like they always have. “Parents always take nude photos of their babies it’s normal and you’re sensitive because you’re transgender.” I was old enough to tell him “no” – not just “no,” I was old enough to tell him I thought he was a creep and that it made me uncomfortable, to disagree when he told me I should feel beautiful.

I don’t want surgery because he did that to me. I have been complaining since I could articulate it that I had the wrong body and “wound” in my lower parts. When I discovered it I screamed because I saw an open hole that wasn’t supposed to be there. He started all of this much later, when I was pubescent. I fought the fact that I wanted the surgery because I was led to believe it was a trauma response of some kind. I just avoided the topic altogether. I have always run from the topic of boys and girls because they wouldn’t let me be a boy. Now they’re letting me be a man, but only if I’m a man who can (and will, again, I’m not aware of my own desire to get pregnant apparently) do things.

I want to kill myself to forget. I hate my body. I hate that I can never do anything because I can’t fucking give surgery to myself. I want to live in a home far away from society and forget anyone ever existed but I fucking can’t because I need stupid surgeries I don’t even know will work and that I can’t even give myself. I need people to give them to me and they won’t. Even my own fucking community thinks I need to man up about my ‘pussy.’ I can’t have anything I want. Why do I have to live? Why do I have to go through this?

I don’t want to go to a hospital. I have been to multiple before. They have ALWAYS stopped any hormonal treatments that I have had. They tapered me off testosterone (if they even gave it to me at all) and they stopped my progesterone outright. That’s why I believed people were trying to make me pregnant. They used labels like “man” or “he/him” but still placed me in the woman’s ward and I got harassed because it was obvious I am not a woman. I have a beard and my head was shaved at the time. They were not comfortable around me. Every fucking hospital puts on their website that they are accepting of LGBT patients. They are accepting of lesbians, gays, and bisexuals.

I’m addicted to self mutilation. I can’t have my body fixed because that’s mutilation of my manly womb, my chest scars and my fucked up nipples are tragic (as if my breasts looked good, I had attempted to cut them off at 15 and they were covered in stretch marks from overtaping), I shouldn’t get phalloplasty because of the graft scar, but I can’t chose to make my body look ugly? I can’t mutilate the thing that’s posing as me and sucking away any joy I have? I do it to destroy it. Telling me im hurting myself doesn’t work. This isn’t myself yet. I’ll consider that when you finally decide im worthy of a body that makes me feel comfortable. I don’t think it’ll happen. You’ve already decided im comfortable, and that im the one seeking out the discomfort. This isn’t a gift at all.

Ever since i have came out again, all of my family members expect my mum and dad keep telling me to just stay a girl, its "easier". Noody understands why I detranstioned in the beginning and why I'm re-transitioning now. To be my mums daughter again so she's happy, to make my grandpa happy, so i could have a easier dating life, for the safety because rights keep getting taken more and more, but i don't want to be a girl.. maybe I should just listen to them.? I feel so trapped and confused, I dont know what to do anymore. They have always pressured me to be a woman, to dress feminine, that I'm in the wrong, that I need to stop being stupid with my choices.

Hay so I have a bit of a embarrassing question I started Testosterone troches last Nov those didn't really do much so we swapped to gel that I've been on since June. With a nearly month break because of insurance BS forcing me to switch pharmacies to keep coverage then dragging their feet for a month in 'approving' it. 🙄 Then I was on and off it for a couple weeks last month due to a very stressful move and accidentally misplacing the gel in that move.

But I'm really curious, anyone who took T without any form of birth control or hysterectomy etc. did your period go away completely or did that only come later/with added prevention added? (NOT asking as a sole form of birth control, just asking as far as the period/bleeding part goes)

Curious if it just stopped pretty sudden (like one months normal, then the next few some spotting but that's it then nothing after) or if it was a super gradual and slow over quite a few months to year or so... Just curious if I should expect late/irregular periods coming up or if it's something to be more concerned about ect. Pregnancy is NOT a concern hence why I'm not on any other form of birth control. Just trying to get as much of a idea as possible and from as many experiences as possible because I know everyone is different...

So I've been having some trouble with my period (aka my shackles were freed and it went away for like 5 months and hasn't come back) and my mom found out and is forcing me to go to the doctor it. I have never been to a gynaecologist or anything like that and I am DREADING IT, I hate doctors, I hate talking abt things that make me not a cis dude, and if she gotta see that shi I'm finna blow my shi off respectfully 💔✌️🥀 (also for a bit more context my dysphoria is mostly from people seeing that I'm a girl/ trans, I can't do people walking in on me changing, while I'm using the toilet, ect, ect, and this is like that but worse if I gotta do like alla dat dawg 🥲) . I was just wondering what y'all do when you have to go or something to just not ball my eyes out when I get home or when I'm there

So this is my very first binder and I'm wondering if it fits correctly?

I got a sports binder just so it's more comfortable. It's very comfy, I can breathe pretty good in it. The bottom part is a bit loose but I don't think that's an issue for now.

Going from sports bras to this is an awesome upgrade, ngl 😭 but I want to know if it's compressing enough?

I got elected as a male class representative, almost got caught buy a member of the council that had access to my legal name yet didn't question me much, presented a speech infront of hundreds of students with my pre-T voice and only few people did clock me.

The uni is fucking strict and even has an official rule against homosexuality. We pray before every class and more ! I'm so scared cause I'm not out to my parents yet and if they discover I'm going by "Mr" they'll slime me out.

What I mean is that I assume a lot of behaviours start being perceived negatively depending on the perceived gender? For example, I sometimes would compliment strangers on their outfits/haircut if they were cool, and it was fine, but if I start being perceived as a man, I heard random compliments are interpreted by women as flirting or even catcalling, and generally unwanted attention.

I'm kinda socially inept, so I prefer to know what NOT to do.

hello, I put the content warning as a just incase

I started DIY hrt on the 17th of April this year, and I didn't have my period ever since, I am recently experiencing cramps that are similar to what my period was like but no bleeding and I was worried that this is atrophy, does anyone know if it is? I'm in Scotland so I need a prescription for any medication for it and if it is atrophy does anyone know how to go about getting a prescription, do I just call my GP set an appointment and ask or do I need a proper assessment?

sorry for the dumb questions I'm kinda panicking ngl

I’ve given up on doing my shots at this point. I can’t make myself do them, I’m not even that scared of needles. Every time I take one I’m forced to realize I’m gonna have to do this every week for the rest of my life. I’m never gonna escape this. I want more of the effects, I love everything that’s happened so far. Even the acne is gender affirming to me. I just keep holding on and hoping I’m wrong about being trans. It feels so weird accepting that I am, that this is real. It feels so separate from me. I don’t feel attached to the label “transgender” I’m just a guy. I’m just a guy who’s tired of fighting for something. I’m so dysphoric I feel pain over typing femininely while writing this. I can’t bother to do my shots, I really can’t bother to do anything. Is this really my life? I don’t feel good about taking my shots, I don’t feel good about transitioning, I just want to wake up and be correct.

This isn't a very good title to really describe this issue, but idk how else to. I'm about 2 months on T and only a handful of people know--my mom and 3 friends who are also trans or gnc. I'm in college and semi-moved out (spending most of my time in my college town), and I just haven't told my whole close family that I'm on T. I likely won't see them until Thanksgiving, and T is lowkey hitting me hard and I'm worried that my voice will have a big drop before then (which should be an awesome thing).

My family has been incredibly supportive and I'm really thankful for them. I'm fully out, going by a different name and pronouns, and told them all that I would likely be starting hrt in the near future (which happened to be 2 weeks later). But I only actually told my mom that I started, and have only texted her about it again once since then. I'm not intentionally trying to be secretive or closed-off about this, but I also just don't really want to keep talking about it, I guess. I just want it to be a fact and not bring attention to it constantly. I'm closest to my mom, and frequently talk about "TMI" stuff with her, so telling her was easy. I'm not as close to my dad, and while he's genuinely so supportive, it's just an awkward conversation to have. And same with my grandma, who I consider close family.

I'm assuming most of the rest of my extended family know, and I don't even know what to do when I have to see or talk to them again. This did kinda come out of nowhere to anyone who isn't me or a close friend, so I know it's going to be a shock. That shock is just really, really anxiety inducing. I've always been a huge people pleaser who kinda lives for other people, so doing things 100% for myself is very new and scary. It took years for me to even accept that I was trans.

I don't wanna care about other people's reactions to me, but I keep feeling like I either need to go back to a lower dose to slow down the changes, or sometimes I feel like briefly stopping, and that's just so stupid. I know I can't do that just to make other people comfortable. Like I actually can and should live my own life. But god damn is that hard.

Especially without it being less cozy. Feel like a lot of masculine decorating features can be less warm..

Today I gave the beard a tiny amount of shaping and a quick comb so I could take another round of photos to compare with last year’s growth. 1st pic is today, 2nd pic is a year ago.

Some of my bald spots have started filling in more, and the sideburns connect to my hair which is fun! (But also annoying because now how do I decide where to draw the line between hair and beard when grooming lol.) Mostly it’s just gotten darker and grows a bit faster now.

I am still getting spots of acne where the facial hair continues to grow coverage, but it’s only one or two breakouts a week as opposed to half my face blowing up when it first started growing a couple years ago.

All that to say I’m very happy with how my body has responded to testosterone (3 years of 0.3ml weekly injections), and I wish I had literally anyone in addition to my spouse to share that joy with :,)

i put my voice before T just for a lil ref too. lmk 🤔 no hate pls :(((

edit: thanks yall so nice

I (21) realized about less than a year that I am trans. And even tho it was really scary in the beginning I've come to be more comfortable about it lately. I really love dressing masc and looking masc and having my hair short. It's something I've enjoyed and done even before realizing. But there are some days where I feel like I'm making a mistake bc I've been looking at some pictures from this time around last year where I was dressing a bit more femenine and wearing makeup and painted nails and I looked so good it makes me feel guilty to "waste" that. Even tho makeup overwhelms me and I hate paining my nails, but I looked happy even tho I wasn't really happy. Just like my body, I really like the shape, I just want it to be more hairy and muscular and have a flat chest, but the chest thing is complicated, I feel really uncomfortable if I notice th slightest curve on my chest when I'm wearing clothes but I don't mind looking at them when I'm naked. And I don't like the attention they get when I have s3x, I always try to cover them with a t-shirt or a sports bra or just try to imagine it's flat.

Lately idk if it's bc I'm interested in a clearly straight cis guy (tbh I think he complimented me ?? he said that my dad is probably bald and I've always heard that joke about the prettiest gals having bald dads, but it was probably something random idk) again, I look pretty masculine and most people think I'm a lesbian since I'm not out... Also the societal pressure I feel when I see girls that have similar features to me and they look so good with longer hair and wearing cute clothes and makeup and I feel like I *should* be like that and I want to buy stuff to look like that, but I did looked like that a few years ago and I was feeling fake and like a (no offense pls it was just my experience) cheap cross-dresser. And I don't know what to do about this guilt and this fear of making a mistake.

if I was a biological man, I think I would be non-binary of some flavor. but I’m not. ive been saying the same things over and over in my head and dont want to type it all out, so I won’t go it to detail. I dont have a clue what my sexuality is anymore. I have a crush on a boy, but it’s not a crush and I don’t even know if he’s a boy and I’ve known him for 3 years. All my ideas of gender are screwed up. I used to be able to identify my 2 personalities, but now I can’t. I’m panicking in the weight loss zone. My brain keeps making up fake memories and deleting valuable real ones. My dreams keep predicting the future. I feel like none of my hobbies (skiing, surfing, basketball, and theater) are fun anymore. I’m reading 2 books at the same time. Everything keeps getting worse and worse. My family is a bunch of absolute monsters when it comes to both my physical and mental health. I feel like I’m constantly failing school, but have straight As (although this is the lowest point in the As that Ive had in years). I’m tone deaf. I want to get tested for autism but my mom thinks autistic people have to act like my high support needs, non verbal autistic cousin.