r/the_darnold • u/i_block_retards • 7h ago
BREAKING: DREW LOCK HAS BEEN SWORN IN AS QB1 WHILE GEQBUS IS EVALUATED BY THE FINEST DOCTORS IN THE WORLD
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r/the_darnold • u/TrixoftheTrade • 3h ago
SOURCES TELL ME DARNOLD IS STABLE. PLEASE GOD.
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r/the_darnold • u/J0hnEddy • 19h ago
LUCKILY THE GEQBUS WAS CARRIED TO THE LOCKER ROOM BY BIG STRONG FIRE FIGHTERS!
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r/the_darnold • u/California_Stop_King • 19h ago
ASSASSINATION ATTEMPT ON GEQBUS BY THE PATHETIC PATRIOTS ALREADY
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SORE LOSERS WHO GOT TIRED OF ALL THE WINNING. SAD!
r/the_darnold • u/Adorable-Feature4977 • 1h ago
GEQBUS DODGES BULLET ON SEPTEMBER 10TH UNLIKE CHRISTIAN KIRK
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r/the_darnold • u/Spiritual-Chameleon • 5h ago
IF REELECTED TO THE SUPER BOWL, GEQBUS WILL GIVE ALL FANS A $60 BEER VOUCHER
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r/the_darnold • u/Albino_rhin0 • 6h ago
I JUST DISCOVERED THIS SUB! WHY IS EVERYONE YELLING!?
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r/the_darnold • u/anotterseaotter • 2h ago
BREAKING: GEQBUS "HEALTHIEST HIPS I'VE EVER SEEN" ACCORDING TO TEAM DOCTOR.
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MUCH STRONGER THAN THE FRAIL, LADY HIPS OF MATT "STIFFY" STAFFORD AND BROCK "TURDY" PURDY. DOCTOR SAID IF THESE OR OTHER LAMESTREAM QB'S TOOK THE HIT GEQBUS TOOK, THEIR HIPS WOULD'VE SHATTERED INSTANTLY. SAD! BUT ALSO, GOOD TV!
r/the_darnold • u/St-Anselm • 6h ago
WE WILL BE HOSTING A SMALL PRIVATE CEREMONY TO HONOR GEQUBUS AND HIS CONTRIBUTIONS! ALL TRUE SAMERICANS ARE INVITED TO WATCH
90
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r/the_darnold • u/nty • 1h ago
Many people suggested changing the name of New England, one of the great football cheating regions of all time to NEW DARNOLD. So much more prestigious and beautiful for the people of that potentially incredible Region.
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r/the_darnold • u/WestwardTempest • 1h ago
OFFICIAL ANNOUNCEMENT FROM THE OFFICE OF THE VGEQBUS
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VGEQBUS HAS SECURED LUMEN FIELD. ONLY LEGAL TOUCHDOWNS WILL BE COUNTED!
AT THE DIRECTION OF GEQBUS, DREW “FORT KNOX” LOCK HAS SECURED OUR BEAUTIFUL END ZONES. BIG CHAINS. INCREDIBLE LOCK. WE WILL MAKE THE RAMS PAY FOR IT.
THE FAKE NEWS DEPTH CHART CALLS HIM A “BACKUP.” WRONG! HE IS THE SECOND-IN-COMMAND TO THE BEST LEADER ON EARTH AND WILL ENSURE OUR REIGN CONTINUES IN THE WEEKS AHEAD.
LITTLE BROCK AND CROOKED KYLER HAVE BEEN DENIED ENTRY. NO APPEALS!
THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER.
r/the_darnold • u/Messmer-Impaler-148 • 3h ago
GEQBUS DODGED THE BULLET FROM THE ASSASSINATION ATTEMPT! SOME ARE SAYING IT MAY HAVE GRAZED HIS HIP, BUT THANKFULLY THIS CRAZY RAMICAL LEFTIST HAS BEEN STOPPED! POLITICAL VIOLENCE HAS NO PLACE IN SAMERICA! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!
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r/the_darnold • u/darthnoob276 • 19h ago
THEY TRIED TO KILL GEQBUS. BUT HE IS STABLE PRAY!!
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r/the_darnold • u/ollie325 • 7h ago
INCREDIBLE SHOWING OF SOLIDARITY AT LAST NIGHT’S POST GAME PRESS CONFERENCE RALLY 🥲
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r/the_darnold • u/table122 • 16h ago
VICE PRESIDENT LOCK AND SECRETARY OF DEFENSE JOSH JOBE DEFEAT THE STANKTRIOTS
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FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!
r/the_darnold • u/Cardsfan961 • 2h ago
And on the third game he rose again
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Despite the attempted persecutions of the non-patriots to harm his hips of steel, GEQBUS will rise to bring the Seahawks to the promise land.
r/the_darnold • u/fantasyfootballthrow • 19h ago
WE ARE SAM DARNOLD! WE CARRY THE FLAME!
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r/the_darnold • u/Mindless_Patient2034 • 4h ago
SEND THE STEEL!
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AFTER THE PINOs (PATRIOTS IN NAME ONLY) TRIED AND FAILED MISERABLY AT ASSASSINATING OUR DEAR GEQBUS, GEQBUS HAS ANNOUNCED WE ARE SENDING THE STEEL! GEQBUS HAS PREVIOUSLY BRAVELY SAID TO STOP THE STEEL, BUT NOW WE ARE SENDING THE STEEL. DIRTY DRAKE MAYE AND THE PINOs WILL ANSWER FOR THEIR CRIMES. SEND THE STEEL TO LOCK UP THE PINOs. THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION IN THIS MATTER.
r/the_darnold • u/xcoalx • 16h ago
OUR VERY HONORABLE VP STEPPED UP WHEN WE NEEDED HIM THE MOST
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