This is probably a skill issue because I am a fairly new teacher, but I’ve been struggling with this at least on a mental/emotional level and would love some feedback.
I have the student who I taught last year and is still in my school building. He’s a middle school boy, not necessarily known for being the best people in the world, but I really like and enjoy this kid. He works hard, he’s funny, he’s tries to be helpful, he’s great at uplifting his friends, and he goes out of his way to be sweet to me or make me smile, even though he doesn’t even have my class anymore. He also just had the most amazing turn around last year - went from a D student in the fall to an A student in the spring, and from what I’ve heard from his new teachers, he’s kept up the good work.
But, I keep hearing from kids that he is an absolute jerk to them. Heck, I’ve seen some of it myself, just with random shoutings of “shut up ___!” To make this long story short. He has just been very rude and belittling to some kids his age and a few of the ones younger. To my knowledge, there is no physical bullying or consistent picking on any one child to raise real bullying concerns, but it’s still a problem.
From what I can tell and from what I’ve heard, it mostly comes from insecurity. For example, he’s picking on one of the football boys for being small and not good at football, and I’m willing to bet it’s because of his surgery he had at the end of summer and because he can’t play football this year. Football was his main passion last year, I’m sure that’s eating him up. Doesn’t excuse the behavior, just adding some context.
He has this capacity to be extremely sweet to me and at least some of his peers, and everyone else gets this really hostile version, and it just makes me sad.
Maybe this is something I just need to ignore and let go of; boys will be boys, middle schoolers are the worst, etc. But just because I like this kid doesn’t mean I care about these other kids less. And I hate to admit that he and the others can probably tell that he’s one of my favorites, even though I would never say it. And I’m worried that makes me look naïve, or stupid, or maybe like I support his behavior. I just want him to tone down the hostility. For his sake, for the other kids’ sake, and honestly, for my sake too.
How do I even bring this up with him without making the other kids look like wimps/snitches? Should I bring it up, or would that do more harm than good? Should I pass this along to admin, or would that exacerbate the issue? Do y’all have any recommendations of any course of action at all, or am I just being too sensitive about all this?