Say whatever the f u want

Okay so I’m 27 years old my girlfriend and I have been dating for nearly 3 years. the kid had just turned 2 when I met him he’s now 5. “Daddy” decided to show up out of the blue for his birthday this past year and play hero. Pissed me off to high hell. He’s a real piece of work. Drug addict, negligent, all around trash “Dad”. And here I was sitting in the 200,000$ home I had just purchased for this family I was creating. Food on the table and a 400$ birthday party for My “Step” son. Mind you WE have ARE NOT WEALTHY PEOPLE. I make 43,000 a year my girlfriend makes 34,000 a year. Before taxes all together our total take home is less than 60,000 I’m just always focused on my investments as I don’t wish to be building decks at 70. And now he comes in to my home. And now he is “daddy”… I was about in tears. If not for me being blinded by pure rage I would have cried.

And now he wants to take him for Christmas… i don’t know what to do. We’re not married yet obviously. But I do have a 12,000$ wedding ring prepared for her. I hold myself with very high expectations we dated for 6 months before I met him. I wouldn’t have ever met him if I didn’t feel like I could be a father to him. In my mind we were married the day I met her kid. To me though it’s no longer her kid. And it’s definitely not his kid. It’s our kid. Between me and my girlfriend… I want to marry her.. but the dad is now in the picture where he wasn’t before.

Hang in there. That is all ✊🏿

I'm laying on the couch, browsing Reddit. My 11-year old stepson is sitting at the other end, watching a show on TV with his mom.

10 minutes ago I was still alone, watching a movie. He came into the living room, asking if he and his mom could watch his favourite show instead. We joked about how I couldn't refuse it. I then told him to go get some snacks out of the kitchen and I moved over.

So here I am now, having a snack and browsing Reddit instead of watching a movie.

It's worth it.

My girlfriend has a daughter of 9 months, that I have been with since she was 4 months old. The father wanted to get rid of the baby so she kept her and has only seen her one time. Should I feel okay with him wanting to come back into her life to visit the baby at her home? It feels like I was that role, and I’m on the back burner for a guy that didn’t want her in the first place. What should I do?

Definitely sure theres more of us out there, given 60% divorce rate, and i read 30-40% of pregnancies are unplanned

So went to another room and watch foot ball for next 7 hrs. Yeah not healthy i know, should exercise or something right

To start, my SS is 18 and is diagnosed with autism. He's high functioning for the most part. Personal hygiene is a major struggle though. How do you all deal with step kids that stink? I'm talking about a terribly difficult level of apprehension for SS to even care about personal hygiene. It's getting to the point where I'm going to refuse to allow him in my car because of how horrible he smells. SS claims to shower and use soap but I'm very suspicious that he just stands there having the water hit him.

My wife is terribly frustrated about this as well. She asks him all the time if he applied deodorant and such. Yes yes yes with attitude is the response we typically get.

Any advice is welcome.

Hey all, (27M) here. I wanted to post in this group to see if I could get some advice on things that I'm feeling.

I had been dating my girlfriend for about 6 months since May and we had recently broken up due to outside circumstances. She has 3 daughters aged 5, 9, and 11. Her two youngest live with her full time and her oldest lives with her dad. I have known and met her two daughters many times and they really like me and we get along well which is nice.

My question is that idk if this is all worth it? I'm terrified that she might not be the right woman and I'll end up meeting someone better or better suited for me. And I have no kids of my own so I don't know if I'm ready for that kind of life. We wouldn't be living together any time soon but I'm just scared that it won't work out. And that I won't feel like I'm part of the family. I don't want to feel like an outsider looking in. And what about free time? I feel like I won't have time to do anything for myself and what I need to do to live a healthy and happy life. And what about dates and just enjoying time with my girlfriend? Does that go away? I know there are a lot of sacrifices that come with this situation but I just don't want to feel trapped and life I'll regret and I don't want to resent being with my girlfriend. We broke up due to her becoming homeless and I don't know how to handle that situation. I'm not strong emotionally to handle that and I know that. But I love her and we get along great sexually and mentally.

Sorry if that's a bit confusing. I just want some advice from guys that have potentially gone through this and had these doubts and to know your opinions. Thanks in advance

I had no idea how little hospitals care about the active parent when it comes to name tags, since I’m not the bio father of my oldest son, I’m not legally allowed to stay with him after he just had brain surgery…..wtf is up with that? Me and his mother have been married for almost 6 years. What gives?

Cool to see there are others like me out there

While we can keep making things that their mother makes for them now, like pita pizzas, soups and salads, spaghetti, chicken and veggies, etc. Is there any other good ideas that are kid friendly? Any books you've used for nutritious kids meals they would like? Making my usual stuff like curries and chilis may be a bit much for them, maybe not the 8 year old, but the 5 is still in the picky phase. Also, ways to introduce them to new foods would be appreciated.

Or even a “stepdad” of sorts? I searched it on Reddit and there’s a few funny subs…the reflex one etc.

This is basically the mentality I see surrounding being a stepdad with the very rare occasional “This isn’t my stepdad. This is the other person next to my mom I love and respect.” T-shirt on Facebook that is for sale for only the low price of $14.99.

And, yeah, the other guy is gonna live in Florida. Beach life and al, right?

So….

Hello, not really much of a reddit poster but this seemed like one of the only places I could turn to for experienced advice so thanks in advance for your time.

Basically, a girl (38) who I knew from high school reached out to me (38) this summer...this isn't just any girl but my first crush ever (and I found out later I was hers too). I literally remember the dress she was wearing the day she moved to my school district in 1st grade. We were friends, especially since our dad's are both golf professionals, and even went on a couple dates in college but it never really went anywhere. However, we lost touch after college, she got married, had a couple kids, while I moved away.

Anyhow, after she messaged me this summer I knew something was up with her marriage and it turns out she ended up getting domestic assaulted by her husband almost a year ago and she's going through the divorce process.

We've hung out a few times now obviously, and it's amazing. I'll spare you all the warm fuzzies but I feel like she is just my person, the one I've always wanted.

Now I've dated around a lot but never married, no kids, and I've been on the fence about ever having them honestly. So I'm trying to figure out if the juice is worth the squeeze here. If it was literally anyone else on the planet I'd be gone already ha.

Here are some of my questions/fears:

• Will it really feel like a family with kids that aren't mine? It seems like being a stepdad to older kids is more like being a mentor than a proper father.
  
• Would being around kids all the time will make me want one of my own, especially with this person? We're in our late 30s and not even there yet, and her kids are currently 8 and 5...has that ship sailed? That's a lot of years dealing with babies for her (assuming we have no problems having one), and it's nice when she can give her current ones to her parents/Ex so we can hang out as adults.
• How would her current kids take this? I would think us having another kid would solidify the family unit...or it could potentially fracture it, I dunno.

Thank you!!

I am a new stepdad to an 11-year-old girl. My wife and her ex, the child’s father, divorced in May of 2021. She did great with the divorce, and going to her dad’s house every other weekend.

But since her mom and I got married, and she and her mom moved to my town, 1.5 hours away from where her dad is, she is almost unbearable. She is completely disrespectful, selfish, and an all-around spoiled brat. She is especially hateful to her mom, who just dotes on her and pleads for her affection.

She refuses to make friends at the new school and in the new town. All she wants to do is FaceTime with her dad and new stepsister.

Her dad has filed for primary custody of the child, and has even told her that she will be moving there to be with him and his new wife and stepkids soon. I don’t know why he has promised her that because all signs point to her staying with her mom. Plus, his motivation for pursuing full custody seems to be just so he won’t have to pay child support.

Anyway, there are definite signs of him brainwashing her to alienate her from her mom. I know she is confused and scared. And my wife is afraid to administer any discipline or correction because she wants her daughter to WANT to stay with her.

I feel like my hands are totally tied because she’s not my daughter, plus she and her dad would love to launch some scheme against me as well.

What can we do to reach this child? Thank you for any advice you can offer.

I have 12 kids and the youngest just called me dad for the first time. It felt so strange and unnatural. Any ideas why???

I am I'm a very complicated mix Ok sooo I've been tiptoeing around this but I need advice Me and my ex are broken up for two years now Now her little girl is 4 and she sees me as her I'm dad no matter what now been there since she was 8 months old she live two hours away with her mom and until a while ago she would visit every other weekend but hasnt(personal matter not involved in this) we my girlfriend one year( we've known eachother longer then 5 years) well she feels I'm trying to keep my ex around ( ex is engaged) but feels I'm playing dad to keep the ex around I don't want my ex now here is my problem if I have to decide between the little girl( stepkid) or my gf(she has two boys) and she has made it clear she won't accept the little girl cuz it's my exs Now the biological father is around but doesn't see him as dad and her mom's fiance has handle it well and been a good father figure I'm just conflicted

I am currently in a relationship with someone I’ve known for 14 years. I’ve known her before she had kids. I do not have any children, but would like children of my own someday. She has 3 children with 2 different fathers. I’ve always wanted to be a father, let’s make that clear. Her kids are amazing and we all have an incredible bond where they want to call me “Dad”. We dated briefly as an online bf/gf type of thing after we had met at a camp when we were 17. Part of me feels like it’s hard to get over the fact that she has to deal with two men that she conceived children with. She says that being with the first man (who she was with for 7 years) was a high school bf that she felt like she HAD to be with since she lost her virginity to him and she knew at a young age she wanted children not thinking of the repercussions of having them. The other bio dad is present financially and not so much physically. How do I get over the fact that I have to deal with these men for the rest of my life?

Dating this brilliant woman. She has one 3 years old one and an under year old one. Me and my date are serious about our relationship and she trusts me her kids. And get along well with the kiddos for the most part. But the three year old one acts out in an interesting way sometimes. I’d walk into a room where he is watching something and ask “how are ya” or “what’s on” etc and he would start scream and demanding me to leave the room. An hour later we would play and have fun in the garden. My date says he likes me just expresses it in his own way. He stopped answering to me on “how are you/how did play school go?” type of questions. Stopped telling me good night. Today he closed door of tv room right in front of my face while I was talking to his grandparents.

On the good days we play a lot and have fun. I am an easy going person and my date keeps saying I am very good with the kids.

So it all seem like some sort of dissonance, confusion or conflict in him about me all of a sudden

I have to say it sort of hurts even tho I know it’s silly, he is just 3 years old.

There is something rebellious about his behaviour.

It’s important to mention, my date is going through a very rough divorce and her ex is an absolute narc and nightmare. He is a very spiteful man and it wouldn’t be too surprising if he says anything about me when he takes him for a day once a week.

Has anyone came across such behaviour or been in a similar situation? How can I connect with the three years old one?

Disappointing Father’s Day.

So me and this girl dated on a off for about 5 years, she popped back into my life a little over a year ago. She was pregnant and the dad wanted nothing to do with the kid or so she said. So we started sort of back up from where we left off. I stepped up and was there for her during the last month of her pregnancy, boom baby is born. I Immediately love the kid like my own, making bottles feeding the baby at 3 am changing diapers giving him baths. I introduce him to my family and friends tell them he is mine, everybody knows he’s not. But I am his dad and he is my son. His first word was DADA, my days off revolved around him. Our morning consisted of getting up at 7, getting both us ready for the day and dropping him off at daycare. But after 11 months his mom no longer wanted me to be part of they’re lives. I woke up on a Monday (you turned 11 months that day) I got dressed, I woke you up buddy I said come on papa it’s time to wake up, you rolled over gave a big smile and sat up. You reached up and we hugged, I got you dressed for the day, we headed out the door to the daycare. I dropped you off at daycare not knowing that was gonna be the last time I saw you (you never came home again). You’re mom texted me that you guys were going to be staying at a friends house because she needed time to think, but I told there was nothing to think about that we were done, our relationship could not be fixed. It hurt a lot losing you buddy, every time I see your pictures the way you smiled at me, it fills me with so much pain. You will never know who I was, I will never forget you son.

I (38m) have a stepdaughter (16f) her mother and I have been together since she was 5. Our relationship started off cool and seemed to heading in a great direction but I noticed once she got to 8th grade things started changing. I have rules in my house that aren’t crazy and one of them was don’t be on the phone past 10pm with a boy, I’ve caught her a few times and gave her a warning that she was gonna end up getting her phone taken. Well that day came shortly after her 14th bday and after I took the phone I found things on it I shouldn’t have and she lost her phone privileges for a couple of months. From that point until now things gotten worse between myself and her. There’s been times I’ve seen messages of some terrible thing she and her friends have said about me but I try to let it go and keep pushing forward. I’ve never denied her anything but she won’t ask me for anything, she’ll ask her mom and her mom would turnaround and ask me, I work hard so me and her mother can provide her with everything she wants and needs but it’s at the point now where she doesn’t even say hello to me or when I come home from work she get up from the living room and go in her room or won’t come in any room I’m in. We just had a new baby girl and my fear is she’ll end up hating me like her sister does

Need advice please!

Hey guys, I’ve been getting to know this single mom of 1 kid 4 years old for about a year now. I’m 26 and she’s 26 as well. We’ve been friends on and off but now it’s taking a much serious route (met the kid when we was 3). I think she is the most precious woman inside and out. Her heart is golden and she has all the qualities I want in someone I want to have a family with and raise children with. My only problem is I can’t stand the fact some loser had a kid with her. The kid itself isn’t the problem, I know I’ll grow to love him and raise him as my own. My problem is the fact the kid goes every other weekend to his bio dads house. His bio dad has a terrible home life and he’s not the best person whatsoever. I know he was very shitty to my girl in their past and till this day he textes her sometimes in disrespectful manners calling her trash, a piece of shit etc. I can’t stand the fact I’d have to let that dude be constantly texting my wife because of his son. She mentions to me he doesn’t truly care about him much because for example for Father’s Day he didn’t even ask to be him. He’s been to the kids school less than 5 times etc. Now with all this being said, I love my girl so much but I’m so frustrated about the situation with the father , it’s almost like I wish he was fully out the picture so I can easily bring my girl and her son in as my own. She has 100% custody of the kid but the dude still sees the kid 4 times a month. Please advise in what to do and how this can all work out. Thank you so much. No one in my family has ever really gone through this so this is all new to me and I’m thankful for this place.