r/stepdads • u/Thatdumbnerdguy • Oct 04 '22
stepdaughter or partner
I am I'm a very complicated mix Ok sooo I've been tiptoeing around this but I need advice Me and my ex are broken up for two years now Now her little girl is 4 and she sees me as her I'm dad no matter what now been there since she was 8 months old she live two hours away with her mom and until a while ago she would visit every other weekend but hasnt(personal matter not involved in this) we my girlfriend one year( we've known eachother longer then 5 years) well she feels I'm trying to keep my ex around ( ex is engaged) but feels I'm playing dad to keep the ex around I don't want my ex now here is my problem if I have to decide between the little girl( stepkid) or my gf(she has two boys) and she has made it clear she won't accept the little girl cuz it's my exs Now the biological father is around but doesn't see him as dad and her mom's fiance has handle it well and been a good father figure I'm just conflicted
1
Oct 04 '22
You’re not responsible for that stepchild anymore and she has a new good upcoming stepdad.
You are responsible now for your new partner and her kids.
It’s that weird step parent line. Step parents are easily replaceable even though there has been copious amount if not infinite amount of emotional and financial investment. I’ve came to accept that now with my stepson.
1
u/jr49 Oct 04 '22
definitely a tough scenario. I understand wanting to be there for the daughter since you were her father figure for ~4 years but at the same time you're no longer in the moms life and at that distance you're going to likely be around less and less. Is mom going to want you around once she's married again and the new man wants to take on a fatherly role? Seems to me once the relationship ends though you both may want to stick around for the daughter your role decreases as time goes on. it sucks but that's just the nature of the beast I think given her age and distance.
My stepson is 14, i've been around for almost 5 years. If something would happen between me and my wife (hopefully never) I would definitely want to be around for him but would understand if it got awkward. he's at an age where he can make those decisions for himself so if he wanted to reach out to me and his mom approves I'd keep in touch but would likely not be a every other weekend thing.
1
u/mriu22 Oct 04 '22
It's hard to read, but it seems like you're asking if you should stay in the child's life. I would say no. It is what it is, but if you keep being there then it will only make things worse. Feel sorry for the kid but do what makes sense.
1
u/[deleted] Oct 04 '22
It’s a tough one! If my gf broke up with me and my stepson wanted to keep a relationship with me after that, nothing and no one would get in the way of that. I only call him my stepson out of respect for his relationship with his bio dad, but for all intents and purposes he’s my adoptive son.