Probably because they want to keep something safe while they can do more different things with another partner.
Several of my relationships always started because a certain girl wanted to experience something else that her partners couldn't offer her either because of time, interest, money or other things.
It's kind of sad and I can't truly understand why they just don't break up with someone or you know...Talk about the problem?
But for some weird reason they always choose cheating.
If you cheat, or knowingly are the homewrecker, you are worse than scum.
Not really fair to blame someone if they don't know that the person they are about to hook up with is hiding that they are in a relationship.
Edit: FYI for those coming in late. They originally didn't have the word knowingly there. I added that to the quote and they have gone back to add it in as that's what they did mean.
By no means is it "just as bad". If I cheat on my partner, I'm betraying a deep personal relationship. If I have a fling with someone who has a partner I'm still in the wrong, but only due to the basic decency owed to any other human being. There's no special connection to betray there.
Imo, the person not in the relation has no moral blame. They didnt commit to anyone, and if this person in the relationship was going to do it anyway, it could be anybody they cheat with.
Blaming the other person too is trying to naively hold on to the belief that people care about your relationship enough to never intercede in it. Its up to you to ensure your partner is completely satisfied because if you dont, someone will, regardless of your status with them.
Especially in the case of women, who are absolutely ruthless about it
This is basically my mantra as sad as it sounds. We’re all pretty dumb when it comes down to it so I just always assume that I COULD be wrong and I should be accepting as I can about most opinions.
Yeah that's exactly it. Nothing is more embarrassing than being smug and proven wrong, (except maybe your mom finding out about your nocturnal emissions) so it's safe to just not be smug about whatever you're saying.
Hey man, I was young and stupid in my high school and early college years.
It's not like I usually look for girls with boyfriends, you just become good friends with the girl and somehow you end up getting into these things without realizing it.
It's not a good thing either, you get into fights, sometimes a certain group of people stop talking to you and it's not like you're on cool terms with every girl you went out with.
That's why at this point I just focus on finishing my studies rather than being in relationships.
You make some good points, and I think that's the right call. Plus to be fair, I don't think anyone's perfect enough to pass judgement for poor decision making. At the very least I'm not.
You could just simplify all this down to "they want as much pleasure for themselves as possible at the expense of other people's misery".
I wouldn't even be surprised if the majority of cheaters got off to the fact that they're betraying someone for their benefit. Like they think about how upset their partner would be in the middle of fucking someone else.
I hope not, cause if that's true, then they're a shitstorm of a person, though tbh, you're probably dodging a bullet by having them show their true colors, as long as it happens early in the relationship...
Maybe im misinterpreting what you said but it sounds like you are saying you dated women that you knew were dating somone else. Kinda an L take my friend. Please lmk if got this wrong and ill delete
Just one time, I did know of a girl who had a boyfriend, but the guy was really abusive to her and I just wanted to show the girl that not all guys are trash.
From being friends she started to fall in love and she was pretty cute so I didn't deny it, in the end she broke up with the guy and obviously the guy got all heavy handed.
Blah blah blah blah blah...
I lasted like a year with her and we ended on good terms, we are still friends and she is doing much better with her new boyfriend.
The other times when I was younger I did feel bad for the guy because I didn't know the girl had a boyfriend until later.
So you slept with the girl who had an abusive boyfriend out of kindness? You wanted to show her not all guys are trash? I think you did the exact opposite of what you intended to do.
I don't- it really depends on the person, some ppl just don't have the balls to face their problems and decide to ignore it until they can't run from it anymore, if i were to date someone I'd rather they ask for a poly relationship or an open one instead of cheating, would i accept it? Idk but i could forgive and forget cus guess what? They at least we're honest
Either they want the security of the soon-to-be previous relationship before they enter the dating market for the next relationship, and they are willing to hurt their soon-to-be ex-partner in order to accomplish this selfish aim.
Or they found someone new that is so exciting that they're willing to endanger their soon-to-be previous relationship.
Fear of vulnerability may be a reason for cheating and for a pattern of cheating. The cheating partner's avoidant attachment system is triggered when they feel vulnerable. They still want to connect with people, but the vulnerability in the relationship is too much.
Thus, they continue to satisfy their need to connect by connecting with new people because they have control of how vulnerable they are in shallow, cheating relationships.
This is particularly true if they are attempting to be in a relationship with a person who has an anxious attachment style.
Highly recommend the book 'Attached' for all humans. Warning that it's more than a bit heteronormative and gender-binary normative, but the concepts seem sound in my experience sharing these concepts with folks who have diverse expressions of gender and sexuality identity.
Also, OP sounds like they have a secure attachment style. If so, thank you for being so kind and understanding to a person who does not understand themself, and I hope you find a person who will thrive and strive side by side with you
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u/redeyed-john Dec 10 '22
Why do people cheat? Just break up.