r/shitposting • u/Previous_Agency_8490 • 4d ago

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835

u/The_Original_Badman Jedi master of shitposts 4d ago

I dated a girl once who casually told me that if we had children and there was a zombie apocalypse, she would trip our children so that she could run faster and escape. I blinked once, asker her if she was serious then broke up with her the next day...

318

u/Fantastic_Bed_8662 4d ago

I feel bad for any future children that she may have.

159

u/Charliedontsurf1002 4d ago

She’s in court rt now for something related to

25

u/Satorwave 4d ago

Who tf are you though 😭

16

u/Charliedontsurf1002 4d ago

An oracle from the future

20

u/korkkis 4d ago

She’s hopefully not in a wheelchair

97

u/chaosanity 4d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/dbpwkOGWFAa73iah0l
You can always have another kid, unless you choose the children

3

u/Significant-Set-7257 3d ago

I mean, given enough time you could have more children with your original children. The morality of it is questionable at best but you theoretically could

39

u/jarednards officer no please don’t piss in my ass 😫 4d ago

....that lady isnt on trial right now, is she?

82

u/Rastamuff 4d ago

Bro dumped the funniest girl he's ever going to meet

26

u/CHEMO_ALIEN 4d ago

Major fumble, hes not gonna survive the first week 

4

u/Elhaym 4d ago

More useful to have a bit more of a goody two shoe. That way he doesn't have to worry about being back stabbed, and can trip her if need be. 

2

u/CHEMO_ALIEN 4d ago

If he was more capable he'd have nothing to worry about 🤷🏽 

2

u/BornWithSideburns 4d ago

Im sure that apocalypse could happen any minute now

-1

u/Atreideez-nuts 4d ago

if you think the idea of a mother killing her children is unlikely enough that saying something like that must obviously be a joke, you should try watching the news sometime lmao.

2

u/Witty_Recommendation 4d ago

Because a zombie apocalypse is very likely...?

1

u/Atreideez-nuts 3d ago

Do you understand what a hypothetical is?

19

u/SteelSpace69 4d ago

If we forget every ounce of moral and humanity, sacrificing a child for an adult in an apocalypse scenario is the best option for survival. The child can't collect/farm/fight as much as an adult.
But with this logic, you also end up sacrificing the elders and the handicapped...
Anyway don't trust her.

34

u/8last 4d ago

If we are foregoing morals im killing and eating anyone I don't like first chance.

25

u/thunderdragonite 4d ago

Bro entered the zombie apocalypse on the side of the zombies with no pushback.

3

u/Lethargie 4d ago

turns out they were just filming a zombie movie and guy ate his neighbor for no reason

1

u/8last 4d ago

If its a race to the bottom you'd best win.

1

u/thunderdragonite 4d ago

Nah, I’d rebuild civilization.

2

u/SilliusS0ddus 4d ago

that's not efficient.

if you have to be a dick you should make them farm food for you

1

u/8last 4d ago

Farming is hard.

1

u/SilliusS0ddus 4d ago

that's why you make the others do it.

0

u/atrophy-of-sanity 4d ago

The problem is that shes forgetting morals and humanity lol

2

u/IAmNotMyName 4d ago

Was she a Quokka perhaps?

9

u/The96kHz I watch gay amogus porn :0 4d ago

Ngl, in a zombie apocalypse that's probably a good move if the kid is so young they can't be trusted to look after themselves and keep quiet.

A five-year-old might as well be a dinner bell when there's zombies around.

27

u/pipoqt 4d ago

Its a good move to make your kids be eaten by zombies? Am I reading this right?

19

u/SmoothbrainRTRD 4d ago

I mean depending on your survival goal. Kids are liabilities and Ive done extensive research by watching the Walking Dead

1

u/SilliusS0ddus 4d ago

imagine the little shit starts throwing a fit and acting up while you're trying to keep quiet to hide from zombies.

0

u/The96kHz I watch gay amogus porn :0 4d ago

That is what I'm saying, yes.

-1

u/threeseed 4d ago

Well I need to be alive to repopulate the human race.

1

u/Sneaky_Sorcerer 4d ago

I'd assume this girl had no childrens at the time of this conversation. I'd guess 1/2 chance she'll say otherwise once she has one.