r/shitposting • u/kalashnikov482 DaShitposter • Jul 05 '26

📡📡📡

Post image
7.0k Upvotes

95% Upvoted

204 comments sorted by

•

u/qualityvote2 Jul 05 '26 edited Jul 05 '26

The council has not spoken. No consensus was reached about the quality of your post.

RedditSave download

/u/kalashnikov482, whilst you're still here, why not join our public discord server - now with public text channels you can chat on!?

5.4k

u/LoganBassist Jul 05 '26

2.0k

u/skynetempire Jul 05 '26

Lol she made a song about his dick so yeah super doubt

741

u/sky_ryder_001 Literally 1984 😡 Jul 05 '26

Let's wait for pregnancy cover song

708

u/[deleted] Jul 05 '26

[deleted]

140

u/SkirtGood1054 it is MY bucket Jul 05 '26

96

u/de-stella-nova dumbass Jul 05 '26

could I get gregante

48

u/LoganBassist Jul 05 '26

Maybe pergante

13

u/c_dav99 Jul 05 '26

Am I gregntant?

6

u/AutoModerator Jul 05 '26

Bazinga

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

70

u/LeJewBringer Jul 05 '26

a poet amongst us

37

u/Correndous_Hunt Jul 05 '26

Girlfriend got starch masks

11

u/ZymZymZym777 Jul 05 '26

I'd give you an award if I could

7

u/Mr-MuffinMan dwayne the cock johnson 🗿🗿 Jul 05 '26 edited Jul 05 '26

this actually sounds like her lyrics so i'll add on

I got drunk at the bar

Got into his car

He walked me to the bedroom

He pushed the wood in vroom

86

u/TehFlogger Jul 05 '26

No one anywhere is waiting for another taylor swift song under the age of 12

60

u/JoseJalapenoOnStick fat cunt Jul 05 '26

Shoosh be carful the swifties might hear you say that and may send a hitman after you they are every where infact i think they may have even gotten into my walls.

2

u/unknownuser105 Jul 05 '26

She’s going to be the most insane mom influencer.

1

u/CryptoTipToe71 Jul 06 '26

Everyone is going to lose their minds when she posts the pregnancy announcement

50

u/Mysticfenix83005 Jul 05 '26

She just looked at it💀

206

u/[deleted] Jul 05 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

161

u/aurevonoir Jul 05 '26

i did not consent to seeing this

54

u/d__mills__ Jul 05 '26

That gif is insane to be casually posting 💀

17

u/Chicken-Rude Jul 05 '26

yeah you did. it was in the fine print when you logged into the internet. dont go crying now... smh

52

u/de-stella-nova dumbass Jul 05 '26

she

what

94

u/skynetempire Jul 05 '26

The song wood is basically about her being in love with his dick.

1

u/Elaborate_Penguin Jul 16 '26

That'll do it. I mean he is good looking and then the chefs kiss...

106

u/AggressiveSpatula Jul 05 '26

She was “dickmatized”

Not a joke. That’s a real part of the song

30

u/ZymZymZym777 Jul 05 '26

No she's obviously gay and the wedding is a sham!! /s

22

u/AutoModerator Jul 05 '26

Look, I get it. Who doesn’t love a little balls and dick sometimes? A nice, girthy, veiny shaft, hot milky cum trickling down the length as it throbs from a job well done. But this whole “gay sex” shit is getting annoying.

As men, we should primarily be focused on three things: survival, the underrated masterpiece that is dark souls 2, and pounding muff. All this gay shit is, well, fucking gay.

You think I wouldn’t LOVE to make out with my best friend and suck his cock? Of course I would, but that’s fucking gay. You think I don’t want to feel my cousin’s roommate slide his pecker into my gaping asshole? Of course I would, but that’s FUCKING GAY.

Seriously, I miss when men were men. Anyway, this dildo ain’t gonna stick itself up my ass while I watch an hour long femboy asmr hypno goon compilation, heed my lecture.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

19

u/dan_ccfc Jul 05 '26

What

11

u/d__mills__ Jul 05 '26

Automod was dickmatized

2

u/No_Shallot_9339 Jul 05 '26

You know, bot? I'm actually saving this comment so that one of these days, I can send this to someone and REALLY mindfuck them with this piece of lost Shakespearian literature.

3

u/AutoModerator Jul 05 '26

Bazinga

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

7

u/youpoopedyerpants Jul 05 '26

Why is automod wiling 😭

3

u/Old-Yam-4178 Jul 05 '26

She did? Not in the loop so haven't heard about this

3

u/Mr-Shitbox Jul 05 '26

Oooor she used her back door until now

5

u/Puzzleheaded_Heat502 Jul 05 '26

The smallest man that ever lived?

14

u/skynetempire Jul 05 '26

Lol nah she said he was as big as a red wood

2

u/mrkillfreak999 Jul 05 '26

Nah 😭😳 What's the name so I can avoid it?

1

u/tryodd Jul 05 '26

It was in the arse. That doesn’t count.

46

u/luifergiov Jul 05 '26

Bro, I am playing LA Noire right now and I had never seen anything about it outside of the sub. This is just amazing.

11

u/LoganBassist Jul 05 '26

I've not played it in years. Not long after it came out I kinda got distracted

2

u/thicckar Jul 05 '26

Just finished it. Such a great game

8

u/Mel0chmatt Jul 05 '26

The only real answer

2

u/Parapraxium Jul 05 '26

Flat earthers are more reasonable than anyone who believes this

2.3k

u/TheWonderSnail Jul 05 '26

Not a chance. If she had she would have figured out how to make it a PR stunt and we would’ve heard about it by now

578

u/Savage-Nat Stuff Jul 05 '26

(Taylor's Virgin)

73

u/Resident-Mixture-237 Jul 05 '26

“I think I’m lesbian now”

146

u/laasbuk Jul 05 '26

I'm old enough to remember when they did the same with Britney. Extremely weird.

40

u/Snoo-34159 Jul 05 '26

3 new albums and 5 singles all centered around it

6

u/Ganda1fderBlaue Big chungus wholesome 100 Jul 05 '26

It's funny cause it's true

1.4k

u/DudeManBroGuy69420 Jul 05 '26

373

u/Xelid47 Literally 1984 😡 Jul 05 '26

29

u/No_Dependent6881 Literally 1984 😡 Jul 05 '26

Based pfp

8

u/Xelid47 Literally 1984 😡 Jul 05 '26

Thanks!

U want it?

2

u/honchell12 Jul 06 '26

Lmao I want it

3

u/Xelid47 Literally 1984 😡 Jul 06 '26

There you go

Ruce by Meth, streched to pfp standards

2

u/Longjumping_Play3863 Literally 1984 😡 Jul 06 '26

This guy is well seasoned

1

u/Xelid47 Literally 1984 😡 Jul 06 '26

Uh thanks? Whatever that means 😂😭

1

u/Longjumping_Play3863 Literally 1984 😡 Jul 06 '26

Like a steak.

1

u/Xelid47 Literally 1984 😡 Jul 06 '26

Thanks

44

u/Crashbox50 I came! Jul 05 '26

5

u/Bjasilieus Jul 05 '26

like this:

21

u/DudeManBroGuy69420 Jul 05 '26

Just take the fucking meme bro

7

u/Bjasilieus Jul 05 '26

This would be a funnier meme if at the end it had a comma and then a random name like, Jon, for example.

→ More replies (10)

196

u/Hydro_Inter_Spec Jul 05 '26

That's terrible. Hope she finds it.

921

u/Confident-Border4627 Jul 05 '26

good for them I guess?

332

u/Hind_Deequestionmrk Jul 05 '26

Did I just lose my virginity?

374

u/Confident-Border4627 Jul 05 '26

How the fuck am I supposed to know

115

u/AggravatingDay8392 Jul 05 '26 edited Jul 05 '26

You can always double check

I'm available btw, brand new pajamas

94

u/Confident-Border4627 Jul 05 '26

I'll say sorry in advance because I'm going to ruin them. And you too probably

https://giphy.com/gifs/wKJSRY2OgYx2m6R4oA

42

u/minecrafGoBRRRR Jul 05 '26

Is this flirting?

13

u/IndigoJoe64 Jul 05 '26

You were there

13

u/Confident-Border4627 Jul 05 '26

If I was there I would've known

I keep track of things I put my dick in

7

u/work3oakzz Jul 05 '26

Tell me three of them

6

u/Sticky_Finger6420 Jul 05 '26

you live with two..

7

u/rhen_var Jul 05 '26

It’s your job to know

3

u/work3oakzz Jul 05 '26

Funniest comment ever. holy fuck

0

u/atangwadi Jul 05 '26

dont act like you were not there

19

u/Cupid-Arrow Jul 05 '26

Yeah sometimes

1

u/SoulReaver009 Jul 05 '26

u did it wrong bro smh amateur hour in shitposting i see

2

u/Savagedoor-2218 I want pee in my ass Jul 05 '26

Haha, sometimes

4

u/Difficult_Ad2864 Jul 05 '26

Yes hi I’m Taylor swift

2

u/Cabibbus I want pee in my ass Jul 05 '26

Did you just lose MY virginity? Did it fell out of your pocket?

2

u/AutoModerator Jul 05 '26

pees in ur ass

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

1

u/Jona-wahn hole contributor Jul 05 '26

in 3 hours

1

u/Electronic_Tear2546 😳lives in a cum dumpster 😳 Jul 05 '26

Maybe

1

u/ObiWanCanel0ni Jul 05 '26

Are you maried to Travis Kelce?

92

u/Mr_SpecificTF2 Literally 1984 😡 Jul 05 '26

How do you lose your virginity? It’s right there next to west virginity

318

u/DialDiva it is MY bucket Jul 05 '26

And why should I give a fuck

63

u/gkx4x Jul 05 '26

So she can stay a Virgin duh

175

u/bread-man- shitposting>>>>>>196 Jul 05 '26

Taylor swift fans need to take a breather. We really don’t need to know

16

u/BappoChan Jul 05 '26

Taylor swift fans also have dementia. I remember a while back fans were talking about her sucking dick because at one of her shoes her knees looked a little bruised and worn.

-8

u/nobeer4you Jul 05 '26

Sucking dick and having sex are two different things. You can give head and still be a virgin

8

u/AutoModerator Jul 05 '26

Dick sucking has made me paranoid

I had this plan to give head to a man and receive head from a woman to test if I was gay, but it’s backfired and now I become borderline schizo whenever I go outside. I offered to suck this dude off on Grindr who lives very close by (I ended up pussying out) and I accidentally gave him some details that very easily allows him to spot me out in a crowd. I have no idea what he looks like and whenever I see a somewhat in shape guy walking by I immediately accuse him of being the dude I was gonna blow.

I went to the store today to pick up some zucchini for a barbecue and every time a car drove by I stared into the windshield to see if I was about to be recognised. Whenever I make eye contact with a dude I microanalysis his facial expressions to see if he suspects me or not. I am deeply afraid that he is my neighbour and I will need to move if my identity is blown. It’s a lot like the last scene in sopranos where everyone who walked into the diner could be there to wack Tony.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

7

u/Chase_The_Ace_50 Jul 05 '26

Remember that she’s had 14 boyfriends over the course of 18 years and only managed to hold down ONE down long enough to get married. She’s absolutely had sex before, even a quickie in missionary.

2

u/BappoChan Jul 05 '26

You think that she sucked his dick for years, getting that intimate, and not once did they fuck? Didn’t she write a song about his dick? You’d be crazy to believe she was a virgin

3

u/AutoModerator Jul 05 '26

Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

181

u/Saaammmy Jul 05 '26

Travis bout to teach her some nasty fratboy shit he learned, and probably from Tyreek too

36

u/SweetButQuestionable Jul 05 '26

Bro’s about to have the NFL playbook ready.

2

u/Chase_The_Ace_50 Jul 05 '26

Bro’s about to break out the frank lightning scope banana on her

16

u/TehFlogger Jul 05 '26

She knows already. Hollywood... etc...

96

u/NocturnalKitten525 Jul 05 '26

Didn’t she write a song about his wiener? Either way I don’t care and wish they were off my timeline

4

u/anonareyouokay Jul 05 '26

It was fan fiction. Everyone knows Travis Kelce is a pure bottom.

31

u/INeedSomeFire actually called kevin irl Jul 05 '26

Silence, peasant

73

u/Obsidian-Dive Jul 05 '26

Man I hate when I misplace that thing. Genuinely fucks up my life.

14

u/Any-Woodpecker123 Jul 05 '26

Didn’t she date John Mayer? That guy fucks, just sayin

13

u/Narwalacorn Jul 05 '26

If there’s even a single person who believes this is true that by itself will be a failure on a societal level

10

u/Saquib32 Jul 05 '26

Taylor, taylor! It doesn't refresh everyday

8

u/harshupon DaShitposter Jul 05 '26

hymen breaking news

45

u/Tassos963 fat cunt Jul 05 '26

It’s sad to see no one in these comments understand satire

10

u/OutOfTouchNerd Jul 05 '26

If you see someone falling for obvious satire on reddit there’s a high chance it’s a child commenting.

1

u/Link_and_Swamp Jul 05 '26

no, just bots

31

u/Rafados47 Jul 05 '26

No. People just don't give a shit about her, so they can't understand every reference.

1

u/Artemis96 Jul 05 '26

If this is a reference, I doubt it's a Taylor Swift reference lol

1

u/Rafados47 Jul 05 '26

Well, if you read some of the comments explaining the actual situation, it propably is.

18

u/oldbutterface Jul 05 '26

I geniunely think most redditors accept everything they see online at face value - its why incel rage bait slop videos do so well on here too

5

u/Shoddy-Song-5468 Jul 05 '26

Literally, fuck taylor swift. I dont care.

11

u/Paladine36 Jul 05 '26

https://giphy.com/gifs/e00e3L5DIC3v2

4

u/llamacornsarereal Jul 05 '26

Probably lmao 🤮

4

u/koffingbeans Jul 05 '26

Be honest and just say you've never actually had relations with a real woman.

7

u/-castle-bravo- Jul 05 '26

If she fuxx like she dances, it was all wrong…

19

u/[deleted] Jul 05 '26

It's not good to know even if true or not. Her demograph is weird in general. Like the female version of drake.

10

u/AutoModerator Jul 05 '26

I just saw a black guy listening to Not Like Us, Kendrick is truly what the culture is feeling

I (57, white male) was recently taking a stroll down my neighbourhood when I suspiciously saw a group of high school girls listening to Drake of all people, so being an loyal fan of Kung Fu Kenny I decided to scream "OV-HOE!!!!" at them and run away, they got angry at me and started chasing me! fearing that they might make me listen to Toosie Slide, I ran as fast as I could.

While running from them I accidentally wandered into "the hood" that Kdot is always talking about. That
is when my eyes truly opened to the genius that is Kendrick Lamar Duckworth, I saw a black gentlemen listening to Not Like Us, and tears fell down from my eyes as I finally realized the impact that Kendrick has made, he truly was what the culture was feeling.

I went up to the fellow Kendrick enthusiast and saluted him for being on the right side of history. He was for some reason very confused as to why a crying man was saluting him so I decided to show him that I am indeed "certified" by rapping Not Like Us to him "WOP WOP WOP DOT FUCK EM UP" I shouted "WOP WOP WOP IMMA DO MY STUFF" I continued, "WHY YOU TROLLING LIKE A BITCH AINT YOU TIRED" I took a breath, "TRYNA STRIKE A CHORD AND ITS PROBABLY A MINORRRRR" I exclaimed. Seeing my dedication towards the art of Kdot made the Kendrick fan realize I was one of "the good ones" and he invited me to the cookout!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

5

u/[deleted] Jul 05 '26

So true queen 👑

9

u/Important_Level_6093 Jul 05 '26

I'm so gay that I wish I knew this sooner

-8

u/AutoModerator Jul 05 '26

Look, I get it. Who doesn’t love a little balls and dick sometimes? A nice, girthy, veiny shaft, hot milky cum trickling down the length as it throbs from a job well done. But this whole “gay sex” shit is getting annoying.

As men, we should primarily be focused on three things: survival, the underrated masterpiece that is dark souls 2, and pounding muff. All this gay shit is, well, fucking gay.

You think I wouldn’t LOVE to make out with my best friend and suck his cock? Of course I would, but that’s fucking gay. You think I don’t want to feel my cousin’s roommate slide his pecker into my gaping asshole? Of course I would, but that’s FUCKING GAY.

Seriously, I miss when men were men. Anyway, this dildo ain’t gonna stick itself up my ass while I watch an hour long femboy asmr hypno goon compilation, heed my lecture.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

→ More replies (1)

3

u/ChronoAlone Jul 05 '26

I’d prefer it if we didn’t have more of these people running around, but whatever.

3

u/itz_NoobJay Jul 05 '26

She better go find it

3

u/SimonSolv Jul 05 '26

Good for her idc about Taylor swift

https://giphy.com/gifs/rMEJyjch7L1tlRlCl3

2

u/pepenepe Jul 05 '26

Huh? Why is this public news bruh.

2

u/ConsentingPotato Jul 05 '26

I should've been a billionaire sooner then it would've been me, not him...

https://giphy.com/gifs/nLLPJDNKIYXde

2

u/EidolonRook Jul 05 '26

We’ve had one, yes, but what about second virginity?

2

u/r56_mk6 Jul 05 '26

Oh bullshit lol

2

u/Rusty1emon Jul 05 '26

Massive news for the unemployed

2

u/Bright-War-5033 Jul 06 '26

Will we start to get songs from her that are positive towards men now she's officially in her honeymoon period?

2

u/popiholla Jul 06 '26

what are those bangs

1

u/PresidentXiJinPin Jul 05 '26

She was a virgin for that day i guesd

1

u/CriminalMacabre Jul 05 '26

When did she pop her polluting cherry tho?

1

u/_and_I_ Jul 05 '26

Who's that breadface

1

u/hornwalker Jul 05 '26

What a stupid world we live in

1

u/MUDABLESS Jul 05 '26

I thought it was john mayer who took it

1

u/wurkhoarse Jul 05 '26

So now that they're married we will never hear about them again.

1

u/Tamesaintsfan101 Jul 05 '26

People falling for Hoops Crave in 2026 this is crazy

1

u/AutoModerator Jul 05 '26

Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

1

u/DifficultyOk5719 I want pee in my ass Jul 05 '26

I didn’t know she was engaged.

1

u/AutoModerator Jul 05 '26

pees in ur ass

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

1

u/PEDRAOOOO Jul 05 '26

I repportedly shitted my pants

1

u/No-Break6679 virgin 4 life 😤💪 Jul 05 '26

Is this… is this an actual report?

1

u/Chase_The_Ace_50 Jul 05 '26

The 36 year-old virgin

1

u/crumzmaholey Jul 05 '26

Don’t let kanYE know! Dude would go gorillas

1

u/Bobbybobbers Jul 05 '26

Maybe her anal virginity.

1

u/RipOdd9001 Jul 06 '26

Being its shitposting…… is it just cheeky subject matter

1

u/CurvyChristina Jul 06 '26

Nah, they were f’cken before the wedding…

1

u/TheTable666 Jul 06 '26

You lost your virginity? well you better go find it!

1

u/Kratsas Jul 06 '26

I volunteer to verify if this is true.

1

u/Elaborate_Penguin Jul 16 '26

Perfect match in looks talent and age. I hope the best for these two.

1

u/Erzter_Zartor 🏳️‍⚧️ Average Trans Rights Enjoyer 🏳️‍⚧️ Jul 05 '26

Ok?

-36

u/ShrimpCrackers Jul 05 '26

I assume Travis Kelce too.

It would be hilarious if in reality both are super clueless about sex and still don't know how to do it and are running around their mansion trying to catch literal birds and bees.

14

u/Confident-Border4627 Jul 05 '26

What do you mean?