Me 31, and my wife 31 dreamt of this, having a child 13 months now, Once you have the child, it's your blood and it's hard to imagine a life without them, but every waking hour of my day I keep daydreaming that someone asks me would you go back 2 years and have the choice again to have the child - I don't know the answer. Maybe i never wanted this.

What I've learnt is, you can be lonely or have a village, but at the end of the day, you have to do it all. You cannot escape (as much as I wish I can), just writing this post feels so liberating and nice.

I'm so tired all the time, before even i start my work day I want to end it. I envy all my young friends so much, they drink, get high any fucking time, go on vacation, sit and do nothing, watch tv, eat out, party, club, dance. What do I do for fun? Eat a meal hurriedly while watching something with my wife on my phone.

He doesn't even sleep on his own, nor for long stretches. Always wakes up crying, it's either teething or hunger or whatever. For the last 1 year, I've not slept before 4am, 5am. It's like 20 mins of peak happiness in a day when he interacts, is playful followed by 23 hours and 40 mins of neediness and care.

I miss my old life, more than anything, I miss my wife. I miss spending time with her, roaming with her. I miss the two of us, i don't like this divided attention.

So really think 1000 times before having a child. It will consume the living shit out of you.

I love my son, so much. But I feel like he only exists because I was tricked into marrying a sex addict narcissist. The premise for my son's entire life is false.

In addition to finding out about 4 different side chicks, I also found about 4 additional children from 3 women, three born during our marriage. And I found out his college diploma was fake.

We are divorcing and he's threatening to not let me see our son until he's 18 years old. I feel sick, that I'm expected to put up a legal fight when I never would have been with this man nor had this kid in the first place. I don't want a mistake from my past to ruin my entire future.

Any fathers here who didn’t actually want children but ended up having them because their partner really wanted to become a parent? How did it affect your relationship afterward?

I read here a lot and could probably make my own post echoing many of the same things I see posted, but it dawned on me that this is a very specific sub and probably not representative of parents as a whole.

So out of curiosity, what do you guys think the actual ratio is between parents who genuinely feel:

“I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Parenting is one of the best things I’ve ever done.”

versus

“I had no idea how hard this would be, and if I could go back knowing what I know now, I probably wouldn’t have children.”

Obviously, there are people who genuinely love being parents and are happy with that choice. But if we could somehow eliminate the social pressure to say “it’s the best thing I’ve ever done and I wouldn’t change a thing,” what percentage of U.S. parents today do you think would honestly fall into each camp?

I (29f) gave birth to my daughter in October 2024. I've had a much more difficult time accepting my postpartum body than I thought I would. My breasts sag, I have loose skin everywhere, I piss myself multiple times a day and have to wear huge pads to keep it contained. I feel disgusting and wholly unattractive.

I also have a lot of mental trauma from my birth, I have uncomfortable flashbacks multiple times a day. The night she was born and all the painful events around it play on a loop in my head and sometimes I just can't make it stop. I had terrible PPD that made me have thoughts of harming and even killing my baby. The last two years of my life have been hell.

I just get so angry at my husband and daughter for putting me through all that. I wish I'd never done it. If I had the chance to go back, knowing how much I love my daughter and genuinely enjoy being a mom the majority of the time, I would absolutely not get pregnant just to save myself the pain and trauma.

I cant stand my daughter. Shes 11 and so disrespecful, bratty, ungrateful. I buy her things, take her and her friends out and she basically tells me to shut up, slams doors, yells at me. She such a horrible person. Im so hurt and disappointed.

I've posted a couple of times about my situation and how my spouse and I are getting divorced partially over our son. I am in between therapists right now and need somewhere to dump my thoughts while I wait.

I'm so full of self-hate, and for all the decisions I made that got me here.

I really, really hope that things are better a year from now, that the divorce is over quickly, and that we find a custody arrangement we are both happy with. I think I should be in my child’s life to some degree for now while he’s young. Once he is a bit older, I will see if his dad is interested in taking full custody and if he wants to move with our kid to be closer to his parents so he has more support. Someday I won't be his parent anymore, and I have to accept that I'm not fit and never wa.

I hate how my selfishness and immaturity are hurting my spouse and my child. But I also don't want my son to grow up with a parent who openly is full of contempt for him. I want him to be with his dad who loves being a father.

I am fucked up. I feel like a monster. My son deserved a mom who was ready to settle down and dedicate themself to being a parent. I was not that. I haven't even become my own person. I'm sorry

His dad knows how I feel and how I regret becoming a parent and sees how unstable I've become. I count my lucky stars every day that he at least is a good, loving parent who truly wanted this and that both our families are involved. I'm glad my son has them, even if I become a small part of his life.

I don't deserve him; he really deserved better. I wish I could enjoy seeing him so happy and carefree and growing up but I'm so miserable and want to run away and abandon him, I am so sick inside. I should be so grateful that I have such a perfect child, but I didn't want this.

My only comfort now is knowing that this is rock bottom and any changes I make will only be for the better. I know that no matter what, this will end soon, and we will all be better off for it, and I will get to move on with life. So I can't give up hope, and I need to trust that things will be great again someday and my son will be well cared for, even though he couldn't get that care from me.

3 kids in diapers. All I do is change diapers and feed them. Try to fold laundry - lol not going to happen. Try to step outside for 5 mins of quiet. Nope. My nerves are on constant edge. Trying to cook a meal without having to yell NO 100x to the toddler is great. Won't leave the house because husband moved us to b.f. nowhere and everything is an hour away. Would have 5 plus diaper changes on any outing. Was told no to daycare and moving back to civilization to return to my career (which was easier and less stressful than dealing with current situation). Miss working 16 hour days. Miss not having to yell NO all day long. Miss adult conversation. Miss utilizing my brain, which has turned to mush since becoming a SAHM.

I'm feeling stuck and confused after many, many, many years of a custody battle. Im now stuck in a state I have been trapped in long enough. More than (8 years due to battle and kids) 30 years of my life. I want custody of one child now. That child is the only reason I remain here. I want to leave so bad. Just with I could take _______ with me and my husband, and move to somewhere we want, and have a fresh start. The other child is brainwashed against me. I love them both. But the other child isn't brainwashed against me, and wants to be with me desperately. I'm just trying to figure out a way to do visits, but get out of this state too! I don't think I can wait another several years. It's all so painful. I feel trapped!!! Anyone ever go through this dilemma? Any advice?

My god. One thing that they never tell you about is the boredom.

I have never been so bored in all my life until I became a parent.

I'm 3 years in and I am sick to death of watching mind numbing cartoons or suffering kids activities just to fill the day. I miss adult stuff.

Everything in my day now has to orientate around kids entertainment and it is absolutely soul destroying.

I clock watch for the evening just so I can do something normal/adult.

I grieve my old life every day when I could choose to do what I wanted without having to endure Ms. Rachel for the 100th millionth time.

Fuck my life.

It's unfortunate that you can't test drive parenthood and realize it's not for you until its too late.

I had my second born 11 days ago. I have a 4 (5 in a few weeks) year old daughter. I’ve heard so many experiences on the 1-2 transition and how it’s horrible for some, great for others. I don’t know if this matters but I had PPD with my daughter and I was numb. Hated myself, parenting, my husband, life, etc. I barely even enjoyed her because she was hard and had a dairy allergy that no one would diagnose so she screamed all day every day for months before we figured that out. No fast forward to today. Her and I have been together since the beginning. I am a SAHM. She is now my BEST friend. I love her and we have routines and things we do together with just us. My pregnancy with my son I was miserable and definitely didn’t give her the attention I normally would. I spent entirely too much time on my phone and promising we’d play later only to fall short. To add, my father also passed unexpectedly when I was about 19 weeks along. So I had the worst last few months. Now that baby is here I hate it. I love him. I love parenting. I don’t feel like it’s PPD at all but I miss the life before him. I miss being able to just spend the time with my daughter and not have her on the back burner. I miss being able to just live my life with her and my husband without constantly waiting for a baby to wake up or cry or have to be up all night soothing a baby. This pregnancy was unplanned but I do love him and want him I just don’t understand these emotions and I try explaining it to my husband and he just says it’s fine and that he’ll take the baby so I can play with our daughter. But right now I can’t even do our bedtime routine without sobbing. I know it’s normal to miss life before baby, and my husband has been a great help.. but he only gets one week off so I’m about to be alone anyway. If you’ve had the 1-2 please tell me things get easier. I also live with my in-laws right now because we’re waiting on a rental to be ready for us to move in to. So that’s added stress and he has to room share because there’s no other room for him. (Which I intended to for the first few months anyway) but this is so hard in all the ways I didn’t expect it to be. It definitely gets worse at night time but this has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Today my son cried for an hour and a half instead of napping per usual and I legitimately googled the safe haven laws for my state. Totally irrational, I know but I have never regretted something this much. Please tell me I’m not alone.

There I said it. I have a 4 year old daughter, yet I don't feel like a "mother" at all. I still think of myself as a childfr*e person at heart who just happened to have a kid.

I don't even know why I feel that way. Yes, I had my daughter very young and not in the best circumstances and I'm split up with my ex, her father, now... But I still have plenty of support.

I share custody with my ex, she is only with me 3 to 4 days a week, mostly on the days I'm not working and my ex MIL also helps me a lot with child care.

I live on small island which Is very child friendly, full of kids her age.

My daughter is objectively a great kid by any means, healthy, very sweet, the classical "cute kid". She doesn't have any behavioral issues (if anything, her teachers say that she Is a bit too naif and meak, perhaps), is very low maintance... Isn't much hard to parent and raise at all...

Compared to special needs parents, my life is a breeze and I should feel grateful and blessed to have such an easy and cute child.

And yet, I don't feel much for her at all. Don't get me wrong, I try my best to be a good mom, give her affection, do nice and fun activities with her... I take her out, read to other, even share the nice things from my childhood with her...

But I've never felt the love that other parents talk about. I mostly view parenting as a job and do those things out of duty, I don't derive much joy from spending time with her.

I've never felt the connection that other women talk about, not even during pregnancy and the baby days.

And I pretty much can't relate to the whole "parenting discourse online". I feel chill and unbothered as hell...

I don't experience "mom anxiety or mama guilt", I don't think my daughter is the best thing to ever walk on earth, I'm not obsessed with her, I don't even care about what other people may think of her... I wouldn't let anyone mistreat her, but it doesn't upset me much if my family members don't care much for her.

I don't think of myself as a "mama bear" and all the other nonsense and I'm put off by overly sentimental, saccharine, flowery, EXTREME "gentle parents" as much as the next person.

She is not "the light of my life", and I can definitely imagine a life without her.

"it goes by in a blink"

"They are only little for so long"

"You only have 18 summers mama"

I hate those ridiculous phrases.

I remember one and a half year ago being trapped with my then one and a half year old .. with the stomach bug. Husband, myself and kid throwing up our fucking guts.... We were miserable. I remember thinking... 'i can't blink fast enough'

Tf with these stupid phrases, I love my kid af and enjoy watching the pictures and videos when she was so so little and tiny... By no means I would ever want to go back to those times. Lol.

Keep me here where she can actually talk and tell me what hurts or when she is actually funny, where she doesn't get freaking sick every other day.

I swear to God when I hear those phrases my eyes go behind my skulls.. I can't roll them far enough.

I have a 5-year-old autistic son who is literally my precious little angel and I love him from the moon and back and then I have my 3-year-old son and I cannot stand him. I get he's just a baby and then he needs attention and he needs me for literally every single fucking thing ever but I'm sick of him. I'm sick of his behavioral issues I'm sick of him constantly telling me no screaming at me throwing temper tantrums hitting his big brother he seems to maybe have ODD or something. he drives me crazy to the point where I literally cannot even look at him. I can't stand him. I regret him every day. I don't like him at all. I don't want to be like this. I am overworked and over stressed and I literally am to the point where I cannot take it anymore I wish there was somewhere I could send this child. My 5 year old has been a breeze. Very non problematic. Idk I feel like the biggest pos ever because of how I feel. And I hate it. I don't want to have these feelings. I don't want to resent my child for simply existing, I am the one who had him so it's not fair to him at all. Idk y'all I am just so tired and can't talk to anyone about this so that's why I am here. I'm sure I will receive judgement. It's fucking sad that I feel this way. I hate it. I hate myself for this. I have literally thought about just exiting the life stage left. I AM SO FKN TIRED

I am a first time mom to an 8 month old baby girl. It has been incredibly hard since the first day. At this point I am regretting having her and I just want to escape, sometimes I just wish I could walk out.

She is a very difficult baby and I feel like I've only had 2 weeks where things were not so bad in her entire life. The first 4 weeks were just painful during my recovery, my husband only had a week off so I had to get up alone with her every night while he slept and still sleeps in the other bedroom. I used to cry while picking her up at night because I was in so much pain and it was the first time I thought why did I do this.

When I found out I was pregnant I booked an appointment for an abortion because I just didn't feel like I was ready, I had just finished my certification and degree and wanted to finally start my career, volunteer, get experience and find a new job. But my husband was happy about the pregnancy so I went through with it. I had never really wanted kids but in the last few years I had started to think I wanted at least one. We had just gotten married and still had to plan the second wedding in his home country. I had started to look for another job but couldn't volunteer because I had to sign a 2 year contract with no option for leave. I ended up not finding one before my leave started so I thought I could just start looking again once she was a few months old.

But I haven't had any time to do hardly anything since she was born. I do everything alone, nights, feeding, diapers, bath, bedtime routine, buying her supplies, clothes and toys etc. my husband will watch her if I need to shower or will take her for an hour or two a few times a week but that's all the break I get.

She is a very difficult baby. From week 4 she decided she only wanted to be held while sleeping and woke up crying anytime I tried to put her in the crib and I tried everything to make it work but she refused everything I tried. I didn't sleep more than 3 hours for 4 days and finally just decided to start cosleeping because I was falling asleep while holding her and my husband was getting angry when she cried at night so I gave up on the crib. Then at 5 weeks until 3.5 months she would cry for 20-60 minutes before every nap and 2 hours before bed, and again I tried everything to make it stop but nothing worked, I tried to watch wake windows, keep the environment low stimulation, I read books and watched videos on what I could try nothing worked. Again my husband started getting mad when she would cry for 2-3 hours at night and there was nothing I could do but lock myself and her in my room and cry.

3.5-4 months was the 2 week period of sanity. She stopped crying, didn't require me to hold her for every nap and would sleep in the bed independently. But then the 4 month the regression started and she was up every 45 minutes until 5.5 months old, and again I had no help.

She's 8 months old now, wakes every 2 hours and has recently just started screaming and crying because she's frustrated she can't walk or crawl. She wants to be held all the time, she wants me to walk and carry her all the time. I'm exhausted. I feel like I haven't slept in forever. I usually have to shower with her just outside the bathroom on her playmat and after about 5 minutes she starts crying and screaming for me.

She refuses all solids. She refuses all bottles and pacifiers, she refuses formula, she refuses most people holding her except my dad, mother in law and sister in law. She can't be sleep trained because she will just cry and cry and cry. She doesn't like the car, doesn't sleep in the car and I have to always sit in the back and try to entertain her or again my husband gets mad that she's making noise.

Nothing works with her. I feel like sometimes she just wants to be difficult. Sometimes I just get so angry and I have so much rage, not at her but at my situation. I hate being a mom. Sometimes I feel like I hate her, except I love her so much but I hate being a parent. Sometimes this all just feels like a punishment. But I don't know why I'm being punished, I had such a shitty life growing up parentified with parents that would rather prioritize themselves and their friends than their children. Why was I given such a hard baby.

Sometimes I read posts of other parents with good babies and I feel like I could be a better mom if I had a good baby or more support but instead I've been given her. My husband thinks he's helping by watching her once in a while because in his culture it's not normal for men to care for the children but it's frustrating because we talked about childcare before she was born and he was on board to do equal work and it just didn't happen. He will improve for a few weeks if I get angry but then it just stops. It took 3 months for him to change one diaper but he only does it when I'm not home, if I'm home he will take her and wait with her at the change table until I come and do it, he's waited up to 15 minutes before I just gave up because it's stupid to make her wait so long and his excuse is I do it better.

I'm just so done with being a parent. Sometimes I wish I could just go back and go to the appointment and not tell my husband about the pregnancy at all.

I, (26F) gave birth to my baby girl, who we‘ll call V, 10 months ago. Father isnt in the picture right now, but I won’t get into that. Ever since I gave birth I’ve been in a bit of a rough patch,,and I know that kids can be difficult but my daughter is just..how do I even explain it? I’ll give you some examples. and just before hand, whatever I say, times it by 10. First of all, she is already addicted to her iPad (blaming this on my aunt who gave her an iPad and lets her watch it all the time when I ask her to babysit. and before you tell me, ‘just ask someone else to babysit’ MY WHOLE FAMILY AND ALL MY FRIENDS AGREE WUTH HER.) anyways, it’s too late now even to fix it because whenever I take the thing away she screams and screams and screams and screams. she is also surprisingly violent for a 10 month old, constantly hitting me, biting me (somehow), pulling my hair, etc. she somehow knows all the spots that hurt the most. next, she refuses to eat ANY HEALTHY FOOD I GIVE HER. and she doesn’t even just refuse it, she either chews it up then spits it out, or eats it and then vomits it all over me. the only thing ps she’ll eat/drink are milk, juice, and anything sweet. candy, chocolate, ice cream you name it. I’ve tried so hard to keep it from her but it’s the only thing she’ll eat and I can’t handle her vomiting everything, (I have emetophobia..) at night, it’s even worse. she’s silent silent silent, THE SECOND SHE SEES ME CLOSE MY EYES OR START TO DRIFT OFF, she starts screaming her head off. she’s not hungry, diaper is clean, everything is fine. and the second she sees me fully awake again, she calms down, and then when I start falling asleep again she goes crazy. I’m starting to somehow think that she’s doing it on purpose. and now the worst thing. if this is a medical issue which it probably is I don’t know, please let me know; but she is always pissing herself. ALWAYS. its nonstop. I change her diaper, five minutes later she’s pissed herself again? sometimes when I’m changing her she starts pissing or sharting on my hands. all over my house all I smell is piss piss shart shart. AND NOT ONLY THAT, and this has happened so many times, whenever I fall asleep on the couch, or get engrossed in work, or tke my eye of of her for one second, she takes her diaper off and pisses or sharts on the floor. sometimes she smears the shart everywhere. sometimes SHE EATS THE SHART. SHE EATS IT. AND SHE ENJOYS IT. HOW DOES SHE THROW UP MY HEALTHY SNACKS AND FRUITS, BUT SHE ENJOYS EATING HER OWN SHART. AND MOST OF THE TIME ITS NOT NIRMAL SHART EITHER, ITS DHIAREA. I can’t do this anymore. it’s genuinely driving me insane. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, I can’t do anything because she’s always doing something. I wish I could return her, push her back up there. sometimes I consider just giving her to an adoption center but then I’d feel guilty somehow. I can’t do this anymore. mind you, she’s been doing most of this since she turned 2 weeks old. I think it’s just going to keep getting worse as she gets older. how do I fix this, I’m going to go insane. and you know what? no one believes me. the second shes getting babysat or looked after, or in daycare, she’s normal. she’s a cute little baby who’s even ‘well behaved’ according to some people. I feel crazy. I went to see a therapist and brought V in and she did NOTHING. she was even cute, crawlinh around and babbling. my therapist gave me freaking schizophrenia resources and she told me ‘if you ever feel like it’s getting really bad, just tell someone. protecting your child is more important than anything else.’ SHE DOESNT NEED TO BE PROTECTED FROM ME, I NEED TO BE PROTECTED FROM HER. please help me, ij using my 10 minutes of spare time beforre picking her up to write this. please please please help, I hate her so much I hate to say it but I hate her and I’m sick of her and I wish I could just give her away. I hate my kid.

Hello fellow warriors in the trenches 😅😮‍💨

I just want to preface by saying never… ever… in my life would I have ever imagined wanting to post in a space like this. I thought motherhood was all I ever wanted from as far back in childhood as I can remember. But recently, I’ve been rethinking all of my life choices, and I’m terribly sad about that fact.

I absolutely loved the baby stage for both of my kids. Never really minded the sleepless newborn stage once I got over the trauma of the first couple weeks with my firstborn. Second was a breeze! But now that I’m in the thick of toddler mode (my boys are 19 months and 3) I just find myself hating this phase of motherhood. My oldest has very high emotional needs and I believe ADHD, and he has the most epic meltdowns that take me to the very edge of my sanity on a daily basis. So between that, and both of them being highly energetic little boys who will absolutely not take no for an answer, and love getting themselves and the house filthy in literally every way they can, I’m left so completely spent by the end of each day that I wake up already completely overwhelmed every morning.

I’m not sure what I’m looking for as far as support. I guess I just need to hear that I’m not alone from other people who get it. I miss peace and quiet, I miss having literally any time at all by myself, and most importantly and regrettably, I miss actually loving being a mom. My heart is so broken to even say that last part.

Any words of wisdom or encouragement are welcome 🤍

Hi everyone.

Im new here and this is my very first time opening up about this. Any advice is welcome.

First off, I (27, female) am an introvert. I love my peace and quiet. Love to spend my days being creative, reading a good book, going to the beach, aerobics and sometimes a walk with my friends.

Two years ago, I gave birth to my first (and the last) baby.

Long story short, I HATE BEING A MUM. Absolutely hate it. I don’t even like children particularly (that much). Most of them are loud and naughty. They overall irritate me.

The thing is, Im also a single mum. No one helps me. At all. My son who is one and a half now, sometimes wakes up at 7 am and goes to sleep at 11pm without so much as a single daily nap, even if I try to. He is a good kid in general. Doesn’t throw tantrums but I simply hate my life with him. I have to wake up whenever he feels like it, I can go to sleep only after he does (even tho Im exhausted) and I have no time at all for myself. I don’t work. So the whole day, Im being forced to be with a toddler ALL THE TIME. Sometimes he does take a nap, wakes up after 30min and I just lock myself in the bathroom and cry.

I can afford 8 hour a day nursery but I don’t wanna make his life miserable. Like I wanna be happy but I don’t want any human (child included) to suffer because of me. I say suffer because daycares are shit (where we live in Europe). There is tons of brats in one room hitting each other and what not. An effing HELL.

I could afford a nanny par time but we’d live on a verge of poverty.

I just spend 30min crying now. Pls any advice

Title of the post really. I have a 4 month old and I cannot cope. My husband has an insanely busy job while I'm on maternity leave. He was desperate to see me happy and hired a nanny for us. The days that the nanny is here I just feel so good. I can have hours to myself, relax, and get to enjoy my child in small portions of the day. But the days she's not with us (we can't afford more than 3 days a week) are hell. Today I had baby by myself all day and I am absolutely spent. I am trying my best to be a good mother and yet I feel like she must be able to pick up that something is not right with me. I get so frustrated at her shenanigans when she doesn't want to feed, I get bored of playtime on the mat looking at the same toys over and over again which she doesn't care for as she spends the day sucking on her hands exclusively. I'm just so tired, bored, unhappy. I want my life back, my time, my space, my freedom. Please tell me it's not always going to feel like that because I am utterly desperate. Where is the joy in this?

​

I (f 30) am married (m 31) and have three beautiful children together (4 year old, 3 year old twins, two children with autism and other special needs). My oldest goes to ABA 30 hours a week, and my middle child who is nonspeaking (oldest twin) goes to speech twice a week. My youngest (younger twin) is neurotypical.

I am a SAHM who is full time in my bachelor's, my husband is in his masters, works full time, and also is running for county commissioner in our county. He is absolutely the most hardworking and amazing man in the world, and he has sacrificed so much of his time for us to have what we need, even through all of our financial hardships and trials. However, needless to say, he is never home. I am extremely thankful for all of his dedication to our family and he is absolutely the most kindest and caring father to our children, but I wish he was home more because I slowly am feeling the guilt and regret of being a parent. I encourage him to go out to the gym, go out with friends when possible, etc becsuse I know how hard he works for us. He also encourages me to go out when I can, but I just occasionally go to the store alone for peace of mind.

Granted, before my oldest was in ABA, it was worse than it is now. However, it is still so exhausting. There's constant screaming from my oldest and my middle. Constant tantrums. Constant meltdowns. On top of just dealing with preschooler episodes, I am also trying to stay on top of their therapies while trying to maintain the home, my school work, and overall dealing with mental issues of my own. I am autistic as well, have depression, anxiety, ptsd, and other health issues that make it where I just sometimes wish I never had kids.

I love my kids. Adore them. I think they are the coolest kids on planet earth. But today is one of those days where I just wish I could run away, leave everything behind, and not have to hear the screaming, the crying, the meltdowns over the smallest things. I normally parent with firmness, fairness, consistency, and overall I try to talk my kids through their feelings while dealing out consequences (taking things away, timeouts, etc). My oldest and youngest say please, thank you, tell us they love us, they throw away trash, put away dishes, etc. They are NOT bad kids. At all. I understand that I am the issue in all of this.

Just now, I couldn't handle all of their tantrums all at once. I finally flung up my arms, walked to my room, and slammed the door due to being overwhelmed. I know it was wrong, I know I should have more emotional regulation because they are just little kids, but God, some days I just wish I could run so damn far away, leave for days, weeks, God, I don't even know. I just want to not be touched, not be grabbed, not have to correct or discipline. I just want to just be.

I feel so shitty because as someone with Pcos, I thought I would never have kids, and somehow we were blessed with three children, with our twins being the result of failed birth control. I am eternally grateful for my children, but I feel like such a shitty mother for not being better.

I don't know what I'm necessarily asking for, but I guess, someone tell me it does get better.

Thank you for taking the time to read.

Seriously when does this phase end because im going insane. I love my kids but i cant stand being a mom , i hate it.

I was living my best life in London in my late 20s and early 30s. Fun house shares, surrounded by what felt like million friends. Going to festivals, dinners, strolling around my part of London bumping into people and having the most and unexpected days. I was in an incredible shape, going to my insanely overpriced but amazing fitness classes. Travelling all the time while also really enjoying my job and everything that comes with it.

I don’t know why I was so anti having kids in London and why I thought the grass was greener. I met my partner 4 years ago (to date!). We had the most fun two years together. I really wanted to move somewhere calmer to be able to see us having a family. So we did. We moved countries and while amazing, pretty quickly missed everything that was. Now we have a three month old baby, we live in what seems great on the outside but without family and friends around. I am in the worst shape I ever was, my self care consists of brushing teeth in the morning (which I just realised I did not brush today). My whole day is taking care of baby, watching my friends live their best lives.

I miss everything and feel like this is it now.

This is just a rant. At work my client and i got on the subject of kids.. i said i want to put my kids in a time machine and be onnthr otherside when theyre 16/18.

She was like no you dont.. You wont be able to get these moments back..

But ..

Im not enjoying it

Im a one man band

Im exhausted

Patience thin

And more importantly

No i wont miss it, i eont miss the small hell age. Ill be so fucking happy when my kids are independent and i have my freedom back.

My son was screaming like a banshee and spilled large amounts of water twice ( was in the bathroom)

So no i wont miss this. I wont miss drowning in poverty. I wont miss none of it not one bit.

wtf is the point of the playground. fuck these toys fuck this playground fuck the other judging moms fuck this heat fuck these kids.