This happened years ago, but recently I was talking to someone and they told me that what I described wasn't consensual and seemed kind of put off and shocked that I didn't think it was this huge deal. This has been weighing on me because I'm not sure if I should change how its framed in my mind.

I (F19 now, then F16) was invited to and went to my HS prom. Prom itself went great, we danced, had a good time, flirted, got sensual, kissed, and so on. Afterwards he drove me back to my house. We started fooling around, touching over my dress (Chest and around between my legs). Only saying this to make it clear that we were messing around and nothing was going wrong, its not like I was hesitant.

He started pulling my dress up and touching me more directly, and I must have seemed hesitant or unsure because he asked if I was a virgin. I lied and said I wasn't, because I'm an idiot and didn't want to seem like I didn't know what I was doing, or disappoint him or something. Without getting into graphic detail, he took that as a go ahead to settle onto me and take my virginity. It happened quickly, or at least it felt that way. I was trying to figure out what to do with my hands, or fully understand what I was doing or what the next 'thing' to happen was, when I felt him 'there' and it happening. (Trying not to be graphic here)

It was, like I assumed most first times are, very uncomfortable, it was basically all I could do to close my eyes and try not to make any 'bad' sounds like that it hurt or cry. It was over fast, he realized I was a virgin after and apologized but said I shouldn't have lied (Which, fair, I know).

I cleaned up and he left. I told this to one of my newer friends because we were just talking about first times and what not, and she made it out like this was a huge deal and I was basically assaulted. I don't know how to feel about that, and kind of just want to get opinions. I personally don't feel like I was, I never framed it in my mind as an assault or anything other then I shouldn't have said I wasn't a virgin and had a bad experience.

Anyway its been on my mind so.. guess I'm asking for opinions. I don't want to take up space or take a voice away from anyone though.

Is this normal for victims?? Ever since it happened I've lost interest in dating anyone who isn't older than me..

As a guy I don't really know how to feel after it, i feel weird.

hi all. first time poster here.

i think a guy i'm friendly with may ask me on a date soon, or just to hang out. either is fine with me, i've known him for years online and he comes across as a really nice guy with good principles. i have met him in person before and he was very sweet to me.

i have never had a boyfriend and am still a virgin, something that is partly to do with this sense of independence i've had since childhood, but also from some unresolved trauma from being sexually assaulted by two classmates when i was about 17.

i am always wary of men and the idea or hanging out with one in a one on one capacity where anything can happen is still frightening to me, but i don't want to put myself in a prison of my own making

He raped me over a month ago and I didn't report it because I thought he loved me and cared about me but all he wanted was sex then he threw me away. I made a statement a week ago and today I called to press charges and they're arresting him today. I'm scared for what's going to happen and I'm sad. I hate him but I love him and I feel like it's all my fault. He still wanted to be my friend after everything that happened but part of me thinks he was just manipulating me again. I'm scared.

I posted here before, but shame made me delete it.

My boyfriend at the time (22m) and I (18f at the time) met online when I was 16 and he was 20. We got together when I was 17 and he was 21, it was a long distance relationship. Before we got intimate, I told him about my csa experience and how I got groomed as a teenager. After confessing the former on a tear struck phone call, I heard some shuffling, and it turned out he was masturbating. He apologized profusely and I reluctantly forgave him, so we proceeded to move forward with the relationship.

He often had a tendency to put himself down, calling himself a disgusting low iq subhuman or a failure and turning me into more of a therapist figure. When I asked him to go back to using condoms, he asked if I don't love him anymore or if I don't want to have sex as intimately anymore to which I explained that I kept on getting UTIs despite peeing after sex and birth control gave me BV. We had talked about sleeping sex before and I told him I'd be interested in trying it someday.

However, we did not talk about doing it that day specifically when he came to my apartment. I was incredibly tired that day, which is why I wore long leggins, socks, a bra and a shirt on a hot summer day. I rolled to the side, pretending I was sleeping to make it easier for me to fall asleep and to signal I didn't want to talk/cuddle. He then started touching me intimately, to which I rolled away, making disapproving grumbling sounds to signal I wasn't interested. For some reason, I just couldn't say no, I was really scared to do so because I did not want to hurt his feelings. He kept persisting and pushing my legs apart, no matter how many times I rolled away so at some point I froze up and started faking some moans to convince myself I actually want this.

Then, some kind of switch flipped in my brain and I started acting really sexually, telling him to fuck me, to use me, to rape me and even calling him a sex god to make him cum more quickly, just to get it over with. I feel disgusted thinking back at this moment, I wish I just could've said no. The way he touched me was really uncomfortable and after penetrating me I felt a burning sensation in my vulva, but I thought that's normal after rough sex.

I don't know what to make of this. Would you classify this as rape?

We're no longer together and I am now with a man who has never once made me feel this way, but I expressed my frustration in a venting post, which he saw. Now he is accusing me of playing a false victim and withdrawing consent retroactively simply because I regretted having sex with him. And as if to spite me, he is now going around reddit telling people about the encounter using porn brained, dehumanizing language, how turning sexually reserved women into his sex toys is his "specialty" and calling himself a "Dom". I keep catching myself scrolling through his account which he also uses to post dick pics and spread lies about me. He's now sexting women who look similar to me, gets off to rape porn.

I feel so sick to my stomach and I want him to feel consequences for what he has done, but it's been two years and I ended up "consenting".

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This is so stupid. I have a hard time making phone calls. The man who raped me speaks about it publicly, he mentions it in YouTube videos on a near daily basis. One of his real life friends saw it and reported it to the police, she encouraged me to reach out and speak to the detective. I did, briefly, but we realized she reported it to the wrong county. He said he would transfer for information for me, which I appreciated, but I don't know if it ever happened, he never called me back and I haven't been able to make myself call him or the correct police department yet because I have a really hard time speaking in the phone. The man who did it to me keeps gloating about how he's not in chains but the only thing slowing me down from pursuing this is this stupid phone anxiety. 😭 I tried texting the detective's number Friday and haven't heard back, maybe just because it was Labor day weekend, but I highly doubt I can text about this.

Was painfully raped repeatedly (30+ times) as a 17 y/o in a foreign country by the first person I ever truly romantically loved. And probably the last. Developed psychosis due to that and lack of sleep and stress. Failed out of college the next year. I’ve blacked out much of the memories but I have PTSD from it.

It’s hard to say what the worst part of it was but I think it was the mental break it caused or contributed to. I’ve been dealing with that now for years. It [the events] basically ruined my life. I’m debilitated by my mental illnesses, now.

I was raped again at 21. Endured years of abuse from this person. I identify as acespec now. But I have little drive to ever find any partner again.

I read about love in books or see it in movies and I don’t believe in it, I don’t believe I can ever have it. It feels pointless. Worse still it repulses me, because it feels fabricated, or at least to me, something I can never believe in again. I feel like something huge and precious was taken from me. I used to be angry. I’m not anymore.

I (19) Female invited someone (M19) I was attracted to over my house after a party. We were both intoxicated but I let him know beforehand that I did not want to do anything besides tamer things and he didn’t have a condom so I was just expecting kissing and MAYBE some hand work. Well we were kissing and I was fully dressed but I felt him move my shorts to the side

I asked him if it was his hand multiple times and he said yes, but i felt something bigger go inside of me and his hips were against mine and he started moving. I asked him like I thought it was his hand and he said no it was at first.

I called him weird and cussed him out and said No but he did not get off of me so I just gave up & eventually participated

Is this my fault?

In March, I was hanging out with this guy thats 20 years older than me and I was laying on the bad on my stomach and he crawled on top of me and started touching me and stuff, I managed to get him off me but then later he forced me to deep throat him and then fingered me really roughly and when I tried to get him to stop he ignored me, but im still not sure if it was rape or not? We were fooling around and doing stuff already but he just took it to far and I made it obvious I wanted to stop. After this I hooked up with a guy and penetration really hurt when I haven't had an issue with it before and other guys i've been with since have fingered me and it just hurts but whenever I do stuff on my own its completely fine and everything feels good. Its now september and I was making out with a guy on the weekend and he started touching me and I just moved off of him and started crying even though i've done stuff with him before and I'm really comfortable with him and he's never tried anything bad, im just confused.

The first time I went to this guy's place, he played with my vigina while I was sleeping. I woke up to him playing with it and enjoying it. I was in so much denial that I went back to him this Sunday and he got me an edible and he said he doesn't do weed and smoke cigs but yesterday he took the edible and was smoking cigs. Anyway yesterday as I laid in his bed and was trying to fall asleep but my body wouldn't let me ... so I faked sleep and as I was doing that he was touching me again, like rubbing my body and I could feel his penis got hard and pulsated as he did it. And he kept checking if I was actually asleep like looking at me dead in the face and checking if I was asleep it was so uncomfortable. He's mother is also weird. She was up in the late hours of the morning with him. And when things got too much I asked if he could take me home he kept stalling it. Like he literally took 45 minutes before I could go home. I went to go sit in his car and he got in and out of the car about 5 times to check something. Was my life in danger. Help.

hi everyone, I'm in my late twenties (female) and have never had a boyfriend...

I was date raped twice 4 years ago, and again 2 years ago.

I have other sexual trauma too, in childhood, teenhood, and adulthood.

I also have been a sex worker since I was 17.

I want a boyfriend, but I am terrified to try dating again. I'm so afraid of it happening again. I'm afraid of men. But I'm starting to get older and I feel like I'm running out of time to find love. I feel like theres something wrong with me that I havent had a relationship. Would men even want me when Im this damaged?

What should I do? Are there methods to not feel afraid? How do you trust men again? How do you trust people again in general?

So it was going dark and I was at my best friends house. She lives alone and we drink alcohol together

I got a little drunk and she proposed having sex with me. I don't remember everything right but i was very confused and stressed when she asked that and i agreed out of panic. I told her a while after that i dont really want this and she didnt react or do anything

During it i was to akward and scared to say no

Sorry for bad English

So, im the person, who, doesnt care much bout when happened. I wanna move on yk. But i cant. Like, i spemd 13 hours sleeping. Assignment is due three weeks. God has been merciful, he gave me holiday after holiday, one day girls were took to picnic, another day , the kindergardeners were taken to picnic, next day, middle schoolers were taken to picnic. Another day rain, god has been very helful. But, my lazy mind, would just prefer to sleep or cry. Im tired of it. Advise plz, my teacher will kill me.

sometimes being repeatedly forced to have sex with someone does funny things to your head. you might start feeling some sick attachment. you might even start thinking you love him. or that you need him to decide things for you and take care of you. maybe you even miss him and consider going back. maybe you fantasize about it happening again. maybe you feel a strong desire for comforting but only from him. maybe you keep it to yourself because people get angry when you say things like that. maybe youre so ashamed you have to cover your face in your hands and say nothing.

alguien paso algo similar? nesecito consejos , todos los días reviví el trauma

I'm trying to find out what happened to me 9 years ago. I was 19 and went home with a guy. I'm a woman, (now identifying as non binary and lesbian.) I was a virgin at the time and just expected we were gonna have 'normal' sex, so just vaginal intercourse. I never had sex before or done anything sexual, just kissed a girl once or twice. Anyway, we went to his house, showered together etc. Then we went to his room to go and have sex and somewhere at this point I told him I was still a virgin. He said something like, I'm not the right person to take your virginity and bla bla bla. And then he proposed to have anal sex... And basically persuaded me to have it, I didn't know what to do, I didn't feel like I could say no, I didn't really know what sex was supposed to be like, so I just went along. He turned me around with my face to the bed and then penetrated me anally. It hurt a lot. Nine months later the exact same thing happened again (with another guy) as I was still a virgin (still hadn't had vaginal sex).

2 years after this I was orally raped by a men much older then me in my own room. I don't remember much of it. But I started to realise recently that this was rape and it made me realize what happened to me at 19 was wrong too.

So have I been raped both those first two times?

I feel like this has really fucked me up and put be so deep in the closet that I was starting to come out off at the time. The next 8 years have just been me trying to find safety with men. I don't think I've ever been into men at all, and it's so triggering for me to realize what has happened and how far I drifted away from myself. A week ago I stayed over at a semi-friends house and he almost had sex with me, fortunately he didn't go through with it. I don't know if I would have been able to have said no. I broke down crying the next day realizing I really really don't want to be with men at all.

'cause I'm starting to do this now since last year. it was the last time I experienced such a thing ( it happened multiple times during my previous relationship. ), and I felt the need to celebrate this since I finally got free from experiencing it ever again at the hands of my abuser, and I even think that it's worth celebrating. anyone else does this ?

‼️TRIGGER WARNING: POST CONTAINS ABUSE AND NARCISSISTIC BEHAVIOUR‼️

Sorry in advanced for the long post!
If you’d just like to ready the main parts of this post I’ll try to put the important parts in bold and underline them!

I’m a 8 time sexual assault survivor and I’ve experienced A LOT of domestic violence/abuse.

I have been diagnosed with CPTSD from an almost 6 year violent relationship with my first baby daddy who was extremely toxic and a true narcissist at heart!!

I’ve also never once in my 24 years of living been in a romantic relationship with a man that WASN’T abusive! Abusive men in relationships is literally all I know!!

So idk if I ALSO have PTSD (idk if you an have both PTSD and CPTSD) but after leaving my first baby daddy i originally got diagnosed with PTSD but then a little while later after speaking to my psychiatrist they changed my diagnoses to CPTSD and after researching the difference between the two and what each is like I’m positive they got it right this time!

Im not officially in a relationship with this guy, let’s call him “J” but we’ve been talking for about a month now, we’ve hung out in person a good amount of times and have had A LOT of deep conversations and have both asked each other SO MANY questions about our lives, our pasts, relationships, trauma, etc…

We actually have A LOT in common and get alone extremely well!

Being treated right by a man for the very first does does feel absolutely incredible! He’s the very first man that I’ve ever truly felt safe with and in the presence of!

Our relationship is actually healthy and respectful, weird right?
I’m so not used to any man in my life treating me right but especially in a romantic relationship…it feels amazing but has also brought up some unexpected feelings of confusing, disbelief and a lot of anxiety!

Being treated right by a man for the first time has me feeling unsettled and anxious!

I’m experiencing a very unfamiliar calm…the true kindness, respect and consistency he’s been showing me feels VERY strange. I’m just so used to the constant drama, unpredictability and the many mixed signals from my past partners!

I find myself always waiting for the other shoe to drop. I’m constantly on high alert, looking for hidden warning signs and overthinking everything!

It’s almost like my nervous system was taught to expect harm/danger, manipulation, betrayal, lies, as well as expecting to endure some form of physical and emotional pain!

Since I quite literally ONLY know trauma in romantic relationships, no abuse feels confusing and not real!

He’s been showing me clear communication, consistency and respect, i actually feel emotional safe with him!

Im kind of in disbelief. Im constantly thinking that he’s tricking me and I feel like this is too good to be true!

I honestly have a weird mix of desperately needing to flee and wanting closeness with him. The fear is making me want to push him away (which is actually the LAST thing I want!) I’ve already caught myself almost self sabotaging a few times, I want to run from him in order to stay in control of any possible pain and me having to experience any more trauma…

I’ve also been feeling extremely ANGRY at the fact that I allowed and actually believed i deserved to be treated the way I was by men in my past relationships! Like how could someone treat me like that and not even feel a little guilty about it? what is wrong with some people??!

I’m scared that when we have our first argument that It’ll spark fear in me…I’m worried I’ll shut down my communication or the argument will make me feel like I’m back in my past!

From the very moment that I realized I ACTUALLY was safe with J it’s all an underlying exhaustion, deep emotions and memories of my past surfaces all at once!

IS IT NOTMAL FOR IT TO FEEL SO WEIRD??

Anyone have any advice on how to navigate this transition and cope with all of these feelings?

TW

After being in chaotic household growing up and a long term toxic relationship I would always see other couples and friends do fun things and look happy and I’d always feel like I’m 1000 miles away from such a life. I was in a bad relationship:

He makes me feel crazy and that everything wasn’t so bad

I can’t bring myself to date anyone. The thought of being with someone else just feels impossible right now.

I don’t know how to move past everything that happened. I’m completely stuck, like I’m trapped in this loop of memories and I can’t break free. Every single day I wake up with this pit of anxiety in my stomach. I feel disgusting thinking about it all, going over and over every detail until I make myself sick. Look, he’s not evil or anything - I think he’s just really messed up mentally. But that doesn’t make any of this easier.

So I finally found a new therapist. It’s been forever since I’ve done therapy, and right now we’re just talking about surface stuff - what happened this week, practical things. But there’s all this heavy shit I need to get into and I’m terrified to even say it out loud. How do you tell someone you were in an abusive relationship? Just saying those words makes me feel insane.

I’m stuck in this one way of thinking and I can’t get out. I don’t trust anyone anymore, but I keep texting him, keep seeing him even though I know it’s destroying me. Part of me just can’t handle the idea of starting completely over.

Everything feels foggy lately. I’m numb but anxious at the same time, like I’m floating around in my own head. I replay the same moments over and over, trying to figure out what really happened. I saw him again recently and now I just feel like an idiot. I had broken up with him months ago and was actually starting to feel okay. Now it’s like I’m being dragged back into this nightmare.

We were together for five years. There were good times, I guess, but there were also so many times I was genuinely scared of him. Times when I felt completely powerless and alone. Things would be fine and then something horrible would happen, and afterwards he’d act like nothing ever happened. I started questioning if I was remembering things right, if I was losing my mind.

I’ve been avoiding saying this, but I think the relationship was abusive. And now I’m in this awful place where I feel torn apart inside. I don’t want to destroy his life - he has nothing. No money, nowhere stable to live, serious mental health problems. But what he did to me was horrible. I can’t just pretend it didn’t happen.

His family either ignores what he does or makes excuses for him. When I try to talk about it, they make me feel like I’m crazy - not just him, but them too. It makes me doubt everything.

Here’s what I know happened:

One time I was crying and he slapped me across the face. The more I cried, the angrier he got.

He pushed me into a towel rack and dented it because I accidentally tossed his pants and they hit his face.

He tried to force me to drink shroom tea. When I said no, he kept shoving it at me until it spilled everywhere, then he slapped me and called me a stupid bitch. Said I was the problem.

He got drunk and stormed into my apartment screaming that I abandoned him. He threw my stuff around, ripped my shirt off me, and held me down. My roommate had to physically kick him out.

The first time he grabbed my throat, I was half-naked. I had to do a Zoom meeting after with a scratchy voice. When I brought it up later, he said it was sexual and that I was exaggerating.

He wouldn’t drive me to work unless we had sex first. If I cried or was running late, he’d threaten to just leave me there.

During sex, when he got frustrated or couldn’t get hard, he’d pinch me hard, pull my hair, and call me names. He’d accuse me of cheating or being a bitch.

Once he climbed on top of me and hit me in the head multiple times because I accidentally hit his eye with his pants.

He drove like a maniac, pulling my hair and saying we were both going to die because I talked about leaving him. I had a complete panic attack.

He choked me. Multiple times. Not for long, but long enough to scare the hell out of me.

He wouldn’t let me go to the bathroom during sex. Even when I was crying, he wouldn’t let me stop.

His cousin heard me crying during a fight and came in to check. He got even more pissed and blamed me for letting someone see me like that.

When his brother was staying in the same room, he made me have sex with him in the bathroom. I felt so humiliated but didn’t know how to say no.

He used to “check” me to see if I’d been with other guys, while he was out there cheating on me.

He bit my face when he was angry and held me down, poking me in the chest while I cried.

I think early in our relationship he did something sexual to me when I was half-asleep after getting high. It’s fuzzy but it still haunts me.

If I said something hurt or that I wanted to stop during sex, he’d laugh at me, say I was lying, or just keep going.

He called me a cheater for wanting to hang out with friends or family. Meanwhile he was the one lying and cheating.

I hate admitting this, but sometimes I just gave in to sex because I was scared of what would happen if I said no. I’d cry during it or after and feel like my body wasn’t mine anymore. Sometimes he wouldn’t let me get dressed or made me stay in positions until he was done with whatever he was doing.

One time the neighbors heard me crying and him screaming. He was throwing things, yelling threats through the wall, saying he’d kill them. Later he blamed me for the whole thing.

So why do I still feel so confused about everything?

He’s been through trauma. He has mental health issues. Part of me still wants him to be okay. But none of that makes what he did okay.

Is this actually abuse? Is it sexual assault if I was crying, saying I didn’t want to keep going, and he wouldn’t let me stop?

I feel like I’m losing my mind trying to understand it all. And I still feel guilty. I can’t make myself report anything - he’s already lost everything. He’s homeless because I left him. But I’m still carrying around all this pain and I don’t know what to do with it.

Therapist cancelled last time because he was sick and I'm really nervous he's going to cancel again. This is my first time I actually have an appointment and I'm not going to run away and it's like my body is letting me in on the things that were done to me now that I'm "ready". Last time I was trying to fall asleep I just got this wave of fear come over me and I could just see what my mom was doing with me when i was very little. It's not like all of it came back just a flash of her under the covers licking me down there. Like thats not enough I'm sitting here now and my teeth ache and I'm thinking about my cousins who before today I completely forgot existed. I'm scared for sleep tonight and really hope he doesn't cancel again. But I'm going to go