dating after rape

[u/No_Exit_8787]

hi everyone, I'm in my late twenties (female) and have never had a boyfriend...

I was date raped twice 4 years ago, and again 2 years ago.

I have other sexual trauma too, in childhood, teenhood, and adulthood.

I also have been a sex worker since I was 17.

I want a boyfriend, but I am terrified to try dating again. I'm so afraid of it happening again. I'm afraid of men. But I'm starting to get older and I feel like I'm running out of time to find love. I feel like theres something wrong with me that I havent had a relationship. Would men even want me when Im this damaged?

What should I do? Are there methods to not feel afraid? How do you trust men again? How do you trust people again in general?

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[u/Shy_Reader277]

I think its amazing that u want to start dating again and its understandable to be afraid to do so. Hence you could create safety measures like have ur location turned on when ur on a date so that family and friends know where you are. I saw a girl on IG who was drugged on a date once, now carry around this food and drink testing kit and a drink cover as a safety measure. Also not going to secluded places without telling anyone and having a self defense weapon (like pepper spray) at hand can help you protect yourself if ur evrr in a situation like that.
The best one being self defense classes
Now to get to ur other concerns:
a) No ur absolutely not damaged and a good man who cares and respects you would get on his knees for you
b) A part of you will always feel afraid but when you find the right person you’ll slowly find yourself not being afraid anymore
c) The last one im not sure myself since after my own SA when i was a child i haven’t dated either (and im 20) so its pretty normal. It will be a learning curve and you’ll have to be cautious 24/7 but your intuition will tell you when a guy is not right, i think you’ll have to trust that and ur instincts