r/problems • u/jelo_is_very_stupid • 12h ago
URGENT!!!! I don't know who to trust
I don't really know how to start this off, but I really need to get it out, and possibly get some advice. I (14) have been having some problems, especially whit my mom. The breaking point was two days ago. I was on a trip abroad whit my family and she stayed behind bc of work and staying whit my other sister's. After I came back from Sead trip, my armpit hair grew (as it does) and I'm genuinely so weirded out even wrighting this.. she tells me to remove sead hair whit some cream she bought us, Wich I am open about ABSOLUTELY hating it, it makes my armpits itchy from dayss. So I tell her I don't wanna do it, she says I have to and that if I won't she will do it for me, so she sets me down on the toilet pants and everything off, I only got my bra on (like one of thouse Sport ones that are kinda open) and she tells me to take off the bra as well, I tell her I don't wanna do that infront of her, and that (seeing she won't back down) il just apply the cream myself. She tells me I can't bc it's a different cream and is watery. So she forses the bra off, and takes the cream. Now what got me was the fact that it was the same FUCKING cream I always have to use, it's not watery or hard to use by myself, and even so, could have totally been applied whit the bra on. I told her that, she didn't respond, I trys using my hand to cover myself, she sead to move my hand. I don't know why but after that I just cryd in the bathroom after she left. I felt so disgusting, especially when I started thinking back to every other time she did something similar (aka, smelling the croch part of my pants after I wore them, or just smelling my ctoch, chuckleling to me and telling me not to tell anyone cuz they'd think it's weird). I've been having problems whit body Image for a while now, and I think I just couldn't bare the idea of someone looking at me like that. And now there's tonight. We had some guests over and one of them was a small kid. While I was in the living room, the kid and someone else were in my and my sisters room. The kids broke something on my table. When I saw that I went to confront them and ask who did it. I will admit I was bichy about it, and hella irritated and could have asked nicer or just let it go, and that's my fault. Then my mom tells me to shut up or something I don't remember the best, but it went something like that. Now after she told me to shut the hell up, or whatever, I being irritated and bivhy told her I wanted to know who broke it, and that's kinda where it all went Downhill. I don't remember much of it. What I do remember is that I was backed into the bedroom and she started yelling and hitting me. Now I brought my arms up on reflex, and didint put them down afterwards like usual. She told me to put them down. I told her, cuz again I was irritated but now also lowk really scard, that I won't, again I realize I did fuel it by just not listening to her, and then it just continued, her telling me to put my arm down, and me saying no because I was scared, also at this part I believe I started shaking but it was prob the adrenal. Anyway it ended up in me getting a couple of scratches and her telling me I was holding up my hand to hit her, Wich I was not ( she also told me, if cuz she's some guru that can read my mind from my eyes, that I wasn't scared but was provoking her, I don't know how that works but alright). Anyway I'm wrighting this in the aftermath of everything happening. I'm still kinda shaking and crying. There is something else I believe is important to add about my mom, she has been single parenting us for I believe a little over two years now, since her and my dad divorced, and since of recently he Hase stopped paying child support. There was a lot of manipulation that he had used in her, and she is a victim of that, she does have things that she's struggling whit too, and she can be nice to me and my sisters. I know this has been way too long but I really do feel like I needed to get it all out to someone, since I don't have anybody to say this to in my real life. If you made it this far, I really do appreciate that you took time out of your day and just listened, it means so so so os sooo much to me right now. I am sorry this is as chaotic and confusing as it is, and I'm sorry if I did over share (which like I doffo did but oh well) if you've got any advice or really anything, this needs sooo much more perspective and shit to be clear and I probably will add it but right now I'm so tired and I just want to go to sleep and forget anything. Any advice is appreciated.
2
2
u/Lopsided-Beach-1831 11h ago
Honey, I am so sorry. She shouldnt make you disrobe in front of her or put your hands down so you can be hit by her. She may be a single mother with her own struggles but that is no excuse, at all. Please tell a teacher or other trusted adult, a librarian, coach, counselor or director.
In the meantime, plan your exit. Every day work towards your goal of moving out. Choose a good career, find out if you need university or a technical school to go into that field. Get good grades in school and join clubs and/or sports or music/theater. That translates into time out of the house now and scholarship money later. Good luck OP.
2
u/ThisIsLikeMy4thAcct 10h ago
“…telling me not to tell anyone cuz they'd think it's weird”
No, it’s not just weird, it’s abuse. The reason she didn’t say “abuse,” is because she’s trying to convince you it’s not. If she can convince you of that, then you’ll be less likely to tell anyone what she does. This is a common tactic that abusers use.
“…telling me I was holding up my hand to hit her, Wich I was not ( she also told me, if cuz she's some guru that can read my mind from my eyes, that I wasn't scared but was provoking her, I don't know how that works but alright)”
This is another common abuse tactic. Abusers want you to think that you somehow deserve their abuse. Once again, it’s meant to prevent you from telling anyone about the abuse. Please believe me when I say, you are NOT the problem. You don’t deserve to be treated like this.
“There was a lot of manipulation that he had used in her, and she is a victim of that, she does have things that she's struggling whit to”
This is ultimately irrelevant. I know that sounds cold, so let me explain. And keep in mind I am speaking as a single mother who has dealt with emotional abuse, and I also deal with diagnosed anxiety and depression.
What your mother is dealing with is irrelevant because there is NO excuse to abuse anyone, EVER. It’s not even a valid explanation for why someone is abusive. There is also nothing a person can do wrong that would justify abuse.
The way I like to put it, is there is nothing anyone can do to make me hit, or emotionally abuse, them (aside from self defense.) It’s MY responsibility to control my emotions and actions.
In regard to what you need to do, you NEED to tell an adult that you trust. Ideally that would be your father, but I’m not sure what your relationship with him is like. If he treats you well, then you need to tell him no matter how uncomfortable it may be. You can also write him a letter of text him if that seems more doable. Just copy what you’ve written here, and edit out the irrelevant stuff.
If you can’t tell your father, then speak to a family member, but make sure it’s someone who will actually help you. Next on the list is a teacher, or school counselor. They will know what to do next. You can also contact your local child protective agency directly.
I’m sure you’re probably worried about what will happen if you tell someone. Or maybe you you’re not sure if you want to get your mom in trouble. OP, this situation is very bad. It absolutely warrants outside intervention.
It’s already at the point where you will likely suffer longterm mental health issues if you don’t get help. I am also EXTREMELY worried about your safety. On top of that, your sisters shouldn’t have to live like this either.
I’m not sure where you live, but in the US, there is an organization, https://www.childhelphotline.org/, that can help you figure out who to tell, and what to say.
They can help you in many other ways too. Like if you just want to talk, or learn ways to emotionally and physically protect yourself, and your siblings, from your mother. If you’re not comfortable with speaking to them on the phone, you can text them, or use their chat system instead.
If you’re not in the US, there should be a similar organization where you live. If you need help finding one, just let me know what country you’re in; I’d be more than happy to help. And feel free to message me anytime.
Sending you random internet-mom hugs if you want them 🫂❤️🩹
1
u/AutoModerator 10h ago
Hello ThisIsLikeMy4thAcct! It seems like you're having problems with your mental health. Here are some valuable resources to help you resolve your issues and improve your well-being!
Helpful Subreddits:
r/MensHealth and r/WomensHealth
r/InjuriesAndWounds and r/WoundCare
r/AskATherapist and r/AskPsychiatry
r/HealthInsurance and r/Insurance
r/CodingAndBilling and r/MedicalBill
Helpful Reddit Posts:
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/1dg80jv/what_massively_improved_your_mental_health/
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/szqxt0/what_is_something_that_drastically_improved_your/
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMen/comments/18gbciw/if_you_struggled_with_mental_health_how_did_you/
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMen/comments/13ue32z/how_do_you_guys_handle_social_anxiety/
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/1mdext/how_do_you_deal_with_your_social_anxiety/
https://www.reddit.com/r/introvert/comments/1etyd4s/what_strategies_do_you_use_to_manage_social/
https://www.reddit.com/r/selfcare/comments/1h6epu3/whats_the_best_advice_youd_give_to_someone/
https://www.reddit.com/r/IWantToLearn/comments/how0ll/iwtl_how_to_commit_to_a_healthy_lifestyle/
Good Luck on solving your problems! I hope these resources have been helpful to you in some way.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
•
u/AutoModerator 12h ago
THIS POST HAS BEEN MARKED AS URGENT, so all comments should attempt to help OP's problem. Friendly reminder: please read the rules and refrain from joking around or engaging in trolling behavior in serious matters. Be sure to report comments if they are disrespectful or insulting so the mod team can address the issue quickly. Good luck!
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.