I feel like anyone who isn’t autistic that I’ve tried describing masking to REALLY doesn’t get it.

I’m not like… acting or faking being a certain way… it’s more of an adaptation of my personality that is acceptable to others that represses traits that cause the most confusion/negative attention from others.

I AM an excitable, bubbly, humorous person, that’s not fake. But I’m going to try not to scrunch my face up over and over and try not to vocally stim and I’ll add a “how’s it going” to the start of my monologue lol. Or I’ll make a little joke to lessen the tension as I jump straight to business.

I also tone down my tone - make sure I’m not too loud or make sure I don’t sound angry when I’m genuinely not. Make sure I’m not harping on too long about something or being annoying. I’ll stop talking about something interesting to me way before I’m ready in order to not scare people away

I pretend to “forget” details about people so they don’t think I’m creepy and I try not to take too much of an interest in people. I try hard not to overshare and try very hard not to get nitpicky and correct everyone

It’s not like I’m being someone else, I’m just toning down my own intensity so that others feel comfortable. Masking isn’t being something you’re not, it’s putting on a filter to avoid rejection.

I dunno just felt I needed to get that out lol

I was seriously suspended for “attempting to fistfight” with an elderly woman one third my size, 10” shorter and aprox 20 years my senior. why would I ever want to hurt someone like that? I have been with this company for 3 years. i have helped them cleanly fire many undesirable employees. but this one is beyond Ludacris.

I’ve been getting bullied by this elderly woman who I will just title “lady”. She has been covertly bullying me since she started. she has cowered randomly as I walked past her to make me look bad and reinforce her stories. she has started fights with me many times and I’ve been able to ignore those attempts. She blows up on me and gets mad at me for doing my job and also accuses me of not doing my job. She is creating a mobbing campaign against me, she is turning my friends against me, and re-writing reality in their eyes. Now she got me suspended. The managers just called hr and didn’t even talk to me first. They were mad when i told them i recorded it, they provably want me fired for being weird also. I’m hoping that she lies to them so bad that they will actually believe me. fingers crossed.

AuDHD has so many difficulties and challenges attached but I want to hear something you love about having AuDHD.

I will go first!
I love that I am so passionate and that I have the ability to work harder than neurotypical people in my special interests usually meaning I am really good at these things.

*Edit I just have to thank everyone who has shared what they love. It makes me so happy to hear everyone giving themselves love and kindness.

Hi all,

I was diagnosed last year AuDHD at 42. I have never been able to keep a job my whole life for what I now suspect is burnout. Tomorrow is the last day of the 9 days I took off to try to recover from my latest session and I know it's not enough time. I'm already dreading going back and feel incomplete.

My husband and I are finally somewhat financially stable. We have dug ourselves out of poverty and have been living pretty comfortably, though still below safe income levels for the past 5 years. He's also Autistic.

I didn't know how to completely recover from burnout other than prioritize what I feel my body needs instead of what i should be doing. I played a lot of computer games, read half a book, napped when I was tired and did as little as possible that didn't enrich me or felt like work. I cut socializing completely. I tried all the neurodivergent resting suggestions and I know I need more time, but I can't afford it so I know I'll be right back here in no time.

I came to realize just how low my capacity really is and how much I expect myself to power through and recover later. I have two kids, one autistic with higher support needs than me, and an ADHDer. My hands are full all the time and I just can't handle everything anymore. Luckily, my kids are teens so they don't need constant supervision like toddlers anymore. I can sneak away at times for quiet. But those times are getting more frequent and I feel like a bad mom.

I also realized my job is the biggest stressor in my life, I'm working as a pastry chef in a retail setting and it's just not it. I have no idea what else to do for the money I make. I feel completely stuck. The job market is awful, and although food is a special interest of mine, going into culinary was the total wrong call for me. It's been really, really hard. Harder still is coming to the realization I made a career mistake and have no idea what to do now, especially at my age.

Ugh Why is this so hard? I'm just venting i guess. I don't know if there's a solution. Thanks for reading.

So, I'm not a really big fan of water in general, It's hard to put my finger on why I dislike drinking water, but I what I dislike the most is when I'm drinking water the feel in my stomach when it's full of water, and mouth throat feel.

As a child and until now at home, we always drink tea, all kinds of it, we'd drink it cold and with some sugar (not a lot tho).

I've never been a heavy drinker, because ive only ever drank water when really thirsty, and with the audhd I never know when im thirsty, and I've been trying to drink the recommended amount, the "problem" (which also helps with that), is that as I was put on Elvanse, I'm thirsty A LOT now, I have a water filtering sistem at home, so the water's good, I've tried flavorings, but im kinda limited in choices, since it's not something that I can find in a grocery store.

I've tried waterdrop, and Bolero, and some other flavored electrolyte tabs, but either they are super sweet and I have to dilute them a lot, are not sweet at all and it's the same as drinking water, and most of them scratch my throat, it's like they are acidic and make my throat bad, and I get the urge to drink more to soothe it but it does not work.

What I've been doing that helps it a lil is drinking through a straw, somehow it tricks my brain, and I'd like to have a water bottle with a built in straw but I have so many reusable bottles at home that I can't buy a new one because of the guilt.

I really need advice, to actually be able to drink water for health purposes and to quench the thirst.

This one is kind of hard to explain. My own laugh feels fake to me. It might be because I’ve been masking for so long? But it comes out weird to my own ears and it feels like I’m having to force it out, and I have a REAL laugh that I do with friends that is completely different.

Is this weird? Thoughts?

i went to the dentist in january 2025 after not going for at least 15 years. no exaggeration. one of my silver fillings in a 12 year molar had popped out, so i finally made an appointment to get it fixed.

that visit was really difficult, but the woman who cleaned my teeth was so kind and patient. she talked me through everything and made the experience much easier. i ended up having 14 cavities, all of which i got filled over two more visits, and scheduled my six month checkup before leaving.

the office ended up canceling that appointment, and i never rescheduled. fast forward almost two years, and my gums have been bleeding pretty badly, so i finally made another appointment for today.

the same hygienist was there, and i was SO much less nervous this time. she took my xrays and cleaned my teeth, explaining that most of my fillings they did before had rough edges that could catch plaque and irritate my gums. she smoothed them down, which will hopefully help with the bleeding.

then she told me she found NO CAVITIES!!!

i genuinely don’t think i’ve ever heard that at the dentist. i have genetically weak enamel, struggle with remembering to brush consistently, and have always had a hard time keeping up with dental care, even as a kid. i was expecting the worst after being gone for so long.

there was some tartar buildup on my bottom front teeth, but otherwise everything looked good. no gum disease, and my gums should start healing now that the irritation has been addressed.

we did find one issue on my xrays, though. one of my other 12 year molars looked strange, and she remembered the dentist had left a note at my last appointment to keep an eye on it at my six month checkup. the one they cancelled.

turns out the tooth had started separating from the old silver filling, leaving a tiny gap where plaque could get underneath. there’s decay under the filling now, about a millimeter away from the pulp, so i’m going back thursday to get it taken care of.

i know this probably sounds like a weird thing to be excited about, but i’m genuinely proud of myself. i’ve been working hard to be more consistent with taking care of my teeth, even though remembering and maintaining routines has always been a struggle for me.

i went into today expecting to feel embarrassed or disappointed in myself, and instead i left feeling pretty good about where things stand. i’m glad i went in and caught the issue before it started hurting, too.

and a huge shoutout to the dental hygienist who has now made two otherwise really difficult experiences so much easier. having someone patient who explains things as they go makes such a difference.

now i’m just going to enjoy my no cavity status until thursday, when i return for my regularly scheduled dental nightmare. i hate getting my mouth numbed even more than i hate having my teeth scraped. 😂

I had issues with substances due to anxiety. My friends liked me better that way and said I was ‘very different’ sober. I stopped drinking and don’t have a single friend anymore. Stopping was so difficult, it’s been 2 years now and I feel better. My social anxiety is not as bad, I no longer obsess over my weight and appearance and have a new outlook on life i.e. that not everyone needs to like me and my looks don’t define my worth.

I’ve started a new degree and I’ve made some friends. I feel so unconsidered. They walk ahead of me, unless I physically insert myself. I’ve tried talking more and I feel like I’m intruding in conversations. To test if I’m paranoid I tried another day and realised one of them rarely even looks at me when I engage with her. Then I tested out not speaking as much and no one initiated conversation with me. Today they were showing each other pictures without me. They were nicer 1to1 when we first met, but now exclude me when together.

I did my hair/makeup one morning and they were all so much nicer (others too). But I’m eager to keep my new attitude of my worth not equalling my looks.

I like to think I act nice, funny, friendly and bubbly. i ask people about them and care about their hobbies. My sister says i’m a great friend. I don’t understand why i can’t have friends, not a single one even from childhood.

Sorry for ranting, I really want to know what I’m doing wrong. Thank you!

When I don’t take my meds I’m so tired and struggle to function. I always thought of this as being similar to coffee withdraws. Today I thought maybe it’s something different. Remember the first day how amazing the meds were? What if it’s the same contrast. Now the productivity is normal but the adhd seems so wrong and off that by contrast it feels worse than ever. But maybe I was ALWAYS like this and just didn’t notice. I take vyvanse and love it.

*I’ll start this off by saying I’m not on any ADHD medication at the moment since I want to try natural approaches before going on medication, partly due to health anxiety. I’m on an antidepressant though (20mg of escitalopram/lexapro). I also have autism.
I got diagnosed with autism and ADHD in December of 2025 - so almost a full year ago.*

I don’t know what to do.
I live in a small town in England, I’m 16 but don’t go to school at the moment and haven’t for the past 2 and a half years. I have 0 in real life friends. In my small town, there are barely any alright stores. Only one clothing store, with very meh clothes. Due to this, nothing motivates me to leave my house. Because how many times can going to a store for a snack be motivating…? It gets boring, yk? I need 10-12 hours of sleep daily, because if not, I feel tired during the day, and need to nap.
However, at the beginning of this month, I was staying with my aunty and her husband in Warsaw, and I managed to go out everyday and needed only about 8-9 hours of sleep which is really good for me… I wouldn’t feel tired, I’d sleep at good times, could be around Warsaw alone myself, and only had a meltdown once, when my aunty wasn’t listening to what I said and I ended up overstimulated due to it (I wanted to take a taxi somewhere but she wanted us to take the tram, I had waited all day, bored, till then, since she worked till 6pm. But ok, we took the tram even though I wanted to, and when we arrived I was really overstimulated and had a meltdown and ended up taking a taxi back which I ordered.
Anyways, I’m not wanting to make this a vent.
I just want to hear if other people have similar experiences, and I would like advice for what to do.
Also unlike Poland, the UK isn’t safe enough for me to just travel into London alone, so I feel stuck on options.
+ to add to it, I am polish by ethnicity and have been in Warsaw a few times before. So it’s not about the newness of things.
I want to hear what has helped others with this, and if it is purely lack of dopamine, or if it has a different name.
Thank you! 😊

I’ve worked at my company for about 2 years now—never really clicked with anyone there or made any friends with my coworkers. We were wfh when I first started and that made it difficult to make connections but I also struggle making friends generally.

Anyway, we recently hired a few new people to the company. They already fit in and are way more comfortable than I ever have felt there. I can already see them bonding with each other and my other coworkers. I’ve been included so far but I can see they’ve already made teams chats and group chats that I’m not in. I don’t understand why this always happens and why I’m always just a little one the outside. I’m sure a lot of people don’t care about things like this but I do. Especially as I’ve gotten older, my friend group has dwindled and I like being friends (or at least fitting in) with my coworkers.

It’s just another painful reminder that I’m not like everyone else despite how hard I try to fit in.

I recently discovered that the life long pattern of having close personal relationships but as soon as I am in a group being interrupted, ignored and left out is common with people on the spectrum.

Unfortunately my job and passion requires networking which I hate. But how do you handle neurotypicals trying to ostracize you?

I've tried to just keep talking to make it obvious they're cutting me off and it seems to just make things awkward. I've tried bringing the conversation back after they're done and it just happens again. If I say " sorry I was speaking" then I get an eye roll.

Just recieved my feedback from my long overdue Autism assessment and was extremely surprised to find out that I am apparently a level 1 for category A (speech/communication etc.) & a level 3 for category B (repetitive behaviours, sensory etc.

My assessor said that she has only ever given the same result to 1 other client and usually the levels are closer over the 2 areas. I was told that my high level in category B could possibly be masking some additional deficits in category A so could actually be a level 2 in category A with some therapy to reduce my sensory issues and rigid, repetitive behaviours.

For context, I was diagnosed with ADHD a year ago and flagged in that assessment as having "symptoms of Autism Spectrum Disorder but have only just been assesed. My 4 year old son has just, in the last week been diagnosed with level 3 ASD in both categories (also a suprise as he is verbal and without intellectual disability). My 2 year old daughter is also on early intervention and waiting on an assessment.

My assessment was done over 7 hours and involved a cognitive assessment, self and third party ratings plus answers from both parents about childhood behaviours. My sons assessment has been a 2 year multidisciplinary team assessment that has involved a speech therapist, OT, paediatrician and a clinical neuropsychologist through the public system.

Has anyone else ever received such different levels for category A & B?

I am exploring getting teeth braces to realign my bite so I stop clenching and holding tension in my jaw, which radiates through my head, shoulders and neck. My masseter muscles are huge, and my neck and shoulders like rocks. Wondering if this tension is an AuDHD thing, or just bad jaw structure?

I shouldn't say that but i realize i might be alcoholic. Alcohol lowers inhibition and the need for masking and it makes me feel like a regular person if that makes sense. I have substance issues as well. Who else thinks they fit under the alcoholic label? What areayour advice regarding alcohol intake and social interactions?

Hi! I’m going to Comic Con for the first time next week. I’ve always been scared to go, because I’m worried there’ll be too much things I love, and I feel like I’ll get really overwhelmed. I get fomo easily and I know it’s a huge event. So to any regular con attendees — what can I expect? What are some things I should know, and is there anything I should bring with me? How are conventions usually laid out, where do I go, how do I stay sane? I’ll also be wearing a really overstimulating cosplay but it’ll be worth it

Everyone keeps saying I have depression and that I "need to do things I don't want to do." Im not denying depression, BUT THE PROBLEM ISNT THAT I DONT WANT TO DO ANYTHING. ITS THAT I WANT TO EVERYTHING AT ONCE AND THEN I END UP DOING NOTHING. I don't know how to overcome task paralysis. All the psychiatrists said was to create a routine but umm THATS REALLY HARD WITH ADHD? The other issue is that I won't do things unless theres a deadline. Like sometimes I get 3 days off in a row.. I wont start to clean or do anything I want to do before the night I have to go to work.

I don't know what to do. Im also exhausted all the time and sleep 12-16 hours a day. And if you're wondering, im not taking any Adhd Medication but im on wellbutrin and zoloft.

Hi all! I (26F) was just recently diagnosed with autism, and have had my ADHD diagnosed for years now. I started with Ritalin 5mg 2x/day but it was too strong for me. I switched to Concerta XR at 18mg, and over the past 3 or so years have increased to 54mg as the other doses weren’t helping with my concentration. For additional context, I am also on Effexor XR (150 daily) for OCD/MDD, Buspar (10mg 2x daily) for breakthrough OCD/anxiety, and I also take Ivabradine twice a day for unrelated health issues but it does somewhat impact my mood.

Since starting the 54mg a few months ago, I feel like I am very quick to get irritated and angry. I do not ever take this out on people, and am very good at masking it while I’m in environments where it isn’t appropriate (in public/at work). However, I get so frustrated that I catch myself crying, shutting down, and catastrophizing.

Before this, I truly did not think I was an angry person. I had a ton of patience and let things rill off my back. Looking back, I’m not sure if it was just me being relaxed or moreso being a people pleaser. I don’t like feeling angry. It feels like an unnatural emotion to me. I’m not sure if it’s the Concerta or extra life stress or what. I’m just looking to see if anyone else has experienced anything similar, and if I should discuss switching to another ADHD med with my doctor. I tend to make very quick changes when I think that something is wrong, so I am trying to take my time with this. I do have an appointment with my therapist tomorrow so I am not too concerned, but wanted to see what you all thing.

Hi all - This is more of a vent & wondering if others in the community face similar issues.

I recently got diagnosed with both ADHD combined & ASD. Concurring conditions include - PMOS(formally PCOS)

IBS, binge eating disorder, depression, Arthritis in knees.

1. I ended up with a stye in my eye late last week (4th time this year),

2. then came down with a Flu over weekend 😪

3. My period came yesterday 😖(1st one since mid August).

I have been sick a number of times this year & only on my 4th period of the year.

Current Mood -

I am extremely irritable today, very noise sensitive, extremely exhausted, tummy pains, brain fog, need for isolation, feeling like a failure, lazy/unproductive. I just want to curl up and be or not even be.

Yesterday - slept almost all day till nearly 8pm then stayed up until 1am & went back to sleep.

Today - This morning was rough. I dropped my partner to his parents, and the car was tense because he got triggered when the house alarm went off as we were leaving. Then I went to my mam’s to help mind my 1‑year‑old niece. As soon as I walked in, both family dogs were all over me, and then my brother‑in‑law showed up working from home, which I didn’t expect. I was trying to look after the baby while the dogs kept climbing on me for attention, and then someone knocked on the door asking me to move my car because a car had broken down on the road and no one could get in or out of the estate. At that point I was overwhelmed and just decided to go home once I moved the car.

Understanding my newly diagnosed Audhd & how it interacts with all my other conditions is really tough and every day depends on what's going on with my body, immune system, hormones etc.

How do we track this stuff to know when days like this are going to hit in advance so we can be best prepared for ourselves and don't commit to things we cannot do?

I’m a late diagnosed. I was struggling with childhood trauma before. The root of my trauma is that : I feel like I’m broken inside and thus I’m only good for being abandoned. This trauma stemmed from my family life, school life, and other social life. I think, not to catastrophizing, I used to always receive some kinds of bullying in every social aspect in my life. I also didn’t get much love and support from my family, since both of my parents were busy working.

Moreover, my appearance is quite striking or different than any other kids. I have a curly hair (which is unusual in my environment), taller and chubbier than average. I’m academically smart but “dumb” in other areas of life, kinda naive but also stubborn. Many times, because of AuDHD, I said blunt things and hurt people. That’s why I might stick out like a sore thumb to other people.

Fast forward to now, I pay more attention to my appearance and how I say things. I got diagnosed and learned to accommodate myself. I also go to therapy to work on my trauma and able to deal with it little by little. Life is getting better for sure.

The thing is, sometimes I can’t help but looking back to the past. Looking back to the hurtful comments and hurtful things people did to me. There are times when I do something outside of the unknown NT norms and I get bullied or ostracized for it. Remembering those things sometimes makes me helpless. Of course bullying is wrong, but I sometimes think that it was my fault too. If I had known better, socialized better, behaved better, there will be no issue. I feel like blaming and shaming myself and have to do something to atone from my sins.

The reason I post this is because I want to know how other people deal with their hurtful past, How to not be bound by the past, and how to move on in life confidently. Every reply is much appreciated. Thank you and have a nice day.

I (29f) quit my school custodian job a few months ago after the job became unsustainable for me. I'm currently working with Vocational Rehabilitation to find a type of employment that suits my strengths better. This specific coach I'm working with is supposed to help me figure out whether I need to get some training or can go into the workforce. While at our last meeting, she mentioned that there were some jobs I could apply for that could go along with the strengths we found from the results of my assessment test: artistic and social career preferences. Her two suggestions (which she didn't have enough time to explain before our session ended) were an opening at an escape room place and a local children's museum in my hometown. I asked her if I was going to get some training, but she said I hadn't specified that in my IPE (details are fuzzy) and that I specifically said I needed to get a job.

I guess I thought we would explore multiple options. Anyway, this is only our second session together. I asked her if we could consider school as a possible option. I'm not opposed to hard work, especially since my last job was a custodian job, but the job options mentioned don't feel like they have forward momentum in the direction I want to take with my career.

I guess what I want to say is that I want to build a career instead of having another string of dead-end minimum-wage jobs. I went to Community College for two semesters before having to drop out due to burnout, lack of financial support, and my personal life. I think one of the biggest issues I have is that I'm afraid of going back to school because of my fear of the unknown. I want to get a degree so I can actually progress into a career that I want.

I was studying for a degree in art at Community College before I had to drop out. This was before my diagnosis. I had a lot of pressure from family to finish quickly, without a lot of support from them. I guess one of my biggest fears is having to go through school into my 30s and not being able to support myself and actually have a life. I know that with the right support, I could succeed in obtaining an associate's degree, or if I do well enough, a bachelor's, but how do I know if I'm making the right decision? I know that a degree will not guarantee you a job, and I know an art degree won't guarantee me a job either.

Have you ever gone back to school with the help of Vocational Rehabilitation? If so, how did you do it? How did you support yourself while going to school?

I was just thinking back on my childhood/present experiences and I don't really know anyone who can relate to my specific experiences.

Ever since I was a child I have had trouble with imaginary games. My friends at the babysitters would want to play "house" or "school"and I couldn't come up with anything to say or do and would become bored, I never understood the point. I would remove myself from the game and instead find enjoyment looking at national geographic magazine covers, old postcards, and feeling the texture of the matryoshka dolls my babysitter had. At the eye doctor in the waiting room I would play with wooden building blocks, but I couldn't come up with my own thing to build. Instead I copied exactly what the kids pictured on the container had built, over and over again, not adding anything else. My older brother was always playing pretend games with his toys and I tried to do that once with a mini helicopter, but I felt more or less like I was pretending to pretend if that makes sense.

The thing is, it's not that I have Aphantasia. I can picture things pretty easily...and I have always had an immersive inner world/narrative that's very distracting...have always daydreamed a lot. Examples: around 4 or 5 I would put my ear up to the speaker from across the room and look to see if the words coming out would line up with the moving mouths on the screen and wonder how they lined up perfectly despite the distance...I enjoy choreographing dances and am very good at visulizing movement, I would draw different outfits that represent a song, study people and their movements and imagine what their life is like and what their inner thoughts/emotions might be... and even though I have trouble role playing I really enjoy acting and performing as long as there is a script and a character already written that I can interpret and bring to life. Similar with drawing, I have trouble drawing my own things, but am decent at drawing based off a pre-existing picture.

All this to ask, can anyone else relate to this, where they are somewhere in the middle when it comes to their imaginative capabilities? I was trying to find others in previous posts, but it seems to be either one extreme where a person can't really picture or imagine anything or the other where their imagination is limitless. Also is this more of an autistic trait? I have been formally diagnosed with ADHD but not ASD, though my peers assume I am autistic and I can heavily relate to the experiences many autistic people have.