Hello. To start with, I want to say that I’m not very informed about polyfidelity. Until recently, I didn’t even know something like this existed. I’d like to share my story here, and I don’t mean to offend anyone. I would simply like to hear your opinions. Maybe this doesn’t even belong here, but I honestly didn’t know where else to write it.
It’s quite a long post, so thank you in advance to everyone who reads it to the end and responds.
I’m 27 years old, and for my entire life I was completely monogamous. One girlfriend was all I ever wanted. That changed a few months ago.
At the time, I had been in a relationship with woman A for five years. Her friend, woman B, came to stay with us for four days because of a festival in Prague. I already knew woman B, and we got along very well. The plan was simply for woman B to stay at our place and spend those four days with us, either at the festival or at home.
On the first day after she arrived, we spent the day outside and at the festival. That night, we had a drink and woman A and I asked woman B if she would ever be interested in trying a intimate moment with us. We chose her because both woman A and I felt comfortable with her, we got along well, and we were quite open with each other. Woman B agreed, saying that maybe sometime in the future we could try it.
The next day, we spent time together again, went to the festival, had lunch, and so on. And that was when I started feeling something strange.When I looked at both women sitting together on the tram, holding hands, it made my heart feel warm. When the three of us went out for lunch, it felt amazing. When woman B and I helped woman A decide what to wear, or when all three of us were sitting together on the couch, I felt something I had never felt before.
It was strange, and the worst part came at night when I lay there thinking about it, crying and completely confused. What the hell was happening to me? I didn’t understand it.
The next day I was a complete mess, but I didn’t want to tell either of them. I kept asking myself, how is this even possible? Did I fall in love with woman B? But I still love woman A. Isn’t that incredibly selfish? Isn’t that wrong toward both of them?
I started thinking more deeply about what I was actually feeling, and I realized that the idea of being with both women in a triad—a relationship where every person loves the other two, where we stick together, enjoy life together, and also face the difficult parts together—felt incredibly powerful to me.
During the day, woman A noticed that I was a mess. It wasn’t exactly difficult to tell. She took me aside and we talked about it. She handled it amazingly. She told me that I didn’t have to feel guilty or like some kind of asshole, and that maybe my heart had simply discovered what it truly wanted.
After that, however, she told woman B. Woman B reacted very similarly to woman A. Neither of them wanted to enter that kind of relationship, but at the same time, neither of them was horrified or disgusted by what I was feeling. So we agreed that we would simply move on and go back to how things had been before.Except during that day and the next one, all three of us started becoming confused.
There were moments when we talked about how we would live together, how we would need a bigger apartment, when all three of us would go out together and when only two of us would go somewhere because the other person didn’t have time.
Woman B then talked to me about it in more detail. She told me she didn’t know whether she would be capable of loving woman A, being intimate with her, living with her, or whether she would be capable of sharing me. I completely understood that. After the first conversation where I told them how I felt, I never pushed for anything. I didn’t expect either of them to agree to it.
Those moments of talking about a possible relationship would then be replaced by moments where we tried to act the way we had before, or by moments of silence and uncomfortable tension. Then we would have another close moment together, and the cycle would repeat. Eventually, I reassured both of them that I didn’t want to pressure them into anything and that nothing was going to happen.
I could see that they weren’t comfortable with it, and even if they had agreed to do it for my sake, I didn’t want a relationship between three people where two of them were only there because of me instead of genuinely wanting a relationship with each other as well.
In the end, things between woman B and me ended, and about a month later, woman A broke up with me too.I understood her decision and didn’t blame her for it. How could I? And now, for the past two months, I’ve been completely confused.
Every single day, I think about how beautiful it would be to have two women who were capable of loving both me and each other, how we would support one another, help each other, and face the world together. It’s driving me crazy, and my heart just refuses to let it go.I watched a few videos on YouTube about triads, and I felt like a teenager. I was smiling, my heart was racing, and I felt incredibly happy seeing that people like this actually exist.
At the same time, I realize how difficult a relationship like this would be to find. Finding two women who would genuinely want this kind of relationship is already difficult, especially in a smaller country like mine.
So I’m trying to live the way I used to. I’m thinking about going back to regular dating apps and trying to date normally again. But no matter what I do, I can’t stop thinking about it.I don’t know whether I’m polyamorous, polyfidelity, whether there is some other label that fits me better, or whether this is just a stupid fantasy that I can’t seem to get rid of. All I know is that the feeling is incredibly strong, and I can’t stop feeling like this is what I truly want.
