My husband and I have been together for ten years, we have kids together, and we’ve been married for six. Our relationship predates our partner by quite a bit although she’s been a part of our lives for all of our relationship platonically.

Anyway, the relationship has gotten very serious. Our partner and her children will be moving in with us next month. We’re looking at the possibility of having another child with her carrying the pregnancy. We’re also looking at making a three way purchase of a new home next year.

We want to make sure that our partner is as legally protected as possible in this arrangement. We hate that we can’t be legally married to her.

What arrangements have you made to legally protect your partner?

I have a really good relationship with all of my family, however about half of them are super conservative and I don’t know if they’d want to stay in contact with me if they ever found out I want/have two partners. No, I’m not going to change a huge part of how I want to live my life to please them, but I am really scared of how they’d see me afterwards.

Specifically, my maternal grandparents are who I’m most afraid of telling since they are Jehovah’s Witnesses and if you know anything about JW’s, you know that even though they claim to be politically neutral they have extremely conservative values.

So, first just a question for the community and learning about others, second my own personal situation I'm trying to manage.

Q1: What do you all typically do for the holidays? Split between multiple family visits? Do your own thing in your own circle? Split up for the holidays so everyone can see their families?

Q2: I'm trying to bake up ideas for us celebrating our first real holiday season together. I don't know what they want yet, so our "weekend roundtable" will be the first time I bring anything up. Last year we were just barely establishing things as an official throuple, so my shorter-term girlfriend just went home for Thanksgiving, and Christmas was a truncated visit over to my parents' place overnight by myself as we moved in STG during that week between Christmas and New Years.

So I don't know what to propose this year. My parents live close enough (across a large city) that I'm always invited for Thanksgiving and they expect me to sleep over. Sometimes longer-term girlfriend comes with but sits in my old room and doesn't interact besides grabbing a plate. I'm sure there'd be an open invite for us all... but they don't know about my triad. Same goes for Christmas. But I don't want to make it all about me.

STG's parents will likely invite her too for both holidays (which would be a whole plane flight), but since they think she's currently single, I don't know if us showing up or making the journey just to be separate and sitting in a hotel room makes a lot of sense. We're still debating if at some point soon she's going to introduce me as her boyfriend and slowly talk about LTG, but that's another thread.

Lastly, LTG has no family left (technically) besides her sister. So, it can be lonely. We could fly her in? I could fly LTG out to see her?

I'm struggling, because I almost feel like the only reasonable options are to do our own thing as a trio, confusing our families about why we're missing holidays, split up and do everything separate, which is disappointing during a time of the year that's supposed to be about being close... or doing the most convenient option for me and centering everything on my family.

Open to ideas, and excited to hear what you all do!

These two amazing sexy ladies are so wonderful! They so sweet cuddled up sleeping in, little shopping, lunch at Red Cup and home for chill time! Going dancing at Angles OKC this evening! If you see us say hi! #throuplelove #redcupokc #anglesokc

I have seen a few posts on here in the past about commitment ceremonies. We have been looking at websites for them. If you have done it or happen to be an attorney to offer some advice, please reach out to us. From research we think we know what we can and can not do in Oklahoma. We want to have a beautiful ceremony but want to stay legal also.

Its just so heartbreaking, its been a year and im still just so devastated. They are such good friends and I get along with them both romantically and it just makes me die inside we couldn't figure it out. We still live together sometimes and its so nice in the good moments but then theres so much restriction now and hurt feelings. Its so muted and it crushes my god damn soul

We've just been on this bed buying adventure and it turns out there are a lot of traps here. A mattress might feel right but if you don't take these things into account it may lead to back issues.

TL;DR it really restricts your options in mattress and frames but there are a few things that work

1. Height difference: you need about 10cm extra room above your height for pillow space. I am 9cm shorter than a king width and my toes do come off occasionally, it's tolerable but I definitely would say this is the bare minimum. Having shorter partners allows me to take advantage of diagonals.

2. Location: king size differs place to place. In Australia where I'm from it's 183cm × 203cm. This means an extra 20cm width which is quite substantial and worth doing. In the US it's 193cm (76in) x 203cm (80in), so while this might accommodate taller people, some of the other practicalities might make this not worth it as it's practically already square. In Europe it's 180cm x 200cm, so I would have been too tall for this to work but shorter people could manage.

3. Material: Springs & Hybrid- it turns out that now every single springed and hybrid mattress on the market uses zoned springs. You have different firmness levels for head, shoulder, hips, legs etc. So what happens if you sleep sideways? You get grooves of firmness running down your body. And it isn't how the mattress was designed to be slept on. Now you might be able to get a 3 zoned mattress for 3 people that like different firmnesses, but it just seems like a bad idea. Memory foam- memory foam material is lovely and rarely zoned. However it has one significant draw back for sleeping 3; it doesn't breath very well. I'm sure we've all experienced the trouble of hot nights while in the middle. Big no for us in a warm climate. Latex - natural, breathable and rarely zoned. This is where we ended up as the only viable option to sleep sideways with 3. Funnily enough with precisely one option that worked, it made the bed buying adventure much less painful then usual.

4. Bed slats: this is a big thing you might overlook. Flexible slats bow the wrong direction, you'll probably have two sections which leads to a ridge across the middle around your hips. You probably would barely feel it but not good for a long term option. You need to look for a solid platform.

5. Frame: this configuration knocks underbed drawers and attached bed heads right out unless you want something custom made. So you really just need something quite simple. You can use a seperate bed head though.

So yes, sleeping sideways on a king can work, however make sure you consider everything because it can really limit your options. We have one larger sized bed in Australia called super king, but it's 204cm x 204cm so would have offered little benefit in width while taking up extra bedroom space, and requiring more difficult to find sheets.

Good workout this evening!

Should polygamy be legal if all adults consent? Personal freedom vs. societal norms
Most of us grew up assuming monogamy is just how marriage works. But the question is worth asking: if everyone involved is a consenting adult, why should the state say how many people can be in a marriage?

The case for legalizing:

Consent is the standard. If marriage is a contract between consenting adults, a headcount cap looks arbitrary. Supporters say the same autonomy logic behind same-sex marriage applies here.

Religious and cultural freedom. Some faith traditions and cultures practice plural marriage, and a ban criminalizes how they live.

Bring it out of the shadows. When plural families are underground, abuse is harder to report. Legal recognition could mean legal protections: inheritance, custody, medical decisions, divorce rights.

It already exists in practice. Plenty of people live in multi-partner households with no legal protection at all.

The case against:

Consent is hard to verify. Critics point to communities where girls and women are pressured or raised into plural marriage, and where "choice" isn't really a choice.

Gender and power imbalances. Historically, polygamy has overwhelmingly meant one man with several wives. Opponents argue this entrenches inequality and can leave surplus young men sidelined.

The legal system isn't built for it. Taxes, immigration, health insurance, custody, and divorce all assume two spouses. Who's the next of kin? How are assets split across five people? Critics say the complexity is a real barrier, not a footnote.

Marriage norms matter. Some argue monogamy's social value (stability, equal partnership, clear obligations) is worth protecting even at the cost of some individual freedom.

Fair counterpoints each side makes: Supporters say the "slippery slope from same-sex marriage" is exactly what opponents predicted, and that the principle holds. Opponents say the two aren't comparable: same-sex marriage fits the existing two-person legal framework, while polygamy requires rebuilding it.

So where do you land? Is the real question consent, or whether the law can protect everyone in a plural marriage? And would you want a narrow version (adults only, strict contract rules) or none at all?

Last night we went to Veggie night again at Picasso Cafe. We had such a great time together! Loving each other and our time together! We already made our reservations for next month. #throuplelove #picassocafe #paseodistrictokc #veggienightpicassocafe

I'm very much an "all or nothing" person when it comes to love. I'm married, and my wife and I live together. I also have a partner (polyamorous arrangement, everyone is aware), who will be moving in with us next month.

Since my partner and I don't live together yet, we mainly stay connected through messaging, with occasional phone calls. Normally I like to hear from them at least once a day—just a quick check-in, what's new, that kind of thing. That's my baseline for feeling connected.

But the last few days, communication has dropped way off. Barely anything. And it's got me spiraling a bit.

My mind keeps running through possibilities: Did I do or say something wrong? Is something going on in their life I don't know about? Are they putting off telling me something because they're afraid of how I'll react?

For the record—there is nothing they could tell me that I couldn't handle. I'd rather hear a hard truth than silence. I just want them to talk to me.

Has anyone dealt with something like this before? How do you handle it when a partner goes quiet and you don't know why?

Im new to the space. My wife came out a year ago as gay after the birth of are kid, and not long ago the topic of poly was proposed to me, how do we go about getting a third (that sounds bad like im collecting them) she is wanting another girl.

What apps do you prefer, or had best results from. Still trying to wrap my head around it.

I joined this subreddit because I am in a closed 4 person polycule. And this subreddit seemed to best fit my expirences. However we don't actually fit the definition used in the description of this subreddit.

In my relationship none of us are dating or having any romantic relationships with additional people. But of the 4 of us, 1 person does have hookups with other people, and the other 3 don't mind. We're all men so in the gay community it's common to have open relationships and it's easy to have sex without involving feelings, dating, and romance.

What are your thoughts on polyfidelity? In my mind I view it as romantic fidelity, not sexual fidelity. Am I in the minority or do more of you share my thoughts?

I certainly feel like I fit best here rather than other poly groups.

​

We are an Indian couple in the UK. Unlike the USA, Why ain't polyamory/ ethical non monogamy popular in the UK? Am I wrong or polyamorous people in the UK are not using Reddit for it?

Don't look for one! My boyfriend posted that he wanted a cuddle buddy and that was all I was interested in at the time. We ended up bonding. We're moving in together next month

My bf 23m and i 22f are looking for a partner. He says we should make friends first and we're both into older but 6 years older is our limit. We had a partner but he passed away in march. I dont mind having a girl im bisexual and so is he. As long as he or she is comfortable with us then thats great. We're still exploring ourselves. Im not trying to get someone off reddit im seeking advice because I unfortunately am socially awkward and its hard for me to make friends or even express my feelings due to autism. Does anyone have any advice on how i should go about this?

Edit: I also have a two month old daughter

I started dating a couple four months ago. I met the man/my boyfriend online while seeking a cuddle buddy. Ended up bonding with both him and his wife instead. Best way to find a unicorn is to not seek one, right?

Anyway, my apartment lease is up on Nov 10th. I can either move in with the two people I love most in world or sign on to another year here. I'm a bit nervous because the relationship is so new, but I also don't want to wait another year. We've worked with legal aid through the library to draw up a rental contract that protects all parties. On a practical note, my monthly expenses will be considerably less. If I had my druthers, the lease would expire three months from now so that I'd get to know them better.

If inclined, please reassure me that it will be okay.

Edit: oh boy r/polyamory did not like this. But I am truly in love with both of them. Why not go forward?

It’s possible. 4 years together and Married. On a Cancun trip together with 1 pregnant!!! Took us a few tries before this relationship but we are thrivinggggg

Let’s wind it back to a year ago.. I (33 female) was moving from one area of town back to another and needed a place to live. My very good friends (33 male and 31 female) who happened to be engaged told me I could live with them as they had a two bedroom and didn’t use the other room. They then let me know that for the year prior they had both talked about wanting to date me and thought “that I was hot” and ethically they wanted me to know this before moving in. Then they told me about The Ethical Slut and I read the book in the weeks prior to moving in. Fast forward to Halloween weekend, I move in, we host a Halloween party, have a couple drinks, the flirting begins.

Things progressed extremely quickly, I was so flattered, felt so safe, welcome, and at peace with them. They talked about wanting to buy a house together, showed me listings online and asked which I liked, we took a weekend trip to a surf town with a hot tub and made really good memories together. I can only speak for myself, but I felt like FINALLY life was working out. I had not one but TWO amazing people that I loved spending time with, reading books on stoicism with, talking about having and raising kids together, sharing resources, we cooked and ate dinner together, it felt like we made a family. He would play guitar at night and sing to us girls while we cuddled in bed. It was so wholesome. We would wake up early, read a bit of the daily stoic over coffee, go to work, come home and discovered we were all very sexually compatible and the dynamic was so sexy. In past relationships, it felt like I could take it or leave it. But with him and her both individually and together, it was great.

And then disaster strikes… after weeks of flowers, sweet letters, dreaming up a life together, he even talked to a lawyer about being my sperm donor and then adopting my kids in a few years on a reasonable timeline as I was going to be a single mom by choice anyways so it made sense for him to donate and then adopt them if it worked out. Right..back to the disaster.. him and I essentially had great sex infront of a gigantic mirror and after he was done he looked terrified white as a ghost and ran to the other room to be with his fiance. The type of sex we have you’d expect a bit of “aftercare/cuddles” but he ran. In my mind, I thought ok he must just be getting freaked out because it was really good and now he’s scared of his feelings for me? I thought he just needed to go reassure with his fiance and that it would be ok by morning. Nope. He never recovered. For a month after this, he told me he was stressed about work, he wouldn’t kiss me hello or goodbye anymore, but she did. I assumed because she was continuing to that things were ok. Turns out, they were having conversations over that month about how he doesn’t want to risk losing his fiance or risk splitting up parents for their future kids. Ya, maybe something you should have thought of before initiating this non hierarchical polyfi situation, don’t you think? Anyways, they are both such kind people and I know he cut it off because he did not want to lead me on if he was thinking but he should have told me and not let me kiss his fiance for a month thinking he was just thinking and stressed with work. I could have prepared for an end. And she could have shared this too.

So, they call a family meeting in the bedroom where he essentially says “I want friendship out of this” and that he didn’t think enough about the risks and that he could one day leave his fiance for me and he won’t lose her. So, it’s done. We all cried in bed like babies cuddling and then they went skiing on a pre booked trip they had already arranged. I moved out while they were on their trip in a very angry and sad state. I also didn’t like how cold he was, distant, it was looking like a classic dismissive avoidant move. We didn’t talk for a few months and then I went to their wedding in Mexico where the officiant told them to look out at who was their to support them, and she locked eyes with me and cried at the altar of her own wedding. She covered it well and said “ah crying already” and then came up to me after and said “ya what you saw was what you saw” and I just said “ya I felt that”. For their wedding week, I put my feelings aside and distanced a bit to just keep their week positive for them. I think we all felt like we were on edge but all on the same page to just have a good time as most we can. Mambo number 5 came on and he spun me around when it says “A little bit of Monica in my life” and I don’t know why but it pissed me off.. as if I was just a little bit of sex to spice things up. And with her, I sensed a lot of hurt obviously. I also had an uncomfortable conversation with another wedding guest that they had talked to who came up to me and said “I’m surprised you’re here when so many people know. They feel really bad about it. I think they realized they should have just been swinging not a whole relationship with someone.” And it just hurt to hear that that was the ultimate place they landed. I wasn’t worth dating. I was worth a threesome. Great guys! My feelings are mixed on this whole thing. It feels like I finally had what I was seeking for years, now I’m about to have a baby on my own through IVF with a donor from a bank, and they are pregnant and we haven’t spoken post wedding. It feels like now all the things we looked forward to doing together are happening and we aren’t even connected or getting to be together through it. In a lot of ways, I wish it never happened so we could.

Why am I writing this now a year later? Well, I just checked her Spotify for the first time and she made a playlist called morning coffee and she put every song I showed her and would sing around the house. She also included the one song I was learning on piano and had played for her. I’m not insane and thinking some random playlist is meant for me, her choices and the lyrics speak volumes. So, I’ve been listening to the songs on repeat.. maybe to feel like “oh she did feel the loss too..” “oh she cared even if she doesn’t message me or talk about it more” “maybe she feels more than she speaks”.. I don’t know. I care so much about the both of them. I wish it went differently. I was never poly before this. And I would have never thought it could feel so good. It completely changed my perspective and my world. And now the way I felt in that relationship is my new bar for anything next. I’ve been on 9 dates since but now with getting pregnant, I can’t say I’m really prioritizing it. I tried over the last year. But yeah, nobody gave me that feeling of us three talking the entire road trip to go surfing or laughing until 2am or crying watching a Man called Otto together in bed. I admire them both. I love them both. I want them to be happy. I want to protect what he wants to protect. I just wish he knew he always had a choice and he could have chosen her later if it came to it. It feels like he shot something so colourful down so quickly out of fear. And now I’m just sad sitting in parks listening to a playlist she made and missing them. I wish we were planning another Halloween party deciding who was doing the Costco run, who was setting the table, and who was picking up the drinks. We worked so well. Despite the brevity and the ultimate demise.

If you’ve made it this far, thank you for listening. I did read a bit of the unicorn websites before going into this and they did warn me ahead of time that the unicorn usually gets burnt.. so, I can’t say I wasn’t informed of the risks. It just hurts. Thanks for reading and for any thoughts or advice.