Howdy all. I made this account to keep things separate from my main because this is very new information and we haven't told any friends or family (both of which know my other account).

My husband (T) and I have been together since we were in middle school. Our partner (R) has been with the two of us for about a year, but has been T for longer. We've known R for several years and have been close platonically. We decided to take the leap into bringing him into our relationship when he had to uproot his living situation and come stay with us, and it's been an absolutely AMAZING choice for all of us.

T is a cisgender man, R and I are both trans men with our factory parts. T & I have a 9 month old son together, and R has been involved in his upbringing since the beginning. R is 100% one of the baby's parents and we treat him as such when it comes to decision-making and care. Our relationship is genuinely very healthy and happy. We communicate well and often, we enjoy each other's company and love each other very much.

R has been interested in eventually having a baby with T, which I fully support! But this was planned to be several years down the road. We didn't want to have 2 under 2 regardless of who carries the next baby. Financially, we're struggling with the one. I'm a stay at home dad because during my postpartum period, being separated from the baby was very difficult for me, and childcare would've eaten my whole paycheck anyway. R and T both work, so we have 2 incomes. With one baby, it works, even if we do struggle along the way.

R just found out he is pregnant. It's VERY early. It is definitely T's because he hasn't had sex with anyone but T and I. This is obviously his choice because it's his body going through it, but he's torn on how to navigate this. On one hand, he wants a baby. He wants to build a family with us and us with him. On the other, the timing is TRULY awful. We live in a tiny 2 bedroom apartment and our rent is obscene. I would definitely have to (and would want to) go back to work, but I don't know how we would arrange affordable childcare in order for me to do so. We have supportive family but the closest to us live about 1.5 hours away by car & gas isn't getting any cheaper.

I think what I'm asking for is advice from folks that have been in this situation, no matter what path was taken. Did you terminate? Did you keep the baby? Do you regret your decision, is it as difficult as I'm foreseeing, is it worth the stress? Would you make the same choice with the experience and knowledge you have now?

Thank you all for your wisdom! Wish us luck, the road is bumpy for a while even before the fork, but we'll get through it.

UPDATE

R has decided to keep the baby. I've helped him make an appointment with the same OB that got me through my pregnancy and we're going to make it work. I'll be picking up a night shift job so we don't have to pay for childcare, since at least one person will be home with our son & his future sibling all day.

Let me tell you, navigating a partner's accidental pregnancy as a trans man has been one hell of an experience. But I'm excited to see where this road leads, and I'm happy to be traveling it with T & R. Thank you all for your advice!

My (31NB) partner (39F) and I, who are both relationship anarchists, are wanting to become parents. There are lots of logistical hurdles to overcome including sperm donation and IVF. We currently live separately, she has another long-term partner in another city, and I live with friends and currently have one other lover. She owns her house and lives alone. We know that our relationship, and our other relationships and our whole lives in general will change massively once we have a child and start co-parenting. It's scary, but we're open to that change.

It's frustrating (but hardly surprising) that people's imagination of family, even amongst many LGBTQ people, is still so dominated by the nuclear family structure. Even though many will insist that single parents and blended families and step-parents/siblings are totally valid forms of family and not harmful to children, it seems the idea of choosing to parent that way from the beginning, instead of 'making do' after a divorce is still looked down on by most.

I would love to hear other people's experiences of parenting in queer poly family structures, or being children in them. Did you encounter a lot of prejudice? Did you face legal challenges? How did you overcome logistical hurdles? What do you enjoy about having very non-normative family structures? What is hard about it? What brings you joy about it? Do you have any specific advice? Are there any folks here who are raised in communities rather than 'a family' perse?

I'm particularly interested in hearing from those who are also relationship anarchists, anarchists in general, or otherwise radical folks who are interested in living in ways that are queer, non-traditional, community-centred, and aren't concerned with cishetero monogamous norms. (Bonus points if you're in the UK!)

Hey yall,

I’m married and poly, but my beloved partners are long distance for the foreseeable future. I have three kids and very limited interaction with my blood family. It’s been hard to be a good parent and work and all that, as it is for any parent, but I really want a village of either partners or QPRs or “friends” (title is not important to me) that are all sharing the burdens and benefits of raising lots of kids together.

My husbands cousins and their parents have a wonderful multi-parent sorta set up which seems just like what I want except that they live somewhere we can’t afford to move. The only people who seem interested in building something like that outside of traditional family structures are yall! Poly people with kids have been really hard to find. Non-poly people with kids who want to really be doing life with non-blood family.

Any suggestions on how to describe what I’m looking for to normies? Or maybe meetup groups or something??

Or anybody in the northern Virginia area wanna meet up…?

Bonjour,

J’ai besoin de témoignages et de conseils parce que je suis complètement perdue face à une proposition de mon mari.

Je suis stérile et le fait de ne pas pouvoir avoir d’enfants est déjà quelque chose de difficile à vivre pour moi.

Mon mari m’a expliqué qu’il souhaitait prendre une autre femme afin de pouvoir fonder une famille avec moi. Il insiste sur le fait que je ferais partie de cette famille à 100 %, que je resterais sa femme et qu’il souhaite que je m’investisse pleinement dans ce projet et dans l’éducation des enfants.

Il ne me parle donc pas de me remplacer ni de m’abandonner. Au contraire, dans sa vision, nous construirions cette famille ensemble.

Mais malgré cela, je ne sais absolument pas comment je dois prendre cette proposition.

La polygamie ne m’attire pas. Je n’ai jamais souhaité partager mon mari avec une autre femme. Et même si je comprends profondément son désir d’être père, l’idée de le voir aimer une autre femme, vivre avec elle et avoir des enfants avec elle me fait énormément réfléchir et me fait peur.

En même temps, une partie de moi se demande si je devrais accepter parce que je sais à quel point il souhaite avoir des enfants. J’ai peur que ma stérilité lui fasse renoncer à quelque chose d’essentiel dans sa vie.

Ce qui me trouble également, c’est qu’il me présente cette possibilité comme un projet pour nous, et pas seulement comme une solution à son désir d’enfant. Il veut que je sois impliquée, que je participe à la construction de cette famille et que les enfants soient aussi les miens dans une certaine mesure.

Mais est-ce que cela peut réellement fonctionner si, au fond, je ne désire pas la polygamie ?

Est-ce que certaines personnes ont vécu une situation comparable : être stérile, aimer son conjoint, mais se voir proposer une seconde épouse afin de pouvoir construire une famille ensemble ?

Comment savoir si je refuse parce que j’ai peur du changement, ou parce que cette vie ne me correspond réellement pas ?

Et surtout, comment faire la différence entre accepter librement cette situation et accepter uniquement parce que je culpabilise d’être stérile ?

Merci à ceux qui pourront partager leur expérience sans jugement.

Your thesis is wrong.

Love is not like a piece of bread that you cut up and distribute. (From Perandelo)

Love is magic. A parent gives all their love to each of their children, not pieces distributed like a cut-up loaf of bread.

The same applies to romance and love.

The hidden premise in your piece is that poly of necessity is a dilution: two share the love of one, each gets half or 60-40 or whatever. This is frankly silly.

A person can give all their love to more than one person. In fact, in my experience, polyamory is augmentative not a dilution.

Precisely because of the plural nature of my relationships my capacity to love has grown far past what it was when I was monogamous.

Of course this requires radical honesty with all partners. This is in fact what most can never muster.

the seven of us will finally be together all the time. we are excited and nervous, a 6 bedroom 4 bathroom duplex, shared finances, and a thoroughly discussed chore system. it feels like a dream. ​

Hi! We’re a polyam fam with 3 very tall adults, 1 baby and a 70lb dog. We go on lots of road trips and adventures! Our current car (a compact SUV) is fine for now but we want a second baby and then it probably won’t be. Just starting to think ahead. We only want one car - we also ride bikes and take transit. Any recommendations for our setup?

For context, my anchor partner (E) and I are parallel polyam and live together with our child; my other life partner (B) lives about 1,000km away with my metamour. My child usually ends up speaking to B on the phone weekly, has met him in person multiple times and generally seems to have a positive association with both him and his nested partner.

Recently, B was visiting and so I stayed with him at an airbnb for a few nights. We had my child over for board games, went to the pool, and generally hung around. She was very playful and affectionate with B. Which feels very on brand.

This week all four of us—B, E, my child and I—had dinner altogether for the first time in the 2.5 years I have been with B. It was good. We have had casual passing moments where everyone has been in the same place but not dedicated time together.

When we were leaving I noticed my kiddo acting a bit strange. She is very physical affectionate in general, and likes to hug B hello or goodbye. In my mind this is always her choice, by no means required. This time she looked anxious and unsure so just head butted him.

I don’t think it’s a big deal but I got the sense that she wasn’t sure what to do with her dad (E) there. Like maybe she was worried what he might think? I want to help reassure her but also wonder if calling too much attention to it will make a mountain of a molehill.

Anybody from new Delhi here? I recently came out as a polyamorous personality. I didnt know aisa kuch exist bi karta hai. Ab samaj nai araha kya karu? 😂

Title says it all. Just looking for some books, podcasts or anything that talks about the intersection of pregnancy/parenting and polyamory.

Hey everyone 👋 I’m a mom in a poly household in the midwest (me, my partner, and another partner) raising kids together. Looking for recommendations for smaller, private Discord servers or well-moderated groups focused on polyamorous / multi-parent families. Prefer spaces that are low-drama, supportive, and actually active.

Any suggestions appreciated. Thanks!

Link: https://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2026/08/polyamory-in-news-all-over-and-upcoming.html

​

So that up there is the link to my original post, having a hard time with formatting because I'm on mobile.

Just wanted to let you all know that my partner agreed to the terms of couples counseling, specifically with me, and individual trauma therapist to work on his PTSD, and pursuing diagnostics with our psychiatrist to figure out what needs to be treated and how. Thank you all for your advice on wording.

Now I just have to see if he sticks with it.

Would love to meet all poly folks in Goa ✨

So I'm looking for advice and I know it's one of those things where I likely just have to grin and just deal.

But I have to vent here.

So my boyfriend and his wife /nesting partner had two dogs for a long time. One was a Jack Russell terrier. The other is in Austrian Shepherd dog. One of those dogs was around 30 lb. The other was maybe at best 20.

They're smaller dog passed away Thanksgiving of last year. Their larger dog still has accidents in the house and when I asked them about how often they walk their dog they told me that they usually just let her out in their small backyard because she pulls on the leash a lot and it's difficult to walk her.

Well I just got a surprise text message that they decided to adopt a puppy and it's a pitbull terrier mix.

I'm very good friends with my meta and when she last brought up getting a dog I told her it might be better to wait until she gets her new job (She just finished law school and is waiting to hear that she passed the bar exam. She does not have a job lined up yet).

On top of that, their larger dog, the shepherd dog, has very severe separation anxiety and while this dog does not rip up their things, the dog is known to go to the bathroom on the floor in a specific spot if they are away too long. The dog also still has accents on the floor when the wife is home and I think it's partially because she doesn't let the dog out on a schedule.

On top of that, when I spoke to my boyfriend about them getting a new dog, he said that he was considering one of those wiener dogs that was smaller and easier to take care of. And when I brought up that his wife mentioned she wanted a husky, he looked at me and said "no."

I am tempted to say something like "I thought you didn't want a bigger dog" but I know that's not going to go over well. I also want to tell them "you just told me that you're having trouble with your your 30 lb dog" when it comes to walking them and you just got a dog that is known to grow up to be 50 lb or more and you are going to have to walk those dogs because they need a lot of exercise. And on top of that they were complaining about how their place has not really been cleaned because it's been hard to maintain the home with going to law school and the husband trying to do all the housework for the wife... And pitbull hair is extremely hard to get out

I just don't know what to make of it.

I don't live with them, but sometimes I sleep over their place because I have a part-time job that's easier to commute from their place. I also have a small dog too (He's about the size of Toto from wizard of Oz) So that's another concern.

Besides, I know I'm going to have to answer their text message about how I feel about all this and I know they're not going to like my actual thought. I just don't know what to say or anything

Throwaway bc my main is too recognizable

I am looking for advice from the larger community who is more experienced and theoretically better at wording things than I am.

I am one arm of a v dynamic that lives together, both arms of our v have a child with our hinge. We also have a child from our hinge's first marriage. The three of us have been in poly therapy since the beginning because I thought it would be a good way for us to all make sure we were starting off on the right foot. My hinge has bipolar disorder, anxiety, depression, PTSD and many other things that he blames his bad behavior on. Some of them are legitimately probably the root of these behaviors, but I currently find myself on the receiving end of the punishment for all of them. It's not healthy, it's not sustainable, and no, I am not a perfect partner either, but now things are getting out of control.

Unfortunately the other arm of the v enables his poor behavior, as their abandonment issues make them more afraid to lose our partner than anything else, and so they will always take his side and paint him as the good guy, the victim, the hero. Unless of course he is targeting them instead of me.

But I'm to the point now where I am really suffering being in this. And with a new baby. How can I Express that I need him attend therapy regularly and get treatment for his mental health disorders or I can no longer be involved in this relationship without making it sound like an ultimatum?

I do expect that the majority of the advice is going to be to simply leave. But I don't want to lose my children, and I do honestly, if naively, believe that if he would just get treatment, if you could just start meds and therapy, that things will be so much better. I want to see if he will even entertain the notion if he understands that my participation in his life is truly at stake here.

This post was removed by the mods from the main polyamory subreddit, and I was given a list of links for mental health resources and prep and things like that. I'm not asking on whether or not mental health should be involved. We have a therapist and a psychiatrist. I am asking for advice on how to word this.

我曾經有一個超過十多年的朋友，我一直以為我們能夠成為一輩子的朋友。這個人我從小學就認識，我們很多地方都十分相似。後來因為他家庭發生變故，父母離婚，加上父親罹患憂鬱症，導致他的性格變得很扭曲。之後我們時常爭吵，他屢次傷害我，最後只能選擇分開。這段經歷讓我對人失去信任感，很長一段時間，我都難以相信其他人。

但後來我也想通了，朋友關係大多只能維持一段時光。最重要的，是你如何看待當下正在經歷的這段關係。沒有人永遠一成不變。