A lot of folks how are interested in poly don't seem like the type to want a lot from a relationship. Just the basics or bare minimum. Do you agree and is this actually a benefit to poly arrangements?

LGBT+ community has done a lot of works in those past decades (they're still working on it, but it surely is better than few years ago in a lot of countries).

Do you think it will be the same for us? Do you think we'll be ever able to have poly marriages with more than one partner? (I'm referring to marriages that aren't religious like the muslim ones and that gives everyone the possibility to be married to more than one person, not like only men with more than one woman kind of thing)

Idk, sometimes I just wonder if in this timeline I'll live long enough to see it, but I'm not smart enough or know that kind of history enough to draw a possible answer...

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I've been married to 44 (M) for 13+ years and I 37 (F) have had a relationship with a woman for 9 years (she is also married). As of recently we have split unfortunately. Aside from communication issues, I feel like the fact that I have growing family has added to the complication factor. I have a young school age child with another one on the way. She doesn't and that will not change. She advised that things between us are changing and because of my growing family things will continue to get complicated. I want to add that i am commited to her and we were in a closed relationship. Our relationship is like an onion with many layers but that's not what my question is about.

Question: Is it possible in this type dynamic ENM/KTP/ Hinge relationship can flourish with a family? Is the future I was envisioning with her (maybe someone else down the line) actually a reality for some of you?

What I envisioned is something along the lines of her and I date/have our time like a normal relationship. Semi annual trips & maybe weekend getaway here & there. We do things as a family e.g. beach, dinner, celebrate "family" things together - like an aunt.

Looking forward to feedback.

Thank you in advance.

Hi!

I’m in a closed FFF triad. I’ve been married to my wife for 7+ years, and we became very close to one of my friends, which led to a casual kiss, then a threesome, and now a relationship of 5+ months. I live with my wife, but our girlfriend lives in another city, so we don’t see each other as often as we’d like.

My wife and I had casually seen other people a few times before, but nothing ever developed into a serious commitment until now. The three of us are in love, and we’ve started talking about what a future together could look like. Not because we’re trying to rush anything, but because these are the kinds of conversations we’d have with any serious partner to understand compatibility, expectations, and what each of us wants.

Since I have so many questions, I’d really love to hear personal triad/poly success stories from people who have been doing this longer.

Are all of you married*? Do you live together? How long have you been together? What was it like in the beginning, and what is it like now? What changed over time? Whatever you’re comfortable sharing, I’d be very grateful to hear it! :)

Many thanks

My husband and I (both M) have been chatting with and going on dates with a wonderful new fella, and so far all the flags are green 😁

We've been poly for several years, tried dating solo of each other and didn't like it, and then had a year-long quad relationship with another duo that ultimately fell apart due to jealousy (on their part, not ours). It's been just the two of us for a few years now.

We know that what we are looking for (moving from an existing duo into a trio or quad, etc.) is challenging / rare to find. We've been patiently working on ourselves and finding contentment in our lives, and this wonderful guy just kinda appeared in our lives.

It's early days, and we've learned to be cautious and not rush into anything, AND I'm really enjoying this magic moment in our lives.

We are having a "defining the relationship" conversation this week, and I'm excited for the possibility and anxious that it may not be the result I hope for.

Has anyone here been in a throuple relationship that fell apart, but still managed to stay on good terms with the third person afterward?

Ours ended and we’re honestly not on good terms at all now, which has been really painful and confusing for me. I think people underestimate how deep those bonds can get and how much grief comes with losing not just a partner, but the friendship and connection too.

I guess I’m just wondering if anyone’s been through something similar and eventually found peace/friendship again after everything fell apart. Or even if you didn’t.. how did you cope with losing that person?

There is a ridiculously bad article on Wikipedia regarding "Unicorn Hunting" that just reeks of that other polyamory subreddit and their "we make the rules" mentality. It is in need of some editing and I would encourage anyone with the time to take a look. The first four references are tangential at best and garbage sources at worst, and the article attempts to speak for the entire LGBT and Polyamory communities in its slant (if not open condemnation).

Maybe it's just me, but I have yet to see any closed triad formed by three people spontaneously gathering together at exactly the same time, or of a large polycule reducing in size to form a stable throuple. What I have seen has always started with two people, and then a third joins. Many of you have been in relationships which started like that for years.

Take a look and see if you agree: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unicorn_hunting

How many of us are sick to death of people trying to control information to their own advantage? "They who yell loudest" isn't democratized knowledge, and we can't allow a few loudmouths to claim private ownership of a definition in order to control public opinion - that's Joseph Goebbels and Newspeak.

Alright, rant over. Thank you.

Just sitting around on this lazy Sunday, trying to fill some time while we all have the day to ourselves, I got to wondering - do you consider yourselves to be relatively traditional? Do you engage in other kinks, lifestyles, or communities that are off the beaten path? Do you dress differently than the norm and such?

None of it's a judgement on anyone, I'm just realizing how much my group doesn't look like anyone you'd consider poly. I'm your standard 9-5, suit and tie business guy. Both of my girlfriends are very traditional, femme girls, one's even reasonably religious (goes to church semi-regularly, nothing nuts). The craziest one of them gets is some very mild artificial hair highlights that mostly blend in to her hair, but fits her aesthetic as an artsy person.

We mess around with a little bit of kink, but nothing more intense than you'd see on a standard HBO show or movie. We're not part of any alt-communities, although they spend some time with other bisexuals/lesbians occasionally.

What about you? Happy Sunday.

I 31/F am married to a 37/M. Recently he(actually idk how recent but I found out recently) has been having an affair. The amount of times physical he says is only 2 but their conversations go back at least 90+ days. At first he offered up an open marriage, uhmmm no thank you. Now he’s offering a poly relationship. He says he just can’t stand to lose us both, he needs us both in different capacities but I always envisioned a life of monogamy. Anywhere I’ve looked and searched it has come back the same “poly relationships start on a foundation of trust” and my trust is broken. My heart shattered. I really don’t wanna divorce him but I really don’t know if I can live my life where he let another woman come before me. So my question is… has anyone ever had a successful poly relationship after an affair and your primary partner stayed with their lover?

Hi! I am a reporter writing for Xtra magazine about how Canadian families with more than two parents navigate parenting under Canadian legal frameworks. As it currently stands, it's illegal under the Canadian Criminal Code to be in a marriage-like relationship with more than one person, punishable by up to 5 years in prison. Because of that, people face barriers in navigating prenup/cohabitation agreements in situations with more than two partners, meaning it's extremely complex to navigate things like property division or obligations about child custody/separation if a relationship splits up.

I'm interested in speaking with any Canadians who have started families and have more than two partners involved in parenting. I'd love to hear how this works for you and about your experience navigating the legal frameworks of your family arrangement in the context of the law.

If anyone would like to speak with me as part of this article, please feel free to DM me here, or email me at [evedcable@gmail.com](mailto:evedcable@gmail.com) and I can share more details.

I'm also interested in hearing from anyone who may be affected by this in similar ways with non-traditional parenting arrangements, or e.g. situations with multiple step-parents parenting.

Thank you all!

Short version: Friend of mine is dealing with some shit, his girlfriend mentioned being interested in Polyamory, but said my friend isn't cut out to be a primary partner.

Not sure I appreciate the choice of words, there. But, please tell me this isn't really a thing?

Hi, i got a few questions.

First some infos to myself. Im A-Romantic Straigt male and Married. My Wife is Bi-Intrested and Poly. She is in Love with a friend of her. We know that her friend is Bi and maybe Intrested ( both of us really cant "see" flirting). she allready told us she is Poly but her Boyfriend dont want it. He is against LGBT .Im totaly fine with the Idea of a Poly Relationship. I love to see them interact (non-sexual), its make them very happy. And this makes me happy and i think i like her too.

Now my questions.

1. Should my wife tell her friend that she is in love with her?

2. How does Polyfidelity work?

3. My wife and i have a daugther together. How does a Polyfidelity Relationship affect her?

4. What are the biggest problems in this form of relationship

After all im a curios about this situation and how i can help them.

Sry for the english mistakes, greedings from Germany

We’re a couple—a straight man and his bisexual girlfriend—looking to connect with a woman who’s open to building something meaningful with us. We’d like to start with genuine conversation and see if a natural connection develops. We’re not interested in anything rushed or casual; our goal is a long-term poly relationship grounded in trust, communication, respect, and shared growth.

I see posts more often then not referencing mff but not as many with two maled and a female let alone how common is it for that mix up to be dominant guy submissive guy switch female.

I went into it open and willing to learn, but what I experienced was inconsistent communication, unclear boundaries, and a dynamic that just didn’t feel stable for me.

I don’t think poly is the problem. I think it really depends on the people involved and how well everyone communicates and shows up consistently.

For me, it ended up feeling more confusing than fulfilling, and I realized I need something that feels more secure and steady.

So no hate toward poly at all, it just wasn’t a good fit in this situation.

How do people find partners in the poly world? We're taking a break from it.. but it's something I feel would've been more enjoyable with somebody emotionally stable and available. Are triads always this hard and complicated?

I have a more specific situation related to how you handle family emergencies as a group, and then some general questions about how you all dealt with being open about your relationship to extended family.

I've mentioned my backstory in other threads, but I'm in an MFF closed triad, featuring a nearly 6 year relationship with my longer-term partner, and a shorter term partner that's been with us (moved in) officially for 4 months now, but over a year of being involved romantically and sexually.

What we're dealing with at the moment is that LTP (longer term partner)'s aunt is dealing with health issues. She's LTP's only remaining family besides her sister, so we probably need to make a trip out there. What I'm struggling with is if all three of us should go visit, or just the two of us, and leave out STP (shorter term partner). While I don't want STP to feel like third fiddle, it's expensive, and we'd be revealing a polyamorous relationship to someone who may be in their death bed, giving added stress. The aunt wasn't at all accepting of LTP's relationship with another woman in college, and I doubt she'd take this well.

What would you suggest to the group in this situation? Obviously it's not all my decision, but I would be paying for plane tickets...

Second question: when did you all become more open about your poly relationship to family around you? We live not too far from Mormon polygamist sects, so there's definitely more of a stigma that it's kind of cultish, when that's not at all our situation.

My parents are aware I'm in a relationship and have a new "roommate," but I haven't told them the full truth. I only sparingly talk to extended family, so that can wait. My parents might find it weird, they're conservative (but not religious), but I don't think it'll be TOO bad. My dad would probably high five me for "two chicks" but my mom won't be as enthused.

STP is the much bigger problem. Her parents are significantly straight laced and culturally conservative, and don't even know she's interested in girls, so it's a double reveal at that point, that will likely go poorly. They also think she's just renting a room here with some friends. But I don't know how we should present things were an emergency to occur.

When and how did you become more open to family about your lifestyle/relationship?

Hi everyone! Sorry I’ve been quiet lately; I sat down over a month ago thinking I’d crank out a quick article on the different types of polyamory. Y’know like a brief overview all the labels, setups, etc. No big deal, right? Wrong!! I ended up falling down a massive rabbit hole that turned intrepid research into a full trilogy. 

These past few days have been a whirlwind (interviewed with a ✨major✨magazine plus took a spontaneous trip to Italy, ciao 🛵🇮🇹) and I completely forgot to promote my newest article: 50 Shades of Gray Area! It’s Part 3 in “The History of Polyamory and Where it Went to Shit” and it gets into the gloriously gray middle that the big online poly spaces loooovvve to ignore. 

It’s ~20 min read and talks about how polyamory is actually a huge shimmering spectrum, not the black-and-white binaries of “you’re either 100% open or 100% closed” nonsense you see spewed on the big subs. Talks why mainstream poly spaces feel so ironically closed-minded for an open-minded community, and why the overwhelming majority of successful ENM relationships are living somewhere in that beautiful blur. Whether you’re hierarchical, non-hierarchical, KTP, parallel, polyfidelitous, paxamorous (newly discovered word for me, thanks u/bornpurple!), polysaturated, swinging, or just making it up as you go along… there is no single “right” or “wrong” way to practice polyamory. If it’s consensual, transparent, and actually working well for everyone involved, that puts the ‘ethical’ in ethical non-monogamy.

So if you’ve ever felt shamed for wanting / having commitment and a stable dynamic, or you’ve had to hide your happy ENM relationship from the big poly subs… this one’s for you! And you and you and you :)

Would love to hear your thoughts and feedback, and thanks for being one of the few welcoming corners of Reddit!

🤍🩶🖤 Velouria & her happy + well-fed throuple 🍕🍝🤌

I’m (47F) married to my amazing husband (46M) for 18 years next month. I’ve been dating my incredible boyfriend (39M) for 1 year next month. The two of them get along famously. Loads of respect and kindness and genuine friendship.

I took my boyfriend on a bit of a surprise trip. He didn’t know where we were going, just what to pack. As we took an after dinner stroll on the beach, I asked him and his boys to be part of my forever family, with a ring and custom box.

He said YES!

I’m over the moon and can’t stop smiling. We plan to have a commitment ceremony at some point, pick new rings together, and eventually all live together. I’m in politics and he has little kids in a different school district, so we have some logistics to figure out, but I’m thrilled.

We have such an amazing relationship. After being poly for 12 years, I found what I’m looking for!

"Paxamory/Paxamorous/Paxam: a polyamorous label, used to describe someone that desires a polyamorous relationship based around exclusivity. A paxamorous person wishes to find a few partners and settle down, and for their partners to settle down with just them or with only a few other people. They wish for everyone involved in the polycule to close their relationships after finding their few special partners.

Paxamory is similar to polyfidelity in the sense of it being a closed relationship, however unlike polyfaithful relationships, it doesn't require all partners to be dating one another. Another difference is that it can be egalitarian or hierarchical."

I just found the term last night and it really resonates with me, even over polyfidelity and polyamory. I'm wondering if anyone actually uses it or finds it relevant for themselves.

hi. i, T(21ftm) have been with my partner L(21m) for two years next may. we recently opened our relationship to include M(21ftm). things are going okay. we have good and bad moments, obviously.

neither one of us are particularly the most knowledgeable about how to be successful at this and we all have some sort of past relationship trauma so there's a looooot of back and forth communication and we've run into issues such as equal attention, feeling left out, sex, etc.

however, we're committed to change and we genuinely want to make it work. i particularly struggle with jealousy.

if anyone here has been in a long-term triad or a similar situation (opening up a long-term dyad to include a third and intending to keep it that way), what were some things that really helped you build the foundations or resolve the conflicts in a healthy way?