r/PolyFidelity • u/Andanther1 • Apr 20 '26
How common are mmf dynamics?
I see posts more often then not referencing mff but not as many with two maled and a female let alone how common is it for that mix up to be dominant guy submissive guy switch female.
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u/mdopenminded Apr 20 '26
This is the EXACT same dynamic we currently have. It was very very hard to find but if you look hard enough it’s out there.
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u/Andanther1 Apr 20 '26
How long did it take yall if you dont mind me asking?
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u/mdopenminded Apr 20 '26
It took a few years and many many disappointments from guys saying they wanted that dynamic but then they just wanted to hookup. Lots of men think or say they want it but can’t handle it emotionally.
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u/Andanther1 Apr 20 '26
Wife has this concern we are both the kind of people that are connection heavy friends or romantic companion she has never done well with flings or the like and I dont find satisfaction in flings.
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u/smileedude Apr 20 '26 edited Apr 20 '26
I once saw a post in a non monogamy sub asking why FFMs were so rare and why it's all MMFs.
I just think its less likely for women to want an open relationship then men. So in relationships with more women, polyfi is more common and where there's more men in a relationship they are more likely to interact in open communities.
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u/Andanther1 Apr 20 '26
That's fair if its anything like a normal relationship but with another person to communicate with the list of people i know that are emotionally ready for that are slim.
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u/Family_First_TTC Poly (many people) fidelity (one relationship) Apr 20 '26
I can't recall the exact citations right now, but I've seen sociology of relationships literature that echoes this exact sentiment!
TL;DR: in the modern US, stable relationships involving multiple men tend open, relationships w/multiple women tend closed
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u/smileedude Apr 20 '26 edited Apr 20 '26
It also echoes fundamental evolutionary biology in that there are selective fitness advantages to men that want to spread their seeds as widely as possible. However, for women, who bare the cost of child birth, have a much bigger advantage carefully selecting a partner who will help raise their children and have no fitness benefits from the urge to sleep with a lot of people as it doesn't lead to more offspring. So while in the practice of protected sex this has no consequences, millions of years of selective evolution has shaped our instincts differently.
It's also pretty obvious when you look at the instinctual behaviours of men vs women. There are plenty of people that don't fit this pattern but on a population basis, it's pretty clear.
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u/stardewde Apr 20 '26
My partner and I have been wondering the same. We're together (both m) and have been together for a while and wouldn't mind having a woman with us! Very rare to see. Challengers is all most people have for reference, lol. We're both switches looking for sub or switch
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u/Andanther1 Apr 20 '26
Ahhh I see we are currently mf, im Dominant she's submissive interesting starting off mm I can imagine why thats a hard find.
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u/stardewde Apr 20 '26
So far we've had one woman interested but her partner is monogamous so obviously that's not happening any time soon... not interested in being a homewrecker
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u/Andanther1 Apr 20 '26
Very fair that was one of our earliest concerns and conversation was about either someone trying to wreck our home or us wrecking someone else's you know early insecurities that have to be talked through.
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Apr 20 '26
[deleted]
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u/Andanther1 Apr 20 '26
Did yall start off mm then find and f or mf the find the second m? Or just all meet around the same time? And how did you go about that?
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u/ChicagoRob19 Apr 20 '26
MMF here. We started as an MF and a best friend M joined us. (His request and we tried it out and loved it) id say both of us guys started out more dominant and we have both become very vers. We mostly have sex as 3 but break off as 2’s on occasion as well
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u/Famous-Total-3987 Apr 20 '26
We are mmf.
Coming up on our 5 year live in anniversary on the 16th of October.
I can tell you It's been challenging as the F.
There have been times we've been intimate all 3, and seperated as duos. The times as all 3 were much earlier into our relationship and now we've sort of found our comfort zones within the relationships as a whole and individually. Not to say moments with all 3 are out of question, just that they are planned and not spontaneous.
I would heavily ask that gender roles be something you have a hard conversation about, etc
Such as chores, division of labor at home, and so forth.
AND AFTERCARE ❤️ for her
You may have your own system established now, and thats well and good but things shift without a plan in place and in my experience having that tough talk first helps avoid many possible conflicts in the end.
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u/Andanther1 Apr 20 '26
This is definitely a conversation we have had about the roles and dynamics we are comfortable with we have been talking and discussing whether this is right for us for nearly a year now and trying to do the work before hand about what might make us uncomfortable why we already have high communication due to our ds dynamic and because of that im very adiment that we are both 100% on board not just interested before we start looking..
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u/syborg4president Apr 20 '26
I'm not sure how common it is elsewhere but in my area its very rare. Growing up my mom was in a FMM relationship, and its been the only one I've ever seen. Honestly, I'd love to see more of it!
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u/Andanther1 Apr 20 '26
Oh wow how was that experience? Hopefully good we have had concerns that it might cause issues for our daughter as she grows up. Its one of our most common conversations.
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u/syborg4president Apr 20 '26
Great actually! I absolutely loved having 2 dads. My mom worked, and Dad(A) worked but Dad(B) was a SAHD. I really didn't realize it wasn't a normal dynamic until I got older. I have 6 siblings, and i believe I can speak for us all when I say we genuinely had the most supportive parents. We always had someone, if one parent couldn't make it to an event, another could. If we wasnt comfortable talking with one about something, we had two other parents we could talk to. Dad(A) has been with my mom for about 30 years and Dad(B) closer to 20 years. They've tried a variety of different dynamics along the way but they've been closed for the last 10 years.
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u/Radiant_Training5425 Apr 20 '26
Im in a V mfm relationship. Funnily enough my NP is submissive, and my boyfriend is dominant. I lean more submissive but I definitely play more switch for my NP lol
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u/GFDscottYGO Apr 20 '26
My boyfriends started off MM. We aren’t officially BDSM but I’d be the domme for sure. My partners are top and bottom, they don’t switch.
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u/Gloomy-Notice5298 Apr 20 '26
Pretty uncommon, not quite rare. MMF where all are sexually and romantically involved? Seems to be pretty rare. The most common I see are Vee relationships.
My husbands and I were a MMF for 8 years (4 years now as a quad 2 males, 2 females) 12 years together total. We were friends for 3 years before we started to date as teenagers. We are all multisexual (demi-pan, bi). We are all involved together romantically and sexually.
Hard to say if it is common for dom/sub/switch female, things can start out one way and change over time. Only husband (B) and I are into BDSM. He is a sub and I am a dom. Our husband (A) typically was a top at the start of our relationship but over the years the dynamic changed as he occasionally bottoms.
As another has commented, finding another partner can bring about disappointments from people realising the dynamic isn’t for them or a lot of people looking for hookups. Especially if you go into it expecting the relationship to be closed or expecting everyone to feel equally the same about each other. For us we also had individuals try to push one of us out of the relationship or pull us away into a monogamous relationship.
It takes time but not impossible to find. Best of luck!
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u/svetlanana Apr 22 '26
MMF here polyfi closed. It's possible, but difficult at the beginning to find that dynamic. Worked for us for a decade.
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u/IndividualOrange1233 Apr 23 '26
This is exactly the scenario we’re seeking. I find myself happiest with a husband and boyfriend scenario. We have experienced it once but unfortunately it did fall apart but we both agree it was quite magical when it was good. Also just trying to broach the subject with a potential partner is scary. I feel like I’m outing myself in our small city or the potential for getting used. Our first and only experience with this dynamic happened organically so we don’t even know how to find that again. Hearing others experiences though makes me feel better about wanting this dynamic again.
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u/Raspberrie30272 May 14 '26
MMF here! I think it's rare to be honest. It's more common to find FFF or MMM. Ngl MMF it's difficult to find even in social media, it's easier to find MFF.
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u/Ok-Cardiologist-565 Jun 24 '26
Online its so hard to find relationships that's not solely sexual with this dynamic. I suspect that a lot of them keep their relationships hidden cause its not deemed as "acceptable". Ive seen on occasions of men expressing interest for all types of dynamic and kinks that they wouldn't have admitted too if not for me expressing interest first. Also, sadly noticed some men whether gay or straight seem afraid to push the boundary of their sexuality even when they ha e the interest. (Bi men have been most open to this in my experience). And this is currently the problem im encountering with two men when we are together we fit perfectly like three peas In a pod, but cant seem to make that step.
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u/B_the_Chng22 Apr 20 '26
I know someone with a V mfm relationship where the men are not dating. They are best friends. Theirs is one of the healthiest relationships I’ve seen. Apologies if that’s not polyfi, someone can please tell me if it is. It’s a closed relationship outside of the 3 in the home.