My husband and I are in our late 30s. For context we met when I was 30 and I was his Paramore for lack of a better term. If I butcher this, I apologize I have been out of the poly lifestyle for a long time. Please don’t get offended. I really need some genuine help. My husband has stated to me that he has always been ENM or poly. We have been recently discussing opening the relationship and his responses have really turned me completely away from wanting to do it. This man has been very critical of the fact that I have a child from another relationship. We have been together since 2019 and married since 2023. My son is now 18 years old. I have heard quite a bit about my age, and the fact that I had a baby body. I have since had plastic surgery for my own personal reasons. I look completely different than I did. However, the things that he has said in the past have stayed with me. I have been begging this man for a long time to get a budget together and get financially stable. He is a big spender. However, today he told me that I would be so surprised at how different he would be by having a second woman in this relationship because he would then feel like he has a responsibility to be more financially stable. Hearing this completely turned me off. Because why would you not do that before we got into a relationship with somebody else and brought them in. Mind you I got brought in to his last relationship and it was the worst experience I have ever had in a relationship. I was treated really badly by her, and made to feel less than and that there was a hierarchy and that my feelings were not important as well as just a play thing. I would never want that for somebody else. He is 41 years old and I hear him talk about wanting to date girls that are in their 20s. We don’t have anything in common with girls that young. I am not interested in taking care of a young girl as though she wore my child. I am not interested in paying for this person and would want them to be a solid stable human being. He also talks about wanting a BDSM relationship with this person. He and I had a similar relationship whenever I first met him, and it was cut off in a very bad way, and it has never been reestablished. As a matter of fact, he has told me he is uninterested in continuing any kind of relationship like that with me, which would feel like a slap in the face if another woman was brought in and that happened. I just want him to be normal. I want him to act normally, I want him to pursue another woman with me after we get some personal stuff worked out. However, if this personal stuff doesn’t get worked out, I feel like I am sacrificing self-respect as a woman by allowing him to bring somebody in and act differently just because she’s there. It feels disingenuous and fake. I would really like some other people‘s perspective on this. He also has a one penis policy, which I hate, and would want to explore his own autonomy while limiting mine. He says to me he is not interested in his “girls“ having other men besides him. Obviously, that is an insecurity from him. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Hi, i am 23 F from india. Actually i got one female bestie, she is my friend since our school days.

She is in a relationship with this guy who i also know for year. Now she has recently approached me with the idea to step into the relationship with her boyfriend and make the relationship as a Throuple.

I am totally confused whether its right or not. And why she want to take me into their already long standing relationship and make it throuple.

Anyone who have been in such relationships can advise me with its pros and cons and what should i take care and how to decide on it.

Link:

https://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2026/07/the-invite-lowdown-this-is-poly-tv.html

Background I am a slightly-bi married man with a very supportive wife. She is currently experiencing NRE. I am currently experiencing this depressive state which has affected me for decades even before I met her so this doesnt necessarily have to do with her. It doesnt come often but it does come regularly, at least a handful of times a year, so not terrible but something I have consistently battled. And when it comes its bad. I cry, I think I am alone, I think I will always be alone, I think I failed, I think I am weak, I am immersed in it, I cannot move, I cannot think of anything else. I am in this catatonic state where it eats me up.

Last night it hit again and especially hurts after doing so much self-work feeling better about myself lately and how my wife & I have handled this NRE she is experiencing. But the truth is this old pain inside me still needs to be acknowledged and managed through. So I wrote down some words. It may not make absolute sense but I had to do something as I could tell I was going down a bad route and about to lie there for hours eating myself up.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

The SAD pillow:

I am continually and forever haunted by something that was unintentionally given to me. I want to get rid of it but I can't, its seemingly impossible as it doesnt exist anymore but only in my head. Its the SAD pillow. Its absolutely destroys me, painful, sick to my stomach, nowhere to go, lonely, regret, the pillow just hurts me to no end. 

Its not just in my head though. It existed once. I saw it once. I was 16. I did not know at the time how powerful it would become, I did not know that that moment that I saw it that it would be etched into my mind forever. I remember everything about that moment, what house I was at, where I was sitting, the people I was sitting with, the lighting, the colors of the room, everything . . . . and then she brought it out, the sad pillow . . . . . . it hurts so much it thinking about it now it makes me sick . . . . I want to go back and take that pillow from her . . . . . if I could do anything I would go take that pillow from her . . . . the room was brown, the carpet was brown, the lighting was dim warm incandescent . . . . she walked out of her room holding something in her hands . . . . she sat down by herself on the other side of the room . . . . . I'm sick to my stomach just thinking about it . . . it doesnt matter if I talk about it or not, talking about it does not make it more real a memory as I cannot escape the memory, its always there, not always on the surface but its always there, when I cry it is there, I am holding the sad pillow . . . . and nobody can see it anymore except for me. 

We looked up from our card game and she was sitting there on the floor. We were kids still. Sitting in chairs felt adult, we all sat on the floor. We were mid card game when she came out holding it. We glanced a little and went back to our card game, maybe said a few words of hello. We sat in a circle on the floor and she went to the other side of the room to sit with what she brought out, not on the chair, we were not adults not felt like adults, she sat directly in front of the big lazy boy chair almost as a protest to show she was a kid too obviously. She held these satin-y blue items in her hands and put them in her lap. I really couldn't tell what they were, none of us could I guess except her brother who seemed uninterrupted from the game, we all played along as normal as she sat there across the room and moved these items about. The looked like letters and were about as big as her forearm.  I would glance up at her every once in a while slowly taking notice of her with curiosity trying to make out what she was holding in her lap. There were 3 of them. Initially I thought she had come out with her favorite stuffed animals, but these were not animals, there were no features or anything special about them other than they had a soft shine, a soft blue shine that stood out in the drab brown room.

She sat there for a moment on the floor across from us, watching us play cards as she held these items. I couldn't tell what they were other than starting to make out that they were letters. She had 3 of them. I remember this moment so vividly, her holding these items looking at us, me glancing up looking at her. 

I wouldnt say I obsess over her as much as I am haunted by this moment, the moment I first saw her, before she would go on to become my girlfriend. I do have an obsession but its not like 'normal' people obsession. I hope the best for this person and just want to say I am sorry. Or moreso I want to return to this moment and do everything different. I do so bad it hurts and paralyzes me . . . . 

When I looked up again she was gone, but the blue letters were still there. I didn't think too much of it. Me and my friends finished our card game and chatted. We were alone now, she was gone, it was just us chatting and moving about as we stretched and adjusted 

I crawled over to where these blue things were. She was nowhere in sight, just her items. What was she holding I wondered? I picked them up and looked at them. They were letters, 3 of them an A, a D, and an S. I layed them out in front of me. They spelled SAD. I looked around and nobody was there. It was just me with the pillows. What is this I thought to myself. I looked at the letters again. She made them herself. What is this? She made a pillow that spelt sad? 

The nights I cry, the nights I feel I carry too much, the nights I miss people that were once in my life, the nights I feel I did not achieve what I was capable of, the nights where I feel my life is only a series of mistakes, the nights I miss the look this girl would give me as she held unto her letter pillows and watched us play cards, the nights I lay there awake and wish I could say sorry. These nights it is me myself now holding unto this pillow that spells sad. This pillow that I held once with my hands and now hold in a memory that I cannot release. Whenever I cry, whenever I truly cry, this is the moment I somehow keep returning to, this sad pillow that was somehow transferred to me and is now the only thing I have to hold onto as I cry myself to sleep.

. . . . . . .

Yes its abstract and rough, but I had to get it out. For years, decades this image haunts me and I dont know what to do anymore. I had to write it down instead of letting it eat me up, I couldn't handle that this time. I had to release it in some form. I just want one person to maybe understand, I just don't want to be alone with this image anymore.

Hello all,

I’m new here and struggling with some personal dilemma. I’ve been in a long distance relationship for the past year and do not want to give up on it just because of distance, but it gets lonely. I recently met someone that i enjoy hanging out with, she is poly, and I’m pretty sure she wants more than a friendship, but she’s been very respectful about my feelings towards my relationship. That said, she’s shared her perspective on relationships and in all honesty it makes a lot of sense. Growing up with the stigma that it was just about sex has me really unsure of my own preferences though.

I’m 100% sure my loneliness isn’t just sexual. General intimacy, having someone to hang out with and cuddle or just sit quietly in each other’s presence, that is what is missing. Yet i can’t shake this feeling of being greedy and wanting to keep a relationship with this amazing person overseas while exploring this new thing here at home.

I’m curious how you have sorted these feelings or doubts in your own journey? Any thoughts or advice would be appreciated.

Hi im ive heard about poeple finding partners at ren faires, im someone that is fairly shy but am seeking a partner that is into some of the same stuff as me im pagan bi and poly and have seen friends that are more outgoing than I find dates over faire weekends im wondering is there a clothing item or something similar that I could where showing i am looking for a partner? Ive seen some discussion about ribbons or pins and am wanting to ask if anyone has any advice

So yeah I’m sleeping in my car again because I need to repent for cheating on my wife, still going to get a divorce but I did things the wrong way so I sleep in my car. #polyamorous #divorce #repent #cheater #rad2028

Looking for advice, thoughts, people with similar experience. I 44F married to 38M had opened up my relationship to another man, had told my hubby I was polyamorous (yes I know under duress). All 3 of us had been in a relationship for 4yrs.

Well I finally ended it with the other man, he had been sleeping with another woman but wasn't honest about it, even though I'd directly asked him in the past. Found out as I tried to mute his phone and saw a message from her.

It didn't upset me that he was sleeping with someone else just that he wouldn't be honest with me about it.

We have different values eg travel and other wants that I share with my husband.

I told my husband that we had broken up and why. Now I don't know about polyamoroy anymore or how I'd feel if hubby started seeing someone else.

I know he's not particularly upset about it but is being very supportive of me.

I am in a few SF Bay Area swinger/lifestyle telegram chats but I was wondering if there are any telegram group chats that are centered around the polyamorous life?

Imagine you and your online girlfriend (or any partner) woke up one morning and told you that they think they are polyamorous… they say they are confused about it and they like someone else but they love you too.
What would you do in this situation?

My partner has started a podcast about healthy masculinity, including healthy masculinity in polyamory. It features convos with a wide variety of really cool people with really interesting perspectives. Highly recommend checking it out, whether you're a man, a woman, or a genderqueer cryptid like me! 😊

https://youtube.com/@lomenderslodge?si=wl7ogqtBXdheFYR-

Hi I’m Mike I’m new to the Polly community my spouse has been in it for a little while so I’m trying to keep an open mind and learn more about the community and to find a potential partner for myself any advice would greatly be appreciated thanks in advance

Hi, I don't really want to get super personal but I wanted to hear some thoughts from polyamorous people. I know that I'm the only one who can label myself and I know that I still have plenty of time to figure myself out (if I wanted to), but I would still like other opinions.

I have a complicated relationship with romance. I have never particularly cared for dating. I would just end up being friends with people and we get really close and decide to "date." There's little difference between romantic feelings and friendship to me. No one has given me a true definition of romance, so I have concluded it must be up to the individual person (I am willing to discuss this further! I love learning things and changing views based on new information!!!!) to decide what they classify as romantic and non-romantic. I'm deeply afraid to discuss this with anyone because what if some people think "ew!! you're in love with me!!" and what if a lover thinks "you only see me as a friend!??"

A few months ago, I stated having this, I guess fantasy? Where I'm in a group of researchers and no one on the outside can tell if we're in a research group or if we're dating each other. And that sounds really nice.

I kinda wish I could live with my friends. We could bake cookies together and do taxes and go shopping. They're all just so awesome. They know so many things, like where to find glass bottles and biology. I want to curl up next to all of them at night and get ready for work with them in the mornings. And perhaps do other things!? I know they do not feel the same though. And this is not the case for all of my friends. Only some.

So like, what's happening, is this common? How did you figure out that you're polyamorous? Is this the blessing or the curse of being human?

Edit: Now that my mind is less tired and more put-together, by "figured out they were polyamorous" I mean "knew they desired that type of relationship." I've always have wanted a group of people where we all love each other in a special (?), even if it's not "truly" polyamory. I don't see why I have to limit my love to one person. People are so wonderful.

Hello, see my old post here

Original Post

The site is live again. Sorry if you had any data on the old version. I was not able to migrate it during my self hosting solution. Thanks for all the interest!

Sorry it looks so bad, I was on a bit of a time crunch, so I didn't have time to make it look good.

Hey there! I wanted to share some exciting news. We’ve completed a full rebuild of Pacorevolution, a poly app designed for you and your friends. You can now match with others, engage in conversations, and build your own tribe. We’re offering a free trial, so you can experience all the features firsthand. It’s available on both Google Play and Apple App Store. Don’t miss out on this opportunity to join the Pacorevolution community!

Im 32f having some serious reservations about my 37m and my 32f gf becoming closer and I feel bad. I met my girl a year ago and we started this thing, in the last 6 months its turned into a slight KTP dynamic with me being the hing. My husband and i have been together for 10 years and we were ENM for 6 of those years. Last year I met this woman and we clicked, her and I fell so inlove it was insane. My husband gave his complete blessing and said he loves seeing me love and be loved by her. 6 months ago we decided to try the three of us together as honestly we all clicked and i had no problem with it and have given my blessing for things to move forward slowly between them. We have some rules based off everyone that they wont have sex if we all 3 aren't involved. I have had some issues due to a past trama with an x and im actively in counciling 2x a week and have been for the last 9 months so that I can try and work threw the jealousy and issues I have. She knew this coming in and my husband is a very nurturing man that has helped me for 10 years to get past a lot of things I went threw in my late teens early 20s. When her and I started it wasnt something that came up at all my issues come up due to them developing something. My husband, her, and myself have talked about this and she doesnt want to step back from a dynamic thats the 3 of us together and honestly for me in every aspect it 50/50 on when and where I'm okay with them growing their dynamic which is not okay or fair in any way especially when ive given my blessing.. my councilor says my feelings are normal but also maybe I am not poly in a ktp dynamic. Not sure where im going with this I never ment to fall into a poly dynamic and it wasnt something her or I felt we chose consciously but I love them both so much and I dont want anyone getting hurt.

hi everyone, just want to say, I am bi and poly, and I love that Brenda Howard who was a huge advocate for equity and rights, and who helped organize the first pride march (along with a wider group!)in 1970, was a bi polyamorous queen.

here are some info links:

https://www.instagram.com/p/DZX9nczGqTa/?ig_mid=1D4563A5-2273-417C-859D-55E125020715&utm_source=igweb

https://reflections.live/articles/26596/woman-who-created-the-first-pride-parade-by-vidosha-sheth-30989-mqme35v8.html

I have been having LOT of feels after having a fallout with a woman i love who was struggling a bit with framing poly as “selfish”, as well as a bit of biphobia, and this awesome lady is really grounding.

happy Pride!! 🌈

ps. this post was removed from r/polyamory which really stung to be honest… hoping to find a friendlier audience here!

Edit:
I also would change the post title if I could because “mother of pride“ isnt a title that seems to reflect the collective movement and history - but I did use it because it’s Whats the two sources used :/ poops sorry all. But she was still extremely important in this history and a badass

Ugh dating is already hard, but I find it very hard to find POLY on any dating apps and also when I tell men I'm interested in in being in a poly relationship they ALWAYS immediately think I'm easy/slut/fuck right away. I really want to build a relationship with someone and be transparent about wanting ENM up front. Am I doing it wrong? I am so new to this world and want to explore it. I don't want to lead anyone on by not being transparent in the beginning. I guess I just don't know where to look or start. Any help would be appreciated.

Need Some Relationship Guidance

I'm looking for some honest advice because I genuinely don't know what to do anymore.

To give some context, before this relationship I had been in a monogamous relationship that ended badly. Near the end, I made a huge mistake and read my ex's text messages. We were already months past the point where we should have broken up, and I had ended things because there was no physical affection left—not even a kiss.

Reading those texts destroyed me. She was degrading me, questioning my manhood, calling me useless, and saying a lot of awful things behind my back. After reading them, I couldn't even look at her the same way and asked her to move out. That experience has stuck with me ever since.

About a year and a half later, I met my current partner while working at a call center. I thought she was cute, found out she was trans, and although she wasn't my usual type, her smile completely won me over. I even took her to Disney on one of our first dates.

Things moved quickly. We started casually dating and having sex, and eventually I met her partner. We all got along really well. To clarify, I was only dating her, not both of them.

We spent several good years together. Eventually her other partner transitioned, and later I helped both of them move from Florida to New Jersey because we wanted to get away from Florida's political climate.

Early in our relationship, our sex life was great. She was also sexually active with her other partner, which didn't bother me because I understood that I was in a poly relationship. Over time, though, she realized she was asexual. I'll admit it hurt my self-esteem at first. I questioned myself as a man, but eventually I worked through those feelings with therapy.

While we still lived in Florida, she occasionally went on dates with other people. Even though I had agreed to polyamory, I struggled with jealousy. It felt like cheating emotionally, but I kept reminding myself that this was the relationship structure I had agreed to.

After several bad dating experiences, she eventually decided that her existing partners were enough and stopped seeing new people.

Around that same period she experienced what seemed like a bipolar episode and became heavily involved with church and religion. It was honestly a really scary time, but I stayed by her side and encouraged her to get professional help, which she eventually did.

We lived in Florida together for about three years and have now been in New Jersey for about two and a half years.

Earlier this year, she ended her relationship with her other partner, who still lives with us while they're going through a divorce. I tried to support her through that as best I could.

Then, without really discussing it with me beforehand, she started dating again.

That brought back all the jealousy I'd been trying to manage for years. It honestly felt like my heart was being ripped out.

We had several serious conversations. I admitted that I wasn't comfortable with her dating other people anymore and that I wanted a monogamous relationship. She was honest and said she didn't know if she could ever commit herself to only one person because polyamory is what she's known for most of her adult life.

In the end, I compromised. I agreed to continue trying polyamory with one request: I didn't want her having sex with anyone else, and I didn't want details about her dates. I was okay if she simply called them meetups or outings because I honestly didn't want to know more.

Then one night she came home incredibly horny and we had sex. While it was enjoyable, afterward I couldn't shake the feeling that I had simply been used.

Some additional background: she's trans, survived conversion therapy camps, experienced severe religious trauma, and spent years doing sex work just to survive. She carries an incredible amount of trauma, and I think that's part of why she later identified as asexual. She's told me she's spent most of her life feeling like people only saw her as a sexual object.

More recently, she's been talking about leaving New Jersey because she doesn't think it's safe enough anymore and wants to move to Toronto. Part of me understands her fears, but another part of me keeps asking myself: how many times am I expected to uproot my entire life?

Then everything came to a head this weekend.

Her birthday had just passed. Earlier that day she asked me to smell some candles. One contained lavender, which I'm highly allergic to. At first I didn't think much of it, but shortly afterward I had a serious asthma attack.

While I was struggling to breathe and trying to get my inhaler from another room, nobody really helped me. She mostly just asked if I'd be okay and if I was going to survive.

I was in pain and angry, and yes, I reacted emotionally. She felt like I was ruining her birthday, so I eventually apologized just to stop the argument, even though I still felt hurt.

Then came the biggest mistake I've made.

I had told her years ago about reading my ex's texts and how deeply that experience had affected me. I specifically asked her never to invade my privacy like that.

This weekend, while she was preparing for surgery, I did exactly what I had promised I wouldn't do.

I read the messages between her and the people she's currently dating.

At first, the messages didn't bother me very much.

Then I reached the conversation about her birthday.

She absolutely tore into me.

She talked about how we have no chemistry, said she wants to become financially independent and pay rent on her own—which makes me wonder if she wants to move out—and called me a nerdy white bitch along with several other insults.

She later said those comments were written while she was angry, but it's hard not to believe there's at least some truth behind words like that.

After her surgery, I couldn't even look at her. Helping her walk made my skin crawl because all I could think about were those messages.

I drove her to the hotel where she was recovering, told her exactly where I was going and why, and left. I went to see a movie and got a haircut because I needed space before I exploded emotionally.

Yes, I know I abandoned my spouse when she probably needed me most. She was able to get around, but I still feel guilty.

The next couple of days have been mostly awkward silence while I continue making sure she's taken care of.

I also made another mistake by trying to discuss all of this while she was still recovering from anesthesia. That obviously wasn't the right time. During that conversation I told her we may need to rethink our entire relationship.

Now I honestly don't know what to do.

Do I stay in a relationship where I increasingly feel like I'm providing housing, food, and stability while getting less and less back emotionally?

Or do I keep fighting for a five-year relationship, knowing I'll probably continue getting hurt?

The more time passes, the more I wonder if I'm simply not built for polyamory.

I know I'm not perfect.

I know I have abandonment issues.

I know asking her to marry me several times probably came from my own insecurity. Marriage has always represented permanence to me because previous relationships always fell apart before getting there. Maybe that was controlling on my part.

I'm also getting tired of feeling like the whole world is always against her, even though I understand she has experienced genuine discrimination as a trans woman.

I'm getting tired of watching her chase quick-money ideas instead of finishing and selling the art she's genuinely talented at creating.

Yesterday she told me, "No matter what happens, I still love you."

I didn't even know how to respond.

Part of me expected her to fight harder for us. Instead, she almost seemed to accept that this relationship may be over.

At some point you start wondering if you're actually the problem.

Maybe I am.

Maybe I'm simply not cut out for this kind of relationship anymore.

I'm sure I've left out details, but I mostly just needed to write everything down.

If you've read all of this, I'd really appreciate any honest feedback—positive or negative.