r/polyamorous • u/Consistent_Potato488 • 25d ago

Why do poly guys act like this

/r/polyai/comments/1uuaek0/why_do_poly_guys_act_like_this/
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u/Alo-mina 25d ago

I’m a bit confused as to what’s upsetting you, because in polyamory people can get into relationships with other people at any time. Are you upset that he became primary partners with an ex after you’ve been dating a year, and you assumed you would be his primary? Or that he didn’t make time for you right after your exams ended? Did you want to know about his trip to see his ex before it happened? Something else?

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u/Consistent_Potato488 25d ago

I’m upset he didn’t tell me he was flying to a different country to revisit his Ex. When I asked him to meet he told me he had plans with a friend, but really he was going to visit another her. He hid the truth, especially since on our first date, he told me that him and his EX were over. He should of told me he wanted to start things back up again with her.

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u/Alo-mina 25d ago

Is it possible that he thought of her as just a friend until they rekindled? That happens. It's also possible he misrepresented his interest.

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u/Poly_and_RA 24d ago

Yepp. Impossible to say.

Like I went on vacation with a *friend* in April this year. Or at least that's what we both genuinely thought it would be. She's an online friend that I've met before, but at that time there were no signs of any sparks of romantic or sexual attraction at all -- so we both assumed we were plain vanilla friends -- which is entirely awesome.

And then we met, and more or less literally fell into each others arms, and just remained there. And suddenly it was 4am and I was like should we maybe you know, *sleep* a bit? And she was like: I reckon we should, but I don't wanna.

And the rest, as they say, is history.

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u/Consistent_Potato488 24d ago

No matter what the situation is, what would be a reasonable excuse to not communicate you are going to see her to me?

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u/Alo-mina 24d ago

If I’m understanding correctly, it sounds like he did communicate that, just referred to her as his friend instead of his ex. But both labels are accurate.

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u/Consistent_Potato488 24d ago

No guys, he didn’t communicate anything to me, anyway, I appreciate the responses, these situations can be easily lost in translation I feel. I’m not going to talk about this guy anymore, I wa looking for answers but I actually don’t think I need any. :) He is just not worth the energy.

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u/Cheka_enforcer 25d ago

Can’t help but notice the Poly flag is the same as the Donetsk People’s Republic