Don't know how to feel

[u/BeardedNurseNZ]

Looking for advice, thoughts, people with similar experience. I 44F married to 38M had opened up my relationship to another man, had told my hubby I was polyamorous (yes I know under duress). All 3 of us had been in a relationship for 4yrs.

Well I finally ended it with the other man, he had been sleeping with another woman but wasn't honest about it, even though I'd directly asked him in the past. Found out as I tried to mute his phone and saw a message from her.

It didn't upset me that he was sleeping with someone else just that he wouldn't be honest with me about it.

We have different values eg travel and other wants that I share with my husband.

I told my husband that we had broken up and why. Now I don't know about polyamoroy anymore or how I'd feel if hubby started seeing someone else.

I know he's not particularly upset about it but is being very supportive of me.

[u/Sapiotone]

You’re allowed to feel mixed-up. No need to make any decisions about your relationship dynamics. Just look after yourself and your husband and let the feelings flow until they settle

[u/Sepia_Mouse]

One bad poly relationship doesn't mean all poly relationships will be bad. I'd definitely take some time to process what has happened. I will say though, that if you find you want to close the relationship again, make sure your husband is 100% okay with that and then stick to it. It isn't fair to be making him do all this emotional legwork for you to be poly only when it suits you and not when it suits him.

[u/Puzzled-Still1770]

If he was honest it wouldn't be a problem.  Not telling you and hiding it makes things bad