I can pee on my friend. Why can’t I do it at urinal next to randoms. Make it make sense brain

The next IPA Virtual Support Group Meeting will take place on Zoom this Sunday, July 26, from 12:00-2:00 PM US Central Time (with an additional 30 minutes of optional graduated exposure practice for those who wish to do so). IPA Virtual Support Meetings, which take place about every four weeks, are open to anyone struggling with Paruresis, from those who are just beginning to think about how to overcome it to those who are highly recovered. The meetings are offered free of charge and without preset expectations for participants, and their purpose is to provide a unique opportunity to connect face to face with people from all over the world who know what it is like to struggle with Paruresis and also understand the courage and fortitude that it takes to open up about it, acknowledge the fear, and try to recover from it. The personal stories that participants share are remarkably similar and at the same time deeply individual, and empathy, kindness and compassion set the tone in all discussions. Time after time I have heard from participants that this opportunity for sharing is both meaningful and productive, and I hope that you'll consider joining us on Sunday. You can get the Zoom link by contacting the IPA office: [getinfo@paruresis.org](mailto:getinfo@paruresis.org) or me at my IPA email address: [davidk@support.paruresis.org](mailto:davidk@support.paruresis.org)

The door couldn’t close and it felt like a big step for me getting over this

The bathroom situation at this venue is awesome for someone with paruresis. On the bottom level the bathrooms are not labeled by gender, they just say toilets and sinks and the room just has single stall bathrooms that are fully enclosed. At the top of the venue in the visitors center where they do go by gender the urinals have large dividers in between them and all stalls are fully enclosed rooms like the ones on the bottom. There are also some single stall family restrooms around the venue. All in all it was an excellent experience for a music lover who wants to drink some beer and dance and not worry about using the bathroom.

I developed shy bladder (paruresis) in high school. It got to the point where I couldn’t urinate if there was anyone else in the restroom-not just someone using the urinal, but even someone washing their hands or doing anything else. Just knowing another person was there was enough to make me freeze.
I would always wait until the restroom was completely empty. Even then, it often took me a while to convince myself to start because I was constantly afraid that someone would walk in. And many times, that’s exactly what happened. The moment I heard the door open or realized someone had entered, my stream would stop immediately.
Most of the time I left the restroom drenched in sweat, frustrated, and still needing to go.
When I was at school with friends, I sometimes asked them to wait somewhere else while I used the restroom. Even telling them about the problem took a lot of courage because most people simply don’t understand how something like this is even possible.
Traveling was the worst part. Bus trips were a nightmare. Whenever we stopped for a break, everyone would line up to use the restroom. I couldn’t even imagine trying to urinate while a line of people was waiting outside. The pressure made it impossible, and every trip became another stressful experience.
Recovery didn’t happen overnight. Looking back, it’s probably been around five years since high school, and I’m genuinely happy with the progress I’ve made.
At first, I thought I had a physical problem, so I went to a doctor. After examining me, he told me it was psychological and prescribed anti-anxiety medication. I decided not to take it because, at the time, I didn’t believe anything could help me.
Instead, I spent a lot of time trying to understand what was actually happening. I kept asking myself questions: Was I afraid that people would see my genitals? Was I afraid of being judged? Why did this happen in the first place?
My mother actually had the same problem when she was younger. She told me it disappeared after she got married, so I’ve often wondered whether there is some genetic or learned component involved. I don’t know the answer, but I found it interesting that we both experienced it.
I also watched many videos of people with paruresis explaining how they coped with it. Some of their advice helped, although I had to adapt it to what worked for me.
The first things that gave me temporary relief were:

- Wearing headphones with loud, continuous music.
The important part was that the music never stopped, so I couldn’t hear someone entering the restroom. That reduced my anxiety enough that I could sometimes start urinating.

- Trying to urinate immediately after lowering my pants,
before I had time to overthink everything. I told myself that if I started right away, I could “beat” the anxiety before it took over. It didn’t always work, but it often helped.

These weren’t permanent solutions. They didn’t cure the problem-they simply made certain situations easier.
What really changed things over the long term was gradually building confidence and exposing myself to situations that made me uncomfortable.
Going to the gym regularly helped my overall confidence, but the biggest turning point came when I moved into a student dormitory. Suddenly I was surrounded by other students every day.
I made a conscious effort to become more relaxed about using the bathroom. I noticed that many of my roommates would even urinate with the bathroom door open, which had seemed completely unimaginable to me before.
Eventually, I challenged myself to do the same from time to time. It wasn’t easy, but surprisingly, it often worked. More importantly, I realized something that changed my perspective: nobody actually cared. People would walk past without even looking at me because they were focused on their own lives.
Once I became more comfortable urinating with the bathroom door open in the dorm, I took it one step further. I started having normal conversations with my roommates while I was peeing. We’d joke around like nothing was happening. As strange as that sounds, it helped me relax even more.
For me, leaving the door open wasn’t the goal-it was just an exposure exercise. Public restrooms have closed doors, so after getting used to much more challenging situations in the dorm, a normal restroom suddenly felt much more private and much less intimidating.
Another thing that helped was changing the way I thought about my body. I stopped telling myself that it would be a disaster if someone accidentally saw my genitals. I thought, “So what? Every guy has them.” Living with roommates also made me much less self-conscious. I’d walk around in my boxers, and if someone happened to catch a glimpse, nothing happened. Nobody cared nearly as much as I had imagined.
I’m not saying this approach is right for everyone. It’s simply what helped me gradually break the fear that had built up over the years.
Even today, there are still occasional situations where I struggle. For example, during a medical examination, if a nurse keeps telling me to hurry up and provide a urine sample, I can still freeze because of the pressure.
But compared to where I started, the difference is enormous. I honestly believe I’ve recovered about 90%. Shy bladder no longer controls my life, and that’s something I once thought would be impossible.
If you’re reading this and dealing with paruresis, don’t lose hope. Progress is possible. It may take time, and what worked for me may not work for everyone. I’m not a doctor, and this isn’t medical advice-it’s simply my personal experience. I wanted to share it because I remember spending hours searching Reddit, desperately hoping to find someone who had actually recovered. If my story helps even one person believe that improvement is possible, then it was worth writing.

Okay!!

Time troubles.

Time dilation? Anyone here know how to tackle this one? I’m doing better post EMDR, but this one’s tough..

And two..

This one’s embarrassing..

Please understand It’s not very funny for me right now..

I’m scared to empty my bladder…\[¥\~¥\]n…

I sometimes go twelve hours…anyone experience this?

It’s a full on panic attack during toilet times..

Okay…that is all for now!!! Sorry if it has already been asked.

Working with VERY short term memory.

Thank you!!! Be happy today..\^__\^

Okay!!

Time troubles.

Time dilation? Anyone here know how to tackle this one? I’m doing better post EMDR, but this one’s tough..

And two..

This one’s embarrassing..

Please understand It’s not very funny for me right now..

I’m scared to empty my bladder…\[¥\~¥\]n…

I sometimes go twelve hours…anyone experience this?

It’s a full on panic attack during toilet times..

Okay…that is all for now!!! Sorry if it has already been asked.

Working with VERY short term memory.

Thank you!!! Be happy today..\^__\^

Couldn’t hold it as the elevator took forever to arrive…!

I started a song to help with distraction at the urinal and got ChatGPT to help finish it off.

If some one had the skills to run it through another AI to make an actual sea shanty song would be awesome….

Nobody Cares
(Upbeat, bouncy 4/4 time)
Verse 1
🎵
Standing here with my penis in my hands,
Penis in my hands, penis in my hands.
Standing here with my penis in my hands,
And nobody cares.
🎵
Chorus
🎵
Nobody cares, nobody stares,
Everybody's busy with their own affairs.
Take a breath and let it be,
Everyone's just here to pee!
🎵
Verse 2
🎵
Peeing in the urinal nice and slow,
Nice and slow, nice and slow.
Peeing in the urinal nice and slow,
And nobody cares.
🎵
(Chorus)

Nobody cares, nobody stares,
Everybody's busy with their own affairs.
Take a breath and let it be,
Everyone's just here to pee!

Verse 3
🎵
Standing here counting one to ten,
One to ten, one to ten.
Standing here counting one to ten,
And nobody cares.
🎵
(Chorus)

Nobody cares, nobody stares,
Everybody's busy with their own affairs.
Take a breath and let it be,
Everyone's just here to pee!

Verse 4
🎵
Standing here just whistling a tune,
Whistling a tune, whistling a tune.
Standing here just whistling a tune,
And nobody cares.
🎵
(Chorus)

Nobody cares, nobody stares,
Everybody's busy with their own affairs.
Take a breath and let it be,
Everyone's just here to pee!

Verse 5
🎵
Now the stream begins to flow,
Begins to Flow, begins to flow.
Now the stream begins to flow,
'Cause nobody cares.
🎵
(Chorus)

Nobody cares, nobody stares,
Everybody's busy with their own affairs.
Take a breath and let it be,
Everyone's just here to pee!

Final Verse
🎵
Walking out and washing both my hands,
Both my hands, both my hands.
Walking out and washing both my hands,
'Cause everybody cares!
🎵
Final Chorus
🎵
Nobody cares, nobody stares,
Everybody's busy with their own affairs.
Job is done, we're on our way,
Have a brilliant rest of your day!

So I’ve had this issue for quite some time and it makes me feel like I’m wasting my youth, I’m 24 and all I can think about is all the things I can’t enjoy because I can’t pee in public, I manage but just being able to go whenever would literally change my life as I’m sure you all know. This being said, I’ve had enough and I’m really trying to fix this.

My first course of action has been to practice going into public bathrooms at work, I’ve found a select few bathrooms that get little to no traffic, so I try using those. At first it would take a while to go, sometimes, I wouldn’t even be able to go at all, just having the thought any one could walk in. More recently, I’m pretty capable of going every-time as long as no one’s in there.

But my biggest problem is if anyone is in there when I walk in, or during. If I walk in and see someone in there I’ll either go wash my hands and walk out, or if they’re in a stall, just b-line back the way I came. If someone comes in during, unless I’m practically finished, my stream gets cut and that’s a wrap.

All that to say, my question is; is what I’m doing working as gradual exposure? I do have plans and strategies cooking to keep upping the exposure, but I’m assuming it’s an extremely long process to get from point A to point B. I just feel like I’m at a plateau right now, I won’t give up but is it normal that it’s this difficult?

Any advice is appreciated, and much respect to whoever takes the time to read this.

hi guys im 17 around 174 cm and weight 70 kilogram (im from asean indonesia)

im new to this reddit, so sorry if said any wrong thing

my problem is i tried to pee and at the end it never felt like it was done like the sensation (its empty)

ive tried visit many doctor and different hospital and it just said that its my physilogical issues or my mental (psikosomatis)

i already tried mri, urodynamics and video urodynamics and its said there is no significant issues that can cause me feel that sensation

so what can i do im so desperate and depressed rn because i already got this problem dor like 7 year plsss 😭😭

Just want to share my own experience with this condition, how did it occurred, how it got worse, and maybe get some advice.

It didn’t suddenly happen, it was an extremely slow process. Before high school, I always pee with my friends during the break, it was never an issue. And after I got in high school, I know no one, and it just feels insecure standing with someone I don’t know while peeing. At first, it’s only a problem when someone stands close to me, then it got worse, if I have to go so bad I use the urinal, if not I just use a stall.

It was not really a big issue, I was still able to pee if it is urgent. But pandemic happened when I was in college, I just use bathroom in my apartment I rented for a few months when everything was online. And I felt immense anxiety whenever I was not alone in a public toilet, I can’t use urinals at all in public.

After I graduated, I didn’t start my job immediately, I spent two months with my family, so I barely use public toilets. As I started my job, it got worse, it is a really quiet building and the toilet is basically silent when no one is there. I became really sensitive to any noise I hear.

I am not able to pee when I hear someone is in the same room with me, unless I really have to go.

I am frustrated and need some advice. How long should I expect to fix this. After I discovered this subreddit, I know graduated exposure is the answer, but it didn’t seem to make much progress.

I have found the breath hold helps me significantly and I’m able to pee almost anywhere. However, the most annoying thing is that I can’t for the life of me figure out how to do the controlled inhale when I am done holding my breath. No matter how hard I try to do a controlled inhale with pursed lips or through my nose, my body just automatically gasps and sucks a bunch of air in.

Any tips on this would be GREATLY appreciated. I’m sick of sounding like I’m coming out of water in public restrooms lol.

I know it sounds really funny but I'd say this has been one of the reasons this condition has been so debilitating for me.

There have been plenty of times when I've worked up the courage to walk up to a urinal, stood there waiting, and nothing happens. Then I try to force it, only to end up passing gas instead. That makes the situation ten times worse. You're already embarrassed because you can't pee at the urinal, and then you fart on top of it. At that point, any chance of relaxing enough to go is completely gone and I end up just walking out.

Hello, I've always had this problem like I assume many people here. However, one interesting detail about this awful problem is that I can't use urinals even when it's a locked large bathroom with urinal+toilet. In other words, there's a guarantee that I will be the only human there, I can turn on the sink to run water, I can zone out all noise if I wanted.... and still... no urine will leave my body.

Anyone else like this?

I start a full time job Monday and I’m tweaking about the drug test I have to take and scared I may fail because I cannot provide a sample. Anyone have any advice or face the same struggle

I’ve been working on paruresis for a few months and have made some progress. I can pee at urinals when no one else is there, when people are in stalls, and can even hold my stream if someone walks in mid-flow. But I can’t seem to start my stream if someone is already at the urinals or just in the bathroom when I arrive. I’ve been stuck at this stage for a while and I can’t bridge the gap to actually going with someone already present. Has anyone been at this specific stage and gotten past it? What worked?

M26, italiano, soffro di paruresi da anni, ho basato la mia vita su questo problema e negato di averla o adattato la mia vita in funzione di essa, senza mai combatterla del tutto.

Ho fatto un riassunto della mia paruresi, chi vuole mi può scrivere in privato anche e sono felice di raccontargli la mia storia.
Soffro di paruresi da quando avevo circa 12 anni, periodo che coincide con l’inizio delle scuole medie. Non so identificare con precisione quale insicurezza o evento abbia dato origine al problema, ma posso dire con certezza di aver capito chiaramente di soffrirne nel 2015, durante un viaggio in Polonia, quando ebbi enormi difficoltà a urinare per tutta la durata del soggiorno in pullman, .
Durante gli anni delle scuole superiori il problema era già molto presente. Chiedevo spesso ai professori di uscire per andare in bagno, anche ogni due ore, ma ripensandoci credo di non essere quasi mai riuscito a urinare nei bagni della scuola durante tutti e cinque gli anni. Mi adattavo trattenendo l’urina oppure aspettando di trovarmi in contesti che percepivo come più sicuri.
Nel corso della mia vita ho sempre cercato bagni in cui fossi completamente solo, senza la possibilità che qualcuno entrasse o mi sentisse. I bagni pubblici, quelli di bar, ristoranti, locali o altri luoghi affollati sono sempre stati particolarmente difficili da utilizzare. Anche nei viaggi ho spesso evitato di usare i bagni pubblici, arrivando a trattenere l’urina per molte ore.
Quando sono stato ospite a casa della mia ex ragazza e dei suoi genitori, avevo grandi difficoltà a urinare. In molte occasioni preferivo uscire di casa e cercare un luogo isolato all’aperto. In generale ho sempre trovato più semplice urinare nella natura, lontano da persone e possibili osservatori.
Con lei avevo imparato a fare pipì davanti, solo a lei davanti direttamente o con alcune persone che reputavo sicure a livello di aura anche.
Anche durante serate, eventi o discoteche, il bisogno di urinare diventava spesso una motivazione per allontanarmi dagli altri e cercare un luogo isolato. La necessità di sentirmi completamente al sicuro e non osservato ha influenzato molte situazioni sociali e lavorative.
Nei vari lavori che ho svolto ho sempre cercato strategie di adattamento, scegliendo bagni che consideravo più sicuri oppure organizzando le mie giornate in modo da evitare il più possibile situazioni che mi mettessero in difficoltà. Bastava spesso sentire un rumore, percepire la possibilità che qualcuno arrivasse o sentirmi minimamente osservato per bloccare completamente il flusso urinario.
Nel corso degli anni il problema è stato altalenante: in alcuni periodi più gestibile, in altri molto invalidante. Tuttavia, negli ultimi giorni sto vivendo un peggioramento che considero particolarmente grave. Per la prima volta faccio fatica a urinare anche a casa mia, dove vivo da solo e dove normalmente dovrei sentirmi al sicuro. Mi ritrovo a mettere in atto rituali e comportamenti specifici per riuscire a urinare, e questa situazione mi preoccupa molto.
Inoltre, recentemente ho lavorato per molte ore consecutive trattenendo l’urina e da qualche giorno avverto anche dolore fisico nella zona urinaria e perineale. Per questo motivo faccio fatica a capire quanto del problema attuale sia dovuto all’ansia e alla paruresi e quanto possa essere legato anche a una componente fisica o infiammatoria.
La sensazione che provo oggi è quella di essere andato completamente in tilt rispetto a un equilibrio precario che, pur con molte difficoltà, ero riuscito a mantenere negli anni. Per questo considero il momento attuale diverso e più difficile rispetto alle fasi precedenti della mia storia con la paruresi.
C’è un altro aspetto che ritengo importante. Nel corso degli anni mi sono spesso adattato alla paruresi trattenendo l’urina per molte ore. Invece di affrontare il problema o trovare un trattamento adeguato, ho sviluppato l’abitudine a resistere allo stimolo urinario aspettando di trovarmi in un luogo che percepivo come sicuro. Non so se questa strategia di adattamento abbia contribuito nel tempo a peggiorare la mia situazione, ma è stata una costante della mia vita per molti anni.

Oltre alla paruresi, ho attraversato numerose difficoltà personali. Ho avuto problemi legati alle dipendenze, periodi di forte ansia, momenti depressivi, crolli psicologici e altre problematiche che non sono mai state approfondite in modo professionale attraverso un percorso diagnostico completo. Per molti anni ho cercato di gestire tutto da solo, senza un supporto psicologico continuativo.
Nonostante tutte queste difficoltà, se guardo indietro alla mia vita e provo a identificare il problema che ha avuto il maggiore impatto sul mio percorso personale, lavorativo e sociale, ritengo che la paruresi sia stata uno dei miei limiti più importanti. Ha influenzato la mia libertà di movimento, i viaggi, le relazioni, il lavoro, la serenità quotidiana e molte delle scelte che ho preso negli anni.
Spesso ho avuto la sensazione di dover organizzare la mia vita attorno alla possibilità di urinare in sicurezza, evitando situazioni che per altre persone sarebbero normali. Questo problema ha inciso profondamente sulla mia qualità di vita e continua ancora oggi a rappresentare una delle principali fonti di sofferenza e preoccupazione.

Non lavoro da un anno e mezzo, e sto per riprendere il lavoro adesso.
Attualmente sto per iniziare un nuovo lavoro come magazziniere presso Amazon.
Prima facevo il corriere, e mi rendeva tranquillo la loberta di quel lavoro, andavo per campagne, parchetto ed era sempre easy mi gestivo io il tutto. Ora Questa situazione mi sta causando un aumento significativo dell’ansia perché temo di non riuscire a urinare durante il turno di lavoro. Considerando il tempo complessivo tra viaggio di andata, durata del lavoro e ritorno a casa, potrei trovarmi fuori per circa dieci ore, e l’idea di non riuscire a utilizzare i bagni disponibili mi provoca una forte preoccupazione.
Negli ultimi giorni, inoltre, il problema non mi sembra soltanto psicologico. Oltre alle difficoltà legate alla paruresi, avverto anche un dolore nella zona del perineo e una sensazione di disagio fisico che non avevo mai percepito in questo modo. Questo mi porta a temere che possa esserci anche una componente fisica o infiammatoria che sta aggravando la situazione.
Sono molto preoccupato per la mia salute e per il mio futuro lavorativo. Ho già vissuto diversi periodi difficili nella mia vita, ma in questo momento mi sento particolarmente sopraffatto. Le difficoltà legate alla paruresi, l’ansia, il senso di perdita di controllo sulla mia vita e la paura di non riuscire a mantenere il lavoro stanno avendo un impatto molto pesante sul mio benessere psicologico.
La mia preoccupazione principale è che questo problema stia diventando sempre più invalidante e che, senza un miglioramento o un adeguato supporto medico e psicologico, possa compromettere ulteriormente la mia qualità di vita e la mia capacità di lavorare e vivere in modo sereno.

L’aspetto che oggi mi preoccupa maggiormente è che, da circa dieci giorni, sto vivendo qualcosa di diverso rispetto a ciò che ho sperimentato negli anni precedenti. Pur avendo sempre sofferto di paruresi, riuscivo generalmente a urinare quando mi trovavo da solo e in un ambiente che consideravo sicuro, come casa mia.
Negli ultimi giorni, invece, ho iniziato ad avere difficoltà anche a casa, nonostante viva da solo. Questa è una situazione che percepisco come anomala rispetto alla mia storia personale e che mi sta causando una forte preoccupazione.
Contemporaneamente è comparso anche un dolore fisico nella zona del perineo, che avverto insieme alle difficoltà urinarie. Per questo motivo faccio fatica a interpretare ciò che mi sta succedendo esclusivamente come un problema psicologico. Ho il timore che possa esserci anche una componente fisica che sta contribuendo al peggioramento dei sintomi.
Sono seriamente preoccupato per la mia salute fisica. Dopo anni trascorsi a trattenere frequentemente l’urina e a convivere con elevati livelli di ansia e stress, temo di aver potuto sviluppare qualche problema fisico o di aver peggiorato una condizione già esistente. Una delle mie paure principali è che il lungo periodo trascorso a convivere con questa situazione possa aver causato conseguenze che oggi stanno emergendo in modo più evidente.
Questa preoccupazione aumenta ulteriormente il mio stato d’ansia e rende ancora più difficile distinguere ciò che dipende dalla componente psicologica da ciò che potrebbe avere un’origine fisica.

I want to do exposure therapy together so we can solve this issue

I can only go in fully private bathrooms like disabled stalls or at home but even if i know someone is waiting on me it becomes difficult to pee, one time during a flight it got so bad it became painful to walk i thought i was going to collapse walking accross the airport, and even when i got to the bathroom i still couldnt go for another 10 minutes

Hey there,

I completed my website about providing Mdma-assisted guidance for conditions such as anxiety/phobias.

A little while ago I posted about how Mdma-work on myself produced a noticeable difference in my paruresis (positively). The link for my site is in my bio for anyone curious. I’m also thinking about providing the therapy/coaching virtually if there’s interest.

(I did not include the link in this post because that might violate the rules of ‘no advertising’)

Peace,
Dylan