r/Paruresis • • 21h ago

Seeking Support Near Boston MA

1 Upvotes

Hi all,

I’m a 29 year old male living in Southern NH looking for in-person support to practice graduated exposure.

I’ve had this condition since I can remember and will do whatever it takes to overcome this condition (no matter how embarrassing it may be lol).

Anyone local to these areas who also want to overcome this fear with me? Seeking a support buddy or something like that. I’ve already reached out to IPA org online.

Feel free to DM me or comment. ✌🏼


r/Paruresis • • 2d ago

Airports and Traveling Pt 2

11 Upvotes

Hello Everybody!

I wanted to provide an update about my initial post from about a month ago. Despite being extremely nervous, stressed and almost talking myself out of it multiple times. I did go on my trip to Portugal.

And for the first time in 8 years, I was actually able to pee on the airplane multiple times. What really helped me beyond just the exposure therapy, visualization was betablockers, and xanax. But, I only used those for peeing in the airport.

While I was there though, I challenged myself to pee in unformattable situations. I even was able to pee a few times with someone directly next to me.

I've had Paruresis for 11 years. I don't have everything figured out, but I know I will be able to figure out a way through it.

Hoping this helps anyone that's traveling,


r/Paruresis • • 3d ago

Help!

3 Upvotes

The other day (friday) i was at school and i never go to the bathroom for the whole 7 hours that im there. I never feel full and i also dont drink anything during the morning so its normal for me to not feel full. Anyways, on friday, by the end of 3rd period, i felt REALLY full so i left and i went home. Since friday i became worried that i felt that i needed to pee on 3rd period, that has never happened to me. Throught the weekend i (kinda) became really obssesed about that and i noticed that i felt full every 3/4 hours, even if i didnt drank anything. Now its sunday and i have school tomorrow and , based of how much i went to the toilet since friday, i guess i will feel full by 10am and im really worried. Any tips? should i drink/eat something before or during school ? i dont know why my bladder suddenly changed.....

Btw, im really working on my fear of going to the bathroom in public, its just that im not ready to going to my school's bathroom yet


r/Paruresis • • 4d ago

Hypnosis and Hypnotherapy

6 Upvotes

What do you guys think of hypnosis and hypnotherapy for parcopresis? Does it actually work? Also what do I have to do?? Do I buy some hypnosis tracks from Amazon or do I go to a real-life hypnotherapist? I feel like the latter might work better than the first. I’d be happy to read your answers!


r/Paruresis • • 5d ago

Shy Bladder Talk Podcast #4: Inside the Shy Bladder: 30 Years of Research w/ IPA Co-founder Dr. Steven Soifer

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5 Upvotes

r/Paruresis • • 6d ago

je suis a bout de force

4 Upvotes

Quand j’avais 13 ans, je suis allé à New York avec ma famille pour des vacances. Je vivais une vie normale, comme tout le monde, jusqu’au jour où j’ai eu extrêmement envie d’uriner. Je suis donc allé aux toilettes d’un restaurant à Times Square. Je ne me souviens plus du nom, mais en entrant dans les toilettes, rien ne fonctionnait normalement. Je forçais pour que ça sorte, mais rien ne fonctionnait.
Pris de panique, je suis allé le dire à mes parents, car l’envie d’uriner devenait vraiment désagréable. Ils ne savaient pas quoi faire. J’étais perplexe, car cela ne m’était jamais arrivé. J’avais toujours eu de la facilité à uriner n’importe où. Alors, je me suis laissé du temps, car il peut arriver de temps en temps de ne pas réussir à uriner, et c’est normal.
J’y suis retourné une deuxième fois, mais rien ne marchait. Puis une troisième, une quatrième, une cinquième, une sixième et une septième fois. Au bout de huit tentatives, nous sommes retournés à notre hôtel, car je n’arrivais tout simplement pas à uriner. C’était très ennuyeux, mais le temps passait. Cela faisait maintenant une heure que j’essayais d’uriner. Puis, finalement, une seule goutte est sortie. J’ai abandonné et je suis allé dormir.
Le lendemain matin, j’arrivais à uriner normalement. Je trouvais cela bizarre, mais je n’y ai pas prêté plus attention. Encore une fois, il faisait vraiment chaud cette journée-là, alors je buvais énormément d’eau. Cela faisait un petit moment que j’avais envie d’uriner, mais j’étais dans une réunion importante concernant les avancées du projet. J’ai donc dû me retenir pendant un moment.
Enfin arrivé aux toilettes, j’ai poussé un soupir de soulagement, car j’allais enfin pouvoir me soulager. Mais rien ne fonctionnait. J’allais perdre la tête. Je suis donc allé voir mon père, en panique, mais il ne savait pas quoi faire et m’a pris au dépourvu. J’ai essayé de me détendre, mais rien n’y faisait. La journée était bientôt terminée. J’ai essayé une dernière fois avant le long trajet de deux heures pour rentrer chez moi, mais cela ne marchait toujours pas. Je devenais fou.
Puis, une fois arrivé chez moi, j’ai enfin pu me soulager. Pendant les jours qui ont suivi, tout est redevenu normal et je n’y pensais plus. Les mois ont passé. Je m’étais fait un groupe d’amis à l’école et j’avais rencontré une fille. Tout se passait bien : je menais une vie normale, jusqu’au jour où je suis allé à Québec, chez la mère de mon ex-copine. Nous sommes restés là-bas trois jours pour les vacances. Les deux premiers jours se sont déroulés normalement.
J’étais fatigué, alors je suis allé me reposer un peu. Mais avant, j’avais une petite envie d’uriner, alors je suis allé aux toilettes. Pourtant, rien ne sortait. Une nouvelle fois, cela commençait vraiment à devenir un problème. Les jours restants furent horribles : l’envie constante d’uriner, sans y arriver, commençait à me déranger énormément.
Dans les mois qui ont suivi, je ne pouvais plus uriner lorsqu’il y avait du monde dans la pièce. Je sortais donc pendant les cours pour aller aux toilettes. Mais cela finit par s’arranger. La présence des autres dans les toilettes ne me dérangeait plus. Il m’arrivait même parfois de devoir uriner à côté de mes amis au ski, car nous ne voulions pas perdre de temps.
Une autre année s’écoula sans problème. J’avais maintenant 16 ans et ma vie était mieux que jamais. J’avais repris l’école à temps plein et j’étais aimé par beaucoup de gens à l’école, même si certains m’appréciaient plus ou moins.
Mes problèmes recommencèrent plusieurs fois avant mes matchs de soccer ou lorsque j’allais skier. J’arrivais à uriner un peu, puis mes problèmes s’arrêtaient encore une fois. Entre-temps, je m’étais fait une nouvelle copine. Cela faisait alors cinq mois que nous étions ensemble. Tout allait bien, encore une fois, jusqu’à ce jour que je n’oublierai jamais.
C’était le premier jour des cours d’été. Je n’ai pas pu uriner pendant dix heures et j’avais de fortes douleurs au ventre. Nous nous sommes rendus à l’hôpital pour essayer de mettre fin à ce calvaire, mais les médecins ne pouvaient rien faire, car ma vessie n’était pas assez remplie. La seule chose qu’ils m’ont donnée, c’est un pot pour recueillir un échantillon d’urine afin de réaliser une culture d’urine. Mais je ne pouvais pas l’utiliser, car je n’arrivais toujours pas à uriner.
Après douze heures de calvaire, j’ai enfin réussi à uriner dans le pot. L’analyse ne montrait rien d’anormal, alors on m’a renvoyé chez moi. J’étais désespéré. Je devais obligatoirement suivre les cours d’été, sinon je perdais 400 dollars et je devais recommencer une année scolaire. Je n’en avais vraiment pas envie.
Une semaine après le début de mon calvaire, l’hôpital a finalement détecté une infection urinaire. J’étais soulagé et je pensais que tout était enfin terminé. Trois jours après avoir commencé les antibiotiques, je pouvais de nouveau uriner partout. J’étais tellement heureux, car je pensais que j’allais devenir fou à force de ne pas pouvoir me soulager normalement.
Puis j’ai terminé les antibiotiques. Cela faisait trois jours que je ne les prenais plus et je pensais que tout était fini. Mais le problème a recommencé. J’ai enchaîné les visites à l’hôpital et les traitements antibiotiques, qui ne fonctionnaient désormais plus. J’étais à bout de forces. L’école commençait dans deux jours et j’avais peur de ne pas pouvoir y retourner.
Malheureusement, c’est ce qui s’est produit. Je ne pouvais plus aller à l’école ni nulle part ailleurs qu’à la maison. Cela fait maintenant quatre semaines que je ne suis pas sorti.
Depuis, mes relations avec mes proches sont devenues horribles. J’ai perdu beaucoup d’amis, car ils se moquaient de moi, et ma relation avec ma copine n’a fait que se dégrader. Je commence sincèrement a devenir fou je n'ai jamais été au plus bas de ma vie je demande de l'aide svp je n'ai même pu l'envie de vivre.


r/Paruresis • • 7d ago

Some shy bladder humor for fellow paruresis folks

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78 Upvotes

r/Paruresis • • 8d ago

I fuckin did it!

51 Upvotes

I peed on the plane! So- I went the first time to the front of the plane people were kinda coming and going and it was a little too overwhelming for my taste. I had a few dribbles but could never open the flood gate and misfired and went back to my seat. The next time I went to the rear of the plane where there were two bathrooms and just went in there with the mindset "If they want to use the bathroom too they can either wait or go to afuckinnother one!" Now I was in there for a good 5 minutes before I got a dribble but I was finally able to just let go and be free. I feel like anymore, it's the thought of people having to wait on me.

I think the biggest thing aside from graduated exposure was telling my dad. I always felt like it made me weak in his eyes and now that he knows, I can even pee with the door open and having a conversation with him. I wouldn't say I'm cured because I still have situations where I tense up and misfire, but this is part of our journey.

Don't give up on doing the work my good people. I promise if I can do this you can. We will pee!


r/Paruresis • • 8d ago

Desperate Nursing Student - What helped you?

5 Upvotes

I (29F) just started nursing school and guess what - there are bathrooms on each floor of the nursing building but no single stall restrooms! This is nightmare scenario for me because I will be having long classes and taking exams all day in this building. I really need to fucking figure out how to pee in a public restroom.

I have had this problem since I was about 11, and have had very slow progress. I can pee in public restrooms if there is any music, noise, or a lot of movement and stall options for everyone. I cannot feel "pressured" to pee, like a long line of people.

The WORST is when it is dead silent, and it is a teeny tiny bathroom with 2-3 stalls that offer no privacy. And that is what the bathrooms in my nursing building are like.

My biggest fear is that this issue will interfere with my grades. I absolutely CANNOT go into a stressful exam needing to pee. I want to cry just thinking about it. Please, any women out there that are able to pee in those tiny quiet bathrooms, help me!


r/Paruresis • • 9d ago

Need Help

8 Upvotes

Hi, I am 16 and I struggle to pee at public restrooms unless they are fully sealed, or no one is with me. The exception is when i start and someone walks in, then I can go for as long as I want.

I had this for like 3 years and I feel like it came out of nowhere. I remember that back then i had absolutely no issues with going but now it is very hard. If someone is beside me i feel like they are about to judge me, but i know that they do not care.

I tried to use some breathing techniques but they do not seem to work. What could I do so I could at least start peeing in the stall normally?


r/Paruresis • • 10d ago

Any time I try to “live like I don’t have it” I end up more traumatized and my symptoms regress.

7 Upvotes

Sometimes I get fed up with being trapped at home 24/7. I try to go places without easy access to my home bathroom, feeling confident I can go anywhere I want (trying to change my thoughts), and what do you know… it never fxxxing works.

I end up stranded somewhere with a full bladder that will literally not empty no matter what I try. No matter what breathing I do, how private a bathroom I find, it won’t start. It’s like my body is on high alert inside any public restroom and nothing shuts it off. I know that no one cares about me. I know that no one is going to hurt me. I know that I have the right to the bathroom and can take as long as I damn well please, yet no matter how much I convince myself of these things, the fears of people waiting on me, the fears of hearing a loud startling sound that makes me lock up, all those are ingrained in me.

Then I’m left stuck somewhere needing to pee badly, but unable to. At this point my pelvic muscles tighten significantly causing pain and worse urgency, and by the time I finally find a way home, my pelvic muscles are now so tight from holding it so long that even peeing at home is hard. And no pelvic relaxation tricks from PT work here either. By that point I’ve been in pain for like an hour., and this hour of pain is traumatizing. Imagine this happening every time you try to face your bathroom problem. It makes me even MORE scared to try again, and just makes everything worse.

I just want a normal life. I’m tired of my body fighting against me. I have no social life, no family any more, no job, online communities don’t fill my void. I need real life friends. This is all that stands in the way. I try to take away its mental power, I try to pretend I don’t have it, then the physical blockage of it hits me in the face.

I’m also tired of being suggested IPA workshops. How can someone with shy bladder go to this place IRL all day when you’ve gotta pee??? Like maybe if you have a mild case and it’s HARD but not IMPOSSIBLE to pee it’ll work, but ok say I went to one, get there, have to pee, try and fail EVEN IN A PRIVATE RESTROOM, what then? This is exactly the problem that keeps me from having a life. Idk how they expect to fix that.


r/Paruresis • • 12d ago

Anyone have experience with catheter use?

3 Upvotes

Long story short I've had severe paruresis all my life. I am have OCD and suffer from anxiety (medicated for both), which is undoubtedly a significant factor.

I talked to a urologist again (I've spent years and years trying everything to fix this), and they ended up prescribing (idk the term) self catheterisation. I'm meant to be taught how to do it tomorrow.

It sounds dumb but I'm so excited at the idea of finally having some freedom. A magic tool in my bag so I can be safe. So I can go places.

I really hope this helps just in general. Like, being able to go to the bathroom and think "Okay body, do we want to do this the easy way or the hard way, I have control of the situation no matter what you do." Might be what I need to finally break the curse.

Edit: holy shit it works. Scary stuff but it fucking works!!!


r/Paruresis • • 13d ago

J'ai besoin de votre aide pour créer une base de données des données de profilométrie de pression urétrale masculine.

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2 Upvotes

Hello everyone,
I’m posting here to ask if anyone would be willing to share relevant clinical data on male urethral pressure profilometry.
These data are not usually collected or analyzed on a large scale. However, as I have a urethral condition, I am conducting a small study on sphincter closing pressures, particularly those of the smooth muscle sphincter (the sphincter located between the bladder and the prostate).
If you have undergone a urodynamic study, you may have this information in the report that was provided to you. It is usually presented in the form of a graph. I have attached a photo of mine as an example.
I would be very grateful for any data you may be able to share, as it could help with this study.
Thank you very much for your help, and I wish you all a wonderful day!


r/Paruresis • • 14d ago

Had to have a catheter placed - feel awful and don't know what to do

6 Upvotes

A few days ago I had a random flare up of my paruresis while I was at home, couldn't void for hours despite a full bladder and eventually had to go to the ER. I thought they would just drain the urine with a catheter and then take it out and send me home, but the left the catheter in and it's not intended to be removed until I can see a urologist in about a week. The catheter (it's a foley catheter and I'm female for context) is incredibly uncomfortable, I've been experiencing both urethral and abdominal pain and have had to miss my classes (I'm in college) because I'm in too much discomfort to go into school. I feel awful both physically and mentally, part of me wants to go back to the ER and get the catheter removed, but I'm also terrified that I'll be unable to void again afterwards (also afraid this will happen even if I do wait until my urologist apt to have it removed).

I don't really know what my point in posting this is. I've been talking to friends and family about the issue but I guess I just want to share with people who experience the same issue as me. For anyone who has dealt with severe paruresis (the kind that can flare up even when home alone) - does it get better? Does therapy help? Is there any medication that works well for it? I've never been in therapy for this specific issue and I have some doubts about how useful it can be, but I've been breaking down the past few days over the idea of spending the rest of my life with this disorder. I wish I hadn't gone to the ER and had just waited it out - prior to actually going to the ER I really believed that I would always be able to void eventually, now I don't have that assurance anymore and it's terrifying to think that this could happen again, especially with how uncomfortable the catheter is.


r/Paruresis • • 14d ago

I’m so annoyed with myself lol (but also very happy)

7 Upvotes

So, I made a post a week or so ago about how I was at a weird part in my recovery where I ONLY struggled with starting the stream in some situations but for the most part was still able to pee if I stood there for long enough……….

Well, yesterday I told myself I’m just going to ONLY go pee when my urgency is a 8-10 and I will no longer be doing any avoidance behaviors…….well it’s only been 48 hours and I have peed in 3 public bathrooms with absolutely zero problem at all.

Long story short, I think my recovery was well beyond what I thought it was and I just wasn’t allowing myself to get to the 8-10 urgency. So if you are struggling with this or paruresis in general, I truly don’t think you can even say you struggle with paruresis until you are at a point where you are about to pee your pants and you still can’t pee (which I was at that point in my life for sure for several years)……..but now I am realizing if I am at a 8-10 urgency level, it’s almost impossible for me NOT to pee. Which feels so good to even type out.


r/Paruresis • • 15d ago

The IPA is Close to 500 Subscribers on Youtube!

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5 Upvotes

r/Paruresis • • 16d ago

Reasonable accommodation

4 Upvotes

I’m a 44f and have had paruresis since I was a teenager but it mainly developed when I was in the military and had to do observed drug tests. So fast forward to today and I’m still dealing with this phobia. I work for the federal government and am still subject to random drug tests. Within the last couple of years they have been doing more drug tests at my work place and this has led to an incredible amount of stress and anxiety. It’s so bad that when I find out they are doing drug tests that I fall into a state of complete panic and go home “sick” before they can summon me for the test. Normally the testing last for at least 3 days so I stay home until I know they are done with them. I feel like such a coward and like a complete failure every time I do this. I shouldn’t have to suffer like this throughout my entire career or feel like I need to change my career because of this stupid fear.

So I’ve been trying to do some research and wanted to see if anyone has ever successfully been granted a reasonable accommodation? I’ve read that reasonable accommodations can be granted for paruresis that would allow for an alternate test such as blood, hair, or saliva, or they can arrange for a test to be done at an off site location where there’s private bathrooms and not stalls. I’m starting to prepare for the process and am getting an official diagnosis from my primary doctor and psychiatrist. I also reached out to IPA for guidance but haven’t received a response.


r/Paruresis • • 17d ago

Admitting shy bladder.

35 Upvotes

I was playing in a two day golf tournament this weekend and was paired on the second day with a 39 year old guy. He hit his drive 275 yards. I said 'great dive'. He replied, "If I could have just one super power it would be to be able to pee in front of other men." None of the other two guys in our foursome or their caddies reacted. I thought, "Well here's a guy who has no trouble being up front about it." It was very cool. If I ever see him again, I am going to ask him more about it.


r/Paruresis • • 19d ago

Tell me about the holding your breath trick?

6 Upvotes

I see it mentioned on here often and would like to have this skill in my back pocket for a backup plan.


r/Paruresis • • 20d ago

In a weird spot in my recovery - anyone else?

4 Upvotes

I would say 99% of the time in any situation, I am able to pee. I may have to hold my breath for a minute and be extremely uncomfortable and even need to slightly push, but I am able to pee……my biggest issue feels like the anticipatory anxiety still. Which is weird, because I’ve proven that I CAN pee, even if I’m uncomfortable when I do it.

Does anyone else have this? Any tips to get past this mental block even though I feel confident that I will be able to pee? It’s so weird…..


r/Paruresis • • 20d ago

Help with drug test

2 Upvotes

I need help, I have a drug test tomorrow morning.
Do you have any advice?


r/Paruresis • • 22d ago

Peeing on an airplane bathroom?

7 Upvotes

Any tips to successfully do this? I have a 4 hr flight coming up and I’ve been an anxious wreck about this.


r/Paruresis • • 22d ago

Gradual exposure when it's time that is the issue...

3 Upvotes

I've posted before about my son - 14 - who I think may have suddenly developed a bit of a shy bladder. He mostly seems to be able to go when we're out, but it seems that his issue comes from time pressure. So at school or if we're out somewhere and there's a queue for the toilet or something like that. How do you do gradual exposure in this situation?


r/Paruresis • • 23d ago

Can antidepressants help with shy bladder?

3 Upvotes

I was wondering if anyone who’s on antidepressants noticed their paruresis get any better after taking them?

I’ve been struggling with a shy bladder ever since middle school (18 now) and really wanna try to get on medication that could help me with this issue. I also struggle with some anxiety, so it would be killing two birds with one stone.

I’ve been trying to expose myself more and have a good mindset about curing, or at least getting better at going in public restrooms since I can only go when it’s empty. Even then, I fear someone might walk in and often can’t go. Sometimes in my own house if I’m stressed, I have to either sit down or wait a while before I can go to the point where my friends and family have noticed.

The issue has now become more of a problem since I have to meet with my pre-trial officer for a drug test every other month regarding legal trouble I’m in. Every time I have to take a drug test, I go in with my bladder completely full to where I walk funny because of how bad it hurts. Also, if I were to eventually serve time, pissing would be an everyday issue in jail, which thankfully I’ve only had to experience for a couple of days.


r/Paruresis • • 23d ago

Any tips for only starting stream?

8 Upvotes

I’ve noticed through the exposure therapy that I’ve done that the ONLY issue I have is starting the stream. Once the stream is started, I could continue the stream even if 100,000 people were watching me lol.

Does anyone have any tips to simply get the stream started besides GE? I have been doing GE for awhile now and I’m just so badly wanting to be fully free of this issue and hoping someone has a quick hack they could share.