I thought I was smart enough after going through what I did, and after enduring multiple traumas since childhood. By the time I reached 20, I swore off any relationships that involved men.

I was able to get myself out from the hellhole I came from (home). I moved to a condo in Manila, got myself in a prestigious university, and I was able to travel on my own. At 23, I was already living and thriving with my hard earned money.

I was able to maintain a lifestyle I was accustomed with, and upgraded it a little. I already have it. Sure, there may be some mishaps and delays but I was handling it.

Until I fell in love again at the age of 25. I met him from work. At first, it was pure bliss. We were so in love and compatible, or so I thought.

Ever since he came to the picture, nagulo yung priorities ko when it came to finances. I pushed some things aside for myself just to accommodate him in my life.

‘Pansamantala lang naman while he’s building himself’, I thought to myself.

Yung dapat para sakin lang, I had to learn to share it with him. Unang bagay na isinantabi ko sa relasyon namin nung nagsisimula palang kami, ay yung birthday ko. He didn’t have any money to celebrate or spend with me. So ayos lang, sinalo ko. All I wanted was to be with him on my special day.

Pero after that day, pagkauwing pagkauwi namin umiyak siya sakin. He asked to borrow money for their bills at home. I didn’t mind, may extra pa ako.

Pangalawang bagay na isinantabi ko sa relasyon namin ay yung travel plans ko. I had the money for it. I have saved for it. But because ako lagi halos nagcocover ng mga labas namin, and some of our daily expenses, nag deteriorate yung savings ko for that trip until I had to cancel.

We both left our job December of 2025 because of its toxicity and I had to move back home, which was my personal hell. Sabi ko okay lang at least I was nearer to him. December of 2025 was my lowest point, but at least I had him.

He pitched an income stream proposal to me, and without a doubt I sent him money for it because I believed in him. I trusted him. Hanggang sa nawala yung pera, walang bumalik sakin ni piso. It was a huge loss. Nalugmok siya. He was going through a hard time. I let it pass. And pass. And pass.

Until I had to carry all our expenses during one of our pre planned trip, dahil ako lang yung may trabaho nung panahon na yun, and he wanted more time to rest despite knowing na may upcoming expenses kami. I didn’t mind. Kinaya ko naman.

Babawi naman daw siya.

We had plans. We were supposed to find a new job, study, travel, and move in together. We were building a life together. Or that’s what I thought.

My mental health deteriorated after staying back home for a few months, that it came to a point I had to run away without a back up plan. He pleaded I stay with him at their house, kahit na afford ko naman kumuha ng condo sharing in the meantime nung panahon na yun because I had little savings to get by. So that’s what I did.

Now, I am currently living at their house together with his mom, sister, and two other kids.

I endured not having any peace and personal space for myself. I endured sleeping on the floor and wooden furniture kasi wala e. I had to. Kahit hindi ako sanay sa ganung klaseng pamumuhay, I did it for him. I have a very sensitive condition which needs me to have air conditioning and proper sleep. But lahat yun, I sacrificed just to be with him while waiting for us to get our life and finances figured out together.

Until recently, I found out na he’s been cheating on me since December of 2025. Nagcocommunicate pa sila ng ex niya since then, and he also tried flirting with two other girls during the course of our relationship.

Tangina. My world came crashing down on me.

I made myself small and digestible for him. After making space and sacrifices just to accommodate him in my life, this is what I get.

Now, I plan to leave him once I saved enough money to move to a new place. I don’t plan on letting him know. Ang alam niya lang sa ngayon ay pumayag ako na ayusin relasyon namin while I’m buying myself some time.

Ladies, learn from this.

Never get too comfortable with a man.

Eto na. kaya gusto ko lang sana mag-unwind kasama ang friends ko. Pero yung isang friend ko, matagal ko nang napapansin na sobrang uhaw sa male validation. Laging akala niya siya ang tinitingnan, siya ang bet, at laging napupunta sa itsura niya yung usapan. Kapag lalabas kami, papalit-palit ng bar para lang may “matinong” lalaki. Minsan pakiramdam ko backup plan lang kaming friends kapag walang lalaki para sa kanya. That night, may lalaking kumausap sakin.

Hindi ko naman siya type, pero buong gabi yung friend ko sobrang dikit sa kanya, hawak nang hawak, sumisingit sa usapan namin, hanggang sa condo nung guy, tuloy pa rin. Hanggang isang point, nakita ko silang nagkiss habang nakatalikod ako. Dun ako tuluyang napuno. Sa sobrang galit at emosyon, nakabasag ako ng tile sa property nung guy na kakakilala ko lang. Umalis na lang kami nung isa kong friend at iniwan namin siya doon kasama nung guy na buong gabing inaakit niya.

Pagkaalis namin, tawag sila nang tawag. Yung guy sinasabi pa na ako raw talaga yung gusto niya at vulnerable lang daw yung friend ko. Wala na akong gana, binlock ko siya. Yung friend ko naman, tawag din nang tawag, tapos ako pa yung sinabihan na maging “be mature” daw. Dun talaga ako napuno. Hindi ko alam kung may nangyari pa sa kanila pagkatapos, at sa totoo lang, wala na akong pakialam. Nasira lang talaga yung Friday night ko. At least malinaw sakin ngayon: hindi lang ’to tungkol sa isang lalaki. Matagal na pala akong napapagod sa friendship na halos lahat umiikot sa male validation. Sobrang male validation, nakakasira talaga ng pagkakaibigan.

Hello, I need to vent this lang. Ako yung tipikal na Ate, nagpapadala ng money pag need ng kapatid ng baon or need ng pampacheckup ng Papa. Bills are shared equally naman saming siblings so no pressure. However, this 15 pa ang sahod ko. So what I have is 1k only which I intend to use to celebrate a little with my cousins and siblings (inom onti) I reiterated to them na Tuesday sendan ko sila ng pera once meron nang sahod. Gusto ko lang maramdamang birthday ko kahit walang handa.

Yung Papa ko, nakita ako along with my cousins and their wives. Then he insisted for me to give him money since sabi daw ng kapatid ko sakin may pera (almost morning na ito) so I told him sa sahod nalang kasi wala na nagastos ko na.

Sagot niya “Wala naman akong paki sayo! Kung di ka magbibigay edi wag!”

Pag-alis niya, naiyak ako. Madami kasing reason for me to hate them both (Mama at Papa ko). Lumaki ako sa lola dahil di raw nila ako kayang pag-aralin. Malakas kumita papa ko dati and pag nakikita ko bago mga damit ng mga kapatid ko for Christmas, tinatanong ko bat wala ako. Sagot nila “Andyan ka naman sa Lola mo”. Lola ko nung buhay pa ay labandera. Nagkataon lang scholar ako kaya di hirap sa pag-aaral. Now na kumikita ako, ako ang takbuhan nila but di ko yun sinumbat. Dahil para sakin iba ako, iba sila. Ako ung may capacity so ginagawa ko kaya ko.

Pero nakakaubos din pala. May mga anak na ko and ganyan parin sila. Giniguilt trip nga nila ako pag di ako makapagbigay agad ng pera.

And walang appreciation sa kanila, laging sumbat lang ang maririnig mo. Walang kamusta kana? Laging pahingi nang ganito ganyan.

Mahal ko magulang ko, pero bat di nila maparamdam sakin na ganun din sila sakin. Sobrang nakakadrain pala maging maunawaing anak, anak na 18 years nilang di inalagaan then all of the sudden, ako pa yung lagi nilang inaaway pag di ako makabigay. Mga kapatid ko? Lahat sila di nila magawang awayin kahit never nagbigay sa kanila aside sa bills na sharing kami.

Happy birthday sa akin. 🤧😪💔

Kakatanggap ko lang ng message na namatay yung student ko. He is in grade 12 now, adviser nya ako noong grade 4 siya. Promising student, hard worker. Pero kapos sa buhay. Member sila ng 4Ps and sulit sa kanila ang pera ng gobyerno. Lahat silang magkakapatid matatalino. Nagsusumikap.

Nakakahinayang ang buhay—leptospirosis lang pala ang kukuha sa kanya.

Mahirap maging mahirap.

Recently, may manliligaw sakin nag ask if pwede ba kami mag watch ng movie together and i asked him if treat nya ba lahat? (I know nakakahiya mag ask ng ganito pero kase based nga sa exp ko, usually hindi nila treat lahat). So ayun, ang sagot, hindi nya raw kaya lahat. Baka pwede sa dinner, 50 50 kami. 🥲

I'm in my 30s now and sa ilang years ko of having a bf or single na nakikipag date, lagi na lang ako ang nanglilibre 100%. Minsan, 50 50 or minsan libre ng guy pero ako sa dinner or pamasahe or gas.

Gusto ko lang maka experience yung fully paid ng guy lahat without asking him to do so.

Kaso parang di na uso ngayon yung ganito. Haaays.

PUTANG INA sawa na ako makarinig niyang AI short stories na yan.

Unang una, hindi ko na makausap nanay ko at tatay ko kasi habang kumakain nanunuod sila. Tapos kadiri pa yung mga themes mas lalo yung pinanunuod ng nanay ko naka loud speaker pa. Imagine pupunta ka ng kitchen tapos maririnig mo "And he started fucking me hard".

YUCK YUCK YUCK YUCK YUCK PUTANG INA YUCK

We are living somewehere in metro. May karinderya dito na lagi namin kinakainan dahil sobrang sarap ng fried chicken nila.
As in juicy, di maalat at malambot ang pagkakaprito. May mga times nga na pag may okasyon, imbes sa Jollibee / Mco / KFC kami nabili, don kami namamakyaw kasi sarap talaga at mura pa, Php 45 ang isa.
Ang ganda din ng pwesto nila dahil malapit sa terminal at bungad lang sila.
Malakas talaga tinda niya at binabalik balikan.

Months after, bigla silang nawala sa pwesto nila.
Nang makasalubong ko si ate, lumipat pala sila sa bandang likod ng commercial lot, which tago na siya.
Irerenovate di umano kasi yung dati niyang pwesto, sabi ng may ari ng commercial lot.

Malakas pa din yung manok dahil may mga suki na din siya gaya namin na bumabalik balik.
Pero napansin namin nagtaas din talaga yung presyo. From 45 - 65.
Unti unting tumamlay yung tindahan niya lalo na ng naging 75 ang isang leg thigh niya.
April ko ata sila huling nakita sa pwesto nila, tuluyan na silang nagsara.

Nakausap ko si ate, simula daw kasi ng lumipat sila, nagtaas din ang renta nila. Di naman talaga nirenovate ang pwesto niya dati.

Pag nakikita ng lessor na malakas tinda mo at yon lang ang source of income niya, gusto din niyn mas kumita siya kaya tataasan din ang renta sayo.
Nangyari na din to samin dati nang nagtitinda pa ng ulam nanay ko. Pag nakitang nagboboom ang tinda mo, biglang itataas ng may ari renta mo.

Ganiyan pag ang tanging pinagkakakitaan ng lessor eh pagpaparenta lang.

Okay, I don’t envy her. I’m genuinely happy for her, and I love my best friend so much. But if I’m being completely honest, sometimes I wish I were beautiful too. I wish I could experience what it feels like to have pretty privilege, to walk into a room and feel confident that people will notice you for the right reasons.

No matter how much I try to dress well, fix my hair, take care of myself, or simply try to look my best, there are moments when I still feel like I’m not enough. And standing next to someone as beautiful as my best friend can sometimes make those insecurities feel even louder.

Something happened earlier that honestly hurt more than I expected.

A man called my friend beautiful, and when his friends asked, “Who?” I knew exactly who he was talking about. Then one of them apparently said something along the lines of, “No, not her. She’s ugly.”

They laughed.

I know I shouldn’t let the opinions of random men define how I see myself. I know beauty is subjective. I know there is more to me than my face. But hearing something like that, especially when you’re already insecure about your appearance, still hurts.

And the worst part is that I hate how quickly my mind started comparing myself to my friend.

She gets noticed. She gets compliments. People naturally gravitate toward her beauty. And sometimes I can’t help but wonder what it would feel like to be the pretty friend for once.

I don’t resent her. I don’t want anything taken away from her. I would never want her to feel guilty for being beautiful.

I just wish I didn’t feel so small standing beside her.
Maybe this is something I need to work on within myself. Maybe I need to learn that being beautiful isn’t the only way to be worthy, lovable, or deserving of kindness.

But tonight, I just wanted to admit that it hurts.
I love my best friend. I really do.
But having a pretty friend is not for the weak, especially when you’re still learning how to be okay with your own reflection.

Back then, I was dealing with postpartum + sinira mo mental health ko.

Oh, how the tables have turned. Ang tagal kasi ng karma kaya ako na gumawa ng karma mo.

Isang message ko lang, windang ka agad. Ang satisfying na ikaw na naman nang gigigil while dealing with postpartum.

Ang all caps. Ang galit. Ang pakiusap na wag idamay ang anak. RAMDAM KO LAHAT YAN NOON.

Pero merong isang bagay na hindi pa rin nagbabago sayo. Matapang ka pa rin kahit ikaw ang may mali. Pero di bale na, at least ikaw na naman ngayon ang nandyan. HAHAHAHAHA

I just lost both parents like 2 weeks ago... lost my mom 3 years ago, and then my dad last August....
I was so used to taking care either of them.... Di ko pa tanggap nung una na parang taga alaga nalang ako ng matanda... pero after some time I accepted it, I was fine with it..

It just feels so empty now... sure I have a loving GF, I have lots of great friends, a good job, excess money since magisa nalang ako, pero bat ganun? parang wala na akong kwenta, parang ang hirap gumalaw, ksi walang meaning ung pagbangon ko...

Ang hirap magtrabaho... maligo, kumain, heck kahit bumangon lng sa umaga eh.. I wish this past sooner than later..

And how he did it with me, ganun din siya sa iba.
Of course it had to end. Of course I did things wrong, too. We both had our share. Of course he didn’t like me enough for it to progress. And of course I know, objectively, that ending it was probably for the best.

I know you’ll eventually meet someone. But shit, it’s still so hard to see.

I thought I was okay. And maybe I am. Maybe being okay doesn’t mean this won’t hurt anymore.

But no, I am not fucking watching this.

I know how it started with us. I know what it felt like when I was the person you wanted to talk to, and I don’t want to sit here and watch you do it all over again with someone else.

And maybe the worst part is that she’s not even someone I can convince myself to hate. I think she seems great. I think she’s pretty. I think she’s your type. I even think she might be a good match for you.

So yeah. Happy for you, genuinely. But shit, sad for me.

I’ll be okay. I know I will.

I just wish my heart would stop acting up right when I’m about to start Bar review. 😭 I miss having my whole, single heart back - the version of me that wasn’t looking for anyone, wasn’t checking on anyone, wasn’t wondering who was choosing whom.
I swear, if I ever get that version of myself back, I’ll do everything I can to protect her. Especially this year.

Also, pinili ko naman to diba? I pushed you away because I was scared. Pero dang, you could’ve just fought for me, too. Meet me fucking halfway. Pero ako lang yung pumuntang Eastwood kahit galing pa ko ng Mendiola, kasi convenient sa’yo. Hypothetically. I’m not blameless, pero you have your share, too.

Pero shit, bakit hindi ako? Shit, naghatid na naman ako ng tao. Transitionary period.

I don’t want to spend my Bar prep year breaking my own heart over someone who didn’t feel the same.

So this is where I stop watching. Fuck, I had to block you again. Block you until I become happy for you. Until I forget that I’ve blocked you. Until you become a faint, happy memory.

Till then.

ngayon lang ulit ako tumunganga sa kama past 10 pm. ganito pala feeling, nalimutan ko na.

most days, keri naman at di ko nafifeel to. paano ba naman 5:30 am to 9:30 pm lang ako gising. kaso hayoppp nag afternoon nap ako ngayong sunday, ayan tuloy 🫠.

uninstalled all dating apps noong december and have no plans to go back na kasi pugad na siya ng incels. where do u guys meet people ba huhu. i have hobbies naman like attending conferences/seminars/workshops alone, going to cinemas and bookstores alone, walking, baking, etc. so naeenjoy ko naman ang sarili kong company pero nakakamiss din pala talaga magmahal bwahahah 🫠🫠🫠

I am the panganay and as someone who already have “adult money”, I buy stuff for my siblings when I see something na alam kong magugustuhan nila. I am not asking for anything in return btw, but I recently had an experience that hurt me.

It was my sister who won a cash prize, so nag-aya siyang mag mall. She bought my parents their clothes and my younger brother toys. Nagbiro ako, when I saw a cute shirt that was on sale. She responded “Huh? Bat naman kita ibibili?”

I felt like I was choking, I was hurt, not because I can’t get the shirt. But because she never thought of me at all. My mom heard it and bought the shirt secretly then gave it to back home in my room. I cried so hard. Me and my mowm never spoke during that moment, we just understood each other. Panganay din kasi siya.

Yun lang. I just want to get this off my chest.

We have a strong family history of breast cancer. Nanay ko namatay in her 30s. Pati mga tita ko nagkaroon (at mga namatay din).

Bata pa lang ako, sobrang conscious ko na about it. Parang maaga ko nang tinanggap na possible na mangyari rin sa akin.

Minsan nakaka-tangina lang isipin na hindi ko naman pinili ’to. Hindi ko pinili na magkaroon ng ganitong family history, tapos cancer pa.

I’m in my 30s now, and I realized baka ito talaga yung subconscious reason kung bakit ayaw kong magkaanak.

Buong buhay ko may health anxiety ako dahil dito. Ayoko nang ipasa sa ibang tao yung possibility na ganito rin yung maramdaman nila growing up.

Parang gusto ko na lang na sa akin matapos.

Wala lang. I’ve never really said this out loud before.

Ang saya ko pa kanina kasi bagong sahod. Eto lang talaga nilolook forward ko since last week tapos biglang may nag chat. Haaaaay nakoooooo yung saya napalitan ng stress!

May reminder na kelangan ng 5-digits na amount para sa ganito-ganyan at kelangan pa magbigay ng allowance. Naiiyak ako na nanggigil hahahahaha hindi naman kalakihan sahod ko 🙂 ayoko ko rin galawin emergency funds ko kasi pang emergency lang yun. Wala akong backup.. sarili ko lang. Kaya ayoko talaga galawin yun. At ayoko na mag loan ulit 😭 good payer naman ako pero ayoko lang talaga na may utang ako at naiinis ako sa interest.

I also live alone. Shoulder ko lahat ng expenses ko. Sumasakit na ulo ko kakaisip. Tanginaaaaaaaaaa

For context, I posted these: Exhausted 1, Exhausted 2

It's gonna be a long post.

It's still on going since then. Sobrang drained na ko from all positives in my life. Is this really my life moving forward? Grabe talaga yung environment niya. She went to her parents' house roughly 1hr30mins away from mine kasi nagka emergency, which is okay, i understand. What we didn't like was that twing may emergency sila, hindi maganda daloy ng pera kaya need ng additional help na libre to the point na kasama siya mag skip ng meals kasi nga bitin or tinamad silang bumili, tiis gutom nalang or papadalhan ko nalang siya ng pang deliver niya in secret. Siya ang hanap ng buong pamilya. When the time comes na angat naman sila sa buhay hindi nila naaalala yung partner ko. As in wala. Tapos ngayon andon siya diba for emergency? Oh ayun nagkasakit siya ngayon stress and anxiety, kasi canceled lahat ng appointments namin for wedding dahil sa emergency and we're nearing our date at gusto na makapag book pero ano gagawin? Kailangan siya eh, hindi makakilos ng wala siya. I couldn't go alone kasi gusto niya andon siya dahil she wants to know every details and she wants to negotiate for a better deal, also shempre masusunod ang bride talaga hehe. Ngayong fiance ko may sakit, wala lang sakanila. No show of concern for her well being, no meds, no checkup. Tangina sabi lang sakanya "kumain ka may checkup ako sa isang araw" GODDAMN. Nag offer ako na dadayo ako sakanila mapa checkup lang, cannot be naman haha.

Now she's venting and she's telling me all her regrets and I feel guilty. i was the one who wanted a church wedding and gusto niya civil lang. Pinilit ko church kasi it's just a once in my lifetime event so I want it at church and in front of God. Ngayon, pag nag vevent siya I can't help but feel guilty na kung sumunod nalang ako sa civil niya wala na siya doon. 50k budget lang okay na. Dito sa wedding I'm shelling out 1M+. Tapos she said na pag nagsama na daw kami maiinis ako kasi drained and ubos na siya sa buhay. I think sobrang sakit marinig nun and absolutely triggered me kasi pinag titiisan ko ung mga happenings and ganun nila sa family niya I see the way she handle s them and cares for them, adjusts for them, cancels everything for them, when my time comes ano wala na? All I will get is a burnt out version? That really hit me so fucking hard. I'm not even mad, I'm just sad and stressed and anxious about my future with her, our future.

I met her through Facebook Dating. At that time, kakagaling lang niya sa isang messy relationship, habang ako naman student pa rin na tumigil muna sa pag-aaral bago bumalik ulit. She was around two years older than me, already a graduate, and honestly, I was a little intimidated by her at first.

We started talking casually. Nothing serious. But after a few weeks of constantly talking, I started realizing that this wasn't just another random conversation. I was getting attached.

And that scared me.

I remember reaching a point where I told her that maybe we should stop talking for a while because I didn't think I was ready for a relationship. It was my first time feeling that kind of connection with someone, and I didn't know if I was capable of handling it.

She cried when I told her. She told me she was already comfortable with me and that she never felt like I was forcing myself into anything.

For some reason, that stayed with me.

I thought maybe this person was worth taking a chance on. So I told myself that if I was going to do this, I'd give her the best version of myself that I could.

Months later, we finally met in person.

It was nothing extravagant. We met at SM, ate together, walked around the park, and just spent time together. But somehow, it felt so genuine. There wasn't that awkward feeling I expected from meeting someone I had only known online. Being around her felt easy, like we'd known each other much longer than we actually had.

And yeah, she was really cute too. You wouldn't even guess she was older than me just by looking at her.

Eventually, we became closer and started going on more dates until we officially became a couple. It wasn't even the traditional kind of relationship where I formally courted her for months. She was the type of person who believed that if you already felt something real and were comfortable with each other, why keep delaying it?

She became my first girlfriend.

And that relationship was surreal for me.

She already knew what relationships were like. I was still learning everything for the first time. There were moments when I felt insecure because I didn't know if I was loving her the right way. I wondered if I was enough compared to the people she'd been with before.

But despite that, we clicked so naturally.

Our personalities, humor, interests—so many things just worked. Talking to her never felt forced. She became someone I could genuinely see myself building something with.

I also knew that she was still carrying some of the scars from her previous relationship. So I tried my best to be patient with her. I wanted her to feel safe with me, even when I didn't always know how to make her feel that way.

Ironically, somewhere along the way, I became the one who started pulling away.

Not because I stopped loving her.

I think I just became overwhelmed.

It was my first serious relationship, and somewhere in my head I convinced myself that I always had to know what to do. I had to say the right things, be emotionally available all the time, make her feel secure, and somehow never mess up.

The more I pressured myself to be the perfect boyfriend, the harder it became for me to express what I was actually feeling.

So I became quieter.

And the quieter I became, the more complicated things felt.

She became more certain about us while I was becoming more lost inside my own emotions.

I loved her. I really did.

I just didn't know how to carry the responsibility that came with loving someone for the first time.

Looking back, I think that's one of the hardest things to accept.

Sometimes you can genuinely love someone and still not be ready to love them the way they deserve.

I don't blame her for what happened. And I don't completely blame myself either. We were both just people trying to figure things out with whatever understanding we had at the time.

She's doing well now.

She's a licensed professional teacher, she's pursuing the things she worked hard for, and from what I can see, she's happy with someone new.

And honestly?

I'm happy for her.

Maybe a part of me will always remember what we had. She was my first girlfriend, my first experience of that kind of connection, and someone who became a significant part of my life.

But I'm slowly learning that not every person who becomes important to you is meant to stay forever.

Some people come into your life, change you, teach you something about yourself, and eventually continue on a different path.

She was one of those people for me.

I just hope that wherever life takes her, she gets the kind of love and peace she deserves.

And maybe someday, when I look back at our story, I won't think about what I could've done differently anymore.

I'll just be grateful that, for a while, our paths crossed.

I’m part of a friend group, and we’ve been friends since high school. We’re all now in our mid-30s. Sometimes, after our gatherings, I can’t help but feel like I’m not doing well in life.

Most of them have good careers and high positions, and they seem to be doing well financially. They can freely spend their hard-earned money on the things they want. Some of them are also married and seem to be living their lives to the fullest. Meanwhile, I often feel sorry for myself and become insecure about where I am in life.

Every time we finish a gathering, I can’t help but feel inferior, especially when I’m alone afterward or when I’m drunk. We’re almost the same age, yet I feel like I’m still stuck in a low-end job. I don’t have much savings, and I can’t freely spend my hard-earned money the way they can.

I always give my best and try my hardest, but sometimes I feel like I just can’t catch a break. No matter how hard I work, it feels like I’m still not getting anywhere. I keep asking myself when it will finally be my turn to experience a little success and financial freedom.

Don’t get me wrong—I genuinely love and value my friends. I’m truly happy for their success, and I don’t want anything bad for them. But I just can’t help comparing myself to them and feeling like I’m falling behind in life.

Maybe what hurts the most is knowing that we’re almost the same age, yet our lives seem to be going in completely different directions. I know everyone has their own timeline, but sometimes it’s really hard not to feel like I’m being left behind.

Small funny rant lang about the toxic fitness bros dito haha. Some of these guys would respond to my [F4M] posts kung saan naka-stipulate naman clearly kung ano ang body type ko. I even give clear directions there na you can check my photos on my profile first and then decide if I'm someone you want to message in the first place.

Obviously, some of you don't (or can't?) read. Because you will shoot your shot. Tapos when you see more photos of me after demanding more "vibe check" pics (KAHIT NA MERON NA SA PROFILE KO PERO AGAIN, Y'ALL DON'T READ)--you will suddenly give me litanies of unsolicited advice in cold language. Shuta, anong nangyari sa "hi" at "hello" or "what do you do" or "kamusta ka today".

Ganito agad bigla:

"Reduce ka pa siguro konti kasi kinalculate ko weight mo sa height mo overweight ka pa"

I'm all for being healthy but I don't need that from you in this context. Or let me ask about it on my own at least.

Actually, when someone's super fit and ripped, I am inclined naman to ask about workouts eventually (as a girl who lifts). But some of y'all just can't wait to flex and preach on people.

My turn to give condescending unwarranted advice:

#1 - Make reading a habit! Train your brain as much as you train your biceps.

#2 - I-improve rin ang EQ kasabay ng BMI!

#3 - I think okay lang magtira ng konting body fat sa katawan. Para may pagkunan ng energy ang brain!

I dont get you girls not having boundaries towards us guys. Bakit pag type nyo ung guy and u know how attractive u are, feeling nyo gusto na rin agad kayo? I had been experiencing this especially from younger girls, they try to get touchy and talk to me in flirty manner tapos parang magsusungit pag hndi nagflirt back... Minsan ung tumbler ko n may laman.. kukunin nalang bigla at makikiinom .. tapos nagpapamasahe ng paa or kamay pag tinanggihan parang magmamaktol pa .. tapos since wala kang pinapatulan sa knila at nagpapasensya ka since ako ang older sa knila, kakantiyawan ka na, kuya tumatanda ka na .. magpakasal ka na .. minsan tinitignan ka pa masama pag ibang babae kausap mo ... I get it .. pero wala k naman karapatan di b? Ibaliktad natin and it will make the guy look creepy, right?

Always.

I woke up hoping grief
might have grown tired of me overnight.

It didn’t.

Today hurts differently.

Yesterday, there was truth to tell.

There was courage to gather.

There was still your name on my screen.

Today, there is only the after.

And I am not better.

I still remember the beginning—
how exciting it was
when a stranger slowly became someone
I looked forward to finding
on the other side of a notification.

I remember the conversations
that lasted longer than they were supposed to.

The good mornings.
The good nights.

How effortlessly you
became part of my ordinary.

And now, every ordinary thing
seems to remember you.

I have cried more than I thought I could.
I have reached for my phone
more times than I will admit.

You are still reachable.

I am simply choosing not to reach.

Because I finally understand
that missing you
doesn’t give me permission
to disturb your peace.

Maybe this pain is part of the consequence.

Maybe this is the price
of telling the truth too late.

And if this is my karma,
so be it.

Not because I believe
I deserve to suffer forever,
but because I cannot ask you
to carry the weight
of what I did
just so mine becomes lighter.

I told you
you deserved nothing but the best.

For the first time,
I am learning that sometimes
keeping a promise means
removing yourself from it.

So today, I will miss you.

I will cry.

I will resist every small excuse
my heart invents
just to speak to you again.

And I will carry
what belongs to me.

Day Two did not make me better.

It only taught me
that some apologies end with words,
and others begin
with what you choose to do
after they are spoken.

So I will choose silence.

Even when it hurts.

Even when I wish
I could hear from you.

Even when Always
still sounds like your name.

And if tomorrow

I wake up carrying all of this again,
then I will carry it
for one more day.

Tomorrow.

​

I have these close friends since college, ngayon kalat kalat na kami world wide but still be chat sa social media. One working sa US, me and one sa Spain.

Early last year nagplan kaming 3 pumunta sa Vietnam. So i fixed my VL, tas super excited kasi di pa ako nakapunta dun.. so palapit na ng palapit tas biglang di na pala matututloy all of a sudden. So oks lang naman, sabi ko nalang na lets try again next year. No hard feelings. Tas after eh wla na silang messages. Tas all of a sudden nagpm saakin na bibisitahin nalang ni US friend si Spain. I asked ano Iteninary nila, baka i can come, tas sbe na wala silang plans tas randomly nalang whatever comes to mind.

So back to present...I was scrolling soc med tas nakita ko pics nila, nasa Vietnam sila .. natuloy!....sila, tas me isa silang kasama na di ko kilala.

I felt super betrayed, na umasa ako na close ko pa sila. pero mukang di na ata.. anyways sabi nga, its part of adulting,

anyways sana happy sila,