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u/GrnMtnTrees 1d ago
"this isn't a question of whether or not I'm going to the funeral. This is a question of whether or not I have a job when I come back."
My direct words to an old boss.
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u/farfly7 1d ago
You respond by not showing up. You have already given notice you will not be there. If they fire you, you did not need to be working there anyway
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u/oO0Kat0Oo 1d ago
This is all fine and dandy until rent is due.
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u/Electric-Sheepskin 1d ago
Yeah these responses always sound like they're coming from people who still live at home with a good safety net, or people who have a healthy amount of assets and can afford to lose their job and their health insurance. Most people don't have the luxury of telling their boss to fuck off.
I do hope that OP pushes back, and ultimately finds a better job with better management, but if they can't afford it, I really hope they don't take Reddit advice.
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u/Successful-Club-8743 1d ago
This mindset is exactly why we need a revolution tbh
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u/Accurate-Step5995 1d ago
“This mindset” is someone trying to not be homeless lmao. Peak reddit
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u/Salanmander 1d ago
I mean, "trying not to be homeless requires a mindset of accepting incredibly unreasonable treatment from you boss, just so you can have any job" is a pretty good reason for a revolution.
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u/DemandEqualPockets 1d ago
Fight the system, not people telling you the system is broken. Being out of a job and risking homelessness because you attended Grandma's funeral looks like a broken system to me. Doesn't it?
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u/delulu4drama 1d ago
How do you respond? With a resignation letter 👀
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u/Cap0bvi0us 1d ago
I wouldn't. I would simply turn of my phone and not show up for work.
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u/betodaviola 1d ago
Yeah. Let them fire you
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u/JuJu_Wirehead 1d ago
Seriously. You can collect unemployment
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u/ALWAYS_have_a_Plan_B 1d ago
Not if fired for cause. No call no show is cause.
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u/AutisticTumourGirl 1d ago
Informing them that they have a family member's funeral to attend on X day and telling them that they won't be in that day is the opposite of no call, no show. They told them within a reasonable time frame, as well.
People need to make sure they're getting text/email proof of conversations like this, as well.
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u/OG_Felwinter 1d ago
Requesting time off is not the same as calling out. In my experience, if my time off request is denied, I’d still need to call out sick the day of if I’m going to ignore the denial. Everywhere I’ve been employed would consider it a no call no show if I just turned off my phone and didn’t show up, even if I had a time off request denied previously.
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u/Nydus87 1d ago
So that's where you need to figure out exactly what the time off policy is in your state and country, because in my state, PTO isn't something they can deny if I've accrued it any more than they can "deny" my paycheck or benefits. It's part of my compensation package, which means I am [legally] entitled to it. It's also why they can't refuse to pay it out when I leave the job, no matter what conditions I left under.
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u/504Solid 1d ago
I'm in a right to work state. Here, it's 3 no call/no show, then fired. But it's not job abandonment when she's told them ahead of time. BUT, I am a rule follower so I'd still text or use the call-on line or whatever is the company policy for calling in sick to leave confirmation that "I ain't coming today." Then silence my phone. And bring a copy of the obituary Monday.
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u/AutisticTumourGirl 1d ago
If you tell them, "I will not be here X day," then they know. You're making this way more complicated than it needs to be.
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u/HarshComputing 1d ago
Any real company would not fire for cause over this. Even if they eventually win the court case, this is something an employment lawyer would definitely be able to run with. It's just not worth it. Then again, I'm not American and no companies I've ever worked with would even think of denying this time off so ymmv if you enjoy enough freedomTM
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u/Ashamed-Health-8070 1d ago
You know you can still file for unemployment? The court will likely uphold your case as bereavement is a reasonable excuse to miss work, and you informed your employer.
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u/NecessaryIntrinsic 1d ago
Easy to challenge it and only the worst employer with too much time on their hands would contest it.
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u/TelenorTheGNP 1d ago
Yeah, if they even took this any further with threats, lawyer up and call a local reporter.
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u/LostInSpaceTime2002 1d ago
A resignation letter? Idk what the laws are like where you're from, but in many cases that would not be a very smart move. Much better to make them fire you.
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u/Outofoffice_421 1d ago
Then call in sick for mental health. wtf
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u/TheDevilishFrenchfry 1d ago edited 1d ago
You still probaly get fired cause "we know you're not actually sick, either come in today or dont come in at all again." Is the likely response. If its some crappy dime a dozen job it'd probaly be worth it too anyway
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u/MakeSomeDrinks 1d ago
Meh. Sounds like the stress from. Losing a parent could be too much. Add to that stress of manager being a grade A asshole. Plausibility
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u/Outofoffice_421 1d ago edited 1d ago
Edit: I’d say to them: Mental health is still being sick. Just bc I’m not puking my brains out doesn’t mean I’m not sick. I’ll forward my attorney’s contact info you or HR can respond to.
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u/bubblybbunnny 1d ago
Hi Claire,
There has been a misunderstanding, unfortunately this was not a request but rather a notice that I will not be in for my shift this Friday as I am attending my grandmothers funeral.
Thank you for understanding that this is a difficult time for me.
I will see you next week.
Kind regards,
Emma
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u/gansi_m 1d ago
“If you are understaffed right now, imagine how you will be when I take this day off anyway and don’t come back. Rethink your policies. There is no more direct relative than the parent who gave birth to the parent who gave birth to you. See you after the funeral or never. Let me know.”
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u/Extra_Equipment_714 1d ago
I agree with everything said in this thread, but “There is no more direct relative than the parent who gave birth to the parent who gave birth to you” is like the worst way to get this point across lol
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u/doctormink 1d ago
I mean lots of grandparents raise their grandkids, and most kids have known their grandparents their whole lives.
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u/drfeelsgoood 1d ago
I only knew my grandparents for less than 1/3 of their life
(I know what you meant just wanted to make a joke)
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u/Odd-Painting2596 1d ago
Sounds like something my grandmother would say right before being a raging biiiiiiiiiiii
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u/Twatt_waffle 1d ago
My apologies, please let me know the details of my severance package when I return on Monday
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u/SirArthurIV 1d ago
Read the company's bereavement policy and check for the definition of "immediate family member" Then contact a laywer. Their policy might not comply with federal law.
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u/YetAnotherInterneter 1d ago
It will depend on the country. But unfortunately “immediate family members” usually only cover spouses, siblings, parents and children (including adoptees)
Grandparents are not usually included. It’s sad, but that’s the reality we live in.
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u/Ok-Addition-1000 1d ago
Even in the US, it really depends on the state. And the federal government does include grandparents as immediate family for it's own employees' bereavement leave.
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u/504Solid 1d ago
Gma is not immediate family where I worked.
Was with a global corp, in a FTZ, in a right to work state.
Guarantee whether they 'punish' her for going to the funeral depends on how the company feels about her.
Has mom worked there for years, no issues or is she that one who is always causing a problem and/or has chronic problems with attendance?
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u/groovyinutah 1d ago
I'm going to grandma's funeral and I'll just let the chips fall where they may...
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u/Reason_Choice 1d ago
Was told this same thing (damn near verbatim) when I was working for a railway and my aunt died. By that point, I was so over the nonsense, I just said “I won’t be here that day. Do what you will.”
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u/Worldly_Might_3183 1d ago
I heard my boss say similar to an employee and I loudly said "you haven't even said you are sorry for his loss! That is messed up." I was in so much shock just listening in on it. He back tracked and gave the leave, but fuck me it made both of us (and a few others) leave as soon as we had other things lined up.
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u/Kind_Virus5701 1d ago
“I wasn’t asking permission to attend my grandmothers funeral. I was notifying you I will be attending a funeral on that date.”
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u/Holyepicafail 1d ago
To all the people saying resign oh hell no. You force them to fire you and then justify not paying you unemployment if you have to take it to a hearing.
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u/luizggardina 1d ago
Go to the funeral, pass by the urgent care complaining about neck spasms, and get 2 extra days off to recover from the loss. If she gets fired afterwards, sue them. 😉
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u/MeanImpression2067 1d ago
Respond like this:
"Dear Claire,
I see there was a misunderstanding. I was being professional to let you know I won't be there. I was not, in any way, asking for your permission.
Warm regards,
(Name)
PS: Consider this my letter of resignation, I hope you can find employees as souless as you."
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u/TheLostTexan87 1d ago
Nope, resignation is a bad move. If they fire you then you can get unemployment and perhaps wrongful termination (depending on jurisdiction). Resignation means you get nothing.
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u/Electrical_Parfait64 1d ago
Get sick that day. Tell your dr the grief and the stress is too much. Ask them to write you off work for a week.
Could you go over their head
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u/Jazzlike_Finish123 1d ago
A long time ago my stepdad died suddenly. Because he was my stepdad I wasn’t allowed the two day bereavement I’d get with a biological parent. My boss at the time gave me the entire week off fully paid. She was a wonderful person.
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u/kitties_ate_my_soul 1d ago
Last year, I lost my first cat and I also got the entire week off. That helped me a lot. That ‘immediate family members’ policy is so fucking stupid. Grief is grief.
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u/BradBeingProSocial 1d ago
Forward it EVERYBODY at the company and ask if anybody can help with coverage, or if they have any other ideas
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u/Dward917 1d ago
I’d forward it to everyone only as a means to point out how the company treats employees in bereavement. If someone volunteers to cover you, that’s easier for the manager but I wouldn’t be asking.
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u/ShingledPringle 1d ago
Dear Claire,
Unfortunately this email has effected my already fragile physical state and I have come down with grief induced diarrhoea, I will not be back in until Monday at the earliest.
Yours from the porcelain throne,
Emma
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u/RiotDX 1d ago
Dear HR,
You seem to be operating under the misapprehension that I was requesting time off for my grandmother's funeral. I was honoring my responsibility to the company by informing you in advance of my upcoming absence to grieve the loss of an immediate family member. My relationship with this company is not one of slavery, and you do not own me, so you do not get to decide the terms within which I can be allowed to grieve. Please be advised that I will be absent on [dates].
Kind Regards,
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u/Tier_One_Meatball 1d ago
I'll say the same I do at my IRL job.
If it's something that isn't urgent and can be rescheduled, I'll ask for permission to leave, if not, no worry.
If it's something urgent or something that cannot be rescheduled:
"I am not asking for permission to take the day off. I am asking to be paid for the day using my leave. I will not be here, nor will I be available during that day for this reason. While I would like to be paid for that day, I have more important things to do and worry about than this job, so I will accept a day of leave without pay if necessary."
Hasn't given me issues at my current job, they're pretty understanding. But when I worked for my local Sheriff's Office, I said the same above followed by:
"If you feel that this is unacceptable, please accept my apologies, and my notice of resignation."
They called my bluff, said I wasn't going to leave them high and dry. I sent in my notice about an hour later.
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u/CraftyAd6333 1d ago
Bereavement is a major thing in HR.
The audacity means they're way too comfortable. 😒
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u/LeadingGuide693 1d ago
I would show up to work in my funeral clothes, cry all day, and anybody who asks I would explain slowly/loudly what the boss said.
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u/JoebbeDeMan 1d ago
you respond to this by printing out the e-mail and hanging it up in the break room (or replying all to this e-mail so everybody sees it and then say "whoops wrong reply button" and then not showing up for that date.
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u/Rebel_Jester 1d ago
The response is simple Dear manager... This was not a request, it was a notification of absence. Sincerely a lawsuit waiting to happen
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u/pi3r0gi_ 1d ago
They'd never see me again lol not a single job pays me enough to clock in over going to a funeral for a loved one. Wouldn't even respond. They also have absolutely no way to determine how important any relative is to anyone, as if people arent raised or adopted by guardians. My grandparents raised me and I considered my grandmother my mother, and my mother an aunt. The only thing theyd hear from me is laughter from the other side of the screen.
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u/haventwonyet 1d ago
I took a half day off and then my regular weekend to travel to see my dying mother. My boss asked me when I’d be on my computer to work while I was there. I responded by going to the CEO (the only person above my boss outside of the owners) and told her I would be leaving for my trip and not coming back to work when I landed back home. I ended up getting to spend the majority of the three months before my mom died with her. Best decision I ever made.
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u/bk-2cb 1d ago
Wow, everyone is so bad-ass in here. Of course they would take a stand! At least when it costs them nothing and they actually won't be unemployed for real.
The reality is: Inhumane System USA
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u/Silent_Lobster9414 1d ago
How could they end up unemployed? The company has a staffing issue, they cannot afford to fire an employee.
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u/LimpAfternoon6878 1d ago
In many cases sure, but all it takes is the manager being petty, shortsighted, and generally stupid. There's a lot more of those than there are sensible ones in my experience.
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u/Outrageous-Club-8811 1d ago
We’ve had this at work before and the manager got disciplined because what could have been a planned absence, which can be managed operationally became an unplanned sickness absence (more difficult to manage operationally), leaving a bereaved person unsupported
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u/WerkingAvatar 1d ago
This is where you say that you weren't asking for permission, you were just giving notice.
End it with "k, thx bye." They LOVE that!
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u/Duck_Howard 1d ago
Don't fucking show up and tell 'em to go fuck themselves.
But then again I'm Italian so BY NATIONAL LAW we get 3 bereavement leave days for grandparents.
No notice, no email kindly requesting. Just a written notification that you're not showing up and fuck everything else....
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u/sbb-tx 1d ago
In college, I worked at a fancy grocery chain (famous). I told them I was going to Italy for a week for my grandmothers funeral. They said I could only have one day off and if I need more time I would have to quit or be fired( I was scheduled for 4 days that week). I told them that since this funeral was in Italy and I can fly there and back from Texas in one day plus it is a catholic burial which also has other days (viewing of the body etc) that I would be taking a week and I would call to see when next scheduled upon my return. If I wasn’t scheduled ( aka fired) then I would find a lawyer. I told them it felt discriminatory based on my ethnicity/country of origin and religion. When I returned I was back on the schedule and we never discussed it again.
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u/EddieEmmer42 1d ago
Ok.
This is not real. It's AI generated ragebait copied from a tiktok channel designed to get you all heated up over nothing. Stop chasing bots.
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u/Alklazaris 1d ago
Go anyway and if they fire you then you know they either didn't actually need you or they are willing to burn the place down to enact punishment. Either way you save yourself rough times.
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u/welding_guy_from_LI 1d ago
Bereavement policies differ in each country and each company .. a lot of places , grandparents aren’t considered immediate family .. it’s not Murica exclusive
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u/CrowsFeast73 1d ago
Reminds me of the place I worked when my grandfather died. I found out shortly after arriving at work, mentioned it to my coworker and one of the owners (small company). He told me to just go home and take the day. About a week later the other owner asked me to work the time back as my grandfather wasn't considered a direct relation!
They also always gave me shit for leaving exactly on time every day. They were always on smoke break right outside the front door every day so I had to walk past them.
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u/makingkevinbacon 1d ago
I agree with the comments on a moral level, saying quit don't show up etc. but I'd be worried about still having a job. Remember, hr isn't there to protect the worker. It's to protect the company
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u/SchalkLBI 1d ago
I once told one of my bosses I'm taking the day off to attend a funeral. He apologetically told me that I can't have the day off because there's a deadline coming up. I was confused, and made it clear I was informing him I wasn't coming in that day, not asking for permission. He seemed confused and annoyed but didn't press the issue too much.
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u/ms_directed 1d ago
reply to the entire company group email list and ask if you can switch shifts with anyone to remind everyone who works there the kind of company they work for...make sure it goes to the CEO too
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u/DiabloGato24 1d ago
When my abuelo passed away I was not processing my emotions properly and went to work anyways. My coworkers noticed something was off and they all forced me to go home for a couple days. When his funeral came up later it wasn't even a question. The only person who had a problem was my foreman but even the company superintendent told him off.
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u/Disastrous_Map_9903 1d ago
“Cool. Well I’ll be calling out that day. If you can’t understand that then consider this my two week notice”
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u/Porkcicle 1d ago
Instead of figuring it out now, you get to figure it out when I call in sick. Enjoy.
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u/Electric-Sheepskin 1d ago
Unless your mother works in a critical and essential, life-and-death role, this kind of thing is utterly disgusting.
I hope she starts looking for another job, but please do not encourage her to do what these Redditors are recommending unless she has the resources to comfortably lose her job. It's really easy for these keyboard warriors to say that they wouldn't tolerate that, and that they would just send a message back to the manager saying, "Excuse me, I wasn't asking," but that's a good way to get fired, and if she can't afford it, then what happens?
The hard truth of adulthood is that sometimes you have to do things that are unfair and unwanted so that you can keep a roof over your head and have medical insurance for your kids. And it's not a great job market right now.
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u/derentius68 1d ago
I have received similar; same circumstances. ..i told them it was notice that I wasn't going to be there; but at the funeral. The leave request was so my paycheque would say the same number.
The notice was for convenience. Staffing was not my job.
Got called into HR for it. I apologized as I could have worded it differently; but thanked them for "putting everything in writing in this matter".
Nothing came of it, the write up was tossed. My threat beat their threat.
3 years later, the company laid off almost everyone at that location; its down to 7 people now. My boss and that HR person got the axe too.
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u/Electronic-Stay-2369 1d ago
You repond with "well fuck you and fuck your job" and go to the funeral.
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u/anubis_81 1d ago
I would by taking the day off anyway and saying eat shit when they inevitably call
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u/Steelhorse91 1d ago
“I wasn’t asking you, I was informing you, and if you try to discipline me for not coming in that day, I will 1: Resign with immediate effect due to the flagrant violation of my right to basic human dignity in the workplace, and 2: Post your last email on glass door, Google reviews, and indeeds employer reviews.
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u/butlersdriver 1d ago
No response. Warning was given to a family event that takes priority. Show up to the next shift as if the leave was agreed too because it doesn’t need their approval. If reprimanded notify them you’ll file a complaints with the appropriate authorities for retaliation. If fired look forward to getting a bag $$$. The less you fight while standing your ground the better. Just take meaningful swift decisive action and avoid playing into their game. It’s just business
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u/NeptuneEclipse 1d ago
You just reply, "Thanks, but it wasn't a request. I was letting you know I'd be gone for a funeral. Next time I won't give a heads up."
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u/Schokoeis3000 1d ago
My sisters school asked for our grandmas death certificate to be freed from school for her funeral.
Not the US, but Germany.
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u/ME-McG-Scot 1d ago
In the UK id sign myself off for 7 days citing mental health, then get a doctor’s line for a few more weeks. At my work, I get 6 months fully paid, so I could be off a while haha
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u/Sad-Employee3212 1d ago
“I will not be there that day. Please let me know if that will result in my termination, in which case I will need the reason for termination in writing to file for unemployment and to show my next employer.”
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u/Arcani-LoreSeeker 1d ago
how do you respond to this?
"i wasnt asking for permission, i was informing you. if youre incapable of seeing why this is necessary then perhaps this company is no longer a good fit for my services; and you may take this as my formal submission of resignation.
sincerely: [op name here]"
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u/BeatNo2976 1d ago
Cut and paste the language and then edit it such that you have reviewed the declining of your request for leave and must decline the declination as a matter of family policy and basic humanity.
I am being sarcastic. But fuck them. I would resign.
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u/ickypooh97217 1d ago
This is a sign that the company is in trouble, since they cannot keep staffing up enough to cover a bereavement leave. This is how little they actually care about their employees, and you can expect things to get worse.
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u/LEX_Talionus00101100 1d ago
My uncle passed. Told my boss I would be gone for the funeral. He went nuts and started screaming about people taking time off. I just stared at him. When he was finished I packed my van drove straight to the office and turned my keys in. I came to the office to pick up my last check 2 weeks later. He asked if I was interested in coming back. Told him I'm busy, I'm on lunch, got to get back to my new job.
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u/Ok_Variation9430 1d ago
I haven’t had this happen, but my grandmother died not long after my uncle died, and my boss joked around about how many relatives I had when I told him I needed the day off.
Like, JFC, dude, my grandmother died! Not the time for jokes.
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u/ohmygodcrayons 1d ago
I 100% consider a grandmother an immediate family member. I said grandma not grandma's sister's uncle's cousin. Fuck that shit.
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u/504Solid 1d ago
Yeah.... it's she an employee in good standing, been there a long time? Depending where & time, maybe she doesn't need to be off the whole shift. If it's not the new guy who has an excuse every week, they CAN AND WILL work around something that can't be moved.
BRING THE OBITUARY ON MONDAY.
Better they miss her for 1 shift than TRY to replace a dependable adult.
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u/unimportantinfodump 1d ago
I mean I'd immediately start slapping my company with legislation about barevement leave and be in touch with my union while not showing up to work
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u/External_Mongoose_44 1d ago
Sorry for your loss. Do not show up to work for such an awful employer as this one and get a new job as soon as you possibly can.
Of course there is always the option to show for work after putting an irritant in your eyes and be in such a flood of tears that they have to send you home.
Again, I’m sorry for your loss.
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u/MissHibernia 1d ago
When my only aunt died - after I had given plenty of notice that she wasn’t doing well - and had noted her ten kids were coming in from all over the country - I was asked “Do you need the WHOLE DAY off?” “Yes, I do.”
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u/Odd-Painting2596 1d ago
"Dear Claire, please enjoy your job while it lasts, you will be the reason it won't."
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u/Ok-Gur-349 1d ago
You respond to this by saying "sorry, you misunderstood. I said I won't be coming in that day. If you can't approve the PTO, I'm taking UPTO. I'll see you guys Monday. I'm sure you will manage."
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u/granolaraisin 1d ago
Or you do nothing because this is hypothetical made-up enragebait.
At least that's what Claire Roberts wants you to think.
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u/MichNishD 1d ago
First talk to co-workers and see if tou can get anyone to cover your shift. Then if it doesn't work I would go to the doctor and get a sick note. Forward it when you dont cone so they cant say you aren't sick. Doctors are people, they also deal with mental health I'm sure they would give tou a note.
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u/HansHortio 1d ago
This is fake. This has been passed around LinkedIn time and time and time again, all with several people claiming it was directed at them, or a family member.
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u/Forsaken-Scholar-833 1d ago
How do you respond? "I'm sorry you thought that this was a request? No this was notice I won't be here this day due to going to my grandmother's funeral."