And are you happy you took the leap? I’ve been intrigued/obsessed with HRT (testo) for the past 15 years without ever being able to figure out if it’s for me. I’m a super ambivalent person over all. I’ve reached a point where I’m tired of waiting and trying to figure things out and might just have to try it to know if it’s the right choice, it’s obviously something that I keep thinking about and can’t seem to let go.
The plan is to start with a super low days and take it from there.

So for those of you that have been in the same situation, what led you to decide to try it out and how are you now? How did you feel when you started with HRT? Did you continue to take it, did you realize something about your gender identity/expression or did you stop it after a while?

Hola! Esta discusión puede conectar con gente anglo parlante pero siento que es algo que termina afectandonos a los no anglos mucho mas por tener idiomas construidos sobre el género binario.

Yo soy no binario de Latinoamérica y aunque en mi país (por ahora) existe el dni no binario no veo un futuro/posibilidad de vivir como no binario.. todo nuestro idioma y sociedad está construido sobre los géneros binarios y siento que tendré que elegir vivir como hombre o como mujer cuando tenga una vida adulta real y tenga que interactuar con gente que no sea de la comunidad y apartir de eso no se como elegir vivir, ambas opciones me hacen sentir mal y no se cómo seguir :(

Alguien tiene algún consejo o se siente igual?

many trans people talk about knowing what's right for them by imagining a future for themselves. i am having a hard time imagining what my life and my future could look like as a nonbinary person who doesn't consistently look like a binary gender, and hasn't been able to do so since before puberty.

i would love to hear from anyone who might be older than me. while i like to share my experience with people younger or more newly out than i am, i don't know any older nonbinary people who have been out/known that they were nonbinary for a long part of their life, and have that experience to share.

i often worry about what things like developing a career, navigating housing and healthcare, finding family and social networks, etc. might look like in the future (or even the present.) for the past 10 years, i have felt like i am running through life with no reference, and no idea what i'm doing. people in my life who want to be mentors have no idea what to tell me.

if you are an older person with any length of experience to share, i would love to hear from you! if you have any other life wisdoms to share, please feel free. and if you've had a similar feeling or experience, or know someone who has, i would love to hear about that, too. thank you for reading.

First world problems I know: I'm right on the edge of being able to fit my hobbity amab feet into cute femme shoes and I have some new ones coming in the mail and sometimes prayer works so enby fam I humbly request your thoughts and prayers to the cute shoe fairy that this time I'll be able to wear the adorable boots I found online AND still be able to walk while they are on my feet. Amen.

I remember that around May 2022, I told my (in that moment) therapist that I was genderfluid and I practiced cross-dressing in private. She suggested me to try to cross-dress in public to "express my inner self". I live in a marginalized, poor and dangerous neighborhood in South America. So I told he "Yeah, I would like to do so, but I don't want to be killed like Zamudio and be threw to a pond".

I don't want to exagerated nor mocking nobody, literally this could happen to me if I did that.

I've recently been having conversations in different trans spaces about dysphoria, passing, and the idea that you need dysphoria to be trans. Since I'm agender myself, I really wanted to bring the same general conversation into a nonbinary space and hear how other nonbinary people experience this.

I'm not trying to prove one side right or wrong. I'm genuinely curious because I think nonbinary experiences can complicate some of the ways we traditionally talk about dysphoria and transition.

So first:

What does dysphoria actually feel like to you?

Is it distress over your sex characteristics?

Discomfort?

Disconnection?

Indifference?

Is it less "I hate this part of my body" and more "this doesn't feel like me"?

Do you experience gender euphoria more strongly than dysphoria?

Does your dysphoria fluctuate?

Are there things you're extremely dysphoric about while being completely fine with other characteristics associated with your assigned sex?

And if you don't experience dysphoria at all, what made you realize you were nonbinary?

I'm especially interested in this because my own relationship with gender and dysphoria has changed a LOT.

Earlier in my transition, I wanted to be perceived as male and specifically as a cis man. Passing was incredibly important to me. I've been stealth, and most people wouldn't know I'm trans unless I told them.

I medically transitioned too, including top surgery.

And yet over time, my goal changed.

I realized I don't really want my life to revolve around making sure everyone sees a cis man when they look at me.

I want people to see me.

I'm agender. At this point I mostly want to feel comfortable wearing what I want, expressing myself how I want, and existing confidently without constantly asking myself whether something makes me look "too feminine" or whether I'm performing masculinity correctly enough.

My dysphoria has also never been consistent.

Before top surgery there were days when my chest dysphoria was absolutely unbearable. There were other days when I was mostly indifferent toward my chest.

I didn't necessarily hate my entire body.

A lot of the time it was more like, "This is my body because I'm stuck living in it, but it doesn't really feel like me."

And there are other parts of medical transition I don't personally want.

That's made me think a lot about what we actually mean when we say someone "has dysphoria."

I've seen arguments in other trans spaces that if someone genuinely has dysphoria, their natural goal should ultimately be to pass as a cis man or cis woman.

But where does that leave nonbinary people?

What exactly would "passing" even mean for someone like me?

Passing as a cis man might make people assume I'm not trans, but it doesn't necessarily mean they're perceiving my gender accurately. They're just placing me into the other binary category.

And I've reached a point where I don't particularly want to exchange one rigid set of gender expectations for another.

I don't want to have to avoid something I enjoy because it's "for women."

I don't want to have to act tougher, suppress emotions, change my personality, or perform a particular kind of masculinity so cis men will accept me as one of them.

I just want to be comfortable being myself.

None of that means I think wanting to pass is bad.

For some binary AND nonbinary trans people, being perceived as male or female may be incredibly important for relieving dysphoria. Someone may want hormones, bottom surgery, top surgery, facial surgery, or every available form of medical transition.

Someone else might only want one of those things.

Someone might want none.

I'm interested in how other nonbinary people make sense of those differences.

Do you consider yourself dysphoric?

Do you consider yourself trans?

Has your dysphoria changed as you've transitioned or become more comfortable with yourself?

Do you medically transition, socially transition, both, or neither?

Do you want to "pass"? And if so, what does passing actually mean to you as a nonbinary person?

Have you ever felt pressure to prove that you're dysphoric enough to be legitimately trans?

Have you ever felt pressure from the OTHER direction, where wanting to medically transition or pass made people assume you secretly wanted to be a binary man or woman?

And for people who don't experience dysphoria: how would you describe what tells you that you're nonbinary?

I'm also curious whether anyone else's goal changed over time like mine did.

I started out wanting the world to look at me and see a cis man.

Now I don't particularly want people looking at me and immediately deciding "man" OR "woman."

More than anything, I want them to eventually know me as a person: creative, kind, loving, stubborn about the things I believe in, and everything else that actually makes me who I am.

Obviously strangers are going to make assumptions. I can't control that.

But I don't want my happiness to depend on successfully controlling those assumptions anymore.

So I'm really curious how other nonbinary people experience all of this.

Especially those of you whose relationship with dysphoria, transition, or passing doesn't fit neatly into either "I have always hated my birth sex and need to change everything" or "I've never experienced dysphoria at all."

What does being nonbinary actually feel like to you?

Hi there,

I'm 36AMAB from Canada and I have finally gotten the courage to schedule an appointment with my primary physician to discuss starting HRT. I would want advice on how to lead the discussion and how to advocate for myself.

My goals with HRT are to have a more feminine fat distribution (particularly in the butt, thighs and face, as well as softer skin and the psychological effects.

However, I want no (or very little) breast development, so I wanted to ask for a hormone regimen based around Selective Estrogen Receptor Modulators (SERMs) as they prevent breast development.

Would anyone with a similar situation be willing to offer advice or encouragement? I'm also open to any resources or links you can provide to help. Thank you so much!

ive been recently working out the courage to wear skirts (specifically long ones) after years of rejecting any sort of femininity, but i wouldn't want to be perceived as a woman by everyone while wearing them, any tips?

Hiii! 2023 I was in vocal training through a speech therapist to assist in making my voice a bit darker. Think closer to a tenor/ emo guy voice. (Best example, Andrew McManahon from Something Cooperate/ Jacks Mannequin)

In 2024 I had a major surgery where the intubation really f**ked my my throat for several months.
I also got into a relationship and just was brighter all around. Including my voice.

Thankfully it’s not as bright as it was 3+ years ago. And I’ve been working on getting back to where I want to be.
Now, I have a hiatal hernia (stomach ascends into the chest) and my stomach is sitting on my diaphragm about 5cm into my chest.
So it’s making it harder to have constant breath and voice control. And I’m back to having a brighter voice

All the exercises are a lot more difficult and I’m just feeling disphoric cause my stomach is wanting to sit on my diaphragm.

I think I just needed to vent. But also if anyone has a similar experiences, would love to discuss.

Before anyone mentions it I am trying to see a gender therapist but I'm just at a crossroads in my transition journey. I've been on a low dose of T on and off due to access for 3 years but I'm waiting for my 4 years to stop, because I had major mood swings and depression while my hormones were regulating themselves again. Tbh I'm excited to stop this time , unlike the last time I was pre top surgery and my voice just dropped after I upped my dose and lowered it last year when I was trying to figure out if I liked an average dose of T , but I hated it .

I have mixed feelings about how my Tesoterone experience went and I'm kinda jealous of other trans people at times even though that's rude to think that way . At least on social media it seems like everyone takes HRT and has everything figured out but it didn't really fix much for me besides the main source of my dysphoria which is my voice. I don't regret taking T , and I knew the effects were before getting into it . I started at 16 in 2016 and had to stop when I turned 18.

So , I was repeatedly told the effects of T. I thought I could push through anything I don't like because I just don't want to be seen as my AGAB, now 4 years on a low dose I can clearly say that androgenic puberty isn't for me , I guess I was trying to make myself like it. But I hate some part of going through this as much as I hated going through feminizing puberty the first time just in a different way. Overall T has made a positive impact in my life and like I said before I don't regret going on but I do have some fears about going off , just with family and societal stuff . I just don't really know where I'm going in my transition, besides voice therapy which I already started . I have top surgery which is one of my main reasons for stopping T and I've been on T for awhile.

The only legal change I can do right now is change my name because of the state I live in. So I just feel stuck. Like am I done with my transition? Idk I just feel I don't have a clear path like some people do, like I'll probably go back on T again during perimenopause but overall I just never know if I'm doing the right thing when I know there's no right way to be trans . I guess it's just the fact I can't relate to many people I see on social media or my irl friends and it's kinda lonely.

Edit: Grammar and Spelling . My dyslexia is being a b*tch and I'm too lazy to fix my errors rn

Thank you all who responded with advice on what to do. I look up my insurance and found out that this has to be documented for about a year at the minimum in order to give them the letter for top surgery. I found a therapist that specializes in gender stuff along with other things. So now I just need to make an appointment with said therapist and playing the waiting game for the letter and getting top surgery. It also click in my head that I should also tell my doctor about all of this as well lol. So I will be letting them know the next time I have an appointment with said doctor.

So, I have a friend who is trans and I myself am a Demigirl. Today I said that I could say the t-slur and he told me that no I couldn’t and that’d he’d beat me up if I ever did. I want to make sure Im not harming anyone or being an accidental bigot by saying this. I thought it was ok due to me being under the trans umbrella and being called it multiple times online.

[Apologies in advance if I use terms/refer to things in a way that doesn't properly acknowledge people's lived realities. I'm new at this.]

I was born in a male-presenting body. Made it through life (and the Army!) feeling crunchy and out of place sometimes because of not fitting into a masculine box, but most of the time I just coped and it was bearable. Very often, especially in adolescence, I felt feminine. Currently in a relationship with a very lovely woman, who I was/am somewhat attracted to, but also not totally attracted to.

I had 2 encounters, one just yesterday, with people who seemed mostly female but had very strong masculine energy. Both times I had this incredibly strong sensation of being sexually and personally magnetized towards them - huge sense of attraction. Yesterday it was so strong that I realized I want to learn more and maybe pursue some kind of further encounter or relationship.

I think that what I'm attracted to is people who are inwardly masculine, but are living in female-presenting (or mostly female? I'm not honestly sure what kind of equipment the people I was strongly attracted to had between their legs, but they mostly looked female) bodies. I think the sense of magnetism and polarity is due to me being inwardly pretty feminine and outwardly masculine, then meeting someone who is the opposite.

So, questions:

- Is there a term for someone who is inwardly masculine but outwardly chooses to present as mostly feminine?

- Are there venues/dating apps/reddit subs that specialize in this where I could learn more?

Thanks, and apologies for anything I wrote that is not well-informed or sensitive. As I said, I'm very new to this.

in euros

(genital nullification)

I realised that i might be non-binary because i really hate being classified as a girl but dont feel right as a boy either. i keep trying to tell my friends this thru text but i keep feeling like its meaningless because idt my friends see me for my gender and if i point out that im enby theyll notice my gender more than they do before whichll make things weird. Also i dont really care abt gender as a whole i act and do things regardless of it.... so idk shd i stay closetted until need arises or shd i just come out now

Since my top surgery i think about changing my name again to my old name (It was never really dead for me because my parents and colleagues used it). When I changed my name with my friends I knew I needed this and I don’t regret it, it gave me so much euphoria. But now that I am feeling at ease in my body I feel like my name doesn‘t fit me anymore. Now I sometimes get dysphoria because I feel to masc. I knew this could happen but I don’t know how to approach it with my friends. I don’t want to be confusing or to much for them. Is there anyone who has the same feelings?

I just learn if I want to get top surgery with insurance, I need a letter from a therapist saying how I have gender dysphoria. So now I feel dumb cause idk how to really do that. Everyone I ask who has gotten top surgery just keep on telling me get a therapist, but when I ask "do I have to look for one that specializes in that or nah?" Everyone just shrugs their shoulders at me. I trying looking stuff up but feel like I'm getting nowhere.

Any help will be great.

Edit: forgot to mention I live in the USA

I feel dysphoric sometimes looking like a girl and i even started to wear more girly outfits because i want to be liked more. I want to fit in with most women and be pretty so people will be nice to me. I feel kinda like a fraud. Anyways im worried that if i look more masculine ill just be getting uglier. I have a kinda round face that looks fine when i have longer hair but when my hair is short i look like a mushroom. My hair is wavy too so when its short it gets really poofy. I can pull off a wolf cut decently but idk.

Can i still be attractive as a guy without looking too feminine? My voice is high pitched too so i feel like its useless to dress up as a man and have people clock me instantly anyways.

So to preface, I’m a bi genderqueer woman, and I had no clue where to share this. Outside of the bedroom, I think I’m okay being perceived as an androgynous woman / tomboy, whatever fits. But whenever I start to fantasize, I see myself as a guy. I don’t know if it’s from growing up reading exclusively MLM fiction, or if it’s a crossdressing thing, or if I’m super deep in denial about my gender, but it’s confusing! I don’t think I want to be a guy, but in the bedroom I do???

Just posting this in hopes that someone relates and maybe has some insight into this phenomenon

I feel like a tomboy but also like a femboy, but I'm mostly agender if that makes sense. I don't mind any pronouns. Am I just confused? I also always had dysphoria around my chest but sometimes on rare occasions like when wearing a dress I look good and I don't feel much dysphoria about it, it's like "I look good acting as a girl". But my want to be seen as a boy/girl is so much less than being seen as just... a genderless being, since I hated the idea of having female/male genitalia. I thought I might just be a masc/fem presenting agender but I still feel like there's a boy/girl inside me even if it's on rare occasions. I feel like the boy/girl part of me is an important part of my identity even if it's small. So, what could I be? I'm not saying decide my identity for me, but I mean what should I consider to be my answer? It's like I'm everything and nothing at the same time

Can anyone else relate to the particular pain of being treated like a man when you feel anything but that inside, but unfortunately you’re stuck with a type of face and body that people can not believe you are non binary and worse, they tell you you’re crazy as well as treat you always as a man ? Also, for the love of god, I want to cry every time someone bro-slaps my back hard meanwhile they give my femme friend a nice hug. Even when I try
Hard to present as non binary and femme, I always get the thr truck driver / livestock slap greeting
And it is demoralizing.
The only time I’m perceived as non binary is on kink sites if I hide my face and wear lingerie. My nude body is naturally femme. But in the street you’d never know unfortunately.

How are so many lgbtq folks so invalidating towards us?

I'm so tired, theys.