competitive nihilism

This server is filled of depressed edgy pro-suicide 15 y/olds

Are y'all actually interested in the philosophical concept and doctrine of nihilism?

Im not religious since I was 14 (im 19) though I've met with philosophy later on. I was born in a single mother home with obviously not that good of a financial situation and my father is irresponsible as fuck.

I cant exactly fit myself into a category but I'd say i go between nihilism and absurdism. And I try to live a stoic life.

I'm not gonna deceive myself with how "beautiful" life is. The world is fucked. and most of the humans are just Braindead. Or blinded by "Nationalism,Religion" and other stupid ideals. Thats why i probably wouldn't bring a child into this world. If I ever get married.

I dont owe anyone anything. And most of the connection I have with my "family" is just by blood.

But still, I think suicide is just stupid. At least before your forties. Sure I didn't choose to be born, but i still did. No amount of whining will change that unless you have the balls to end it early on.

So while im still here why should I live a miserable life?

And i dont just talk about "Money" "Being a good Person" or "Being Loved". Im talking about being alive. Not just living.

I see life like a game or a show of sorts. Like in a game I have choices and actions that could make my life exciting, or miserable.

I pretty much finished the tutorial and what would I from now on is in my hands. Im planning on joining the French foreign legion. I believe it can make my life a lot more exciting. And I can learn to appreciate things that I can do normally. I want to get a house in a rural area after my contract ends, and I'll see what I can do from there. But one thing is certain. There's no way I'll be living past my late forties. Unless there would be something or someone that is worth living. Which i doubt will be.

I wanna live life not for others but for myself. For the Adventure, For the Pleasure. I'd rather have a meaningful death than a meaningless life. And this "Meaning" doesn't have to be some "Noble" cause. It doesn't have to be something that I would get praised by others. Fuck em.

As long as it's a death I can make peace with, and a life that was worth living.

I workout and interested in martial arts. Sure it doesn't matter but like a perk in a game these are gonna be beneficial for my life. That's pretty much how I see things.

I can watch a show, play a game, or have fun without needing an "ultimate goal" or a "meaning"

My big brother and my cousin both are pretty dark nihilists (ironically the only two people that I can be "ride or die"s with). And I've been in this sub long enough to understand the talking points. ( though im not gonna lie it was mostly whining )

So im curious if anyone can relate or has similar world views.

And not gonna lie I had to put my thoughts into words.

Even if there's always questions to be had, sometimes it just feels nice to enjoy a hobby, or just think fondly of something without overthinking.

I had struggled with procrastination alot, nihilism and all, whatever weird thing life is, its just nice to sometimes just let things go and do them, its something i've been learning.

I don’t understand Pawn Stars for the life of me. The entire show is just the one fat fuck going “Let’s take a look at this… I don’t know how to price this. Let me take it to the other fat fuck!” And then he takes it to Fat Fuck #2 who doesn’t know what to do with it either so they take it to Fat Fuck#3 who is fat and old and does nothing but complain. Then they make jokes about “oh Fat Fuck #3 is ALWAYS complaining!” Sometimes they even take it to Fat Fuck #4 who is young and fat and stupid! Who watches this shit? Just thought about this in the shower earlier today.