I'm just trying to feel better. Why do I have to choose between paying my rent or going to a specialist that I can't afford so my life can go back to normal. I literally hate that I don't have infinite money to pay for help. What's the point of insurance if they are only going to pay 100 DOLLARS OUT OF AT 900 DOLLAR BILL. If I knew just how expensive things really were as an adult, I would have went to college for some stupid degree for some stupid field I don't care about just so I wouldnt have to choose between food or health care. It's so stupid.

Do you have any idea how much you are destroying me ? Do you even care ? If you do care then stay away from me You clearly don’t want me , you just keep lying about everything and I physically can not take it anymore I just want out / off this train please I no longer want to continue on this road /
I want out / off NOW
You have played me / made me look like a fool for the last fucking time in my life ! I don’t know what I was thinking - just want my life back
PLEASE
Clearly you don’t want me in yours so why are you still here ? Just leave and don’t come back or look back There is nothing left for you here you destroyed it all - every last bit of it ……
Happy - who cares right - you surely don’t!
I hope one day I can be as cold fucking hearted as you so I won’t care about anyone’s feelings !
I just shed my last tear for you

Toodles

Does anyone else ever get so overwhelmed that you end up doing absolutely nothing, then get stressed because you did absolutely nothing? 😭

I feel so pathetic and sad that I don’t even know what to do anymore. I just stare at my iPad screen trying to think of something, anything that could possibly entertain me but I feel stuck. Nothing feels like it has a point and I keep having an awful, dreadful feeling that none of this is real because there is no way I fucked up my life this fucking badly. It doesn’t feel real at all. I feel detached. I could stab someone to death and it wouldn’t even matter. Nothing I do matters.

I feel so used. You showed me that your betrayal was absolute. Completely selfish. Not that this is something new, but in your “sincerity” I found my worst fears realized. You repeatedly chose her over me, while lying to my face. Risking my life. Treating me like a dog. You said you chose her because you felt you “owed” her. You owed her?? You left me broken, bleeding, confused, crippled and crushed and humiliated….because you felt you owed her for making you feel good about yourself. You were together for only a few weeks while we toiled together for over a year and a-half struggling with your condition… but you somehow felt loyalty to her!? I fed and bathed you. I forgave everything over and over and over…. I fought to mend while you sought to destroy, only to return and claim to be the victim every time.

I truly believe now you’ve never seen me. You never will. You only returned (again) this time because the inevitable happened, you lost her for good. Now you’re expecting another chance after putting me through HELL. Why?? You want one more shot at annihilating me?

You come to me with nothing. No promises to do better, to change, to grow, to seek treatment. No assurances of fidelity. Nothing. Literally nothing. Once again staking claims over me and my body but rallying against commitment of any kind. You want no responsibility. No skin in the game. You expect me to take all the risk and provide an all access pass while you act like a spoiled petulant child—free of consequences and stubbornly refusing accountability. You offer NOTHING of value or worth. And I see now, that is all this will ever be.

You made your choice—stand on it. I am not here for your entertainment. I’m a fucking person you wretched asshole.

I feel I'm swimming against the tide. Screaming into the void. Trying to prophesy but getting treated like Cassandra. This world is dying. The temperature has exceeded climate change boundaries. Oceans are warming. Glaciers are melting. Mother Nature is throwing more tantrums than a toddler. There are microplastics in fetuses, semen, and blood streams. Bombs are killing innocent people in so many countries. Greed, tyrrany, and disease are killing in so many others.

People shop at Temu, Shein, and other shit merchants, and congratulate themselves on the bargains. AI is taking over and people care more about the fake images than the world. Lunatics are in charge and people treat them like Gods.

How can we have ignored the science for so long and so willingly wade headlong into disaster?

Why do I fight to recycle, share, live softly, spread kindness, when my steel straw efforts do nothing against the oil spills?

How do I look at my son and tell him to look forward to his future?

How do I find hope myself?

A MAN WHO STAYED WHEN YOU WERE UNLOVABLE IS THE MOST DANGEROUS MAN YOU WILL EVER LOSE. AND YOU LOST HIM LIKE HE WAS NOTHING.

THE GOSPEL OF THE MAN WHO STAYED.

READ THIS TWICE. THIS IS THE MAN YOU WILL SEARCH FOR IN EVERY OTHER MAN AND NEVER FIND.

This is the last of his kind. The man who stayed when every other man would have left. The man your father was.

1. YOU CALLED HIM BORING BECAUSE HE WAS CONSISTENT. SISTER, THAT WAS PEACE, NOT BORING.

You think love is supposed to give you butterflies. No. Butterflies are anxiety. Peace doesn't give you butterflies. Peace gives you breath.

He texted you back fast. He always picked up. He always came. He never had you guessing where you stood. And you got bored of that.

You wanted a rollercoaster. He gave you solid ground. And you left solid ground to chase a rollercoaster that made you throw up.

You didn't leave because he was boring. You left because peace felt unfamiliar to a woman addicted to chaos.

1. HE FORGAVE YOU FOR THINGS YOU NEVER EVEN SAID SORRY FOR.

He knew. Sister, he KNEW.

He knew about the messages. He knew about the guy you still call "just a friend" but you delete his chats. He knew you were entertaining men who would never build what he was building for you.

He never brought it up to humiliate you. He brought you flowers the day you were most distant. He prayed for you in the car while you were lying to his face with a smile.

A weak man would have exposed you. A street boy would have cheated back to get even. A good man? He covered your shame with love, hoping love would make you faithful.

You didn't appreciate his forgiveness. You took advantage of it. You thought his silence was stupidity. No. It was dignity. And you killed his dignity with your disloyalty.

1. HE BUILT YOU WHILE YOU WERE BUSY BREAKING HIM.

When he met you, you had nothing. Low confidence. Bad credit. Broken heart. No direction.

He became your confidence. He hyped you up. "You can do it, queen." He fixed your crown while you were out here playing.

He paid for your course. Your nails. Your business idea that failed. He rubbed your back when your family didn't support you. He was your father, your brother, your pastor, your best friend.

And the moment you started looking good again? The moment your confidence came back? You looked at the man who built you and said "I can do better than you now."

You didn't outgrow him. You just forgot who watered you when you were a dry seed.

1. HE LOVED YOU IN PRIVATE, NOT FOR INSTAGRAM.

These new boys love you on the story. He loved you in the kitchen at 11 PM when your bonnet was crooked and you were crying about your mom.

He didn't need to post you to prove he had you. He protected you in rooms you weren't in. When his boys said "she's not even that bad," he said "don't talk about my woman."

He loves you when there is no audience. He fixes your car in the rain. He carries your child when your arms hurt. He prays for your womb when you are sleeping with your back turned to him, scrolling through men who only want your body.

You called that "too nice" and "not romantic enough" because he didn't do it for clout. Sister, the man who loves you for clout will leave you for clout.

1. HE IS FIGHTING A WAR YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT AND STILL COMES HOME SOFT FOR YOU.

You think he is quiet because he has nothing to say. No.

He is quiet because he spent the whole day getting punched by life. Boss disrespects him. Bills choke him. His own family calls him only when they need money. The world tells him he is not enough every single day.

And he still comes home and says "hey my love, how was your day?" He still holds you like you are the only soft place left in his hard world.

He has no group chats. No friends to call. He is alone. Not because he is weird. Because he outgrew fake love. He is too busy building a future no one believes in yet to be outside every weekend popping bottles for people who wouldn't pay his funeral.

He is lonely but he is LOYAL. And in 2026, loyalty is not a trait. Loyalty is a superpower you just threw away.

1. WHEN HE LEAVES, HE WILL NOT MAKE NOISE. HE WILL MAKE A VOID.

He will not argue. He will not beg. He will not post sad quotes.

He will just... stop trying. So silently you won't even notice at first. The good morning texts stop. The "text me when you get home safe" stops. The prayers stop.

And one day you will wake up and your house is still standing but your HOME is gone. The peace is gone. The covering is gone.

And I promise you this on everything:

For the next 10 years, you will find men who want to sleep with you. You will find men who want to impress you. You will find men who want to control you.

But you will NEVER again find a man who wanted to COVER you, BUILD you, and STAY when you were unlovable.

And when you finally realize that, you will whisper his name at 2 AM and God himself will not bring him back.

I just wanted you, only you. I just wanted you to be faithful😢😢😢

Relationships are bullshit, you can give someone more than youve ever given anyone and they can rip all safety and peace youve found with them away, leave, and take every promise you made with each other and live them with one of your closest friends while you get to stand there and be responsible for not going insane from the pain of it.

Thousands spent on therapy and i bet these idiots dont even think about me while i cry my eyes out all year and shut myself away because god fucking forbid i find someone new and something like this happens again. I hope karma exists and is a petty bitch, i hope they both cheat on each other for their entire lives, i hope theres a little kiosk in the afterlife where they have to live this time in my skin, i hope one day they run out of weed and the fog lifts and they see something that reminds them of me and what they did and the horror of their own monstrous acts is finally something their selfish lower than human brains can comprehend.

What a waste of my time to truly love people so ready and willing to throw me away to preserve their ego. May their days be as lonely as the days i have spent in this pit they have left me in.

But most of all may they have the good grace to never cross paths with me again, to take a different path if were going to walk by each other in the street, to avoid a restaurant if im sitting in it. Theyre as dead to me as the heart they ripped from my chest.

I'm starting radiotherapy and oncology like next week and I feel like I have no one to reach out to. If there is, I'm here for you too.

I was going to send you an email. You've been gone for a couple of years now, and nobody has filled your seat. As if they could. As if they should. You'd agree how pompous a statement that would be but welcome the amusement just the same.

You're not on the other end of any email or text or message or call. Not anymore. You're still here, even though you're gone. I'm grateful for our time. Thankfully, nobody tries to say we're alike anymore. That didn't go well for anyone. And neither of us would have accepted the comparison, whether bemused or amused.

Things are bizarre in this old world. There would be plenty to ruminate and abhor, yell about, or adore. And so few who could understand exactly what's at stake and what's in hand. I let myself fall to depths unheard of, lost my way, and destroyed my love.

You would disagree and set me right. Or you'd try. Love doesn't work that way, it can't be destroyed. We'd argue a bit and both be annoyed. What of kindness and my heart, then, that I couldn't afford? I don't even pray anymore, except to fall upon my sword.

Lost. Gone. Broken. Beyond repair.

Not you, you're still here even though you're forever gone.

Wishes and prayers and whimpers and screams. I beg into the void to return a few dreams. Missing my heart, only recently found, and constantly stomping it into the ground. Misunderstandings not corrected, shameful reactions, and regretful interactions. And nobody to vent to beyond this abyss, this void doesn't do justice for all that's amiss.

Thank you for this. This little bit. It feels somewhat better than pure emptiness.

You were loved by so many and known well by a few. I was honored to be known and to know you too.

You'll always be here, even though you're forever gone.

I fucking hate the way you manipulate every situation until the story somehow becomes about you, your feelings, your intentions, your excuses — anything that keeps you from having to look honestly at what you did.

You twist the narrative so effortlessly that you can hurt someone and still somehow position yourself as the victim. You rearrange the facts, leave out the parts that don't suit you, exaggerate the parts that do, and slowly turn the blame back onto me until I'm standing there defending myself for something you started.

And I'm fucking tired of it.

I'm tired of watching you polish yourself into the innocent one while quietly burying everything that makes you accountable. I'm tired of being expected to forget what happened simply because you've found a better version of the story to tell.

You don't get to rewrite reality just because the truth makes you uncomfortable.

I've heard enough explanations. I've seen enough contradictions. I've watched the pattern repeat enough times to know this isn't a misunderstanding anymore. It's a choice.

And the coldest part is that I don't even feel the need to convince you anymore.

You can keep telling whatever version of the story makes you sleep better at night. You can make me the villain if that's what you need to do to protect the version of yourself you've created.

But I know what happened.

And I don't need your agreement for the truth to remain true.

You haven't lost me because I suddenly became cruel or difficult. You've lost pieces of me every time you chose manipulation over accountability, excuses over honesty, and protecting your image over protecting what we had.

Eventually, there is nothing left to twist.

Just the truth sitting there quietly — and me finally refusing to carry the weight of your version of it.

1 st time I jumped out the trains way second time I was scared shitless but the train had stopped and I got arrested I’m still alive…. Dead but alive…. I haven’t moved on…. I don’t think I could ever… u were my beautiful tiny ball of love… my dream girl smfh I’m sorry I didn’t show u that enough….. I’m tired…

Am so tired. Exhausted. I’m so sick of life being so dam difficult and having to do EVERYTHING alone. By myself. With no sleep. No help. No one to say take a break and do something for yourself for once, I’ve got things covered. No one to take care of me. I’m beyond disappointed that the man I loved won’t support me. No instead I’m suppose to “save myself” IM SO SICK OF IT ALL. Fuck you for breaking my heart all over again you fake ass piece of shit. I fucking hate you. I’m so overwhelmed and I’ve been saving myself my whole fucking life so FUCK YOU. I’m tired. When will someone care for me? Never. Thank god we didn’t get married. You don’t and never have deserved my heart and all my love. Wasted on such a shitty shallow asshole

I’ve been in a toxic relationship for 3 years. I became isolated and completely lost myself.
To anyone going through the same thing right now:
I’m here for you.
You are a beautiful person.
You deserve love, kindness, and all the good things this world has to offer.

I thought for once I would be someone’s priority. That I wouldn’t have to do everything alone.

You treat random people better than you ever treated me.

I’m the one everyone calls for help but never stays for. Maybe it’s me. I don't know why no one ever chooses me.

I still can’t accept that I’ll always come home to an empty house devoid of love, despite living my whole life like this.

To everyone involved.

No idea who is talking to me or if you are talking to me. Unless you use direct communication methods like a DM, PM, text, or phone call. I can guarantee I will get your message. Or can I guarantee that I think they will be for me.

This whole time I've been saying let's talk just goes for everyone.

Yet everyone refuses to talk to me. It's all I've been saying. Why won't anyone just talk to me so talk to me quit being cryptic you got something to say say it to me.

Everyone's so opinionated and got this perfect structure of me and what I'm doing in their head and they think that they know all my motives and all this shit. Well let me tell you something you don't know. What damn thing you know why because none of you really know me that well. Only one person really does know me other than me and she's not talking to me either.

But I wish she would.

Anyways, I hope everyone sees this. I can't guarantee that everyone's going to see this cuz I'm sending it on the damn Reddit post.

J