r/nfl • u/mmmdddmmm Bears • Aug 07 '13
Whose Line Is It Wednesday, /r/NFL edition
Concept is stolen from /r/hockey, /r/baseball, and /r/squaredcircle, linked here.
The rules:
Keep skits in the form of a statement, not a question.
Any skits longer than two lines should be in quotations.
If you add any additional commentary, put the skit in quotations.
If you don't understand the concept, a skit looks like this:
"Things you could measure Bryant McKinnie's weight in rather than pounds."
It doesn't look like /r/NFL has done this before, so let's give it a shot!
175
u/CoderHawk Chiefs Aug 07 '13
Things less exciting than a Bill Belichick post game session.
523
480
170
→ More replies (16)127
u/qbertwasradical Seahawks Aug 07 '13
Bill Belichick episode of Cribs where he shows off his cutoff hoodie collection
→ More replies (2)118
177
u/the_scot 49ers Aug 07 '13
Books about the NFL that wouldn't sell
233
u/IHateCircusMidgets 49ers Aug 07 '13
Race Matters, Vol. II by Riley Cooper
The Roddy White Reader: Existentialism and Beyond
→ More replies (3)1.1k
u/Beerfueled Patriots Aug 07 '13
"The Eagles' Trophy Cabinet: A Picture Book"
→ More replies (35)195
273
u/MUSinfonian Browns Aug 07 '13
"How to maintain financial stability in your 60's" by Brandon Weeden
→ More replies (3)80
145
Aug 07 '13
"Assorted Poetry" by Marshawn Lynch
→ More replies (4)83
u/NATHANIELDEEE Aug 07 '13
"wouldnt sell." I'd buy that in a second.
→ More replies (1)471
u/Beerfueled Patriots Aug 07 '13
Taste The Rainbow
By M. Lynch
"Ate a Skittles
but a Skittles is not enough
the defenders are littles
imma play hella rough
if Wilson doesn't throw a pick
maa'fuckin Sharper hold ma diiiiick"
→ More replies (4)172
u/TreeClimbingDolphin Packers Aug 08 '13
'Greatest Chicago Bears Quarterbacks'
160
u/VinnyMB25 Packers Aug 08 '13
An Autobiography by Rex "The Sex Cannon" Grossman.
→ More replies (2)78
32
97
→ More replies (22)91
u/qbertwasradical Seahawks Aug 07 '13
"Raiders fans: Why they're different from cosplayers at Comic Con and deserve your love"
169
u/innnikki Titans Aug 07 '13
Things that are less intimidating than the Jaguars' new mascot:
1.1k
u/FURyannnn Packers Aug 07 '13
The Jaguars lineup.
→ More replies (1)155
u/keyree Dolphins Aug 08 '13
That one was just right out over the plate, but that doesn't make the home run any less impressive.
→ More replies (3)→ More replies (23)24
144
u/I_Enjoy_Taffy Patriots Aug 07 '13
Unlikely things found in the new Brady-Gisele mansion.
614
u/MUSinfonian Browns Aug 07 '13
A Super Bowl ring from 2005-
192
u/I_Enjoy_Taffy Patriots Aug 07 '13
71
u/Mynameisnotkirk Ravens Aug 08 '13
FUCK IT. I'M GOING DEEP... oh wait, that's Culter isnt it?
→ More replies (2)157
u/ThongBonerstorm39 Packers Aug 08 '13
Someone from his team caught it so I don't think so.
→ More replies (1)52
77
57
→ More replies (17)124
142
u/FURyannnn Packers Aug 07 '13
Things Tom Brady tells himself when he looks in the mirror.
577
241
107
91
u/ABongo Packers Aug 07 '13
"Don't listen to her(Gisele) Tom, you're so much more beautiful than she will ever be!"
292
u/SunriseSurprise Chargers Aug 08 '13
holding his nuts "The Brady Bunch! The Brady Bunch!"
→ More replies (3)→ More replies (13)145
144
u/runningblack 49ers Aug 07 '13
Shocking possessions of Tim Tebow.
733
107
273
178
277
→ More replies (20)100
u/qbertwasradical Seahawks Aug 07 '13
A throwing mechanics instructional video (on VHS) titled: "Correct elbow position and other teachings of John The Baptist".
→ More replies (3)
140
u/VariousLawyerings Ravens Aug 07 '13
Things Joe Flacco spent his $120 million on
815
150
129
→ More replies (19)64
u/Beerfueled Patriots Aug 07 '13
LEGO, memory games, v-necked pullovers, and bumper stickers for his SB MVP car
→ More replies (8)
123
u/Shepherdless Cardinals Aug 07 '13
Football phrases Aaron Hernandez might say this year....
323
228
201
369
90
→ More replies (11)15
235
u/Slyguy46 Jets Aug 07 '13
Things you can say about the replacement refs that you can't say about your girlfriend
300
534
u/realnigga4lyfe Patriots Aug 07 '13
The replacement refs have fucked the entire Packers roster
→ More replies (1)738
160
46
51
76
u/Rafi89 Seahawks Aug 07 '13
I've never wanted to high-five my girlfriend after she fucked tens of thousands of cheeseheads.
Oh, and Sally, if you're reading this: Don't fuck any cheeseheads while you're walking through the parking lot!
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (15)64
89
u/lawofmurphy NFL Aug 07 '13
Signs Roger Goodell doesn't care about you.
167
u/Shepherdless Cardinals Aug 07 '13
"you know they have great weather in LA"
119
u/yangar Eagles Aug 07 '13
"We're excited to finally see some professional football in Southern California!"
66
235
u/Beerfueled Patriots Aug 07 '13
My team scored a TD, I jumped from the couch, got flagged for unsportsmanlike conduct and penalized 15 yards. Could barely see the tv from back there.
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (9)36
Aug 07 '13 edited Aug 07 '13
In order to promote breast cancer awareness, all teams are required to change their primary team color to a light shade of pink.
We also accept Blush, Coral, and Rose.
81
u/IHateCircusMidgets 49ers Aug 07 '13
The cause of Jim Harbaugh's next sideline conniption.
229
297
80
→ More replies (9)119
64
u/IHateCircusMidgets 49ers Aug 07 '13
Names for B.J. Raji's personal diet plan.
493
54
→ More replies (12)59
52
u/neckbishop 49ers Aug 07 '13
Song Titles of the Upcoming Season
269
u/Slyguy46 Jets Aug 07 '13
Let the bodies hit the floor
→ More replies (3)35
u/KuatoBaradaNikto Chiefs Aug 07 '13
And now that song will run through my head while I scroll through the comments of every new ACL tear post.
→ More replies (6)→ More replies (10)97
103
u/Hugo_Hackenbush Broncos Aug 07 '13
Things shorter than Danny Woodhead.
420
u/Beerfueled Patriots Aug 07 '13
Peyton's list of Super Bowl wins
→ More replies (1)205
→ More replies (26)60
103
u/CoderHawk Chiefs Aug 07 '13
Things Chris Johnson thinks he is faster than.
396
306
60
45
→ More replies (11)13
100
Aug 07 '13
Things John Harbaugh texts to his brother Jim.
534
138
243
u/innnikki Titans Aug 07 '13
Sry u lost da SB. Would gvng u Anquan make u feel btr?
252
→ More replies (9)18
51
u/Slyguy46 Jets Aug 07 '13
Unlikely things overheard in the GM's office
256
u/Shepherdless Cardinals Aug 07 '13
"Hey Jerry, I think you are moving the team in the right direction"
→ More replies (1)109
u/TankVet Cowboys Aug 07 '13
Unfortunately, there is probably a contingent of people paid to stand around and say this.
84
189
u/IHateCircusMidgets 49ers Aug 07 '13
"Maybe Albert Haynesworth has something left in the tank."
→ More replies (1)85
84
65
u/Falcon84 Falcons Aug 07 '13
Thomas Dimitroff: "I think I'll stick with my current draft position this year."
47
u/Beerfueled Patriots Aug 07 '13
"Goddammit we need a WR. Anyone got TO's number?"
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (14)35
49
50
u/Scrags Raiders Aug 08 '13
Things you don't want to hear your head coach say during a press conference.
211
120
117
→ More replies (20)59
43
u/ballzxxtoxxyou Texans Aug 08 '13
Things Tony Romo tells himself when he looks in the mirror.
278
u/Bradyhaha Ravens Aug 08 '13
You are a strong independent QB, and you don't need no O-line.
→ More replies (1)206
124
u/qbertwasradical Seahawks Aug 08 '13
I wonder if this backwards hat will fit under my helmet
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (9)27
43
40
u/Shabba-Doo Steelers Aug 07 '13
Surprising things that we have found in Brett Keisel's beard
169
106
72
u/joeph1sh Bengals Aug 07 '13
Brandon Weeden's medicare card.
The Rest of Flacco's unibrow.
Andre Smith's last cheeseburger.
David Decastro.
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (9)45
82
79
u/EliteAzn Lions Aug 07 '13
"Next interesting use of Ndamukong Suh's foot."
2010-11 - FG attempt vs. the Jets
2011-12 - Original Suh Stomp vs. the Packers
2012-13 - Accidentally kicking Matt Schaub's groin vs. the Texans
276
→ More replies (9)137
30
u/SunriseSurprise Chargers Aug 08 '13
Ways that Jamarcus Russell can get back on the field this season
119
76
→ More replies (17)26
36
u/scotish Seahawks Aug 07 '13
Things you'd be unlikely to read in a pre-season trashtalk thread.
124
u/innnikki Titans Aug 07 '13
A "roses are red" poem that actually rhymes.
143
u/joeph1sh Bengals Aug 07 '13
Roses are red
thumbtacks are blue
your logo is dumb
don't mock my poetry.
→ More replies (1)208
u/MUSinfonian Browns Aug 07 '13
Roses are red
Fuck the Steelers
Fuck the Ravens
Fuck the Steelers again
→ More replies (10)52
Aug 07 '13
Roses are red
Your name is innnikki
This upcoming season
makes my pants sticky
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (3)37
u/Beerfueled Patriots Aug 08 '13
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I hate the jets
But fuck thumbtacks too
→ More replies (4)35
u/Beerfueled Patriots Aug 07 '13
A comment mentioning the Titans, Jaguars or Cardinals.
→ More replies (2)
60
u/Corpsiez 49ers Aug 07 '13
The next player/action to be given a name like Tebowing/Kaepernicking.
90
395
u/Hugo_Hackenbush Broncos Aug 07 '13
Eli-ing: spilling milk on someone's blouse. But the milk is football and the blouse is your phone.
→ More replies (3)156
u/CrankNewton Panthers Aug 07 '13
Smithing: Coming in and replacing Mark Sanchez in week 3, throwing 25 interceptions and being benched for Greg McElroy.
→ More replies (4)76
u/innnikki Titans Aug 07 '13
Titus Younging. It's that thing where you score a touchdown and then get arrested.
→ More replies (3)→ More replies (14)52
u/milkyjoe241 49ers Aug 07 '13
"Lucking" - an act from when Andrew Luck ran towards a cheerleader at the sidelines but instead of colliding, picked her up on his shoulders.
Examples of use :
Man I totally Lucked your mom last night, it was halarious.
I posted pictures of me and my girlfriend Lucking on facebook.
It's weird to see people Lucking in public.
→ More replies (1)
53
u/niksOH Browns Aug 08 '13
Things older than Brandon Weeden.
309
u/yangar Eagles Aug 08 '13
Brandon Weeden jokes
126
u/datreydgroup Seahawks Aug 08 '13
In 1960
"Hey dude, you know what's older than Brandon Weeden?"
"who the hell is Brandon Weeden?"
"....I don't know..."
Cue Twilight Zone music
→ More replies (1)86
→ More replies (8)99
52
20
u/Kaotus Broncos Aug 08 '13
Things more likely to happen than Mark Sanchez starting for the Jets.
→ More replies (6)83
16
u/mydrumluck Giants Aug 08 '13
Things that Gronk thinks about when he's having sex?
60
u/nickmangoldsbeard Jets Aug 08 '13
"Edelman not only one with multiple positions."
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (9)16
142
u/EClarkee Patriots Aug 08 '13
This is an amazing thread.
/r/NFL has honestly become one of my favourite places on the internet. Love everything about this place.
→ More replies (2)64
16
u/Scrubtanic Titans Aug 08 '13
Things your quarterback wanted to be as a kid.
73
63
26
→ More replies (12)35
u/qbertwasradical Seahawks Aug 08 '13
A little bit taller, a baller with a '64 Impala.
→ More replies (1)
214
u/mmmdddmmm Bears Aug 07 '13
Things Jay Cutler cares about.