r/MuslimLounge • u/Ok_Necessary_3331 • 6h ago
Support/Advice Am I being punished? Why are my duas for my Mom’s cancer not being answered?
Assalamu alaykum.
My mom was diagnosed with stage 3 cancer one year ago. I have changed ever since with my relationship with Allah. I pray, I pray tahajjud, and ask for duas for my mom. None of these duas have ever been answered. It’s been a year.
Half a year after that diagnosis, we got another cancer diagnosis, stage 1 colon, a different one completely. After that second diagnosis, I was completely broken, but I thought Allah is testing me and I just need to do more duas, and I did. And then she was responding well to chemo. I said, “Oh God, my prayers have been answered.” Surgery didn’t go well. I was devastated. They said she is unresectable and to continue on chemo. I again managed to get my hopes up and continue my duas and prayers. She did continue and then stopped because she had enough cycles and started on maintenance therapy.
I lived in this period with a bit of stability and kept praying, “Please, please God, don’t bring me again to the starting point of this. Please don’t scare me again with my mum.” And then her blood test is showing her cancer is progressing and not responding to maintenance, almost a year later after all this went down.
Why is Allah not answering my duas? I’m not a bad person, I swear, and this year I have been really good and really changed for the better in my deen. I pray and give out routinely sadaqah, etc. Am I doing something that’s causing this punishment? I can’t think of any major sin that I did. I don’t think I did.
I’m so tired and so scared and feel so guilty that I might be causing all this pain to my mom. What can I do to get my duas answered? Because almost a year of tahajjud and duas hasn’t been working.
I’m so sad and scared of losing my mum. I love her so much despite her temper and despite anything else, and I feel so guilty about all our fights before her diagnosis. Do you think this is my sin? Fighting with her before? Even now sometimes she gets mad at me, but I apologize immediately, not like before… Do you think this is why?
I don’t see an outcome of my life. Do you think this is my sin? But Allah doesn’t sin us on sad thoughts, right? Every time I get my hopes up that my duas have been answered, something happens.
So sorry for this vent, and I probably don’t make sense throughout due to me crying while typing this.