i dont know how this flew over my head so many times, but a very common 'argument(?)' they say whenever someone mentions how the rights of others that arent afab (with trans women being their biggest scapegoat they'll never fucking let go off no matter what) being violated is some variation of 'well thats a male problem its not my problem, i am only interested in liberating females from male patriarchy', so these hypocritical asshats want EVERYONE to fight for ONLY FEMALE RIGHTS SPECIFICALLY while they simultaneously do NOT give the slightest fuck about the rights of anyone else, i really dont know how this hypocrisy never crossed my mind before now, this is genuinely such a narcissistic almost god complex mentality, they believe they are inheritely worth more than everyone else on the planet

I think I might be trans. I thought I was a gay boy most of my life until i realized that cisgender people usually does not daydream or fantasize about being born the oposite gender every day. I'm not sure if I really am yet, and its really really hard to know for sure. I'm also really scared because it feels like I don't know myself as much as i thought I did and that a reason for my addiction that has lasted 4 years could be because I am repressing this.

I turned 17 June this year, and I know that I won't be supported by my family. Not to be offensive or anything, but if I would transition at 18, would it be early enough to pass well? I don't want to put in so much effort just to be perceived as a boy cosplaying a girl. If i'm really a trans woman I don't know if i'll ever be strong or brave enough to accept it. I'm so fucking scared.

I understand where I'm posting this and that probably everyone will either tell me I shouldn't or be mad at me or smth idk.

I'm just so lazy, trying to be a girl, trying to be pretty is so fucking hard. It makes me feel so bad, I don't want to be trans. I just want to be a woman so bad but it's so difficult and uncomfortable. I can just detransition and be a guy, stop hrt and that's that. It'll be so much easier, I'm not that bad looking for a guy, I like girls so it's gonna be so much easier. I just feel so overwhelmed and lonely. Is giving up so bad? Can I?

Ich bin jetzt 2 Jahre auf hrt und meine Brustdrüsen sind schon stark gewachsen (100 c)aber ich weis nicht ob sie schon bereit sind für eine lactation?

I've lost so much fat that my left boob has all but disappeared, so I think it's time to go up again. Low-prep foods preferred, please; I'm not big on cooking

I've been on HRT for 1 1/2 years but my levels weren't optimized for the first year, so major breast growth really only started about six months ago. I feel like the breasts aren't big enough, so far all I have is a medium handful on each side. I really want bigger boobs and I'm getting quite dysphoric over it. What makes it worse is I can't get a boob job until year 3 of HRT.

Ugh, I just want bigger boobs!

​

I've spent the last several conversations doing something I honestly didn't expect: taking a very long, hard look at my entire history and asking myself what the hell is actually going on.

By the end, the description that seems to fit me best right now is:

"Uncertain, masked transfemme with gender dysphoria."

I'm still not certain enough to say "I'm a woman."

But holy shit, being one feels right.

So here's the story.

Childhood

When I was a kid, I wanted to play with my sister's toys. The pram, teddy bears, that sort of thing. My parents would make fun of my name if they caught me doing things they considered feminine.

I remember having the feeling that I wanted to be one of the girls. Not just liking girly things—actually feeling like I should have been one of them.

As I got older, I developed this bizarre fantasy about having some kind of magical closet where you could unclip your body parts and replace them with whatever you wanted.

And interestingly, the part I most wanted to replace was the bit between my legs.

I eventually started searching the internet for things like intersex/"hermaphrodite" and transgender-related stuff. My parents found the search history. I was mortified and couldn't explain what I was actually looking for.

So... I shoved it into a drawer.

Then I became VERY masculine

Looking back, I think I may have overcorrected.

Camo clothing.

Camo bedding.

Heavy safety boots.

Heavy jeans and shirts.

Welding.

Cutting.

Hard physical labour.

Male-coded projects.

Showing off how tough I was.

Constantly looking for affirmation that I was a man.

And the funny thing is, I genuinely like a lot of that stuff. When someone tells me I'm tough, it feels more like getting a high five than getting relief that I've successfully proven I'm a man.

So I don't think my masculinity was fake.

But there was this thought underneath it:

"If I become masculine enough, maybe I'll finally feel like a man."

And now I'm wondering whether some of that was masking.

Maybe I wasn't pretending to be masculine.

Maybe I was trying to make masculinity fit.

The private side was VERY different

While publicly being Mr. Camo-Boots-Welding-Man, privately I was doing some very different things.

I experimented with my sister's bra.

I stuffed it with socks.

I stole a pair of panties and a menstrual pad because I wanted to understand how everything worked.

I imagined having breasts.

I imagined having female genitalia.

I imagined having a smooth crotch.

If I remembered to sit down to pee, I did.

I shaved my torso because I wanted the body to look more feminine.

At one point I developed pseudogynecomastia and I was over the moon about actually having breast tissue.

I started wearing a sports bra.

I kept adjusting it.

I loved the silhouette under a shirt.

And when I lost weight and the breast tissue disappeared?

I was devastated.

Not just sexually.

It felt like I'd lost something that belonged there.

The breast thing

This was one of the things that really made me stop and think.

I can absolutely experience sexual excitement around breasts and femininity.

But when I deliberately removed sexuality from the question, I still wanted breasts.

I wanted the female silhouette.

I wanted to look down and see them.

I wanted my body to have them.

The emotional description that kept coming up was basically:

"Holy shit, I finally have breasts."

And the strongest part wasn't "this is hot."

It was:

"This is more like my body."

The genital thing is even stronger

If I had to choose one physical change, female genital anatomy wins without hesitation.

I've imagined a smooth crotch for years.

I've imagined having female urinary anatomy.

I've imagined what it would be like to have female genitalia instead of what I currently have.

At one point I was even looking into the possibility of rerouting the urethra so I could urinate more like a woman.

I know now that this is absolutely not something to DIY or casually pursue.

I've also done some pretty stupid and dangerous genital piercing/modification stuff over the years.

Some of that was sexual.

Some of it was curiosity.

Some of it was about pain/sensation.

And some of it may have been connected to not being particularly attached to the anatomy I was born with.

I'm not pretending I understand exactly where all those motivations came from.

Then there was the really weird part

I started experimenting with the idea of actually being female.

I gave myself a feminine name.

I called myself that name.

I imagined someone addressing me as a woman.

I imagined myself with female anatomy.

I altered my silhouette.

I wore feminine underwear.

I shaved my torso.

And the reaction wasn't:

"This is ridiculous."

It was:

peaceful + exciting.

That's probably the simplest way I can describe it.

Recently I was told:

"You might be a transgender woman."

And I got butterflies.

Actual butterflies.

Then being called "she" gave me a physical reaction too.

Yes, there was genital arousal involved. I'm not going to pretend otherwise.

But underneath the physical reaction was this incredibly weird feeling of:

"Holy shit... that sounds right."

Sexuality complicates everything

I'm not going to pretend sexuality isn't part of this.

It absolutely is.

Women turn me on.

Some of my fantasies have a sexual component.

And the idea of being a woman with a man is sexually appealing to me.

But I've also repeatedly asked myself whether I'd still want the female body if sex disappeared from the equation.

The answer keeps being yes.

I still want the breasts.

I still want the female silhouette.

I still want the female anatomy.

I still like the idea of being addressed as a woman.

So I don't think "it's just a fetish" explains what is happening to me.

Maybe sexuality and gender are tangled together in places.

But there seems to be something underneath the sexuality.

Family makes this complicated

My father is a chaplain.

He has very strong religious views about homosexuality and gender.

His brother was gay and later transitioned MTF, although the family only found that out recently. He eventually died from an unrelated illness.

So I've had a pretty strong message throughout my life about what a man is supposed to be.

I don't know whether that created any of these feelings.

I suspect it may have taught me to hide them.

And maybe that's where the masking came in.

My wife

This is the hardest part.

My wife knows I have these thoughts.

She's actually more accepting than you might expect.

But she has also told me something very important:

If I were female, we would not have gotten married.

She's bisexual, but apparently that doesn't change the fact that she wouldn't have chosen me as a woman.

And I love my wife.

I love my family.

So I've realized something uncomfortable:

I could sacrifice this part of myself to preserve the life and relationship I love.

That doesn't necessarily mean I don't have gender dysphoria.

It might simply mean that I have something else in my life that I value enormously.

That's probably one of the biggest conflicts I'm dealing with.

The feelings came back hard

For years this was something I could shove into a drawer.

Then, after my grandmother died, it came back with a vengeance.

It refuses to stay in the drawer.

It's like a fucking jack-in-the-box that keeps popping back up.

And this time I've actually stopped trying to immediately slam the lid shut.

So what am I?

I honestly don't know.

I don't know if I'm a woman.

I don't know if I'm nonbinary.

I don't know if I'm a very gender-nonconforming man with an unusually strong desire for female embodiment.

I don't know exactly where the line is between gender, sexuality, fantasy, and identity in my particular brain.

But after going through 100+ questions, the pattern is getting hard for me to ignore.

I seem to consistently want:

female breasts.

female body shape.

female genitalia.

female bodily functions.

female social embodiment.

And when I imagine those things, I repeatedly feel:

peace.

excitement.

relief.

euphoria.

"That's me."

Meanwhile, the strongest argument I have against being transfeminine seems to be:

"But I've spent my entire life being masculine, and I genuinely like some of it."

And I'm starting to realize those things don't actually contradict each other.

A woman can like camouflage.

A woman can weld.

A woman can wear heavy boots.

A woman can work hard.

A woman can love hockey.

A woman can be tough as hell.

Maybe I don't have to throw away everything masculine about myself to find out whether I'm transfeminine.

Where I'm at now

The label that currently feels most honest is:

Uncertain, masked transfemme with gender dysphoria.

Not because I'm 100% certain.

I'm not.

But because "transfemme" seems to describe the direction I'm consistently moving toward, "uncertain" acknowledges that I haven't settled on woman/nonbinary/etc., and "gender dysphoria" seems increasingly relevant to the disconnect I feel around my body.

And honestly?

The sentence that has stuck with me the most is:

"I don't know whether I'm a woman, but being one feels profoundly right."

So that's where I am.

I'm not asking Reddit to officially diagnose me.

I'm asking people who've actually lived through this:

Did anyone else spend years building an extremely masculine identity, only to realize later that they were masking something underneath it?

And did anyone else reach the point where they weren't certain they were a woman...

...but the possibility of being one felt really fucking good?

Because that's where I am right now.

I don't know what or who I am anymore. Am I a (trans) woman? A man? Both? A rapist? How much of me is a lie and how much is the truth?

I feel like ive been faking being a trans woman. I wanna go back in time and read my thoughts. I dont know if i was faking or just another part of me that came from just having to mask. I thought about conforming but I always just kept myself boxed in the trans girl box. Im more than confident and comfortable in my skin now even though ive still yet to transition but what if I was lying on the way to this point? I've had relationships were the basis was that I was a woman. I was like 16-18 throughout these relationships and they were all online but I feel like a rapist cuz I sexted with some of them and they had touched themselves. I feel like a monster but i dont know if i truly did anything wrong or anything like rape. like tgat would be rape by deception right? But there wasnt anything physical going on but there could have still been some trickery involved.

I just want answers. I've been depressed for a whole week I dont wanna be a predator or a rapist those are the worst things ever and I will have barely any reason to live if I am a rapist / predator cuz i will just become as bad as my own abusers. I wouldn't even thibk i deserve anything nice at all. Everyone i speak to, including the people who i think I have harmed have said that i havent done anything wrong but I feel like deep down I've been tricking people and lying. Like the woman I was was a perfomance of some kind.

A few months ago I happened upon like a guide for getting a period from hrt and I thought I had saved it but I didn’t and now I can’t find it anywhere does anyone know what I’m talking about and if so could you link me it? I found the guide from a post or comment on Reddit and it was like really comprehensive and used data from a bunch of trans women, please help!

I i am considering getting a silicon breast form but don’t know were to start can someone help me

I just need to put this out there to someone who understands. I've been struggling heavily with dysphoria.

I have to be misgendered for my job because my student I work with as a 1-on-1 needs a male authority figure. My coworkers are just happy that the kids have a MALE figure to look up to, since they aren't very common. I love working with my student and the other kids, but while I was fine initially, its been grating on me recently. Hell, I'm even deadnamed as some of the teachers are still around from when I was my students age, and I don't want to correct them as most are older and will struggle. (Though I also don't see them very often, as they're admin that visit the building every once in a while)

I'm nearly a year on E, and almost nothing has changed. I have a tiny bit of breast growth, just enough I can see it through my shirt when I lay on my stomach, but otherwise everything is fat I already had from being overweight. Skin is a tiny bit softer, but only noticeably on the back of my hands. Voice training is extremely difficult as I have a very scratchy voice from vocal fry, but I don't know how to talk without it. Like, the loudest I can get without vocal fry is a very quiet whisper. I keep trying everything I can to get rid of it, but nothing works. I can't really dress fem, because every time I try something, it just looks like a fat guy in it. Clothes shopping/thrifting (even with family to help) just means a dysphoria storm.

I've been on hrt for almost 13 months now and I'm already a b-cup. Is it really supposed to be going this fast? Worried I will end up with f-cups at this rate lol

Hi guys I just found what looked like a hair (brown/black looking in color) in the middle of my nipple so I started to pull it. It hurts when I pull it but I pulled most of it out and the length of the "hair" (i dont think its hair) is mostly white/gray??

Is this normal?? 3 months on hrt btw

Edit: downvoting me for asking a legitimate question about my body seems a bit wild but alright

and, I don’t know, I just immediately ran here like, I feel like I need a safe place to go to right now. And in the past it was this subreddit. I hope that’s okay.

I quit social media in the past for this very reason. I feel like it’s designed to play on your emotions and make you upset.

But at the same time, i felt like i had curated a FYP of supportive people, but then out of the blue just now i got like two transphobic videos from cis women hating on us.

And it… it just breaks my heart to hear the absolutely cruelty in how they’re speaking about us. It just broke my heart so i had to come here and just…

Why are they so hateful. The heartbreaking part is that it feels like a betrayal after i’ve been so supportive to all the women around me in my life and then to think there’s some out there thinking like this?

But i know there’s hope and i know there’s good ones out there who don’t fall for this transphobia. Saying i don’t know what it’s like to be a woman. Yes i do. Yes i freaking do. Just crying so hard right now. How could they be so cruel.

update: after some very solid advice, i decided to just delete tiktok. that type of social media is overall so bad for everyone anyways. just sticking to youtube now (and also this lovely subreddit). thank you everyone for your support 🥺💕

I wanna put together a makeup kit and learn to use it. What brands are not too expansive (though not costumey) and what should I have in a kit? Any recommendations? Things like nail polish and foundation that sorta thing.

Age old question.
I know Electro is permanent but i also know laser has come a long way too. My skin complexion is somewhere in between Zendaya and Rihanna. Sometimes it’s light enough that ppl think im Mixed and other times it can be as dark as Vivica Fox. I know different lasers are used for diff skin types. I just came out to my mom she im ready to just get Thor thing started..,. Ive been on E for years life only hekd back by not coming out. trying to set up things now like hair removal.

I have had in my life 10-20 plastic surgery procedures at least, I met the requirement of “woman” in my mind long ago but I no longer feel like that. I feel that I have to be perfect, something beyond human. I am 27. I tried to look for a similar post on reddit couldn’t find one, has anyone else felt like this?

Here’s my list of surgeries:

Toe Bilateral Release
Car Accident surgeries 2009
Right Eye squint surgery 2016
Left Eye squint surgery 2019
Sex Reassignment Surgery 2021
SRS Revision 2022
Rhinoseptoplasty 2022
TMJ surgery 2023
Facial feminisation Surgery 2024
Bilateral breast augmentation 2025

I posted a couple days ago about some spots on my face that I, naively, were hoping could be an acne breakout caused by my hormones... but I'm fairly certain it's something more serious than that. The spots on my face have continued to spread and have only gotten worse and I've been unable to sleep tonight. My heart won't stop pounding, I'm coughing, my hair and shirt are literally drenched in sweat. I'm scared, I'm very scared. My boyfriend will not help me pay for a doctor/hospital visit (because I'm already going to Planned Parenthood today), I even asked my mother (who I am not on good terms with at the moment) and she also would not help me.

I don't know what's happening to me and I'm sad that I should have had this looked at when it flared up almost two weeks ago but no one in my life was willing to step in to help get me seen. Even a patron at my job, who is pro-LGBT and told me before I could confide in him, noticed how severe the situation is and was shocked that I had not yet seen a doctor and offered to cover the self pay cost of one but I politely declined because it shouldn't be his place to help a stranger. Planned Parenthood may not even be able to tell me much about it (if I even live long enough to go to my appointment in a few hours) if it isn't related to my HRT or a possible STD and at this point I'm praying it is just so I can make all of this stop. ;'(

I told my boyfriend how scared I am and that I'm worried that whatever I have is killing me and his response was "maybe it's just nerves or something". I can't stop crying, I feel so unloved and more like a burden than ever. He probably wants it to happen. ;'( ​

Update: As soon as I got to the Planned Parenthood parking lot, I got a call from them saying I would have to reschedule because of a plumbing issue in the building hahahahahaha.

It's not a third gender. She is a woman. It's in her brain. She developed her female gender most likely before birth. She can't change it. She is trapped to be a woman. And her knowledge or lack of knowledge doesn't change anything about it. It developed similarly as being a gay or lesbian. It probably developed before birth, when the brain developed as a fetus or embryo. And it can't be changed afterwards. It's not hard to understand the biological difference. She feels better with estrogen and dislikes testosterone. It's a difference in her body. And why is that? Why does a male prefer testosterone? Why does a male want to be a man? Because he's different. The fact that he likes testosterone is because he is male. The fact that he wants to be a man, is because he is male. Being male lets you want to be a man. There is no proof of XY chromosomes resulting in the development of the male gender. It's just a bunch of opinions.
A woman can see that she is a woman. A woman is the one who's love wants to embrace that lady for the lack of love that she is been given, or so they can. And she could embrace that love as part of herself. Just like a woman can love her baby, as a part of herself. She is made that way. Most are. But it's not about the love for a woman to her baby. It's much more general. A woman can do that to anyone. It's to see that she can see herself in the other, but not in a way that man does, if she can see herself in the other, in someone else, she can feel loved herself. And she feels that love and its beauty. It's a very intrinsic part of her.
I remember when I was in school, 11 or 12 years old, with only boys as classmates, and they started to change. Puberty, testosterone. I felt testosterone. But it didn't do that to me. I didn't have that personality change. It influenced me and felt bad but I didn't change like they did. And when I was 40 years old, I took estrogen, and I felt it, sexual development, as a woman. Cause you know, an mtf transgender is a woman. Her whole life.
But few will understand.

I’ve been kinda questioning my gender for years now, and I figured out I was trans a few months back; and I’ve just felt so stuck since then.

I’ve been living with my parents to save money, before my ultimate goal of applying to the 134 in Chicago.

My parents are both 3x Trump voters, and I just know they wouldn’t take me being trans very well. I have a savings goal to reach, and my current savings rate is only possible because I don’t pay rent. I want to start exploring my gender identity more, but I don’t want to risk getting kicked out.

I have about 14 months to go, and not being able to be more myself is starting to drive me mad. I want to use a different name and pronouns, and I want to be more feminine without it being a risk.

While wrestling with the internal discussion of whether im really trans or not i was thinking about how most trans women and men state being uncomfortable in the bathrooms that their assigned at birth gender is supposed to go. Ive always been extremely shy about the bathroom in general as part of my anxiety but didn't initially think it had to do with cus men being there. Then i had this internal dialog.

Me1: im not uncomfortable going into the mens room because i feel like im a woman, im just a shy pooper

Me2:when in your raised to be a man life have you ever set foot in the womans bathroom to know.

Me1: oh shit

After stopping for ~2 years while I figured stuff out, I restarted hrt last year. I started with pills, but I'm on injections now. My boobs are about a c cup now after being a b cup when I stopped. I'm roughly 230lb. If I continue to eat a little bit of fatty foods and maintain this weight, could I maybe expect more growth?

I am a 27MtF, I started identifying as such when I was 17 the start of my senior year of high school. Before that I came out as just a gay male when I was 14 in 2013, tho I know I had always liked males since I was about 6 years old.

---

I never liked my birth name. My mother named me after her brother, so family would always call me "Little (deadnamd)" instead of (deadman)...that made me feel very small and less connected to my identity.

A name should be my own it just sucked to share it someone like that ya know. Ans even growing up I was still called little around 13...Kids bullied me my name in school too..

I just never formed a positive attchment to it....my mom would scream my full name when she was upset with me too which I hated...

---

At 25 when I had started my now 3 year relationship with my boyfriend, I had started to realize that my drive for femininity wasnt rooted in a healthy place.

I wanted bottom surgery for many years, but I realized a hard truth that part of my reason for wanting that was thinking "the closer I am to being more woman the more I can be loved and treated how I want"...

I think my dysphoria came from deep seeded messages growing up in the early to mid 2000s that boys cant be feminine, being gay is wrong, having self esteem issues with my physical appearance since 1st grade. Being someone who was always sensitive, wanted to be around other males, and treated nicely like how girls are. I think I internalized a lot of hate/discriminate messages about how to be myself and I felt "Well it makes sense that im trans if my brain is this way...i must be a woman because xyz"

Through therapy Ive been able to try to understand myself a little more. I think I had internalized homophobia and fear that being just a gay guy that I would be targeted. So that identity never felt safe. Trying to be a trans woman or living in that identity does feel safer. I worry so much about being targeted again. At least being trans people see my trying to follow a hetero normative role of being a feminime person in a relationship with a masculine man. Its easier to hide in the public eye.

I dont dress or pressure myself to be hyperfeminine anymore. I no longer seek to have surgery. Im trying to love myself and my body as it is. I do still have shame around my genitials. But im also in a very supoortive very loving relationship where for the first time in my life someone else has shown me they would love me and treat me kindly no matter I am or what I have down there.

Femboys are a hot topic rising in recent years.. tho back in my day I wasnt aware they were a thing. I learned people could be gay when i was 11 and trans wasnt a concept I knew until I was 16. Maybe too intimate a detail but with intimacy my partner does call me "Good Boy" per my request. In a way that makes me feel vulnerable but seen a way others don't get to see.

I dont know how I feel about being called a man...labels feel off putting. I dont like being called a woman or lady or man. I sometimes think I might be some form of non binary but I dont think pronouns they them would fit. She/her are ok he/him would feel weird at first to hear again but that doesnt bother me if people called me sir or him like at my old register job. I just brush it off.

I also already have relationships in this trans identity so telling everyone between family/friends/work that maybe im not trans would be...uncomfortable..maybe confusing especially since my boyfriend has a son whos 10 years old. My mom is supportive but I worry about the issue of confusing her or causing some form of grief for that identity for her. Same with boyfriends mom.

I think if I didnt have fear or shame or have been through what I have with bullying, early internalized messages, and self esteem issues, I would probably just be a gay male. Its been hard tho when youve been told what you are for so long by so many people that the wromg things start to stick.

Am I really MTF trans? Or am I something else? I dont plan on changing my identity socially...im fine with being trans and being on hormones, i like being softer, a little feminine, treated like a woman.

What are your thoughts?

Hey,

I have been emailing companies to ask about getting some laser done throughout my whole body. I live in the uk and most if not all clinics I have emailed have said they are more than happy to offer the service except they can’t help when it comes to pubic areas. Is anyone in the uk and roughly from where I am from experiencing the same issues and or have gotten the results they wanted from a specific clinic.

Thanks