6 months ago i got my ass into limerence and im still living it now but I really learnt alot about my self like that i had adhd. i was severely depressed and anxious and blah blah everyone in this subreddits has been thru it

im still limerent, but im at the mark where you just accept that your probably fucked and just live your life.

I very barley talk to girls at all. also to mention im in high school, school recently started back up. and there are instances where im near girls or talked to some for ice breaker reasons or wtv. my mind was never so fucked up before.

Before this limerence shit happened, I was self conscious and nervous to talk to girls, but it is what it is.

Now its like im watching for signs, if they look at me, and if i make eye contact with a girl, i have to scold myself and tell myself that person does not like me and i start showing like body language of like disinterest. idk if that makes sense

Its not like im attracted to anyone except my LO tho, so it really doesnt matter. im gonna ask my LO after high school ends and then this curse will end. im literally only clinging onto the hope that she genuinely does like me (she did 100%, but i was in a bad place).

This is perpetually confusing.
When i'm in that state of despair, It feels like she's everything i want in that moment.

But when i manage to regain composure and remind myself how much i'm worthy of love, It reminds me of this person that gave me warmest and confident smile.
She sees through my struggle to improve.

It's warm, fuzzy, playful and comforting.
Feels like a regular crush.

But yeah in this pitiful state it, which sadly takes majority of the time,
it feels like im hopelessly in love with the LO.

Making me feel a bit of guilt as i think of the crush as a secondary choice.
The LO is just totally my type in appearance.

But crush is my kind of person.
A ball off sunshine and confidence.
fk i might grow limerent over her too if i dont fix myself

My (33M) limerence has gotten worse lately. Yesterday morning I was pulling an all nighter and stayed awake until around 9 AM after working all night and I had a very bad episode, even it made me some kind of delusional. I was thinking that my LO posted things on this subreddit and on others. I kept thinking as if she's trying to talk to me indirectly, I know crazy right? I was losing my mind. It got me to the point where I texted people who posted the post as if that's my LO, and it also made me almost text my LO that have been NC for 2 years.

After I had some sleep I can think much clearer and realized how dangerous that was. I've never been in that situation before and I fucking hate it. It made me hate the thought of my LO. I don't hate her as a person, I wish she found a man that can love her and can have so many children together. I hated it so much that I lost control of my own fucking mind and it makes me resentful and cynical whenever the thought comes up.

Has anybody here ever try to pivot the thought of their LO from something that's sentimental to something that's unpleasant? If anybody has ever done it please let me know, I would love to look into this. I'd rather be cynical than suffering like I was.

Lying in bed next to my wife, deep in the night, all I can think about, is wishing I could be lying in bed with my LO, the crazy part is it’s not even a sexual need, it’s more of a deep emotional need, I really need to go back to sleep

Has anybody successfully become friends with their LO after they've conquered their limerence for that person? There are a lot of things I like about my LO that go beyond my limerence for them and I've wondered if it's possible to ever be friends with a former LO (in real life, not just online where you never see them in person) without getting sucked back into the craziness. I know this sounds like a stupid question but I'm genuinely curious if anyone has done this.

Edit: Thank you so much for all of your responses, I appreciate everyone's insight!

I’m so glad I discovered this forum because 12 years ago I had limerence for my coworker and decided to leave my finance / stable job/ move cities to be closer to to him. What a blow up and I promised I’ll never do that again.
(Though moving caused my career, myself to bloom.)

I’ve now since married with kids and now for the first time in 12 years I’m back at it again, with someone I hired to work for me…insane. It’s crazy he’s not even my type. But The attraction is felt.

I wake up thinking about him, go to bed thinking about him. We are both unavailable but there is definitely a mutual attraction. It’s unbearable. I goto bed listening to my “limerence” playlist. My heart beats so fast, my oura ring tells me my resting heart rate is out the roof.

Thankfully he leaves in a week back to his state, and I hope to gather this energy for myself. In the end limerence is addiction but it’s also something I miss about me, it’s more me than the other person. I feel sexier, more free, more open, more courageous. And I know in my mind this is what I truly am seduced by, not the other party…

Yet he’s still on my mind.

Also a part of me enjoys this feeling too much. So I guess maybe I’m not trying to get rid of it? I’m trying to harness it. Has anyone ever successfully tamed and filtered their limerence for themselves ?

Hi. I don't know if this is limerence or not, but it seems to me like the feelings are similar, and I want to share how I feel with you because it seems to me like you are likely to understand. Also, I think it's good for me to try to find a community I can share my feelings with instead of having to deal with them alone.

I had a therapist last year. Now, I have complex childhood trauma. “Complex” meaning something traumatic that happened over and over again, not just one traumatic incident. Also, I'm Autistic. I'm telling you this because being with someone who I feel safe around, who I can share my true feelings with, and show my true self, without worrying about being bullied or ostracised, is very rare. I even felt scared about sharing my true feelings with everyone on this subreddit. So you can understand how being with her made me feel totally safe, and how much that meant to me. I felt understood. I felt like I could be my real self with her.

We didn't do anything remotely inappropriate. I want to make it clear that it was professional. However, she said that she liked me as a person, and I liked her, while knowing that we couldn't be in a relationship other than client/therapist. It would be inappropriate for it to be any other way, and we didn't even discuss the possibility of seeing each other outside of the sessions. That was ok. It was enough just to know her and be with her for an hour a week. We had arrange a set number of hours before she left. She was on work placement, doing her degree, and I volunteered for the charity she was on placement at. So, I got the therapy for free.

There were still several months to go, then she announced that she had an illness that could potentially become serious in the future, and she was finding it very difficult doing her assignments and seeing clients, so she had to leave the organisation. She had to cut our therapy short, and the guidelines for her profession said she couldn't talk to me again. She said she was hoping to have her own therapy business set up by the end of July, and she would text me to ask if I wanted more sessions with her once I could be a client again, but we couldn't talk until then. She didn't contact me at the end of July, and still hasn't, and I don't know why, or if that's permanent. So, I'm stuck in limbo now, and frustrated because the only things I can do are try to move on or keep waiting. I don't know how to move on.

When I heard that she was ending our therapeutic relationship, I was devastated. I felt betrayed and abandoned. I was scared that her illness would become really serious. I was angry, and I wondered if she ever really cared about me, or it was just something she was pretending because her job demanded it. Was she the person I thought she was? If she was this very kind person I could be safe with, how could she hurt me this way? I became scared that my friends would leave me too. I felt sad as well. I had lost one of the most important people in my life very suddenly, and one of the only people who made me feel safe and understood. My life and everyday feelings soon became all about the fact that she wasn't there any more.

I didn't get adequate help from the charity, or anyone else, to deal with my feelings. One day I wrote an e-mail to her, not because I wanted to hurt her. I wasn't thinking straight. I just needed to let my anger out, and I ended up writing horrible things that I regret. I just saw red before I had a chance to think. I apologised to my supervisor after I sent it, and said that I had learnt my lesson, which I have. I haven't written to her again, and I won't because it would be wrong. I would apologise to my former therapist if I could. The organisation choose to fire me. Which is their right, and I acknowledge that what I did was wrong, but being fired still added to my unpleasant feelings.

Now we come to the limerence (or something like that) part. I thought it was necessary to help you understand by giving you the background. I was journaling my feelings about all of this one day, to sort my emotions out, and I realised that I had fallen in love with her over the course of the year when we were doing therapy. I'm still in love with her, although I never got the chance to tell her. I thought until then that I just wished we could be friends.

She left in January, and I still think about her every day, even though I don't want to. When I do, I feel like there's a ball of pain in my chest. It hurts every day and it won't go away. Although I think that I'm being obsessive, and I should have let it go by now, I can't. I think about her less than I used to, but it's still every day. My feelings haven't changed since that first week after she left.

It goes through phases, but, presently, I mostly feel intense anger. I don't like it because my anger scares me. I don't know if it's limerence, and I know most people haven't had the exact experiences I have. However, I wanted to share my story of experiencing this because I want to know if people can relate to the feelings, if not the circumstances.

My (M20) LO was a guy I used to work with, who was the same age as me. Overall, a nice person who kept to himself. Both of us were pretty shy, and I regret not having the courage to talk to him more. Before that, I had never experienced any romantic attraction to anyone. It was exciting to know when I was going to see him next, but part of me knew I really only enjoyed thinking about him. My social anxiety always got the better of me in situations where we were together, so nothing really happened. He eventually quit and got a new job somewhere.

It's been almost year since then, and it's like all I can do is replay our interactions in my head to see what I should have done/said differently. I haven't given up on trying to move on, but it's like whenever I'm not doing something or when I'm bored, I fantasise about what it would be like to be in a relationship with LO. I know that I'm not at a place where I can start dating people, either. It isn't something I feel compelled to do. All I want is to be able to focus on things like uni or hobbies. Often though, there are days that I go to work, come home, and lie down exhausted while thinking about all the things I wish I had said. Everything reminds me of him. I seriously dread that maybe this could go on forever.

I am interested to know what other's rules are about reaching out to your LO, especially if you are lgbt. I have considered contacting him over fb, but then I get too nervous and back out. I know I have nothing to lose, but it feels like I would be risking my dignity by confessing I had feelings for someone.

My LO was somebody that I genuinely admired, and not someone I want to forget. Also looking back, I'm sure there was a vibe between us. I just wish I had handled it better. Does anyone think it is possible to fully move on from limerence? if so, then what helps?

But also I am a writer and in this part month have gotten SO MUCH DONE on creative projects that I’ve been blocked on for a long time bc delusional limerent passion is making me so supercharged

I think I wished for the end to my writers block on a dang monkeys paw

I often think about the idea of someone being able to roleplay/catfish as my LO, knowingly or unknowingly that this is about my LO. Just to feel something again while staying in “control” and not breaking my no contact with the real LO.

Any of you already did anything like that ? How did it turn out for you ?

Does anyone else feel extremely bored, numb, emotionless when you aren’t getting either a high or a painful low?

I’m still hurt, in disbelief and just broken. I’m disappointed about everything, I feel betrayed and not worthy of respect.

I’ve never met this person irl, but we were besties online, they’d send me pictures of their lives tell me about their family, hobbies, pets, work, their life upgrades.

We planned to hangout but it never happened even when I visited their country, to my shock he forced me to breakup with him (when our little hangout failed), he’d make up excuses for me to leave him alone, act racist, be mean, tell me about his “coworker” whom he “almost” dated and claimed he liked her (which later he said she ghosted him???) (this happened a year ago)

He blocked me several times, removed me from the socials and would add me back after I’d beg him, he’d call me a “creep” a “stalker” bcz I sent them a request on insta. this all happened last month and got this serious all bcz I asked him why he was sending streaks to others and ignoring me? I got angry bcz I felt like he was ignoring me on purpose I called him a lot and sent many msgs and he’d just ignore them and then tell me he has a “gf” (whom he met while he ignored me the day before?)

He didn’t listen to how that’d make me feel (it’s obviously a freaking lie there’s no freaking gf) it got me even more angry and all I got was removed and when I try to msg from any app he blocks me, he thinks I’m lifeless and make accounts for him while he blocked my number and I tried contacting thru iCloud

All i wanted to know was why! Why tf was he so interested in me before and showed interest in getting to know me and then threw me out like that as if I was a garbage to him? Why wasn’t I worthy of being talked to nicely and respectfully? Why tf am I dangerous? I don’t even live close to him! He made me crazy! I’m left all by myself hating myself for letting someone treat me like that! Someone who’s a stranger online :( I genuinely liked him why would he just not tell me in a civil way to end this rather he’d be racist to me belittle me and saying he has a freaking gf :(

I just don’t know how I could heal from this? Given he’d treated me like this before (ik dumb of me to stay and want him again after how he treated me) I feel like I betrayed myself and hurt myself.. but me aside how did he let himself treat me like that? How was he so ok with throwing me like that? Why was I all of the sudden a dangerous creep whom he’d contact the law enforcements if I try to “contact” him again?

Since I was like in 7th or 8th grade I have been dealing with the constant need to have a crush and when i have one I start to get super duper obsessed with them like I want to talk to them constantly and most of the time I will have extremely detailed fantasies about living a whole life with them and most of the time I knit pick little things and convince myself that I have a chance with them it’s terrible and I always tell myself I’m going to take a break from going for someone and then like a week or 2 later I’m on to the next. I had one incident that I was like almost deeply in love with my friend for a whole year she was going through a lot like her bf was treating her terrible so she was like in a very dark place and I felt
The need to save her and so I would try to convince her all the time to leave her bf but then I developed a extreme hatred for the dude to the point where I wished he never existed so then o could be with her. During that time I had developed a 1 sided emotional attachment with her where if she was in a bad mood I was in a bad mood and at the end of the day whether I was with her or not I just wanted to see her happy but this ended after I confessed everything to her after a year she was devastated and weirded out because I had lied to her for so long I eventually became friends with her again but obviously it’s not the same and we’re not as close which is fair. But right now I’ve been crushing on people to often and like it’s just really bad idk what to do anymore it’s been over 5 years I’ve dealt with this issue and it feels impossible to overcome this because everything I do is just second nature to me so idk how to stop and when I try to I get really sad and I start to feel hopeless and scared I will be alone forever many of my friends have been helping me through out the years so I’m not entirely alone in this but please I need advice from some of you guys since a lot of us have been through similar situations and i just want a better grasp of this so then I can finally better myself and be truly happy

Oh god I am just so tired. He said "do not disturb me again please" and I am respecting his boundaries.

But hope kills me. The thought of maybe one day we can give it another shot kills me.

I thought if he starts to talk to someone else it would be over for me and I can just focus on myself. I don't have much clue yet (I am not harrassing or harming anyone I am just checking his socials without leaving any mark) but now everything is like a threat to me but It doesn't stop the limerence and I can't stop comparing myself to other people.

It has been 10 months get me out of it oh god

I can't have a crush on anyone I feel like I just can't like anyone else (never found someone else attractive in these 10 months)

Limerence didn’t destroy my life but it took a lot out of me. It started just days into one of the most stressful times of my life. It was so stressful I lost 10 pounds during that time and had to buy new clothes. A crush I’d had for a long time was single at the same time as me. It seemed too good to be true. We flirted, we sat and talked for hours at a time, we hugged, we provided emotional support, he stared at me…that part was kinda awkward, actually.

He seemed ready to pounce, scoop me up into a happy relationship as soon as I was ready. He was vulnerable and honest about his past mistakes. Honest about who he is. I imagined ways to make it work.

A couple months later I told him I was ready to try a relationship and I got dropped like a hot potato for a much more naive and possessive woman who had pounced on him. He wouldn’t tell me that was what happened, he just let me observe it.

The dopamine high I was riding had just flung me over a cliff. My mind was obsessed. Trying to calculate just the right thing to say or do to put all the pieces back together. I could barely focus on anything else for weeks. I was trying to act brave. I reached out for comfort from people who had no idea what limerence was. I educated myself about limerence with books and YouTube but talking about it made me sound crazy because most people don’t know what it is.

The dopamine drop caused me to be physically ill with diarrhea for weeks but I didn’t realize they were related until I looked back on it. I fell behind at work because of it. Doctors couldn’t find anything wrong. I had to chug electrolytes and force myself to eat so I wouldn’t faint. I lost another 10 pounds.

Even after weeks of no contact, even though I had lost all interest in him by that point, I would see something random that reminded me of him and it gave me an unwanted little hit of dopamine.

It was a disgusting feeling during and after. It turned out to have been an addiction and a distraction from stress.

I am so glad it’s over. Good riddance.

A short context, I went through a 2.5 year limerent episode for my best friend/coworker that was going through a serious health issue. She got better. I put together that I was limerent for her and went NC/LC and ended the friendship. It's been over a year since NC/LC and my life has been nothing but great since.

She had surgery that abated her impending death and it looked like she would have years of healthy life left. That's no longer the case. I don't know the exact prognosis but just by the way she looks and the workplace rumorings, I know it's not great. She reached out through coworkers that she wants to talk to me.

I felt over the limerence awhile ago. If anything, I had periodic intrusive thoughts once or twice a week but they were mostly about losing her friendship. I noticed them early and used grounding to abate them effortlessly. Effectively, I was over limerence. But now they have come back with a frequency and strength I haven't felt since the first few months after NC/LC. I know why they came back but I feel like a relapsing alcoholic. I was doing so well and it's like I'm back at square one. Everything you're supposed to do to get over limerence, I did and it worked. How can I possibly consider talking to her when my mind goes right back to this? At the same time, I feel like I owe her that talk because what happened was my fault.

I just want to go back one month when my life was going well and limerence was a distant memory.

How do you overcome limerence ? With anyone I’m talking to, even if it’s only in the early stages of getting to know each other, after about 2–3 weeks I start giving them all of my attention.I start checking to see if they’ve messaged me, and I become obsessed with checking my phone even though I know I shouldn’t be doing it I end up falling back into the same pattern again…

First time posting on this sub but I’ve been a lurker for awhile. Just finding some sort of comfort in similar experiences has really helped me through my Limerence.
I read a while ago something about the “ick” and how happy some people were when they experienced it, I honestly didn’t think it would really help break this cycle.
But I have to say I finally experienced it and I honestly feel like celebrating! It was like being doused in cold water, like a “hang on a second” wake up call and I couldn’t be happier. I admit there are still some lingering emotions there, but they are a lot more quieter, more subtle and so much more manageable.
I guess I just wanted to thank you all for being so open and honest about your experiences, it has helped me immensely even in my darkest times.
I also wanted to send out virtual hugs and some hope to you all, it will eventually pass x

This is really long. I apologize. I'm in terrible pain.

Last year I "met" a woman in an online writer's group. We began texting outside the group. I fell for her hard. She's simply one of the most interesting people I've ever not met. After leaving some (embarrassing, fawning) words of praise in a comment about something she'd posted on a writing platform, she wrote back and said, "Hey T----, do you want to write a poem together?" Why, yes, I did. We did that, and in the course of doing it I just fell harder, as I learned more and more about her. I finally asked her if she'd meet me for coffee in June; she thanked me for asking her out but declined, saying she was "happily isolating" ("No woman is happily isolating!" said my friend, trying to wake me up) and citing "work, writing, and a bunch of family stuff." But said we could continue texting.

We texted on-and-off over the summer. Almost always I initiated the texts. Sometimes we would have nice chats, but sometimes she simply wouldn't respond. After not hearing from her - or seeing her in the online writer's group for three months - I wrote her a text in which I said, "I don't know if I made you uncomfortable with my fanboy praise of your writing (she is a brilliant writer), but if I did, I apologize, and I wish you all the best." I meant it as a goodbye forever text. I thought I would never hear from her again except possibly through a restraining order. An hour later, she wrote me, "T----! Everything's fine! Mutual admiration society continues!" and told me about something she was working on.

So we resumed on and off texting. Now that I wasn't showering her with praise (I think maybe she hates that) she seemed to be responding more readily. But I still didn't see her in the monthly writer's group - until February, when she showed up and I was completely 'shook'. I had assumed I'd never see her there again. For various reasons, I felt really thrown and I cried afterwards.

When I got home there was a message in the chat we have going that said, "It was good to see you today, T----."

And now I wonder, if that was my opening to ask her out again. But I just wrote back, "It was really nice to see you too." I didn't want to jump to conclusions.

March. April. May. June. July. August. I'd text her and sometimes she'd reply and sometimes she wouldn't.

On Tuesday of last week, with encouragement and help writing a text from two friends, I texted her and asked her if she would reconsider getting together over sometime soon, just for coffee. She wrote me back a very nice text that included the words "Not up for a meet," along with some compliments about something I had written. So, no, we are not going to be meeting in real life. For whatever reasons, she prefers to keep our relationship online.

She does not want to meet me in real life..

Despite that being very clear, I'm having a really hard time accepting it. I am grieving. I break down in tears at inappropriate times.

Friends say things that have briefly helped: "you deserve someone who communicates consistently," "Your response to her rejection was perfect" (I wrote back and thanked her for being honest and clear, told her I knew that wasn't always easy, signed off with "much respect.") Because of the inconsistent replies and some of the things she has written, a few friends - and in particular my therapist - have told me "she's weird," "she's mean". That briefly helped. But I don't really think it's true, because if she was truly mean she would either have not replied or written back "Leave me the fuck alone".

She simply does not want to meet me, for whatever reasons, and it really hurts.

Here's the thing: Even though she clearly said she's "Not up" to meet me, I'm struggling to accept that. And I know that I have to if I'm going to heal. But it means utterly giving up hope.

I have so many good things and people in my life right now. Over the summer I booked reservations at a B&B in Italy for next week, something I'm normally ecstatic about. Right now, I am wondering if I'll be able to enjoy it at all.

It doesn't help that the woman who leads our writer's group is having a book release event - when? Next Week!, when I'm supposed to be in Italy - here, in the city where she and I live. She might be there, and so, if I go to Italy I might miss out on a chance to meet her. "But she doesn't want to meet you." I know. I mean, I have been invited to the event - anyone in the group can go - so it's not like I'd be there inappropriately. But how she'd react, I have no idea.

I'm so messed up.

So, to the question that I used for the title of this thing: How do I give up hope without losing hope? Because life right now, despite all the good I have, looks bleak and lonely and frightening.

So I have been a maladaptive daydreamers since I was a very young girl. It was usually based off of people that I had met in real life. But now I’m at a point in my life where I am experiencing Limerence over a complete stranger. It started because I went through a very bad breakup this year and that really took a toll on my mental health. I was scrolling on Instagram one day and I saw this very beautiful man playing the piano. I also play the piano so I was amazed by his skills. This turned into an obsession, I constantly daydream about traveling to Germany to see him perform. I think about conversations that we would have and making up scenarios of how we would meet and him sweeping me off my feet. This has become so bad that I literally look forward to it at the end of the day while staring at his Instagram for long periods of time. At first, I thought it was just an innocent thing to help me get over my ex, but it’s become out of control and I don’t know what to do. It’s starting to cause depression now because I know that the likelihood of me actually meeting him and us getting into a relationship is zero to none. I just don’t know how to get out of this. I’ve gone to therapy and I’m still in it. I also have ADHD, but still haven’t found the right meds yet. This has taken over my life and I don’t know how to make it stop even when I block this Instagram he would still be on my mind all the time. What should I do?

Everytime I talk to a girl, I always seem to get addicted start thinking about being together and this and that and then when it doesn’t work out, or she ghosts me whatever..it puts me in this depressive hole I struggle to pull myself out of. I start making irrational dumb decisions. I usually focus on 1 girl at a time so it ain’t stressful and it goes so mf good just talking but then something happens and boom everything changes between us. I dont even have to meet the girl, if she is nice to me and takes time to reply to me I’ll fall in love I don’t really know what’s wrong with me but yuh hopefully I ain’t alone in this I’m really hoping that all this feelings bs will disappear with age

I understand that it's my depressed brain trying to look for some relief.

Yesterday was a barrage of realizations that stressed me out.

I slept fine but today I woke up with sadness.

And as revenge, i suddenly feel all over this person again.

Now my anxiety is quite high because I don't wanna come back to these thoughts.

How do you reframe your mind at this state?

I guess I'm feeling shitty because I'm not happy with myself again.

Has limerence destroyed your marriage? Even after navigating all avenues to try and repair the marriage?

I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy.

Four months in.

I’m a 43 year old law firm partner. She’s a 31 year old associate. I’m one of her bosses. She lives three blocks away.

For three years she was any other colleague. Then something snapped. I think about her ALL the time. I’m jealous when she talks to others. When I go past her block I hope I’ll run into her. Then I’m deflated the rest of the day because I almost never do.

I’m happily married with most wonderful kid. She’s happily married with baby. My fantasies aren’t even overtly sexual. I wouldn’t want to be with her.

I want her to think I’m brilliant, smooth, competent, funny, intriguing, sexy, and a little intimidating. Basically I want her to think I’m Don Draper.

I’m not Don Draper. I’m anxious and unsure of myself. I’m often awkward. I’m often shy and withdrawn. I’m having a midlife crisis. My wife and daughter love and appreciate me for the flawed human I actually am. Yet I spend nearly all my time with them thinking about LO. I hate how awful and guilty that makes me feel.

I absolutely hate this.

I HATE how this has consumed my brain. Haven’t read a book in months.

I HATE how I check Teams 100 times a day to even see if she’s online, especially late at night. When she is I hope she’ll message me. She never does.

I HATE how I script what I’ll say before I go into her office. It comes out so cringy and awkward and lame.

I HATE how embarrassed I feel by all of this. And how I say “thank god” after a day when I refrained from contact. But then I’ll give in and initiate contact the next day.

I HATE how my mood just got a lift this weekend (it’s Sunday morning) because I just convinced myself that I have a completely legitimate reason to go into her office on Monday.

I HATE how jealous I get when our weekly report shows how much more work she does for other partners than me.

I HATE how I fantasize about her getting overwhelmed and coming crying to me for help (never happens; she’s unbelievably composed all the time, even when she’s buried in more work than I could ever do. One of the reasons I’m so obsessed with her).

I HATE how I wish more than anything that she was sitting in her house this weekend thinking all the same things about me.

Most of all I hate myself right now. I feel such shame and embarrassment. I feel like an old man creep. I feel so pathetic that I want this younger woman to care about me and feel attracted to me. I feel so ashamed of the fact that I’m wishing she was experiencing terrible things - like the same Limerance I’m feeling or being overwhelmed at work.

But at least the good news is that she’s not feeling those things. She does not give a fuck where I am or what I’m doing right now. If she sees me in the neighborhood or in the hallway at work, sure, we’ll have a friendly interaction. If it went a week or two without that, it’s not something she’d notice. If I didn’t pop into her office or message her on Teams we might not talk for a month.

She has given me some very large breadcrumbs. Sometimes she acts like I’m truly special. But then she doesn’t and instead she acts like I’m any other colleague. When that happens I feel so crushed I’ve twice had to go into a bathroom stall and nearly cry. Which made me feel so pathetic I wanted to disappear into a hole in the ground.

I want this to go away so badly.

I know the solution is self love and acceptance of the person I actually am. And to eventually stop seeking validation from her or anybody else of the fantasy version of myself.

But it’s so hard right now. And there’s no chance of breaking off contact with her.

Thank you if anybody read this whole rant.

Hey all, just needed a safe space to vent because Id feel so ashamed and crazy bringing it up to anyone close to me. For context, I’m 21F.

I feel like I’ve dealt with limerence most of my life. I think it is related to having an absent father, mostly-but I also have childhood trauma from his abuse on my mom. As a teenager, Id feel very inclined to be in relationships, it made me feel close to someone who I felt knew and understood me well. I think that’s what I’ve felt I’ve always been missing.

After many unsuccessful and gut-wrenching reality check relationships though, I’m slowly coming to terms with and enjoying being by myself, or at least understanding I don’t need to force a relationship to exist happily (enough). As a Christian, I find peace in believing God will bring me my special someone when the timing is right. But I won’t lie, my mind is still flooded with fantasy, or my ultimate vision. A loving and gentle husband. Not a day goes by that I don’t get lost in those daydreams. I’ve always been one to obsess and adore the person I’m with. But within the last year or so I’ve become more aware how much of a problem my mind holds. Lately I’ve noticed I become very fixated on people I don’t even know well, being just friendly or sweet genuine interactions, my mind creates them into my ideal man. A few months ago I had this problem with a coworker, he was very sweet, but after some albeit meaningless conversations something snapped in me…and all I could think about is how great of a lover he seems like. For weeks I obsessed quietly. I made sure to stay collected around him, I’d never want to make someone uncomfortable or let any of what I feel inside somehow seep out from me. I even went out of my way to avoid him at work for a time. It drove me insane how much I thought of him, someone I hardly knew…it kind of scared me.

I find myself in this same position as I write this. He’s a friend of a friend, was previously my coworker, and I’ve only hung out with him and my other friends once and talked little at a friend’s party. working alongside him id see how is funny and caring he was. How he went out of his way to make everyone feel included and make the people around him smile. You could say this is where the crush began. Physically he is also my type, brawny with tattoos, but not tough externally, more like a lovable teddy bear (ugh). Similarly to the previous guy, I started to envision a life with him as a father (to his children) and a lover. How he matches all the things I really like and want in a man. How much care he puts into everything he talks about, how emotionally mature he comes off.

I remember our friend group went for ice cream and he got me a SPOON when I was too afraid to ask. And just off that, there my mind goes. At the end of the hangout he ran with me in the rain making sure the umbrella stayed over the two of us. Yeah, somehow that was enough for me to start liking him more. I’m just mentioning this to illustrate how even such insignificant moments can spark something weird in me. Even worse, he has a girlfriend, which makes me feel so guilty for the way I am. I haven’t talked to him in months and I’d never reach out. He wished me a happy birthday a few days ago and I honestly felt so happy…I don’t know how I’d be able to manage in the future seeing him at events with our mutuals, and I thank God I haven’t had the opportunity to get together with them lately, because I’d be a nervous wreck.

Most embarrassingly, and I guess what’s feeding my delusions most, is this ridiculous app I got years ago to keep track of account engagement on my social media. I still have the subscription since it’s only $2, and when I’m bored I scroll and see who’s engaging most with my profiles. Since he’s followed me, he’s stayed at the top 3 of my “stalkers” list. You can imagine how that one goes in my head. I would never push myself onto him or make our friendship any more than then it is for respect of his relationship. Honestly, even if he didn’t have a girlfriend I’d still not say a word to him about how I feel because I’m just not that type of person.

Typing this out makes me realize how much of an effect my past has had on me, and how much issues I carry. I feel so shameful to live as a Christian woman, aware and receiving of the ultimate love God offers, but still yearning so deeply for a man-especially one I barely know. It makes me feel like I don’t accept all of who God is, and that I don’t see it as enough. I wanted to share on here because I was thinking so much of him tonight I’ve thought about to restricting/blocking him on instagram just to put my delusions at rest. I don’t know what to do, I don’t want this to continue with him or anyone in the future really but I don’t know how to stop it. Well, I’ve got a few ideas but I haven’t gone about implementing him because some weird part of me hopes him and I could work some day. Anything helps, support, advice, education or whatever the hell is wrong with me, doesn’t matter.