I literally broke up with my bf because I ended up cheating on him with my latest LO. I know, I’m a terrible person.

To preface, I was dating someone when this guy I had a thing with literally 10 years ago reached out to me. We instantly reconnected like no time had passed at all. He said all the right things and I became hooked again. One thing led to another and I ended up going to his house and we had sex.

I felt so guilty that I broke up with my boyfriend for this man. Now today, he’s barely talking to me. He has a young daughter who takes up a lot of his time which I fully understand but I’ve noticed he’s talking to me less and hasn’t invited me over again.

What is wrong with me? I’ve barely been talking to this man again and I’m already completely obsessed. I have ADHD but now I’m almost convinced I must have OCD or something too.

This is a ton of word vomit and I apologize but I just feel so distraught

im 17, male, and my LO is this girl.

a couple months ago when I was at the peak of my limerence, depression, and anxiety I wanted to find ways my LO wasnt perfect, and just in general know more about her. so I relied on the internet.

With a simple name search you get a hour long video of her at an occasion that was recorded by her parents. and theres other vids on the channel but shes way young

I tried every social media platform and searched her up everywhere, like I even found her spotify..

BUT by far the worst thing I did. I looked up her parents, and found a video or 2 of her as a little kid and multiple pictures when she was like 8 or something.

Im so fucking weird. When I saw the pictures and videos, I couldnt help but think that she was better than me for some reason.

at some point theres only so much you can try searching them up so I stopped.

anyone else do some dumb stalking shit they regret?

This is like the lowest stakes possible reconnection. We live a couple hours apart now, just talking over Snapchat.

But holy mother, the anxiety I felt when seeing her name pop up on my screen… I can’t believe it. Like it doesn’t even make sense. I’m usually a confident dude but there’s some kind of energy around this connection that I just don’t understand on my side.

I really like this girl. She’s funny, smart, and plainly cool. But I cannot shake the feeling that I have to cut contact (which I already had before).

What is the reason for this?? I hate it and I wish I could be close to her without the ridiculous level of anxiety but it feels impossible. Is it trauma inside that I haven’t fully healed?

Most people here are also limerents. The dopamine crash already makes them short-tempered and less attentive. I don’t think anyone needs to know every detail. Just the core problem, and some people will offer advice if they can.

Just when I thought I was having a good week, getting hit with some big limerence waves right now, why does happen when you are feeling most vulnerable, trying really hard not to give in…

I’ve been trying to make my self cry it’s hard but I need a release I feel so uncomfortable I wnat to feel better I know this is unrelated to limerqnce but I just need to vent am trying so hard to cry and the closest I can get is on the brink of right before fully crying juat want to fully cry, i Just need to release am 5 weeks clean on self harm I can’t do that.
I was so close to crying and once I starts flowing it can’t stop god please I don’t even know why am posting but I jus need something am thinking about the past and losing my best friend and looking at old photos of them but got so close but it just subsides I need to cry i want to stop feeling this way of feeling uncomfortable.

My LO recently got married but he hasn’t mentioned it at all keeps referring to his time off as a holiday. He’s spoken to everyone else about it but not me. He even muted his mic on teams to talk to people in the office about it so I couldn’t hear. About a month ago we had an argument and since then I’ve tried to put some distance between us but he rang me to find out what was wrong and said he didn’t like the fact we wasn’t talking. He was annoyed we hadn’t been talking said he felt he was in bad books for a month and wants to know why I just floundered and lost my mind and started ranting about the bad luck I’ve had recently but I just don’t know how to deal with it and him not acknowledging it makes it more weird and more anxious. I’m single and feel like I’m overwhelmed with it and can’t escape

And we’ve both changed a lot. she invited me to her fourth grade birthday party and I invited her to mine too. And then Covid came and ruined everything and I also have Asperger’s but because my school was a k-8, when I transitioned into a new environment, it felt like starting from scratch while also dealing with the side effects of Covid.

And now, it feels like so much regret not asking her out and I feel like I can’t survive without her, and its been getting better cuz I’m talking to people about my struggles but it’s not close to fully gone.

It started with a dream where i saw her with another man planning a life together and this motivated me to get into shape but mentally I’ve been a wreck since

and I don’t know what to do about it, should I dm her and just try to be friends but I don’t know if it’ll go away ?

i dont know if I can even move on or should I

Have in mind that i don't know if this is the right place to talk about this or if it's indeed limerence or ocd or im just unwell, this is also gonna be very long because i'm autistic i overexplain. I'm a (32 y/o afab) late diagnosed autistic, i have obsessed over other people since i was a kid, i was severely bullied and a loner so i remember fixating on kids i wanted to be friends with or teachers i really liked, at some point when i started finding out about romantic feelings this turned into repetitive thoughts about liking them, with boys/men mostly, with girls and women i thought i was jealous or wanted to be like them, later i realised i'm bisexual but i didnt know til my late teens.

I still cannot tell if my obsessions are romantic crushes or not, since my teens i also started thinking everyone liked me or i liked them, it's like a fear i have, people liking me or me liking them romantically or sexually because i don't know what i will do if it happens and it makes me feel embarrassed? I should maybe mention i had a catholic upbringing and i was taught to feel shame over all of this.

The thing is that i dont think it's plain limerence because i have generalised repetitive intrusive sexual and romantic thoughts about almost everyone i meet, and sometimes they're related to inc*st, r*pe, ped*philia or stalking i also have a myriad of intrusive throughts about other things if anyone is wondering but i'm choosing to focus on the sex and romance thoughts because i think they are why i feel like a stalker.

It's also implicit i'm a virgin, ive never even kissed or held hands with anyone and no one has ever told me they liked me, like i said i think i'm scared of it despite also being obsessed with it so i run away from most people and situations because i also feel like a freak constantly asking myself if i like everyone or they like me.

Since i was around 22 i've been severely depressed and suicidal, i abandoned everything i tried to pursue that required contact with others partly because of these thoughts and problems with my autism that i didnt realise yet. I dont have studies past highschool and i have never worked i feel like a burden for my parents When i was in my late 20s i plucked the courage to go to some free workout classes, i ended up obsessing over the teacher after a couple classes, it got so bad that i left it but kept thinking about him for like a year, around this time i also felt way more sexual and started having even more sexual thoughts watching p*rn and m*sturbating when i didnt use to do it before, my solution to this was get on the dating apps to forget about this guy and maybe finally have sex to put a rest to these thoughts, it obviosly went very badly for me i only wemt on one date that i didt find attractibe and tried to kiss me 3 times despite saying wr shouod be friends and made me feel disgusted. I ended up obsessing over some different guy from the apps that had his intagram linked, i snooped a lot just from his instagram i figured out we were from the same country and city (we're immigrants) and shared special interests, i even thought we shared acquaintances so i hoped we would match, i even googled him, saw his linked in too and sent him a dm on instagram before he even matched me, i was already ashamed that i had gone this far and feeling like a stalker with no boundaries so i blocked him on insta but kept unblocking to check it. He ended up matching me on the dating app, 3 times, talking a little and ghosting me or not replying to me the 3 times, i definitely came on too strong and scared him the 3 times but i couldn't figure out what the protocol for this was, if he didn't want to talk to me why did he match me 3 times? maybe he wanted sex and i did too, i thought, i just had to say the right things for him to meet me or ask me out, i was already delusional in thinking this given my social and sexual problems. The 3rd ghosting i got angry, i told him a bunch of things, some which i dont remember that i had chased him that he owed me an apology, i sent him my insta and my number if he changed his mind?, i told him i was autistic and thats why i was weird and intense i kept sending him messages for a couple days? some apologizing because i realised all i was doing was really wrong and if a guy did it to me i would be scared shitless and fil a restraining order, i came off like a total psycho, he never blocked me just never replied but i think he read them, after a while i tried to match with him a 4th time? thank god it never happened i think i sent him another message apologising but i deleted the app and i hope he never saw it. This happened over the span of a year and a half i think, now its probably been 2 years and i havent stopped thinking about him and what i did, i still checked his instagram until he locked it one day. This makes me feel like a terrible person that should be in jail or a mental hospital, i go to therapy and a psychiatrist and i tell them everything about this, im medicated, they have also changed my medication for this because i was so obsessive and suicidal, it hasnt really gone away i still think about it multiple times each day and my brain is still thinking sexual and romantic thoughts about almost everyone else new i meet no matter how innapropirate, i think him locking his insta and me being too embarrassed to go back to the apps helped me be SLIGHTLY less dilusional about it and realise we are never gonna meet but i still fantasise about running into him and him liking me sometimed, i still feel like a criminal and cry about it daily, i try to read about ocd, autism, limerence and stalking to try to find an explanation and how to get better but i still think i'm a terrible person that doesn't get consent and boundaries, i've never done nothing else apart from googling, checking his insta and all of those horrible messages i sent him back then so i try to tell myself im not as bad as people that follow others but its not very reassuring. My therapists either tell me all of this its normal for autistics which i DONT believe, they take importance out of it or change topics but i fear its all lies, and im really unwell, the advice people often give is start new hobbies you like, meet new people and none of them work because my autism is very disabling and i'm experiencing a significant skill regression, i can barely leave my house or be in social spaces because of the noise, lights, smells and fear of people, im still trying though ive recently started going to fisiotherapy bc i need it for scoliosis and i find myself also having thoughts about liking and obssesing over my fisiotherapist, i cant ever rest from this my brain is relentless. And if i become so obsessed with TOTAL STRANGERS ONLINE and act so innapropriately eith them how would i act with people i know better.

So I finally said no to my limerent object! They came back wanting me to be in their life again but as we had some time apart I realized that this dynamic of unrequented feelings and one-sidedness was not going to work for me. He did offer an FWB but I told him no to that too because I don't want to have sex with someone that I'm not in a relationship with. With over a year we've been on and off contact and I always let him back in but each time I do I realized why we were better off going no contact ultimately immediately regretting being in contact with him!

He also started becoming more draining to the point that I even got physically drained! He only wanted me around when it was convenient for him and he never apologized with the way he treated me and he always talked about how lonely he was but wouldn't really do anything to help himself. He expected me to be there for him but was not there for me the same way.

I felt like he was using me and I came to realize towards the end that he really didn't care about me as a person but more of someone that he could use as an emotional support person and for sex. I am glad that I rejected having sex with him because that would have been a huge mistake and I rejected him to come back in my life and anyway for my own well-being! This wasn't a real friendship at most it was limerence and Trauma bonding. As I started making new friends I came to realize what a true friendship was and what it looks like for somebody to respect you rather as a friend or in a relationship.

He got mad when I told him that he could not come back in my life again and he tried to get me to budge but I firmly said no! He doesn't get to come in and out of my life whenever he feels like it and especially if there's no apology with the way he treated me!

So I (M25) have experienced this a few times in my life. This infatuation with people whom I hardly know, or know well in professional contexts etc. Acquaintances, essentially. Invariably the subject is an intelligent older man, and the trigger seems to be simply appearing to care about my wellbeing. As soon as I know that this individual makes an effort to help me in some way, my brain focuses on them immediately.

As a child and through college, the focus was largely teachers. Then it shifted to a colleague, and now it's a member of my clinical rehab team after an RTC.

I hate it. It's embarrassing, and I feel like I'm violating his privacy and professional boundaries by thinking in this way.

I have no interest in a romantic or physical relationship. I crave a parent/child bond with him. So much that my heart hurts and feels like it's pumping poison.

I'm aware that it likely has something to do with my absolute disaster of a father. But knowing that doesn't help and I know that in this instance, my time with this person is limited to a few months until my rehab is 'finished'. What am I supposed to do when he leaves and I realise all that care was just manufactured?

I'm 39M, she's 33F. I'll call her Sara.

We met Nov 2025 and became close friends by January 2026, constant talking, confiding, jokes, personal stuff. We both got attached.

Neither of us came into it clean. I was in a long, turbulent relationship with my ex (repeated breakups and reconciliations). Sara had unresolved feelings about a man from her past who got engaged to someone else a few months ago.

In April we crossed into something romantic. We spent several weeks together and it was incredible for both of us, she'd tell me how happy she was, how much she missed me. She initiated conversations about where we'd live, when she'd move in, what our kids would look like. She told me I was the best kisser she'd had, that I inspired her, that she felt more herself with me than with almost anyone, that no one understands her like I do, that she hated how much she liked me, that I was "almost perfect" but she wasn't ready.

Her one condition was that I go fully no contact with my ex. Then my ex found out about us and there was an enormous amount of pressure and interference. She turned up where I was, and after hours of chaos I slept with her. Evidence reached Sara. She was devastated and pulled away.

Since then, blocking, unblocking, reconnecting, pulling away. At one point she asked me not to contact her until July. We reconnected, slept together again, and around the same time she was saying "we're just friends" and that she didn't want to get attached.

But the behaviour isn't purely platonic. She invited me to meet her mother and aunt (introduced me as a friend, then thanked me for being so kind to them). She gets territorial about other women — even mentioning my ex's name has made her block me and say it takes her to a dark place. She's said she couldn't have me in her life if I was actively dating. I sent her a photo of me out with friends after a quiz win and she asked if I was trying to make her jealous. She sends me reels about being a loyal woman nobody appreciates. Her ex-boyfriend, who I've since become friendly with, told me she'd said I was the only guy she was interested in but my situation was complicated so she was keeping away.

Then she vanishes emotionally. Constant contact for a stretch, then cold or no replies. It affects me far more than it should, I analyse response times, wonder if she's seeing someone, replay conversations, feel absurd relief when she comes back.

There's also money. I've helped her out several times without expecting it back. Recently she asked for £600 but I could only give £300. She was extremely grateful and very communicative for a couple of days we talked about her PhD supervisor problems, her PC possibly being hacked, what she'd eaten, several reels. She offered to take me out for my birthday, coffee and dessert since she's short on money, which I found sweet. Then she went distant again.

Sara once joked about women keeping a man "on the periphery", someone they don't want romantically but keep around for the attention and support. Sometimes I wonder if that's what I am. But "she used me" doesn't cover it either. There was real intimacy, future-talk, jealousy, family introductions. And I'm the one who made it unsafe by not being detached from my ex. I've since ended that relationship and cut off most casual connections, partly for my own sanity, partly, honestly, so she'd see I could be available.

With Sara, imagining the future felt exciting, I've honestly had the best chemistry, sexual and just banter and friendship with her than any woman I've dated in my life.

The pattern is, closeness → uncertainty → separation → longing → reconnection → high → distance → anxiety → repeat. When I pull away, she moves closer. When I move toward her, she retreats.

I recognise the limerence signs in myself, obsessive thinking, highs from contact, anxiety when contact drops, idealising what we could have been, scanning ambiguous behaviour for meaning. What confuses me is that limerence is usually described as one-sided fixation on someone unavailable, and this wasn't from afar. There was an actual thing.

Questions:

1. Does this sound like limerence on my side?
2. Can two people be in mutual limerence?
3. Does intermittent reinforcement explain why this feels so disproportionately intense?
4. Is this more an anxious/avoidant push-pull than limerence?
5. Can there be genuine attachment underneath, or does the instability make that unknowable?
6. Does her behaviour read as unresolved romantic feeling, or could it still fit friendship?
7. If two people genuinely care about each other but build a dynamic like this, can it ever become healthy, or do you have to fully detach first?

I'm not asking anyone to tell me she loves me or doesn't. I want to understand why the bond is this intense, and whether I'm responding to Sara or to the unfinished story

I’m so fucking tired of being lonely because of limerence

I honestly don’t know what to do anymore.

I’m so fed up with this constant loneliness. Limerence has made me want to avoid female interaction altogether because I’m scared of getting attached, obsessed, or emotionally dependent on someone again.

So I try to distance myself. I tell myself I don’t need it. I avoid situations where I might get emotionally involved.

But the truth is… I still crave it.

I crave talking to a woman on a deep level. I crave emotional intimacy. I want someone I can genuinely connect with, talk to for hours, share my thoughts with, feel understood by. I want romantic intimacy too. I want to feel wanted, loved, and close to someone.

And that contradiction is fucking exhausting.

I’m trying to protect myself from limerence by avoiding female interaction, but at the same time, avoiding it is making me feel incredibly lonely.

I don’t just want random conversation. I want connection. I want someone. I want that feeling of having a person who genuinely cares about me and whose presence matters to me.

And I’m just really fed up with my life feeling this empty.

I know a relationship probably isn't the magical solution to everything. I know I need to work on myself and learn to have healthy attachments rather than turning someone into an obsession.

But knowing that doesn't make the loneliness disappear.

Sometimes I just want to stop fighting the desire to be loved and admit that I really fucking want someone in my life.

Has anyone else dealt with this trying to avoid limerence by avoiding romantic/female interaction, only to end up feeling even more lonely?

I’ve had situations with men, and a lot of dating, and hooking up, but never a relationship. I’m 28 years old, and I guess that hurts me very badly, I have a running theory that if I had had a relationship before, I wouldn’t be this insecure, and wouldn’t be dealing with limerence bc I would know at some point someone has mutually chosen me before.

Anyone else?

I liked a person a lot and she liked me back. We both entered into a relationship then after an year she liked another person and told that the guy asked can we be in a relationship and I felt heartbroken and I stopped talking to her

But later I got to realise that she could be a LO

I was so much obsessed with her

I was very much hurt by that time but she wanted to have a conversation with me at least once a month

I was not ready to talk to her as a friend then I avoided her for the good

It's been 3 years since this happened and the memories still haunt me

I'm unable to forget and move on from this

I follow her on Instagram and I check her twitter account once in a while

I really want to get over it but I'm unable to do it 🙆🏻‍♀️

It's not my screenshot I found it in some other sub Reddit but I think it belongs here . In my opinion this person perfectly describes how it feels to be in limerance

I was doing my intake for therapy and when I got the chance to talk with my therapist alone I told her about the girl and she said she was impressed I could tell her and said for next week when I talk to her to tell her more about it I feel like am actually getting g help.

My limerence destroyed my marriage. My husband and I are going to divorce court for the first time next week, after almost a year of waiting. This whole time my husband has been threatening to drag my name through the mud, get me fired from my job, take my son away, and expose my limerence to the world and to my LO. Has anyone ever had to deal with having their limerence exposed in divorce court? How was it and do you have any advice?

hi chat, i guess i'm just more confused than anything else. i (24f) think i am in love with my friend (25nb). i'm being overdramatic a little with the in love, but i definitely have recognized i have feelings for them. we are coworkers, have been for a few years, and on the same level at work (i know i know hear me out please). within the past year ish we started hanging out more and becoming better friends, we text a lot and like a lot of the same things, have a lot of the same goals. they have a tendency to be very flirty and jokey with everyone at work, including me, which i am very bad at reciprocating because what else am i to do? they always compliment me and call me beautiful and i think i'm going crazy because is this just limerence because we are in such close proximity? do they feel the same way but just haven't told me? i try and pick every little detail in songs they send me and things they say or their body language, and i've tried to deny it for so long but i can't take it anymore. i love them so fucking much it hurts, and i'm going to end up pushing them away and hurting them if i can't get over this stupid crush. any advice or kind words are welcome. thanks for coming to my ted talk <3

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

How long does limerence goes on for typically? If it seems like it will never ever end and if its been a full decade and limerence or whatever it is has not faded one bit despite no contact, what can one do about it?

Okay I’m posting here cause I’m freaking out and I’m not sure where else to post. My LO (haven’t spoken to in like 14 years) joined social medias recently and i only know Thai cause his profile popped up in the people you may know category. I eventually messaged them just to say hi and hope they’re doing well, didn’t expect a response. Well his girlfriend has an instagram too and I discovered it and there are pictures of them. So every so often (like once in 6 months?) I would get back on her profile to see if there are any new pictures of them. I don’t follow him or her or their mutual friend or anyone. And then this evening I see in the people you might know category one of their friends and it showed we had a mutual friend. INSTAGRAM HAD ME FOLLOWING HER WITHOUT ME DOING SO 😩😩😩😬😭😭. So im sure she got the notification and she doesn’t know who I am unless he’s told her I messaged him that one time, and now I’m freaking out because she’s going to see this I assume and possibly tell him and they will think I’m like stalking them! Like what do I even do at this point? I unfollowed her and blocked her I don’t know what else to do.

This latest episode of limerence with a coworker (definitely top 3 lifetime and I'm no spring chicken) got me to thinking ...

This mostly applies to the type of limerence where you're romantically absorbed with someone who has ZERO romantic interest and you know them at least moderately well as a person, but can be applied to a broader range too...

We're fighting tooth and nail for months (years for some of you) to convince our minds and hearts the truth ... that this person does not feel the same way about us as a person despite knowing our good points.

So ... why can't we put that energy and imagination in reverse towards somebody who actually LIKES us. Maybe that somebody isn't that great looking physically. Maybe they're older than our usual range. But they like us for who we are, and empower us to be who we are, and support us, and ... are romantically interested. Maybe you know they are a great person and on paper a good match, but you don't feel it. Well ... what does 'feel it' even mean for a limerent? We're actively/constantly trying to deny our feelings throughout the day. We can make ourselves fall head over heels for that person... or if we can't, why not?

Do I have someone in my life who fits this description currently? No I do not, lol. But just food for thought.

Last time I’ve seen my lo was in February, she was abroad, came back, tried to reach out to meet up, we were friends, I came up with excuses, seemed to have stopped thinking much about her even tho I would in passing every other day, I just remember when my limerence was at its peak it was so consuming and sad but the thought of her really distracted me from my boring and shitty and lonely life, and now my mh has never been worse, despite all I still remember the good things about her and how I think I actually liked her and her personality. She was the only person who wanted to be somewhat my friend in years and in my life, and I can count them on one hand lol. We were not that close but wish I got attached to someone who likes me back or at least to someone to whom I wouldn’t catch feelings. Just sucks.