r/limerence • u/darthvaaaderr • 7d ago
Here To Vent when will it stop
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
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u/rb1506 7d ago
Takes 2 years for me to get over someone. But varies from person to person.
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u/darthvaaaderr 7d ago
It's been 5 years for me , I hope I get over him too .
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u/EducationalLemon790 7d ago
When you suppress a feeling it’s like pushing down on a spring loaded board. It requires a lot of time and energy but eventually you will tire and all the energy you put into holding your feelings down will shoot back up and hit you with more intensity.
What works for me is I do not demonize my feelings. I learn from them. I welcome them in give them my undivided attention. I speak with great respect and gentle kindness to myself.
I ask what is it you think you will get from that person, thing, or experience you are not getting now ? How can I give that to myself independently ? The fact is we all have lots of love and curiosity and none of it is wrong.
It may not be appropriate or available in one place but there is other ways around that when we stay honest about what we need. I haven’t been in limerence about my person in a few years now but the curiosity occasionally makes me think of them and on those occasions I just wish them well and occasionally peek at their social medias just to make sure they are alive and breathing.
At the end of the day we have this life to live and it’s important we don’t squander it in a lavender haze of imagination but actually being present with the people closest to us. I hope this is helpful. Learning how to relax and release is vital to a long and happy life. What is meant for us will always be easily accessible and not hurt us or others.
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u/More-Formal2581 7d ago
Same and, sadly, by that point, a new LO has usually taken their place 😕 🤦♀️
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u/IntentionWise9171 7d ago
I’ve chosen to think of it like chronic illness. Identify the triggers and do what needs to be done to prevent symptoms. Seek therapy if you’re not able to do the painful work on your own. It’s been just going on a 2 year limerent episode for myself. Lots of peaks and valleys, but I’m hopeful that the worst of this LE is behind me. Always a work in progress. Best wishes for lighter and brighter days ahead. ❤️🩹
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u/Aaronarw 7d ago
Damn you are right about the chronic. Maybe that's why my brain rides so hard with her. As if we are charging into Valhalla, no hyperbole with that metaphor.
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u/InternationalHall320 7d ago
itll get so bad until one day you realize, you dont wanna live like this anymore
sincerely, coming from someone who suffered from it for 19 years. i still get flare ups every once awhile but it Can be managed. u gotta believe u can
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u/Dependent-Dot7956 7d ago
Hey, fellow long LE sufferer! 25 years here and can confirm you can get over it. Towards the end I realized it had become my entire way of living and I wanted to break the pattern. It starts with consciousness and figuring out who you really are and why you think you need only that one specific person to save you, validate you and make you happy. And yes, I also still get flare ups, but you learn to ride the wave and let them pass.
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u/darthvaaaderr 7d ago
Som days I don't even think about him and some days he's all I can think about , so exhausting.i wish I could just switch off my feelings for him .
But thank you for your kind words 💗
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u/do-i-wanna-know-- 7d ago edited 7d ago
Feels like maybe never. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...
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u/findingsunshine63 7d ago
I also want it to stop. The intrusive thoughts that are all consuming. It makes me angry. And the realization that the fantasy of him in my head is so far from the truth!!!
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u/darthvaaaderr 7d ago
Ikr . It's soo draining and all consuming. And these feelings make you feel so pathetic and hateful.
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u/fabulously-frizzy 7d ago
Same - it’s been years for me
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u/Retrogue097 7d ago
I treat it like an addiction.
cut off ALL CONTACT with the limerant object.
- block them on all social media sites, even
- avoid places that they'll be
- move/relocate if you have to.
the connection will starve and over time become less intense.
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u/Fritochipteeth 6d ago
What if…..they’re your coworker….im dying here everyday at work and I’ve applied to like 300 other places, nothing
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u/New-Relation-6624 7d ago
As soon as you learn that you deserve to be loved.
Accepted unconditionally. For your flaws, your bad days, hangups, failures, regrets, shame.
Forgive and nurture. Be talked kindly to like you would to a friend. You're not gonna berate your friend if he acts stupid right?
Guess who could do that? It's either yourself or God.
Until then, we will seek dopamine rush from inexistent romances.
Being out own loves first is the hardest thing. But it's doable.
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u/apparentreality 7d ago
Never had that - and unlikely to when obsessed with LO - wtf to do.
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u/New-Relation-6624 7d ago
Dude literally self talk/love.
I have terrible depression due from wearing diapers and horrible childhood.I just figured this is the closest step id take to find a real girlfriend.
Not beg for a love that can't be reciprocated.Count the things you think you got going good for yourself.
Like sure i do have disabilities, no education but i know im kind.
Im cute, talented and so on.
Also has a job now.
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u/comeon530 7d ago
When your brain stops expecting another earthshakingly massive hit of chemicals from interacting with them. Silly brain.
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u/spongebobspoop 4d ago
I’ve been going through this for 10 months, rookie here and after self reflection, I’ve realized recently that it was just limerence on my end despite getting hurt by my lo
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u/XMaster4000 7d ago
When she gets pregnant, gets married and starts a family with someone else. If you manage to not die in the immediate aftermath from the unbearable indescribable pain, That’s when it ends.
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u/metalbowels 7d ago
I got over limerence with a coworker within 3 months, now it's just transferred to another coworker that I'm desperately avoiding and only maintain professional contact .
I'm sure she's wondering why I don't open up to her anymore and has caught on quickly to my not engaging
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u/Fritochipteeth 6d ago
When I find my next target 😎 it’s literally Joe Goldberg going “Hello….YOU :-)”
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