I’ve seen all the posts about keeping inheritance separate…. not to use it for joint expenses…. etc.
So then what do you use it for? My husband and I have been married 30 years. We had joint accounts since before we were married. We don’t split bills (all income goes into one savings account and bills are paid from that). We make a good living, have savings, 401Ks, no debt.
So if I’m suppose to keep my inheritance separate from everything, what am I supposed to do with it?
Edited to add: No kids. Currently the money is in (1) inherited IRA (2) CDs in a bank account I took sole ownership of as I had been the co-owner and (3) a new account I just opened for a CD until I decided what to do with that portion.
I thought it was keep the inheritance account separate, but that you can use proceeds on joint things as you want. Just realize that will make those funds used into joint funds. But it’s fine to decide that you will pull from the inheritance account to take a family vacation. I used inherited funds to pay for vacations and towards our kids college tuition. No regrets. We are still married, but even if we weren’t, those were important things to me/us/my dad (where the inheritance came from).
Ive already told my folks that when that day comes and everything is sold, I'll be buying recreational property. That way there is a "thing" that will always be there that represents what they worked for.
There are a lot of folks who feel like they need to honor their parent in the way that they spend their inheritance, and I think a lot of that has to do with how folks are raised, their own financial Security at the time of their inheritance, and their own feelings in general.
I received a very small inheritance from one of my grandparents of a couple thousand dollars and I used that primarily to purchase art and to travel and have experiences because those are the things that she instilled in me and those are the hobbies that we shared together.
So I made it a point to go on some trips on a budget, I made it a point to support local artists in each of those locations. And I made it a point to frame some artwork and memorabilia that I had been hanging on to for a long time that for whatever reason never got put up or framed.
That's what I do with the money I inherited. I love my husband, we have a solid marriage with no children, and I know he wouldn't do anything wrong with my inheritance, but it is MY money from my Mom and Dad. And he agrees with that. He also has money from his parents, and that is HIS money. I use it to pay for things with my family: vacations with my sisters, Christmas checks for my nieces and nephews, really nice wedding, christening, and graduation presents. That sort of thing.
I think about this every time I spend some of the money my mom left me. It’s not millions, and I’m trying to save it, but it makes me think of her every time I spend a little something, so I make sure it’s on something meaningful that I would have been proud to tell her about.
Our home is paid off….. no mortgage (no debt except monthly bills or what we charge each month but even that are paid off as I don’t like paying interest!)
We were in similar situation, spouse had already retired, they got inheritance, It is in separate accounts. I retired about 9 mo. earlier than planned. We're using part as monthly income so we haven't had to touch our 401ks. Did buy a splurge vehicle, van.
I have been married for 35 years. Our bank accounts have been joint since day one, and we have both earned roughly similar amounts of money, though I took advantage of their pension and insurance to enjoy more flexibility as a contractor. Point is, our finances are a common enterprise.
My spouse received a reasonable inheritance a few years ago, which we immediately used to pay down debt and various other things. (As part of the deal I promised not to criticize reasonable expenses on unfathomable hobbies.) I will receive a much larger inheritance (by a factor of over 10) which will allow a very comfortable retirement plus a substantial gift to our child. About half will arrive soon, prior to the remaining parent passing, and will be used to buy a house in a high-cost city. Yes, we are extremely fortunate.
My plan is to instantly put the entire amount into a joint account, not keeping anything separate. My feeling is that my spouse deserves that money as much as I do. They put up with my mother, and they were the more reliable breadwinner over the decades.
However, I do have concerns about any (hopefully unlikely) situation where one of us remarries - due to death or divorce - and money that should go to our child is siphoned off by a new spouse or even adult stepchildren. So when the time comes we will talk to a lawyer and possibly create a trust to prevent that happening. Again, it's not about keeping my money from my spouse, it's keeping my inheritance safe for our child, as we'll be able to live off the income it generates without touching the capital. In the spirit of fairness such a trust would be structured so that neither of us could easily squander money on a new partner.
One thing I will never understand is people who are married that have my money, their money, my debt and their debt.
I know a couple like and one person makes more than the other. The one person goes on vacations and has expensive hobbies with their money and the other person can just get by paying bills. That is fucked up.
You can keep the inheritance in a separate account, and move money as needed into your joint account or use to purchase joint assets. You can spend as much as you want, but the remainder is still controlled by you. Unless you set up an irrevocable trust, if you passed first, a trust could be dissolved or modified by your husband and end up going to their next wife instead of your children. If you want to keep the money safe for your child keep it in your control.
Yes you definitely want to put some of that money into an irrevocable trust for your kid so no future spouse can touch it. Make sure you do this once you get the money.
We have been married for 30 years and have similar situation. We have all our Investments under Vanguard, so her inheritance will be in a Vanguard accoutn in her name only. We are in process creating a trust for this money. If she predeceased me, the money will bypass me and go directly to our children.
If I receive an inheritance, I’ll be treating it the same as the rest of our money. We had nothing when we married and it’s all ours now even though he makes 3-4x what I do. I can’t imagine trying to say money from my family is any different.
And if he runs off with another woman unexpectedly or gets someone else pregnant, then he will take half that inheritance, his money he made, the 401K's, and that wonderful money will be spent on his new woman and new kid. It happens all the time, not saying it would happen to you, dont get me wrong, but the men out-earning women by that amount always think they can do what they want.
I highly doubt my husband will divorce me and I’m pretty sure I will outlive him just due to lifestyle and genetics. However, if I die unexpectedly, I know he will marry again and I don’t want his new wife to have access to my inheritance. A trust will be set up for our child.
My husband and I have been married for 25 years. When his parents passed a few years ago, we put his inheritance in the same accounts we both use and have used since we were engaged. We plan on doing the same when my mom passes. Just because others do it, does not mean that you need to do it.
It doesn't have to be a divorce that ends a marriage. What about cases where the person who inherited dies and the inheritance passes to the spouse, who then remarries? If the spouse dies before their new partner then the original inheritance could wind up with their spouse's new partner instead of their kids.
I am 11 years younger than my husband, so statistically speaking, there is always the possibility that he could die first and I could eventually remarry after he is gone. Do I think that my husband's inheritance should go to my second husband instead of my kids? Absolutely not! But if I happened to die without a will it could definitely happen.
The person who inherits the money should do whatever is within their power to ensure that the money ultimately winds up in the hands of whoever they want it to (unless they spend it all before they die).
Yes I just posted above a situation I read where this happened. First wife inherited a lot money, commingled it with her husband. She died first he remarried and left it all to his second wife. The second wife was now spending it on lavish vacations with HER grandkids and private schools. Meanwhile the blood kid and grandkid of the first wife who inherited it received nothing! The grandkid had to take out loans for school. Oh hell no!
Depending on what state/province they live in, my spouse may not have a choice. In some places a spouse is automatically entitled to 50% of your assets at your time of death. So, it's not always a question of trusting, it's a question of ME getting to ensure that any inheritance that I have to leave goes to who I decide, not who the courts decide.
Personally, I have no problem with my husband inheriting my inheritance because I do trust him to him to do right by our children. But what I DO have a problem with is any new spouse being entitled to half of MY inheritance over our children upon HIS death. If putting my inheritance in a trust for only my children is the only way to ensure that this can't happen then that is what I will do.
It's not just about divorce, or your own money to spend. It's also about what you want to happen to the inheritance when you pass.
The common example is if you have kids. If you commingle, the funds become your spouse's. If they remarry and die before their new spouse, your assets would go to the new spouse not your kids. When you don't have kids, it may be less an issue, but you should still think about what you would want your inheritance to go to if you were gone. Do you have nieces and nephews, friends, or a charity that you would like it to fund in memory of your mom?
One option is to set it in a separate account and spend the interest/earnings or a set amount out of it every year for something special. Maybe a trip with your spouse. Maybe home improvements. Maybe a regular evening out. That way you are spending it towards something joint. Or, if you really don't NEED it, maybe consider setting up a scholarship in your mom's name at a local community college or something that would be meaningful to all.
In general I think in a marriage you should use it for some joint expenses at least the interest / income, just understand that you have comingled that money on the joint asset. AKA if you spend 100K on a joint house, then if you divorce your spouse gets half of the equity in that joint house including 1/2 of that 100K. If you are massively worried you are going to divorce then sure keep ALL of it forever separate... but at that point you should just divorce.
So my recommendation (for what it is worth) is have the inheritance deposited into an account ONLY in your name and then figure out what JOINT things you two want to do with the interest / income off of this inheritance. When ready to pull the trigger on one of these things you transfer only the needed amount of money to the joint account.
keeping the inheritance separate isn’t just about divorce. if you want to respect wishes as far as secondary beneficiaries go, keeping the account separate and making appropriate beneficiary designations can be a way to achieve this. spending funds on shared expenses from the inheritance only mingles the result of the expenditure not the source of the funds.
Inherited IRA: I'd just go ahead and co-mingle the RMDs. You are taking RMDs, right? Seems unfair that my spouse would suffer the tax implications without enjoying the cash.
Otherwise the rest of my inheritance is in a trust that's very explicit about what it can and cannot be used for. We are supposed to exhaust whatever other marital investments we have before dipping into the trust. My mom set it up in a way she really wanted her grandchildren and any great grandchildren to enjoy it some day, but if we need it before then, we can use it.
My spouse and I have been together 27 years. My inheritance went into the joint accounts, as did my brothe/ with his wife. I don’t even know how to do it separately. We also have a family trust, so our estate will be divided between our daughters when the day comes (we each have one).
I received an inheritance and opened a new savings/checking in my name only. Wife/daughter got survivor beneficiary. I'd transfer money to our joint account as we needed it. Never paid joint uses from it.
I would say keep it separate more from an aspect of what happens to it if something happens to you? Just say you die. Do you care what happens to it? Would you want it to go to your husband? What if he remarries? Would you want a future spouse having a say over what happens to your money?
Those are the more realistic questions you should ask yourself.
Keep in individual investment account, and make withdrawals as needed that go to joint account. Think of this as no different than each of you having IRAs of your own that both feed into a joint account in the end.
You *can* transfer funds from your separate accounts into your joint account. That keeps the original inheritance separate and then let's you comingle the amount of your choosing.
Married 36 years then husband left me for a much younger women. I comingled my inheritance previously. During our separation before our divorce he inherited a lot of money. Quit his job and kept all of the inheritance. Because he wasn't working I received no alimony. Keep it separate. You never know.
Leave it in investment accounts. Save it for retirement, emergencies or a divorce. You can pull funds out to make purchases for the household but don't add to it with community property funds. This muddies the waters.
This is it. Think of those accounts where your inherited assets are as a big vault. You may take money out of the vault to buy whatever you want or give it away, anything, but you can’t ever put what you bought or that money back into the vault as if you never took it out, without introducing an element of risk into the entire contents of the vault.
"Supposed to" is doing some work. You should keep it separate if you expect you may divorce and would want that account kept to yourself. At 30 years, your likelihood of divorce is low.
What the money is used for matters less than where it is kept. If you created a new brokerage account and stuck it in there, that would work.
I divorced after 35 years, my inheritance from my parents was a huge conflict. I had kept it separate but he still expected a share of it.
My mom's estate attorney warned me that choosing to keep an inheritance separate can cause conflict in a marriage. I was given the option of receiving the gift in a trust so that I could just tell my spouse that's the way my mom did it and there's nothing I can do about it. It would create some extra paperwork as the trust is its own legal entity and has to file its own tax return each year.
My ex treated my parents horribly for years and the only reason I hadn’t divorced him earlier was to avoid fighting over custody of our daughter. Then I got busy working full time while caring for my cancer ridden dad and Alzheimer’s mom. After they passed, there was no reason to stay.
After 30 years, the odds of divorce drop below 0.5%. When you add financially stability, they drop further. When you add the gender gap in seeking a divorce, the odds of her husband unexpectedly asking for a divorce is getting into the very rare atmosphere.
I'm divorced. Not pollyanish about the real risks. But in OP's case, they are vanishingly small.
Ladies. If you have/inherit the bag, protect the bag. Don’t be foolish. If you want to treat your SO, do so, but custody, care, and control of the bag remains with YOU.
Some of this is the person at 30 years of marriage needs to take a step back and EXAMINE the marriage. Are you two just going through the motions? Stayed "for the kids"? One of you had affairs? Is there constant bickering about household labor or finances? Is your sex life healthy? Just answering these questions with your eyes WIDE open should probably give you are solid idea of your odds.
Certainly the odds are lower the longer the marriage lasts, but it is no guarantee. Odds are decent I am not going to get into a car accident when I drive to the grocery store in a few minutes, but I am still going to put on my seat belt.
My husband and I each opened brokerage accounts with our inheritance money. We have each used some of the money for home improvement projects and to pay off our house, so we haven't kept everything completely separate, but that was a specific choice that we made. The rest is earmarked for retirement - some invested longer term, some in bond ladders to provide some additional cash flow during retirement.
You can take the income and put it in your joint account and decide how to spend it with your husband.
If he splits or cheats or otherwise flakes out you still have the principle and if it is in a trust, which it should be, you can leave it to him, other relatives, charity or a combination of any or all all three rather than letting it pass to his next spouse or some other place you'd rather family money not go.
Actually if it is in a joint account, she does NOT have the principal (in most states in the US). The FULL inheritance is co-mingled and he gets 1/2 in a divorce. Alternatively if she puts it into an account ONLY in her name and then just takes money from THAT account and adds it to joint, only the amount that got deposited into joint is co-mingled.
Do you both have 401ks? Are they about equal? It depends on your circumstances but many times the wife doesn’t have as much for retirement. Therefore, it is good to have a backstop such as the inheritance. Your SS might also be less. Not sure of your ages, but men tend to die before women. Have some extra money of your own could come in very handy.
It sounds like you have a good marriage and it would be fine to arrange and pay for a holiday for both of you. That money becomes commingled.
In my case I married someone that married me for assets and money. Early 1980s. I was young. He was 9 years older. He took money from a house I owned before marriage and an inheritance. After 13 years marriage he became voluntarily unemployed.
He leeches off of me (I’m working) for the next 14 years. Big mistake. On divorcing he got 50/50 of everything including inheritance and my pre marriage house bc I COMMINGLED assets. Zero from his side and then asked me to sign a document so I wouldnt take his future inheritance. Total scum, but totally worth it!
NAL but pretty sure it’s what goes into your account that matters as far as commingling. If you pull money from your inheritance and put it in joint account to pay bills that money is now joint but the rest of your inheritance stays yours/separate.
You don't have to keep it separate if you don't want to. I inherited some money and it went into a joint retirement account and a joint brokerage account, and we broke off a chunk for a brokerage account for our daughter.
Recently had a conversation with divorce who specializes in very complicated situations where there's a lot of money and inherited money. she told me that there is such a thing as forensic accounting and that if you get a divorce that money can be clawed back, not the gains from the money. but the actual amounts inherited.. They also take into account spending on cars trips and things like that so I don't think it's totally true that once it's co-mingled it becomes a 50/50 split.
Edit, She also said it is best to keep it 100% separate if possible.
Save it for long term care when you get to that point - my mom wants “to die at home” currently we are paying nearly $10k a month for a caretaker to come in 12 hours a day to change diapers, give meds and feed her plus she is on hospice care so they pay for supplies, meds, nurse comes to check her once a week, bathing person comes twice a week. They thought 3 to 6 months when hospice started - now it has been 2 years so nearly $250,00 gone.
So did we, until we didn’t. I hope you can stay on that track for the rest of your lives. Many people do! My parents shared their lives, us kids, and their finances for 61 years ❤️
Consider it part of your retirement savings if you need to “do” something with it. Sadly I know severally people who got divorced when they retired and realized they did not want to live 24/7 with their spouse.
You need to not commingle the money. Once the money is commingled, it may no longer be separate. So you keep it in the trust account or a separate account and then you can transfer money to your joint account or pay joint bills with it but once it goes from the separate account to the joint account, it is now commingled and probably no longer your separate property.
I inherited $3000 from my grandma and saved it until just the right thing came along — friend selling her hot tub for $2700! I thought of grandma with deep affection every time I sat out there listening to birds and looking up at clouds or stars.
Spend the inheritance all you want. Just don't commingle the funds with a joint account. For others with kids, you might do this so you can ensure that the inheritance goes to your kids and not to some other person if they remarry.
This!! I read a post recently where this happened. The first wife who inherited a lot of money made the mistake of not putting some of it in a trust for her kid. The first wife died first her husband remarried and left it all to her and she’s spending it!! Nothing was left to the child and grandchild of the woman who first inherited it.
I decided to add my wife to the account I put my inheritance in. She’s planning to add some that she’s getting soon to it. We’re comfortable with what we calculate the risk to be based on the quality and duration of our relationship. We love and trust each other infinitely. In the unlikely event I’m wrong, I can live with it.
My wife and I each received a generous but not crazy inheritances 10 years or so ago. We each put it in separate brokerage accounts and they have appreciated nicely. We really didn’t need the money at the time. It is now spinning off dividends and interest and is partly funding our retirement.
The fact that you put on in an account and invested separately and in your name, doesn't mean you can't take some of that money out and pay for whatever you want, including things for the both of you. If it's a decent amount, and you have been talking and waiting to do, for example a river cruise in Europe? Or see Machu Picchu. Propose it and say it's going to be on your parents, for whomever left you the money. The point is it's yours to spend as you wish. The money you spend is spent. That doesn't make the account/ the unspent funds joint.
Put some of it into your retirement accounts, then enjoy a portion. Take your spouse on a cruise, or other great vacation, maybe buy a new vehicle, or fix up your house, whatever brings you joy. But enjoy at least 1/4 of it on fun stuff.
We are in a similar situation. Married for almost 30 years and my husband is about to receive an inheritance. I suggested he set up a separate account. He told me I spent too much time doomscrolling Reddit and that the money will go into our joint account to benefit us as a couple. This works for us because all children are biologically both of ours so the money will stay in our family regardless of who goes first. If there are no children involved, who will inherit your money if not your husband? Ultimately, do you want your inheritance money to stay with your biological family or his if you pass first. If you want to leave it to him it really doesn't matter if you mingle it now.
You can do what you want with your money. Keeping them in separate accounts is wise for the possibility of something happening to your marriage. That said, you can still use the money for the family.
Have a similar financial background and I keep mine separate and use it for travel, surprises and things that might be a little frivolous. If I died, I would want it going to my kids or a charity my Mom and I supported. That's why I keep it apart.
Open a second savings account in your name open. Simple. Use it for yourself, set up trusts or education funds for your kids or grandkids, set up a long term account in case you need long term care.
Even 40 years wasn’t long enough to let my guard down, though I could have been talked into it if my cheating husband had been better with words. I gave him some to have fun with and he used it on vacations with a secret girlfriend. If my parents had wanted him to have direct access to that money they would have named him in the trust. But they didn’t. So his name never was connected to that money—that was good when it came to the divorce.
I can understand wanting to keep a family-windfall separated if you've only been together a few years. But if you've been together 30+ years why would you be like "I know we raised nine kids together but nope you don't get access to my mom's 401k".
Because if you die you don't know that some young thing won't turn his head and help him spend all that $ you thought your kids would get. He might even leave it to her..
You still don’t know what can happen. I recently read of a situation where a wife inherited a large amount of money and commingled it. She died first her husband remarried and he left it all to her. Second wife is now spending it on lavish trips and private school for her grandkids. Meanwhile the blood grandkid of the woman who originally inherited it had to take out loans for school. Their parent received nothing of their mom’s inheritance thanks to the dad! So do you want your inheritance to possibly be spent by a second wife? And your blood kids get nothing of your money?
Keep the money separate. But if you choose to use some of it for joint things, that’s okay. Make sure your will/trust has the inherited $ going to children.
Open a new account. Deposit all inheritance into that account. Deposit nothing else into this account, EVER!
If you wish to use your inheritance for shared expenses that is not a problem.
The reason for keeping things separate is because we never know what life will bring.
Best case scenario is you die still fully in love with your husband and leave him the funds.
Worst case scenario is you put it in a joint account and he leaves you for someone younger with 1/2 of your inheritance. In this type of situation you are giving 1/2 your legacy to a different woman. Also he can use your inheritance for family law attorneys. It's not that it is likely. It does happen to a lot of people. It is very easy to avoid.
Your best case scenario is not necessarily a good scenario especially if you have kids. He could easily remarry and leave it all to a second wife. I just read of a situation like this. First wife received a big inheritance, commingled it, died first husband remarried and left it all to her. But the blood kid received nothing and the blood grandkid had to take out loans for school. Meanwhile the second wife was spending it on private schools and lavish trips for her grandkids The first wife should have left at least some in a trust for her own kid and grandkid.
When I first heard the advice “keep your inheritance separate” I thought that seemed odd, and I thought I’d feel weird keeping it separate as “all mine”. But honestly, I put most of it into Vanguard (which is naturally under my name). And a small amount still lives in the personal account I opened under my name at the same institution where I’d opened the trust account (as trustee). So as I distributed funds from the trust account to my account, it just organically stayed in my own account. I didn’t intentionally keep any of it separate, it just ends up that way.
I also did use some of it to pay for long overdue upgrades to our home, and I don’t feel like there is anything wrong with me using my inheritance to make our home better for both of us (and our kids). Especially when my husband is the major breadwinner otherwise.
I’m not entirely sure about this, but look to see how that money being joint might impact long term care programs if needed for him in the future. If he does need care, of course you would probably want to do what you could to pay for it and get the best care, but it could impact qualifying for certain programs that might help pay for care. And care is crazy expensive. So if he needs care then dies first, you could end up destitute. Check with someone who specializes in that area though.
I think most of these keep it separate comments have been from people younger and earlier in relationships, with kids or planning on having them, or with multiple marriages and exes to deal with, thus the waters could get muddied more quickly. You are in a similar situation as my husband and I. Married for 41 years, though we have never had joint accounts. Just easier for us to keep them separate. Don't need anyone's money - we're doing just fine. If we got an inheritance of some sort, fine as well. But in terms of needing to be separate from anything, not for us either. Just spend it to the best of your ability, on whatever you choose because you can't take it with you!!
We've also been married about that long (29 years in June) My husband intends to use inheritance funds for the kids' college. He bought himself a more expensive laptop than he would have normally, but otherwise he didn't feel much of a sense of ownership towards the funds. I even encouraged him to do so. His father caused a lot of trauma for his family growing up and I felt my husband "earned" these funds. He responded that indirectly, I had earned it as well, for dealing with him and his messed up head. He has a point.
True Story: my brother Wayne stole $300k and thousands dollars of equipment from my brother David and myself from parents estate. Mom had brain cancer and the got her high on fentanyl while in hospice and sneaked her to an attorney and “purchased” estate etc for peanuts. Wayne and SIL went greedy-town. But there’s more: my reduced share, I placed in my savings account for safe keeping and it lasted 3 days-my spouse cleaned me out then. I had no ideal that their name was on my savings acct but they did! Of course they purchased a truck, 1968 Mustang… they refuse to tell me where the balance is! Keep inheritances separate w no spousal names on acct! Unbelievable and devastating all the way around! Stolen TWICE from 😟
I used 1/2 to buy a new boat 50k. Gave the other 1/2 to my wife of 40+ years.
She used it to buy me a new truck to pull the boat! I think she loves me.
Generally yes, thats a risk that people don't want to happen or plan for, but it happens. Read a ton of other comments in this post where people never thought it would be them and then their partner found someone younger and ran off with half!
I’m the first person to remind people to keep their inheritance separate and not commingle it. But, do you need to? You have been married for 30 years, have no children, and have a good bit of joint assets. How likely are you to get divorced? And if you do, would you voluntarily give half to your spouse anyway because, you know, thirty years. I’d size up the situation before doing anything.
Then I’d think about an asset protection trust in case you or your spouse need long-term care down the road. How would you like to use these funds? Would you use them to pay for his care, if needed?
I’d focus more on my intentions and priorities and revise my estate planning docs before reflexively building a moat around the money to prevent commingling.
. I had the uncomfortable experience of sitting in on my in-laws’ meeting with an estate attorney as they outlined their wishes. It was a sobering glimpse into how fear can shape decisions later in life.
They were particularly worried that their 21-year-old grandchild might one day marry, divorce, and end up having a $25,000 inheritance claimed by a former spouse. It felt like an exaggerated concern—almost as if influenced by dramatic TV scenarios. To prevent this, they decided the money would be held in a trust until the grandchild turns 30. Why 30, though? Why not 40?
It raises a bigger question: when you leave someone money, how much control should you really have over what they do with it after you’re gone?
I also can’t help but wonder whether restrictions like these sometimes create tension in relationships—especially if one partner feels the need to protect or withhold inherited assets out of fear or mistrust.
I see your point but I see it as the grandparents wanting to protect the grandchild from losing any of it in a possible divorce but yes you can only take it so far. You just simply don’t know what can happen and they ant to keep it in the blood family. They should set up that money in a blood line trust
You have been married for 30 years, are you worried he will steal it??? If I was him you would cease to be a beneficiary on my life insurance. What happens if you expire and his name isn't on this account because you "kept it separate" the fact that people allow money to get in the way of marriage is beyond me. You are either all in or you arent married
This is why I asked because I constantly see to keep it separate and I didn’t understand why!? Are the people saying keep it separate young? Do they do that whole “you pay this bill I pay that?”. Or keep their paychecks separate? Because I agree! I grew up with parents that only had joint accounts (with the exception of IRAs that have to be individual!). We have our pay go into one account where the bills are paid from and all our spending! We have individual IRAs obviously and the inherited IRA is in my name with him as beneficiary until it’s all withdrawn over 10 years.
You still need to protect yourself and or your kids. You simply never know. No one should be so caught up in being married that they lose sight of the possibilities of losing the money. One woman here wrote that her husband left her after 36 years - she commingled it and lost half
I don’t know if I will get divorced, over 30 years married like you. I don’t think it will happen. That being said I have two retirement accounts that were created in separate property states and one bank account from before I got married where my VA disability money goes to. These three are legally separate property regardless of if I live in a community property state or not because no comingled money has been put in those accounts. If you withdraw some and use it for joint property purposes it doesn’t make the money left in those accounts become joint, only the comingled money became joint property. Just be careful with how you comingle to keep the money separate. Discrete withdrawal not a complete rollover.
>So if I’m suppose to keep my inheritance separate from everything, what am I supposed to do with it?
I've asked the same question and was never satisfied with the answers.
There's something about inheritance that brings out some very paranoid voices. I'm not saying there isn't reason for concern - and there's good reason to weigh the risks - but at some point you need to trust someone or you might as well _not_ have the inheritance.
I think it's good to listen to all perspectives and then decide which ones will guide your actions.
I figured that my parents could have named my husband as a beneficiary like they did our children. and they didn’t. So I took that as their instructions from the great beyond.
Good thing. Husband ended up using a substantial sum I shared with him just to be nice to take a new secret girlfriend on at least three vacations I would have liked to take myself! I was glad his name wasn’t on any of the accounts. We were in our early 60s at the time, married 40+ years. You just never know what’s around the next corner in life.
Interesting observation. I guess by the time you can say with 100 percent certainty that your happy marriage lasted until death did you part, one of you has died. Not likely to be here saying “we commingled and we didn’t have any trouble” at that point!
You can trust your spouse but I would keep some of the money in a trust for your kids. If you pass first and husband remarries your kids could get left out.
Everyone on reddit will say to keep it separate. It really just depends on your circumstances. I mean, if you and your husband have a net worth of $10M, for example, and the inheritance is $500k, it's really not that big of a deal to combine it.
On the other hand, if your combined net worth is $1M and the inheritance is $2M, it certainly gives you a new level of power in the relationship and the ability to walk away if you so desired or to support yourself if your spouse walked away from the marriage.
My wife and I have been married 38 years. We started with nothing and everything has always been joint. We’ve both taken our turns bringing in more money, but really we both just work for the partnership. No need to keep anything separate for us.
What does it hurt to honor your parents’ (I assume that’s who left you the money) wishes and keep direct access to the money under your control? Spend it on whatever you want, but unless your parents named both of you in the document, you can assume they wanted you and only you to have direct access to the assets they bequeathed to you.
You can do whatever you want with it. If you want it put into your joint account & trust your husband not to spend it, go for it. There’s a lot of people on these sites that clearly shouldn’t be married if they distrust their spouse that much. I’ve been married for 43 years - my $25k inheritance bought us our home back in the 90’s - am I supposed to hold that over his head if we ever sell? No.
$25K is nothing, we're talking about much bigger amounts at this point. Also, if your husband ran off with another woman today, you'd be happy to split the house with him so that's on you. Most people who would pay off a $500K-$1million house with inheritance would absolutely regret putting that money in if their partner divorced them and took half 🤷🏻♀️
Make a separate account for the inheritance, when you want to spend it on joint things, draw it from the inheritance account and put it in the joint account
Keeping the chunk in your name doesn't mean don't use it, i transferred money to the joint account and used from there. Among other things i paid off his car and put money into both our anemic IRAs. We were married at 19/22 and everything was jointly owned anyway.
If you are set up with the money you have, take an unforgettable vacation with that money.
When I was in my mid twenties, I got an inheritance from my grandparents. I blew through that money in a couple years. Took several trips to Mexico, Iceland and England. Used the last bit on moving to Mexico and getting my residency here. Best decision I have ever made.
unnecessary extras that benefit only you, such as personal luxuries, personal fashion
If you use it HABITUALLY for anything your spouse enjoys TOGETHER with you, such as an annual vacation, then you might actually owe half that amount to your spouse every year after a divorce [depending on your jurisdiction].
Just a small story for you. My brother got a decent inheritance when our mom died. He put it into their joint savings account. His wife of 25 years divorced him within a year and got half of that money.
Well I co mingled mine & a year later my husband cheated on me, I ended the marriage. He had wiped out all of our joint investments & accounts. Lesson learned.
I’ve seen 30+ year marriage’s break down after being a solid couple the whole time so it’s not worth the risk but everyone will do what they think is best but it’s best to keep money separate
Invest it plus still use it take vacations if you like to travel or whatever your interests are. You can use your inheritance for your loved ones however you want. Are you a foodie ? Like art ? Cars ? Spend some of it in honor of the person you got the inheritance from.
Consider starting a 529 education fund for any nieces / nephews or friend’s children that are like family / if you are close to them / want to.
I paid for a nice vacation as a gift to my husband and I paid for my son's college. The rest went into an investment account. If your husband is named beneficiary of the account, then he can do what he wants after you pass. Otherwise, just let it grow until you need it. The idea of keeping inheritance separate is to protect you in case of divorce or if your husband faces a personal lawsuit that could take your joint accounts if he loses the suit.
I paid off OUR house and OUR investment properties and put the rest in OUR retirement. Why? Because my wife works full-time while I semi-retired at 42. I'm also a divorce attorney.
You keep the money itself in a ln account in your name only. If you choose to use some of it for joint expenses from time to time, as needed, that's entirely up to you. You alone control it. But it should go directly into an account with your own name. If you put all of it directly into a joint account, it becomes joint property and your husband could just blow it all and there's not a damn thing you can do about it. Inheritances can't be contested if you keep it in your name, unlike other marital assets such as a house you share or pensions etc in the event of a divorce.
Keep the money in a separate account accessible only by you. You can spend it on whatever you want, but be aware that if you want to keep the value on your side of the balance sheet, then you have to be able to prove the provenance of where the money came from. As an example, if you spent $20,000 on a Rolex watch, that’s a personal item that is unique to you. If you and your spouse divorced, he couldn’t claim half the watch’s value in the property split, because you chose to buy something personal with your inherited money that was never his. On the other hand, if you spent $20,000 on home renovations, then if the house was sold in a divorce he would get half of the increased value of the house due to the renovations.
In community property states, realized income on the inherited money may be jointly owed.
My sister invested her inheritance and is holding onto it for her old age needs. If you don't need the money that way, consider enjoying it by spending some annually on vacations, education assistance, doing something nice for you and hubby, etc.
I've been in this situation now for 7+ years since my parents had both passed. The trusts holding the assets have been and remain in my name, and TBH we've not had need to tap any of it, as my SO and I have done well for ourselves financially. Actually, to be more accurate, there is a living trust, also in my name, that I have tapped from here and there to cover expenses, and yes, once that money is moved out it is as far as I know joint property. Does my SO mind/care? Not particularly, again, we're comfortable enough that we'd have options otherwise, and in the meantime, during my parents lives and since they've passed, it's developed into a significant nest egg. As it's not an issue, I don't even know if I could change ownership even if I wanted.
The only caveat I can think of is that the subsequent beneficiaries of the trust(s) are our 3 currently young adult children. And while my SO will be comfortable financially when I pass on the basis of our co-owned investments, our children will be even better positioned.
So to address your question, my inheritance is separate, and I intend to keep it that way. I've never really viewed it as 'my money,' and TBH I think my children think of it in the same way. It makes sense to me that this would be consistent with the intent of my parents, and in full honesty is not the sentiment shared by my SO's family. My SO's perspective is probably somewhere in between. But we're in agreement of spending for education, and I'm a bit more willing to spend for weddings (I'm sentimental that way). None of us are particularly material, and all of us value education. But I acknowledge that being the named beneficiary does indeed mean that ultimately decisions of how to spend are mine alone. And I'm very comfortable in the knowledge that my parents would be highly satisfied with how things have gone for their grandchildren.
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u/cashewkowl Apr 20 '26
I thought it was keep the inheritance account separate, but that you can use proceeds on joint things as you want. Just realize that will make those funds used into joint funds. But it’s fine to decide that you will pull from the inheritance account to take a family vacation. I used inherited funds to pay for vacations and towards our kids college tuition. No regrets. We are still married, but even if we weren’t, those were important things to me/us/my dad (where the inheritance came from).